What Goes Downhill… Stays There

, , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I can hear a coworker talking to a disgruntled customer.)

Customer: “You guys don’t have anything I need!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, sir.”

Customer: “This store has really gone downhill! Every time I come in here, I can’t find what I need!”

Coworker: “Well, you keep coming back anyway, don’t you, sir?”

(The customer was obviously taken aback and didn’t answer. He instead came up to my counter to buy the stuff he did find, and then left in a huff.)

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No Going Back(Pack) Now

, , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(Since school is starting this week, my store is selling backpacks that customers can buy to donate for local children in need.)

Cashier: “Okay, ma’am! Your total is $15.79. Would you like to purchase a $7 backpack for a local child in need?” 

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ve already adopted a child this year.”

Cashier: “…”

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A Blizzard Of Ungrateful Customers

, , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(Our area is undergoing the harshest winter we have seen in over forty years. Buildings have collapsed from all the snow, and many stores have to close several times on really bad days because no one can even drive to work. The cities and counties have to get outside help to keep up with snow and ice management. Today is pretty bad, but several workers can get to our store so they decide to open. Our parking lot is a mess, though, because the company that does our lot’s snow removal is behind and it is still snowing like crazy. We get about five customers that come in this day. We have one bag of salt left and regularly salt the front entrance of the store. All the stores that sell salt are out because of the high demand. A lady charges in from the blizzard outside.)

Customer: “Your parking lot is terrible! My husband just slipped when he got out of the pickup! What are you going to do about it? Where is your manager?!”

Me: *genuinely concerned for the man* “Hi. I’m so sorry your husband slipped; is he okay? Do we need to call an ambulance?”

(Her husband is standing behind her looking at products.)

Customer: “I asked you what you’re going to do about your parking lot!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, since it’s still blizzard conditions, there isn’t much we can do. The company we hire to do it is behind and it’s still snowing six inches per hour. Us workers may get stranded here today, in fact.”

Customer: “Well, couldn’t you salt it?!”

Me: “The trucks that come and clear it do spray a salt-gravel mixture.”

Customer: “But you said they are behind schedule, so why don’t you salt it?”

(The customer says this like it’s a completely normal request.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only have one bag of salt for our store entrance and I can’t salt the lot with that.”

Customer: “Why not? Your customers are falling! You need to go salt that lot. I expect you to fix this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but are you saying that you want me to hand-salt the entire parking lot with one small bag?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: *fed up at this point and worried we will get snowed in* “Well, ma’am, this is the Christmas season and a time for miracles, but I’m not Jesus, so I can’t magically turn a bag of salt into the 100 bags it would take to salt that lot, and I’m not going to put myself in danger by going out in those conditions.”

(My coworkers are watching this interaction with big eyes.)

Customer: “Well, that is very inconsiderate of you! And if someone dies out there, you will have a lawsuit on your hands!” *turns to her husband* “Honey, did you get the pens? Good. Let’s buy them and leave!”

(I ring them up for one freaking pack of pens, all while the customer is giving me the stink eye and ranting about inconsiderate stores.)

Me: “Thanks for coming in today, and ma’am, I just want to tell you how amazing you are.”

Customer: “Um, what?”

Me: “Yes, you see, I’ve never met someone who would risk life and limb in a blizzard for a pack of pens. Your bravery is to be congratulated!”

(I say this with the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face.)

Customer: “You are a rude b**** and I hope you get in a car wreck!” *stomps out into the blizzard with her husband in tow*

(Five minutes later, another customer comes in:)

Next Customer: “Excuse me, can you do something about the parking lot? My husband slipped getting out of the car.”

Me: *internally screaming* “I’m so sorry! We are actually closing early due to the blizzard, but hopefully, they will clean the lot tomorrow.”

(Us employees made the decision to close early and get home before we got stranded. Good thing, too, because we got almost three feet that day and the entire area was closed the next day except for snow crews.)

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“I’m Never Shopping Here Again” Is A Blessing

, , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I’m shopping for art supplies. I go to a mostly empty lane, and I catch what seems to be the end of a conversation.)

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again!” *leaves*

Me: “What was that all about?”

Cashier: “Some people can’t seem to understand the fact that we don’t accept coupons from other stores even if it’s for the same product.”

Me: “Wow.”

Cashier: “Yeah and they say, ‘I’m never shopping here again,’ like it’s a threat. I wouldn’t mind bratty customers never showing their faces again but they come back like a rash.”

(Retail workers deserve more for dealing with crazy, entitled people.)

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You’re Deep-Frying Lying To Yourself

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I am in a fast food restaurant similar to a British fish-n-chips shop. The “original” meal is two pieces of batter-dipped deep-fried fish, two hush-puppies — balls of deep-fried corn meal — and deep-fried French fries — chips. I am in line behind an older female customer.)

Customer: “I’d like an ‘original,’ please, and a soda.”

Worker: “Okay, that’s one ‘original’ and a soda.”

Customer: “Make that a diet soda, please. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: “Okay, one ‘original’ and a diet soda.”

Customer: “Wait… Take off the hush-puppies. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *removes the hush-puppies*

Customer: “No… take off the ‘chips,’ too. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *reenters the order*

Customer: “Wait… I only want one piece of fish, not two. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *reenters* “Okay, so that’s one piece of fish and a diet soda.”

Customer: “Yes. No. I’ve been so good with my diet; I’m going to reward myself. Add a piece of pecan pie!”

(Note that pecan pie is corn syrup, eggs, sugar, butter and vanilla baked in a pie crust. A single slice is over 500 calories.)

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