Not Making A Sweet(ie) Sale That Day

, , , , , | Working | January 10, 2019

(My husband and I are about to run out to do some errands. As I’m gathering my things together, the doorbell rings. It’s some grizzled-looking dude, perhaps a few years older than my 40-something husband, wearing a uniform polo and hawking Internet, cable, and phone service door-to-door. My husband decides to humor him and listen to his pitch on our front stoop while I get ready. Please note that I am also in my 40s and look it. I join them after a few minutes, and speak up at an appropriate break in the conversation.)

Me: *to my husband* “Ready to go?”

Salesman: *to husband* “That’s why [Internet service] is the best.” *to me, in what I can only describe as a “men are talking”-type condescending tone* “Hi, sweetie.”

Husband: *under his breath and with a smirk on his face* “Uh-oh.”

Me: *completely flabbergasted* “EXCUSE ME?”

(I don’t know what my face looks like just then, but the salesman blanches and starts to stammer.)

Salesman: “Uh… Um, thanks for humoring me.” *takes off down our stairs at a record pace without looking back*

Husband: *huge grin on his face* “Aaaaand that’s when he realized the steel trap had closed on his nuts.”

Cof-Fee, Not Cof-Free

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2018

(In my office, people only come when they have an appointment. It surprises me that a salesman steps through the door. I am the receptionist.)

Salesman: “Hello, I am looking for [Employee].”

Me: “I can’t seem to find that name, I’m sorry.”

Salesman: “My information could be outdated. We talked in 2015.”

Me: “Well, he’s not working here anymore.”

Salesman: “Who is his replacement?”

Me: “What is your question?”

Salesman: “Well, we did business in 2015, and I thought we might be of service again. I brought a folder of things we can deliver now. Whom may I address this to?”

Me: “They work with a team, so there’s no one in charge. I can give it to them.”

Salesman: “No one is in?”

Me: “Yes, unfortunately no one is in.”

Salesman: “All right, then. Let them give me a call when they can!”

(He turns around and spots the cafe next to us, which also has an entrance in our building.)

Salesman: *eager* “Oh, can I get some coffee there?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s a different company, so it won’t be free.”

Salesman: “Ah, okay.” *looks very disappointed*

(The salesman leaves immediately. I go to the office the folder is for. I knew one person would be there, but she was very busy and I didn’t want to disturb her for a salesman. I tell her the story and give her the folder.)

Coworker: “We’ll discuss this next week, when the other members are here, as well.”

(I then tell the coworker about what happened when he asked about coffee.)

Coworker: “And he immediately left? Was he honestly fishing for free coffee?”

(I shrugged and the coworker looked at the folder. She tossed it into the bin right away. Guess the salesman didn’t make a great impression.)

That’s The Way We All Became The Nuhsolicitores Bunch

, , , , , | Working | December 1, 2018

(We have a “No Solicitors” sign above our doorbell; it’s pretty hard to miss, and my dad has little patience for people who ignore it. One day, someone rings the bell and my dad answers the door. They immediately start a sales pitch.)

Dad: “Wait, wait. Hold on. Did you see this sign?” *points to sign over doorbell*

Salesperson: “Uh… Yes?”

Dad: “Then do you not understand what ‘No Solicitors’ means?”

Salesperson: *pauses* “Isn’t it your name?”

Dad: “What?”

Salesperson: “Yeah, I thought it was your name. Like, it was Italian? ‘Nuh Solicitores,’ right?”

Dad: *stares at him for a minute and then just shuts the door*

Unable To Ring Them Up

, , , | Right | September 25, 2018

(I’m working as a sales agent at a rather popular jewelry TV show. Unfortunately, we do get these calls very often.)

Me: “Welcome to [Workplace]. This is [My Name]; how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “I saw a ring that had champagne diamonds in it and I want that ring.”

(I get 48 pages of results, so to narrow it down, I begin to ask questions.)

Me: “Okay, what carat weight was it?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the product ID number?”

Customer: *sighs, getting irritated* “No…”

Me: “Well, can you describe it to me so I can narrow it down to make this go by quicker for you?”

Customer: “Can’t you just look the d*** s*** up? God, why are you making this so difficult?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to make this as simple as possible, but I have 48 pages of results, and I won’t know which one unless you can find a way to describe it to m—”

Customer: *cutting me off and yelling* “Well, I’m going to just call someone else here, and they’ll find my ring, since you’re making this so difficult because you’re letting your stupidity get in the way. Stupid c***. I’m also going to call and complain, and you’re going to be out of a job.”

(I still have my job, and she’s gotten me several more times. She will still ask if “that stupid c***” has been fired yet, and when I tell her it’s me, she hangs up. She’s even gotten me a couple of times after she hung up, and she hung up on me again afterwards.)

Entitled: The TV Show

, , , | Right | September 3, 2018

(I work in the electronics department. Most of our customers are not too terrible, but being a rural town has its “quirks.” As such, we have more employees that can be just as abrasive when needed. I just get to the sales floor and start doing some chatting with my colleague, when a husband and wife walk up to the counter and this happens.)

Me: “Hello, can we help you find anything today?”

Husband: “You sure as h*** can!” *points at a TV display on a main aisle* “You see them 55″ TVs? I bought one of them f****** things a week ago for [price] WITH tax!”

Me: *bobbing my head, being understanding* “Okay, and was something wrong with it? If there was we—”

(The customer’s wife pipes up.)

Wife: “Nah, nothin’ like that. WE bought it for [price]! Not THAT price!”

Husband: “Yeah, now how’s come them TV’s are [price]?! If I knew that they would be this low I woulda f****** waited!”

(Confused, I look between the two customers.)

Me: “Well, that is unfortun—”

Husband: “We want one of them reimbursements! It ain’t fair that we bought our TV, and it changed price a week later!” *at this point they both are raising their voices*

(My brain has shut off as I look dumbfounded. Both my colleague and I look at each other completely at a loss for what to do, having never been trained for what entails a reimbursement.)

Me: “All right, give me one moment.” *I call over the walkie for management and then wait*

(The husband starts ranting about how unfair it is that there was a price change.)

Husband: “We are f****** ENTITLED to a reimbursement! I can’t believe how you guys could sell us that TV without telling us that the price would change! I mean, I understand you gotta sell this s***, but this just ain’t fair.”

Me: “Yes, well, I apologize, but I have no power over that. I also want to make sure that we can make the reimbursement. We don’t normally do that kind of thing and if it had been a week ago, I’m not too certain what the cut-off is. That seems more than likely up to manager’s discretion.”

(I have lost that “Peppy Happy voice” and drop to a more “steel, serious voice”, but manage to keep the smiles, as he curses more and rants about us not being “fair” and them being “entitled.”)

Manager: *walks up in full manager-mode* “What can I do for you all?”

(We explain the situation and she gives the go ahead for the reimbursement and notifies customer service, then the couple leaves.)

Me: *I shake my head, still annoyed* “I’m pretty certain that those TV’s have been on sale for more than a week, [Manager].”

Manager: “I wouldn’t doubt you guys, but hey, maybe the receipt will do something.”

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