Downtown Sounds Like A Lot Of Fun

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I work for a worldwide retailer as a cashier. I sell questionable things, but also have very questionable customers. This one is a definite doozy of a character.)

Me: “Your total with your cigarettes is going to be [total].”

Customer #1: “All right. The chip reader works, right?”

(He pays and then leaves with his carton of cigarettes and receipt.)

Customer #2: “Next month he’s going to hate you since prices are going up to nine dollars!” *laughs loudly*

Me: “Well, that’s fine; I won’t be here for much longer! I’ll be moving to Charlotte.” *laughs with him as I ring up his items*

Customer #2: “Oh! Stay away from downtown! That’s where those gays and blacks live!”

Me: “O-oh…”

(I’m not only half-black, but a woman engaged to another woman.)

Customer #2: “Don’t want to be around them; they live in those projects and community housings and what not!” *happily pays for his things and leaves*

Ex-Coworker: *also in line* “Did… that just happen?”

Your Attempts To Get Around The Policy Are Half-Baked

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I am the manager at a bakery that does a lot of weddings. At this point in the year, we are usually fully booked for multiple weekends and have to turn customers away. I have a customer email with questions about having us do her wedding in October, and I have to tell her that we are already booked for that day and apologize for the inconvenience. About an hour later my coworker answers the phone and then has to pass it off to me.)

Coworker: “This woman says that she emailed about her wedding and that you told her we’re booked, but that she could call and we would try to schedule something, anyway.”

(I’m pretty sure I’d never say that, but okay. I answer the phone.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I sent an email about my wedding and was told by someone that you are booked.”

Me: “Yeah, that was me who responded to your email. I do apologize, but we are fully booked for that weekend and aren’t able to take on any more wedding orders.”

Customer: “Oh, but, umm… I called and spoke with your other location, and they said that you could still try to fit me in; I just had to call and talk to you about it.”

(Our other location is a storefront that we do all of the baking for, and I know that they wouldn’t give out this kind of information without asking me about it first. And if a customer calls and needs to talk to someone from our location, they usually just transfer them, which they didn’t do for this customer.)

Me: “I’m really sorry; I don’t know why they would tell you that. We already have five other weddings for that day, and just aren’t able to take on any more orders at all. Do you remember who you talked to, so I can find out why they would give out false information?”

Customer: “Oh, no. That’s fine. Thanks, anyway.”

(We get way too many instances of people trying to work around our policies and get us to do whatever they want, even if we physically can’t.)

Jaegerbombs Have That Effect On People

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

Customer: “I’ll have two jaegerbombs, please.”

(I make them up.)

Me: “[Amount], please.”

(She pays, and while I get her change out of her register, I see her lift the glasses up and pour them down the sink in front of her.)

Me: “Did you not want them?”

Customer: “No, I did.”

(I stare between her and the sink, and it slowly dawns on her.)

Customer: “I don’t know why I did that.”

Me: “I don’t know, either.”

(I gave her change and she ordered again. This time she managed to walk away with them. Let’s hope they made it down a different hole!)

Maisy, Maisy, Give Me Your Answer Do

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I’m a systems and technology librarian. It’s during lunch breaks, so we are low on staff, and I’m the only librarian not at lunch. One of the clerks calls me over to the phone with the description, “Secret librarian business; she won’t tell me what she needs.”)

Me: “Hello. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Are you a librarian?”

Me: “Yes, I am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “What kind of librarian?”

Me: “Systems and technology.”

Customer: “You’re the wrong librarian.”

Me: “Unfortunately, everyone else is at lunch, so I’ll see if I can help you, and if it turns out that I can’t I will get someone to contact you back.”

Customer: “Are you sure that you are a librarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I used to volunteer at the library in the seventies, and I have never heard of a systems and technology librarian before; that doesn’t sound real.”

Me: “It is a more modern position; with the growing use of technology in libraries, it has become a need.”

Customer: “Because I would rather speak to the children’s librarian.”

Me: “She is at lunch, like I said. Give me a try, and if I’m out of my league, I will get her to call you.”

Customer: “Promise?”

Me: “I promise.”

Customer: “Who writes the Maisy books?”

Me: “Lucy Cousins.”

Customer: “HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?”

Me: “I have a three-year-old.”

Customer: “I’m going to need that confirmed by the children’s librarian; she will need to contact me before three pm, at [number]. It’s really inconvenient that she’s unavailable. The world just doesn’t stop for lunch.”

These Interruptions Are Not Super Effective

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(Our store is having a Pokémon prerelease. Basically, this means that a new set is coming out for the card game. We have a LOT of people in our store, a lot of whom are parents with their kids. A boy comes up to me; he’s no older than 11, but it’s clear he knows what he’s talking about. Please note: this is a day after a prerelease for ANOTHER game, and I’m exhausted and frazzled.)

Boy: “Excuse me. What are your cheapest sleeves?”

Me: “Are you looking for Pokémon-sized? Those will be over here. How many are you looking for?”

Boy: “Deck sized, 40 to 80.”

Me: “Okay, that’d be these.”

(I show him the 50-pack sleeves, which are the cheapest.)

Boy: “Great, thanks! My dad’s looking for sleeves for his deck.”

Me: “Then they’ll be here.”

Boy: “Thank you!” *runs off*

(A few minutes later his dad comes up.)

Dad: “My son was looking for sleeves for me. What are the cheapest for this game?”

Me: “Right, those would be here—“

Dad: “Eh… what are the best?”

Me: *taken aback* “Uh… those would be the [Brand]s, but they’re not the cheapest. The cheapest would be these—“

Dad: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “[Brand]s have a really good reputation in our store, and they come in a pack of 100. They also come in a variety of colors, while the others don’t.”

(I point at the array of colors we have on a shelf above my head.)

Dad: “So, how much are those?”

Me: “The [Brand]s are between $11 and $13, before tax.”

Dad: “So… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Uh, quality? They come in shiny and matte, and a bunch of different colors.”

Dad: “You have blue?”

Me: “We have several different blues, like sky blue, blue shiny, blue matte—“

Dad: “What’s your favorite color?”

Me: “I personally like petrol—“

Dad: “What color is that, black?”

Me: *hands him the box and points* “They’re kind of like an off-greenish-blue-grey, like gasoline. The company is British, so—“

Dad: “What about the blue ones? How blue are they?”

Me: “Which blue are you talking about? Sky blue, matte blue, shiny blue—“

Dad: “Ah, forget it. Give me the petrol ones. Whatever.”

Me: “Of course, that’ll be $13.21—“

Dad: “You said they were ten bucks!”

Me: “Sir, I said they were between $11 and $13 before tax.”

Dad: “Nah, I’m just screwing with you; I’ll take those. Here you go.” *throws me a grin*

Me: “Thanks, good luck at the game.”

(What the heck, man?)

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