A Sale That Took So Long You Graduated And Became An Adult

, , , , , | Working | October 8, 2019

(I’m working on a project at home when someone knocks on the door. I answer, and it’s someone with a clipboard and a jumpsuit from [Electric Company]. Note: I’m in my 20s and own the house.)

Salesman: “Hi there. Is [Name] home?”

Me: “No?”

Salesman: “Oh, okay. Is your mom home?”

Me: “My mom is dead. And before you ask, no, my dad isn’t here.”

Salesman: “So, they just left a child home alone?!”

Me: “Sir, I own this house. I pay the utilities. I’m very much an adult.”

Salesman: “Oh, then let me tell you about—”

Me: “Stop right there. Do you think I’m going to at all be interested in your services now?”

Salesman: “But we’re cheaper than [Current Electric Provider]!”

Me: “Actually, I looked into it when I bought the house. They’re cheaper and have far better customer service. Please don’t come back.”

(I shut the door in his face. A few hours later, I get a knock on my door again. The same salesman is back.)

Me: “Sir, what could you possibly be offering that I haven’t already said no to?”

Salesman: “Well, we offer a student discount! You could save even more—”

Me: “I’m not a student.”

Salesman: “Of course you are! We offer—”

Me: “Sir, I asked you not to come back. You’ve instead returned to harass me more.”

Salesman: “I’m just trying to save you money!”

(My dog, a very large German Shepherd, decides to poke his head out between me and the doorframe. He apparently doesn’t like the salesman, either, and starts growling.)

Salesman: “I, uh, will mark you down as not interested!”

(He didn’t come back.)

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Superstore Superhero Super-Savings!  

, , , , , | Working | September 20, 2019

(Where I work, the main break room has a TV in it that is usually on at all times. I am not really paying attention during my break, until I overhear a commercial for a national hardware store chain.)

TV Commercial: “Don’t miss out on the biggest savings of the season! It’s our Spring Black Friday event!”

(Immediately, in my head, I hear a certain movie character’s voice say a modified version of one of his lines.)

Syndrome: “…and when everything is on sale… nothing will be!”

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When You’ve Been Doing Black Friday For Eighty Years

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2019

It was my first week of working in a thrift store and it was our half-off sale day. People lined up outside of the store for hours prior to us opening, Black Friday style. Once the doors were opened people ran in, pushing and shoving to get carts and go to the furniture section. 

I looked over to our toy area and saw an 80-something-year-old woman ram a pregnant lady holding her toddler so that she could get a better look at the puzzles. 

I worked there for six more years.

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Almost Like You’re Speaking In (Promo) Code

, , , , , | Working | July 25, 2019

(I try to apply a 15% discount to a $200 online order using a promo code emailed to me by the company, but their website isn’t accepting the code. I ring the helpline and the sales lady says she will apply the discount when my order goes through. This takes place the next day, and I get the same sales lady on the phone.)

Me: “Hi. I believe I spoke to you yesterday. I rang about the promo code that your website wasn’t accepting?”

Sales Lady: *super friendly, singsong voice* “Yes! I’ve applied the discount to your order. Thank yooouuu! That’s all for today?”

Me: “Umm, no. I just checked and I was charged the full amount.”

Sales Lady: *instantly gets defensive and blunt* “No, you weren’t. It was a $200 order, with a $15 postage fee, and your discount was $15.”

Me: “That’s not right; the discount should have been for 15%.”

Sales Lady: “Yes, and I took 15% off, which was $15.”

Me: “15% of $200 isn’t $15.”

Sales Lady: “Oh, that’s right. The promotion was for $15 off, not 15% off.”

Me: “No, I’m looking at the email right now. It’s 15% off… Part of the promo code is literally ‘15%.’”

Sales Lady: *suddenly very friendly again* “Oh, right. Yes, that should be $30! Sorry! This order has already been paid for now, so I can only credit your account for $15.”

Me: “Okay, great. Thanks.”

(I guess that’s one way to ensure repeat customers!)

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You Can Tell From My Face That I’m Not Interested

, , , , , | Working | April 19, 2019

(Our mall is full of kiosks with people trying to sell random makeup brands, cell phone accessories, etc. I don’t begrudge anyone doing their job, and I understand a lot of them are under pressure to make sales. However, some of them REALLY need to work on their pitch. One day, I’m walking past a kiosk where a woman is trying to sell expensive skin cream.)

Saleswoman: “Here you go, ma’am! Sit down right here.” *pointing to her chair arranged in front of her mirrors*

Me: *smiling and shaking my head* “No, thanks. I’m not interested.”

Saleswoman: *pulls a concerned, comically disgusted face and speaks in a tone of voice as if I were on my deathbed* “Oh, ma’am, I have to ask… What do you use for your facial cream?”

(Maybe I should have been offended or something, which is what my husband told me, but it was just SUCH an incredibly bad attempt to, I don’t know, neg me into a sale or whatever that I just burst into disbelieving laughter at her and kept walking. She turned bright red and glared at me. Hey, maybe I COULD use a fancy skincare regimen, but with a sales pitch like that, there was no way I was going to buy it from her.)

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