Oh, Brother, Where Art Thy Discount?

, , , | | Right | June 11, 2019

(My brother and I own a small bake shop. We give a discount to students, but people are always trying to scam us to get the discount when they don’t deserve it.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

Customer: “But what about the discount?”

Me: “Are you a student?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then you don’t get one.”

Customer: “What about the family discount?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The owner’s my kid brother. Family gets a discount here. Didn’t they tell you when they hired your stupid a**?”

Me: “One sec.” *turns towards the kitchen* “Yo! [Brother]! Come out here for a sec.”

(My brother, who is 6’5″ and built like a train, comes out and towers over my “brother” and me.)

Brother: “What?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m not the eldest. Meet our older brother.”

(The customer is starting to look pretty nervous now.)

Me: “Now, he’s our brother, and we should treat him with respect, but apparently, I didn’t do a good enough job explaining the discount. Could you assist?”

(My brother has a slight language disorder, so he doesn’t mince his words, and he does not suffer fools gladly. Now very grumpy, he turns towards our would-be brother.)

Brother: “Is he a student?”

Me: “Nope!”

([Brother] crouches down and looks the customer dead in the eye.)

Brother: “No. Discount.”

Wiping The Place Clean Of Guests

, , , , | | Right | June 11, 2019

(I work the late shift at a hotel. While it’s not unusual for people to comment about my hours, this is definitely the most amusing conversation to date.)

Woman: “Oh, my God, are you still cleaning?”

Me: “Yes, I am the late shift.”

Woman: “What? You clean all night?”

Me: “Not normally; the odd time I’ll be here until midnight, but normally 10 or 11. Tonight I’m off at 11.”

Woman: “Wow, you are a hard worker.”

Man: “You must do the work crews.”

Me: “Yes, sir, my main responsibility is cleaning the rail crews’ rooms since they are constantly routing.”

Woman: “So, someone does cleaning all night?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I am the late cleaner and we have an early cleaner who starts at five am. There is no housekeeper for the slowest part of the night, but if needed the front desk will clean a room for them.”

Man: “You do what you have to. How are the rest of the rooms divided up?”

Me: “We have other housekeepers who work normally eight to four; their job is the regular guest rooms. If the early cleaner or I have free time we will also clean the regular rooms.”

Woman: “Twenty-four-seven cleaning is crazy! I will write to your head office for you and I promise we will never stay with this hotel again!” *walks off before I can say anything*

That’s Not How Movie Theaters Work

, , , | | Right | June 11, 2019

(It’s two days before Christmas and my uncle invites my brother and me to see a newly released movie with him, his wife, and their daughter. When we get to the theater, we realize he didn’t buy tickets ahead of time. As it’s so close to Christmas and the movie is new, they’re sold out.)

Employee: “I am sorry, sir, but the next four showings for [Movie] are sold out.”

Uncle: “WHAT?!”

Employee: “There is a showing available at 9:30 tonight; it currently has twelve seats open.”

Uncle: *yelling* “You didn’t save me a seat?!”

Employee: “Did you make a reservation?”

Uncle: “I shouldn’t have to! You should save me a seat!”

Employee: “The only way to make reservations is to go online or to come in ahead of time to do it in person.”

Uncle: “But you should have saved me a seat!”

Employee: “Um… but I don’t know you…”

(My brother and I were distancing ourselves as much as possible from the scenario and making excuses to leave. Yes, my uncle is always an a** like that. We ended up leaving and letting him and his wife and daughter try to figure out what they wanted to do.)

What A Day!

, , , , , | | Right | June 10, 2019

I am working in a vet clinic one morning and a client comes in with her cat for an appointment. I look down at the book and notice her appointment is actually for the following day, Saturday. I mention this to the client and the blood drains from her face as she proceeds to yell, “Oh, s***, y’all! I’m supposed to be at work!”

The client had somehow gotten an entire day ahead in her own mind. She came back the following day on her actual appointment day and told us that, thankfully, her boss just laughed the whole thing off!

Daycare Snare

, , , , | | Right | June 10, 2019

(I work in a small, family-owned retail store. It’s the week before Christmas, and we’ve been very busy. I’m the only employee in the store when an older lady walks up to the counter with three small children in tow. Note that I’m busy helping another person at this point.)

Lady: “Hey, you!”

Me: “Just a minute, please. I’ll be with you when I’ve finished here.”

Lady: “No, you’ll talk to me now!”

(The customer I’m with rolls her eyes and whispers at me to go see what she needs.)

Me: “All right, what can I do for you?”

Lady: “I spent over $200 in here yesterday, and I want you to watch my grandkids while I go to [Nearby Supermarket] to do my shopping.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. It’s not legal, and it’s not safe for them.”

Lady: *immediately enraged and yelling* “I SPENT OVER $200 IN HERE! YOU’LL DO IT BECAUSE I SAID SO, AND YOU OWE ME FOR BUYING S*** FROM HERE!”

Me: “Lady, for starters, buying products from my shop does not get you special treatment. Secondly, it. Is. Not. Legal. For. You. To. Leave. Children. Unattended. In. A. Retail. Store. Thirdly, I am not a babysitter and this shop is not a daycare. I don’t care how much money you spent here; I’m not looking after those kids. I don’t owe you a d*** thing, and my name is [MyName], not, ‘Hey, you.’ Now, I have people to help who are spending money today, so if there’s nothing else, have a great day and a merry Christmas.”

Lady: *now screeching* “LISTEN HERE, YOU F****** C***! YOU’LL DO WHAT I F****** TELL YOU TO DO OR I’LL—“

Me: *cutting her off* “You’ll do absolutely f****** nothing. Now, get the f*** out of my store and take your f****** grandkids with you, you rude, uppity b****. You try and leave them here, and I’ll call the f****** cops and report them as abandoned children. You can enjoy sorting that out with them and children’s services. Now, F*** OFF!”

(The lady turns purple and storms out of the store, swearing that she’ll call my boss and I’ll be sorry. I won’t, as my boss knows me very well, and knows that if I mouth off to someone, they’ve deserved it.)

Me: *to the other customers in the store* “Ahem. And that sorry note ends today’s episode of ‘Entitled Egomaniac Theatre.’ Please stay tuned to our website for repeat broadcast times. Now, who else needed assistance?”

(I ended up having two people commiserate with me for having to deal with people like her and got a high-five from another person who I knew worked in corporate retail. If you can, I highly recommend working for someone who doesn’t allow customers to get away with nonsense. It makes the job just a little more bearable.)

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