This S*** Is Delicious!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(A woman has been waiting in line for a few minutes.)

Woman: “What is this?”

Me: “Chocolate flavour.”

Woman: “It looks like someone s*** in a tin.”

Me: “Could you please moderate your language? There are children within earshot.”

(She turns around and sees a kid eating chocolate ice cream.)

Woman: “You’re eating someone else’s s***.” *leaves*

(Strangest customer I’ve ever had.)

First Came The Wet, Now Here’s The Wild

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I’m working at my store when a guest service employee and two wet guests walk in. The guest service employee asks to speak to my manager, so I call her over and I see them talk in the corner, leaving me all alone with the guests.)

Me: *trying to be funny* “Was there a rainstorm I missed?”

Guest #1: “We went on [Water Ride] but didn’t know we’d get wet!”

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry?”

Guest #1: “Guest service said we could get free shirts. She’s just talking to your manager.”

Me: *my managers are all about upselling* “We also have towels available.”

Guest #2: “Oh, good idea! We’ll also ask for a free towel!”

(My manager comes back and tells them they can pick any shirt in the store. The guests ask about towels, and my manager lets them take a $24 towel, also for free. What we use to do for lost or stolen shirts that were comped is we gave them the cheapest shirt we had, which was like $14, because the merchandise budget loses money. We don’t do that anymore, though, so we can give guests the most magical experience. So, these guests come back with $40-60 shirts! My manager takes the tags off and sends the guests on their way.)

Me: “I don’t think it was fair they got free shirts for their mistake.”

Manager: “I agree, but whatever; it’s coming out of rides’ budget, anyway!”

Customers Cooperating Over Carbon And Copies? Cool!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2019

(I’m at work one day when a gentleman comes up to me and asks where he can find carbon paper. For an item that gets purchased or inquired about relatively often, the company provides us only with one option: a hundred sheets for about $22.)

Customer #1: “Geez, that’s awfully expensive. I only need a few sheets; do you have anything smaller?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t. We may have something online, but as for in the store, this is it.”

Customer #1: “I better call my wife and see what she wants to do.”

Me: “Okay, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be right over at the copy center.”

(I walk away to let him figure out what he wants to do, and I head over to the copy center to help them out. A few minutes later, another man approaches me and asks if we have any carbon paper. I lead him over to where the first customer is still staring at the paper and holding his phone.)

Customer #2: “It’s that expensive? Wow… Do you have a different quantity? I only need a few sheets!”

Customer #1: *before I could answer* “I know! I’m in the same boat!”

Customer #2: “Well, how many sheets do you need?”

Customer #1: “Maybe about ten.”

Customer #2: “I only need about five… Do you want to split the cost and the paper?”

Customer #1: “That’s a great idea!”

(The two customers headed up to the front with their joint purchase, split the pack in half after they paid, and went on their merry ways. Excellent timing for both of them, I guess!)

Where Do You Think YOU Came From?

, , , , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I work in a movie theater. My colleague is a short woman who is in her last trimester of her first pregnancy. Due to this combination, she cannot reach the row of ice cream tubs further away from her without crushing her baby. She is serving an elderly woman who asks for ice cream that she cannot reach.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry, I cannot reach that one because I’m pregnant.” *to me* “[My Name], could you finish this lady’s ice cream for me?”

Me: “No problem.”

(I take over and my colleague takes the payment. Not long after, the customer comes to me.)

Customer: “I just wanted to say that your colleague did not need to tell me she was pregnant. That’s disgusting!”

(I was too stunned to answer, but she seemed content with having said her piece and walked off.)

Don’t Question It

, , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I work in a supermarket deli. A coworker is off sick today due to a case of vomiting, so we are a bit slower and there is a line forming. Most of the line is fine and understanding once they know why we are behind. One customer, though, a gentleman in a sharp suit, is getting increasingly irate.)

Gentleman: “CAN I GET SOME F****** SERVICE, PLEASE?!”

Coworker: “Hmm, no.”

Gentleman: *stunned* “Excuse me?!”

Coworker: “I said no.”

Gentleman: “B-but, I’m the customer!”

Coworker: “Right you are. It’s our obligation to serve you. However, since you posed the question, you have opened yourself to the possibility that you could be denied, which I have taken the opportunity to invoke.”

(Several in the line laugh at her response, and the gentleman stares at her, completely dumbstruck and blushing.)

Gentleman: “You can’t do this! I’ll complain and get your a**e fired!

Coworker: “Oh, please, go ahead. If it means never having to deal with your attitude again, I would happily get my a**e drop-kicked out of the door.”

(More in the line laugh and the gentleman storms off, screaming so loudly we can hear him still as he complains to a duty manager on the service desk. During a lull in activity, the manager comes to us.)

Coworker: “So, am I fired?”

Manager: “I’ll probably have to write you up, but I’ve never seen [Gentleman] so flustered. God, it was satisfying.”

Me: “So, you know him?”

Manager: “We went to university together. He stood up in front of an entire lecture theatre and spent nearly an hour explaining why he would make the perfect representative. He wasted so much time the lecturer banned him from ever speaking again in her presence. He lost the election and made this big demonstration outside of the union about how we all had no respect for him. It’s sad to know he’s still a self-entitled prick!”

(He came back in again to gloat, acting arrogant and authoritarian, until he saw that my coworker was still here and ran back to the duty manager to complain again. He then made a big fuss when he was banned, with the duty manager standing over him, hands on hips, shouting, “Really, this again? You’re worse than an old soak!”)

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