They Don’t Have Seniority Over Discounts

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a charity store, where Wednesdays are a nightmare because of senior day — older people get 30% off. Unfortunately, most of them are really entitled, so everyone kind of dreads this day. It’s 9:04; our store is closed, and I’m ringing out our last customers. A lady keeps dragging furniture up to the register where I’m ringing out her family.)

Customer: “How much for the little tykes car? The tag was missing.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, that means it’s probably been sold, and if not we’ll have to retag it in the morning.”

Customer: “But I want it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’ll be repriced in the morning.”

Customer: *drags the car up to the front* “This car?”

Me: “Sorry, it looks like the bottom part of the tag is gone, so you’ll have to wait till morning.”

Customer: “Will I get my 30% off if I buy it tomorrow?”

(I’m getting a little fed up with this lady, and I can see her family is getting annoyed by her, too, so I look to my manager, hoping the lady will listen to her as she has more power.)

Manager: “Sorry, no. The discounts are automated on our computers.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it today!”

(She finally gave up and just set the car down. Her granddaughter had to tell her to put the dang thing away. But I bet you anything she’s going to come in the next morning saying we said she could get the discount.)

Pronunciation Renunciation

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work at a company that has an unusual name, from the company founder’s last name. All the phone lines for all five of our locations ring to my desk. I have a man call and ask how to pronounce the company name, which I have just given him as I answered the phone, but whatever.)

Me: *pronounces name*

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yep, pretty sure. I have worked here for many years.”

Caller: “I don’t think that’s right.” *hangs up*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again. Same guy.)

Caller: “I am calling all your locations to see if they all pronounce the name the same way.”

(Now, keep in mind, all five locations are in the same state, in the USA.)

Me: “Oops, yes… I just talked to you, but I can send you to another location if you would like?”

Caller: “Oh, it probably wouldn’t do any good, huh?”

Me: “Probably not, but you have a good day!”

(He wasn’t even a customer, just curious. Lots of time on his hands, I guess.)

Depends What Part Of The Cow You Get

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(We are working the drive-thru at dinner time, at a restaurant known for soups and sandwiches.)

Order Taker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. This is [Order Taker]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get that steak and areola sandwich?”

(It took everything we had not to laugh!)

Don’t Waste Your Breath(alyzer)

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work for a company that leases ignition interlocks — car breathalyzers. For reporting and quality, the units are changed every 30 to 60 days, depending on the state. Customers get a countdown, but after it goes to zero, you have to tow your car, as it won’t start. We also have remote changes, where the mechanic just puts it on a machine and tests it. This customer called from a state where remote changes were just installed. His car is past zero by two days.)

Customer: “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me they were remote now! I always go by the tracking number on the package to know when my unit times out!”

Rep: “Well, that’s one way to do it, but your unit also gives you a five-day countdown, and a seven-day grace period, as well. You can also check your time update on our website, or you can call the automated line and it will give you your time-out date, as well.”

Customer: “You still should have sent me an email specifically saying that the unit wasn’t shipped so that I didn’t go by the tracking number. Can’t you turn it back on?”

Rep: “Sorry, your state regulations don’t allow us to do that. You will have to tow it in.”

Customer: “But you didn’t send me anything and tell me unit wouldn’t be shipped! I need something — a time extension, or a credit! I tried calling but didn’t want to wait on hold! I demand to talk to your supervisor!”

(I put him on hold for one minute, and he hung up almost instantly. I guess his car is SUPER important to him.)

To Go, Away

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I am working in the lobby of a fast food restaurant this evening, and it’s pretty dead. A man walks in and takes his time looking over the menu.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “This order will be to go.”

Me: “All right.”

(I usually ask customers after taking their order whether their order is “for here” or “to go.” After working this job for so long, it’s really all habitual now.)

Customer: “I would like a bean burrito and a large drink.”

Me: “All right, that’s [total]. Is this for here or to go? Oh, wait. Never mind; you said, ‘To go.’ I remember!”

Customer: *looks at me with a bewildered face* “What? Are you stoned?”

Me: *in shock* “No, sir. I swear, I have never done any drugs.”

Customer: “Yeah, sure.”

(The transaction went normally after that. I later told my manager, who laughed and said, “Of all the employees who work here, he had to pick the one that doesn’t do any of those!”)

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