A Signature Case Of Non-Payment

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

As with any large sales company, we have terms and conditions. For large sums of money, immediate payment is not required. In this instance, we give our customers thirty days after the end of the month to pay.

Caller: “I’m calling about your payment terms.”

Coworker: “Yes, they are set when you have your quotation.”

Caller: “We need more time than that.”

Coworker: “Sorry, but they are not negotiable; even our biggest customers have to conform. You were made aware of this on a number of occasions.”

Caller: “But I have a piece of paper from you that is signed.”

Coworker: “Yes, you will have, and just about that signature is the word ‘denied.’”

Caller: “Well, maybe we will to go to another supplier.”

Coworker: “You may certainly try, but we are the only supplier in the UK.”

Caller: “Okay, then I will go to your supplier.”

Coworker: “Again, you may try, but they will send you back to us; even if you did buy directly, their terms are far shorter than ours.”

Caller: “Well… well… I’ll call you back.”

Needless to say, they agreed to the terms.

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Doesn’t Have A Mortgage, Or A Clue

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

I am a receptionist at a local mortgage company. Answering the phones is always a bit of a minefield. This happened to me this morning.

Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]!”

Caller: *Angrily* “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Company].”

Caller: *Angrier* “I don’t have a mortgage!”

Me: “Oh, were you calling to talk to one of our loan officers?”

Caller:I’m not selling my house! Why did you call me?!

Me: “Well, ma’am, you called us. Were you trying to speak to anyone in particular or did anyone call you from this number?”

Caller: “No!”

Me: “Well, have a great day!”

Caller: “No!” *Hangs up*

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Not The Right J, F, Or K

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

Customer: “Do you have that new book on JFK?”

Me: “Well, there are always books coming out about him. Several are published every year. One that came out this week is right behind you.”

The customer picks up the book.

Customer: “Oh! This is the one I was looking for. Thank you!”

I say goodbye and leave her to read on her own. She returns a minute later.

Customer: “Sorry, but I’m confused.”

Me: “Oh, is that not the JFK book you were looking for? I can look up to see what else has been published recently.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I know this is the one, but when I looked it up online it had a different cover, and it was more about his love life than his politics.”

Me: “Let me get this right. You are looking for a book with a different topic and cover. Are you sure that book your holding is the correct one?”

Customer: “I’m sure. Oh, well.”

She put the book back.

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That’s News To Him!

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

I work for a local independent television station. We don’t have a news broadcast and never have.

Me: “[Station], how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Assignment desk, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have an assignment desk.”

Caller: “Oh, then connect me to your news department.”

Me: “We don’t have a news department. We don’t have a news telecast.”

Caller: “Let me speak to your news director, I have a story that needs to be on the news.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any news programming at all. Perhaps you could call one of the other local stations; most of them have news, but we don’t.”

Caller: “You’re wrong. A TV station has to have news. It’s required with your FCC license.”

Me: “Our FCC license requires us to act in the best public interest. Most stations satisfy this requirement through a local news broadcast. We satisfy this requirement through a series of locally-based programs.”

Caller: “No, no, no, you’re wrong. You’re a TV station, so you have to have news. I’m right and you need to connect me to your news department right now.”

I was stunned into silence.

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He Gambled Wrong

, , , | Right | May 28, 2020

I take a call in the university office. The way the call is going, I am under the impression that he is looking for an alternative way to pay his tuition fees.

Customer: “I was told you can go to the post office and get a card you can put money on to pay for stuff.”

Caller: “Like a prezzy card?”

Customer: I dunno.”

Caller: “If you’re looking to pay for your fees, the easiest way to do it is through direct credit; you can pay us your fees with your student number in the reference field.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand, love. I’m trying to put money on my account.”

Caller: “Which account?”

Customer: “I want to put money on my Texas Hold ‘Em account.”

Caller: “You do realise you’ve rung [Polytechnic], right?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, you’re a computer place, aren’t you?”

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