You Can Tell From My Face That I’m Not Interested

, , , , , , | Working | April 19, 2019

(Our mall is full of kiosks with people trying to sell random makeup brands, cell phone accessories, etc. I don’t begrudge anyone doing their job, and I understand a lot of them are under pressure to make sales. However, some of them REALLY need to work on their pitch. One day, I’m walking past a kiosk where a woman is trying to sell expensive skin cream.)

Saleswoman: “Here you go, ma’am! Sit down right here.” *pointing to her chair arranged in front of her mirrors*

Me: *smiling and shaking my head* “No, thanks. I’m not interested.”

Saleswoman: *pulls a concerned, comically disgusted face and speaks in a tone of voice as if I were on my deathbed* “Oh, ma’am, I have to ask… What do you use for your facial cream?”

(Maybe I should have been offended or something, which is what my husband told me, but it was just SUCH an incredibly bad attempt to, I don’t know, neg me into a sale or whatever that I just burst into disbelieving laughter at her and kept walking. She turned bright red and glared at me. Hey, maybe I COULD use a fancy skincare regimen, but with a sales pitch like that, there was no way I was going to buy it from her.)

Sales End… Bad Customers Do Not

, , , | Right | March 22, 2019

Customer: “I found these yesterday and they were half off. I hid them in the Men’s department, but someone moved them. I had to go looking for them again, and the price is now different.”

Me: “Yes, the sale ended yesterday, and any clothes found to be in another department is moved when we tidy the store every night.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. I want them for half price, as they said yesterday!”

Me: “But the sale ended yesterday. They’re full price again.”

Customer: “Well, make them half price. It doesn’t take an idiot to do that!”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have the administrative powers to do that.”

Customer: “Then get me a manager, you idiot!”

(I call one down and she explains the situation to him.)

Manager: “The sale ended yesterday. You either pay the price they are now or leave them.”

Customer: “But I wanted them yesterday. You should honour the price they were when I wanted them.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you buy them yesterday?”

Customer: “Because I’m buying them today!”

Manager: “Then you will be paying full price.”

Customer: “Well… you… you should make it obvious when sales are going to stop.”

Manager: “We make announcements all day for end of sales, and there are signs throughout the entire store. If you didn’t realise from that I cannot help you.”

(The manager walks away, ending any chance of her getting the price reduced. She folds her arms and harrumphs. I ask if she still wants them, but she doesn’t answer and just glares at me. I take it as a no and leave her. She stands there for nearly an hour, blocking mostly people using wheelchairs from using the aisle as they leave. My manager refuses to move her as he finds it hilarious how childish she is acting. As I’m on my way out for lunch she finally moves again.)

Woman: *throwing her arms up* “YOU’RE ALL MISOGYNISTS!”

(She storms up to me.)

Woman: “Except for you, dear. You’re just a blonde r******d bimbo.”

(She spat on the sliding doors as she left. Throughout the rest of the day, we got constant calls from someone who hung up the second we answered. We got in touch with the police who eventually found out it was the same woman, trying to harass us. We have her CCTV picture posted on the wall now as you come into the store. She tries to come in every other week, but when she sees she is still up on the wall, she harrumphs and storms out.)

Not Making A Sweet(ie) Sale That Day

, , , , , | Working | January 10, 2019

(My husband and I are about to run out to do some errands. As I’m gathering my things together, the doorbell rings. It’s some grizzled-looking dude, perhaps a few years older than my 40-something husband, wearing a uniform polo and hawking Internet, cable, and phone service door-to-door. My husband decides to humor him and listen to his pitch on our front stoop while I get ready. Please note that I am also in my 40s and look it. I join them after a few minutes, and speak up at an appropriate break in the conversation.)

Me: *to my husband* “Ready to go?”

Salesman: *to husband* “That’s why [Internet service] is the best.” *to me, in what I can only describe as a “men are talking”-type condescending tone* “Hi, sweetie.”

Husband: *under his breath and with a smirk on his face* “Uh-oh.”

Me: *completely flabbergasted* “EXCUSE ME?”

(I don’t know what my face looks like just then, but the salesman blanches and starts to stammer.)

Salesman: “Uh… Um, thanks for humoring me.” *takes off down our stairs at a record pace without looking back*

Husband: *huge grin on his face* “Aaaaand that’s when he realized the steel trap had closed on his nuts.”

Cof-Fee, Not Cof-Free

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2018

(In my office, people only come when they have an appointment. It surprises me that a salesman steps through the door. I am the receptionist.)

Salesman: “Hello, I am looking for [Employee].”

Me: “I can’t seem to find that name, I’m sorry.”

Salesman: “My information could be outdated. We talked in 2015.”

Me: “Well, he’s not working here anymore.”

Salesman: “Who is his replacement?”

Me: “What is your question?”

Salesman: “Well, we did business in 2015, and I thought we might be of service again. I brought a folder of things we can deliver now. Whom may I address this to?”

Me: “They work with a team, so there’s no one in charge. I can give it to them.”

Salesman: “No one is in?”

Me: “Yes, unfortunately no one is in.”

Salesman: “All right, then. Let them give me a call when they can!”

(He turns around and spots the cafe next to us, which also has an entrance in our building.)

Salesman: *eager* “Oh, can I get some coffee there?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s a different company, so it won’t be free.”

Salesman: “Ah, okay.” *looks very disappointed*

(The salesman leaves immediately. I go to the office the folder is for. I knew one person would be there, but she was very busy and I didn’t want to disturb her for a salesman. I tell her the story and give her the folder.)

Coworker: “We’ll discuss this next week, when the other members are here, as well.”

(I then tell the coworker about what happened when he asked about coffee.)

Coworker: “And he immediately left? Was he honestly fishing for free coffee?”

(I shrugged and the coworker looked at the folder. She tossed it into the bin right away. Guess the salesman didn’t make a great impression.)

That’s The Way We All Became The Nuhsolicitores Bunch

, , , , , | Working | December 1, 2018

(We have a “No Solicitors” sign above our doorbell; it’s pretty hard to miss, and my dad has little patience for people who ignore it. One day, someone rings the bell and my dad answers the door. They immediately start a sales pitch.)

Dad: “Wait, wait. Hold on. Did you see this sign?” *points to sign over doorbell*

Salesperson: “Uh… Yes?”

Dad: “Then do you not understand what ‘No Solicitors’ means?”

Salesperson: *pauses* “Isn’t it your name?”

Dad: “What?”

Salesperson: “Yeah, I thought it was your name. Like, it was Italian? ‘Nuh Solicitores,’ right?”

Dad: *stares at him for a minute and then just shuts the door*

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