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Charity Is Only Okay If It Benefits ME

, , , , , | Working | April 19, 2022

A year or two after I graduated college, I was lucky enough to have gotten a pretty well-paying job but found myself not sure what to do with my new income. After spending pretty much my entire life scraping and saving to try to afford to make it through college, it had become such a habit that it now felt somehow decadent and wrong to actually spend the money I was earning!

To help get over that feeling of wasteful extravagance I got when I spent money on non-necessities, I had ironically opted to try tithing despite being an atheist. I figured if I gave 10% of my money to charity, I wouldn’t feel guilty about spending the rest on myself. In practice, I instead still kept pretty close to my starving college student lifestyle with the remaining income going toward first paying off the few student loans I’d had to take my last semester of college and then building up a sizable nest egg for emergencies. It turns out that cheapness is a hard habit to break!

One day, a teen came knocking on my door. I answered it and he immediately went on a spiel about how he was selling magazines for some company, and if I would purchase a subscription, some amount of it would go toward covering his college expenses.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t really need or want any of these magazines.”

Teen: “But it would help me to pay for college. You could purchase something just to help.”

Me: “Yeah, I get that, and I want to help, but I donate all my charitable donations through [Charity Assessment Organization] because I know they will help ensure it’s used as efficiently as possible. Buying magazines isn’t exactly an efficient way of helping anyone, sorry.”

Teen: “Helping someone through college is definitely a good source of charity.”

Me: “But that’s not where most of the money goes. I bet you would get more out of me just handing you a dollar or two for your college fund now than if I got a subscription, and that would still be twenty dollars less for me since I’m not going to want to read any of these magazines anyway.”

Teen: “I’d be happy to accept direct donations to my college fund, as well!”

Me: “Then I wouldn’t have any way of making sure you used the money well for college. I’m sorry. I’d like to help, but I’m afraid I have to stick with known and proven charities for my donations so I know I’m getting the most out of them.”

Teen: “But if you—”

Me: *Interrupting a little* “I’m sorry, but the answer is no.”

Here, the teen got a furious look and snatched the book that listed all the magazines they sold out of my hand.

Teen: “Fine. Be selfish, you a**hole. I don’t need your help, anyway.”

He then somehow managed to slam the door on me while leaving my house. Apparently, giving a bunch of your money to save babies from dying of easily preventable diseases is selfish if you don’t also waste more of it buying things you don’t need or giving cash to a demanding teen and hoping he uses it well. I’m sorry for being such a selfish b*****d.

Listen Or Lose, Buddy

, , , , , | Working | April 19, 2022

My car died, and I had to replace it immediately as I needed it for work. I went to a dealership and told them I wanted a sub-compact.

Salesman: “Let me put you in a truck.”

Me: “I don’t want a truck. I need a car with good mileage for work.”

I asked about a particular model.

Salesman: “Let me put you in a truck.” 

Me: “I do not want a truck.”

Salesman: “Let me put you in a truck.”

Me: “I am going to buy a car today, but I’m going to buy it from somebody who will listen to me!”

There were two other salesmen watching us. I fully expected one to swoop in for a guaranteed commission, but they didn’t budge. I walked to the dealer next door and drove out in my new car.

And Away We Go

, , , | Right | April 18, 2022

I’m not always great at standing up for myself, and when stressed, my brain usually forgets how words are supposed to work. This time, however, it was mostly successful.

Someone knocks on my front door and I answer it to see a man in a suit with a piece of paper (not on a clipboard) and a pen. My two dogs are barking like crazy at the audacity of a human daring to approach the house, but they are behind a closed door to stop them from running into the road.

Man: “Hello, are you the homeowner?”

Me: “No.”

Man: “Is the homeowner in right now?”

Me: “Umm…”

My dad is in, but he’s asleep, but I could wake him up, but I shouldn’t because he works nights, but don’t we rent? Does that mean the homeowner is whoever the landlord is? I don’t know who or where they are.

Man: “Can you go get him for me?”

I’m still trying to figure out the answer to his previous question, and with no idea how to get all this information across, I decide I don’t want to talk to this random stranger anymore.

Me: “Can you go away, please?”

Man: *Surprised* “What?”

Me: “Umm, go away.”

I shut the door in his face and locked it, and I retreated to the living room to watch through the window to make sure he left. I heard him laugh at what had just happened, and he watched the house as he walked away. Once he was out of sight, I half-collapsed from the stress, which was helped very much by doggy cuddles.

People Are Seriously Still Asking That Question?!

, , , , | Working | April 11, 2022

I am a stay-at-home mom. I’m trying to make my toddler lunch and then get her down for a nap. My husband is currently working from home since his office hasn’t reopened. Someone knocks on the door. I answer and it’s a solicitor. We do have a “no solicitors” sign.

Solicitor: “My name is [Solicitor] and I’m with [Window Company]—”

I put my hand up slightly and cut him off. 

Me: “Hey, sorry. Right now really isn’t a good time. We’re not interested. We don’t own the house and can’t afford to buy new windows.”

I go to shut the door. He looks at me, annoyed. 

Solicitor: “Can I speak to the man of the household?”

I just stare at him before slightly chuckling. 

Me: “Excuse me? I am perfectly capable of speaking for this household, and I guarantee that I’m being a lot nicer than my husband would be. Now, get off my porch.”

He ended up coming back a few days later, and my husband answered the door. He immediately told him that I had already given an answer and slammed the door in his face.

The Only False Thing Here Is My Customer Service Smile

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Ghostygrilll | April 5, 2022

I was working in the window department of a large department store. A woman made her way over to the clearance section of our window coverings. She scanned the shelves for a bit before bringing over about six of a specific type of curtain.

I began to ring them in as she watched the total add up.

Customer: “Whoa, your system is wrong. Those are supposed to be $30 each. Why are they ringing up as $60? There was a sale sign!”

Me: *With a brief smile and nod* “I can go check that sign with you if you’d like so we can make sure they aren’t ringing incorrectly.”

Customer: *With a huff* “Yes.”

We made our way over to the sale sign. It simply stated SALE with a list of three different styles of curtains reduced to $30.

Me: “Ah, I see the confusion. This sale only applies to [styles #1, #2, & #3]. The one you picked is [style #4].”

Customer: “I want a manager now!

I radioed my manager over. As soon as he arrived, she started to yell.

Customer: “THIS! IS! FALSE! ADVERTISING! DO YOU SEE THIS?! This is RIDICULOUS! I want these reduced to $30 as you are all trying to trick me into getting attached to this curtain and then selling it for MORE money than listed!”

My manager stared in astonishment before gathering his composure.

Manager: “Ma’am, this is not false advertising. It is clearly listed on the sign which items are discounted to $30, and I know for a fact that the one you picked out is discounted, as well. That is a $150 curtain you have in your hands, and it is now reduced to $60. It is simply not listed on the sign. False advertising would imply that the sign is presenting false information, which it is not.”

She ended up just throwing the stuff on the ground and storming out. My manager was defeated. He kind of just looked at me like “WTF?” and walked away to the back of the store.