Measuring The Time

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2017

(I usually work in the factory, but on this day I am replacing our sales person who is sick, when a customer comes in.)

Customer: “I need someone to come to my house and take the measures for the windows I want to order, but they can only come after four in the evening because I am at work until then.”

(I set it all up and tell her our technician will call her and come by next day after four. The next day, the lady returns.)

Customer: “What kind of a business is this?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You said someone would come to my house and take the measurements. Why hasn’t anyone come?”

Me: “Didn’t you say that we can’t reach you before four o’clock?”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s half past two.”

Customer: “Well, I got off early.”

Putting The Straightening Saleswoman Straight

, , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(My sister and I are window-shopping through our local mall, and we happen to walk past several kiosk salespeople with aggressive tactics. We follow proper shopper protocol: don’t make eye contact, don’t even look at the kiosk for more than two seconds if you don’t want to buy anything, and speed-walk away if noticed. However, this one lady at a hair-care booth sees my well-groomed and naturally curly hair and decides to ignore any body language that says I’m not interested.)

Hair Lady #1: “Hey, you girlies ever straightened your hair?” *judgmentally, and directed right at me* “I know you haven’t!”

(I have to restrain my sister from decking her on the spot! Fortunately, the other, obviously better-trained saleslady pulls her aside.)

Hair Lady #2: “Never, ever, try to shame someone into buying your product! What is wrong with you!?”

(We go to that mall on a regular basis, and [Hair Lady #1] has not been back since that incident. Good riddance.)

Impossible To Get A Handle On This

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work in a showroom for kitchen and bath fixtures and faucets.)

Customer: “I need a handle for a faucet. Mine is broken.”

Me: “Okay, we can probably get you a replacement. What faucet is it?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Okay… what brand?”

Customer: “A kitchen one.”

Me: “Uhm… okay… is it—” *lists popular brands*

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s my kitchen faucet.”

Me: “How many handles does it have? One? Two?”

Customer: “A broken one.”

Me: “So… one handle?”

Customer: “And a not broken one.”

Me: “Okay… So, two handles?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do any of the ones on our wall look like it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you have the handle with you?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “I have no idea how to help you. I need a brand to start with, or the handle, or even a picture. Do you have a picture?”

Customer: “No. Can you get me a handle?”

Me: *internally screaming*

An Open Faucet Of Incompetence

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2017

(I work in a kitchen and bath showroom. A middle-aged couple walks in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you guys today?”

Customer: “I want a kitchen faucet!”

Me: “Okay, most of them are going to be on this wall here. What size or style are you considering?”

(The customer is walking around, yanking on the display models on the wall. Display models are not set up to be used. She wants a faucet that has a nozzle that can pull out of the faucet itself.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, be careful! Those faucets are supposed to have hoses so that you can pull out the spout, but these are display models. Pulling on them will just break them.”

Customer: “Then how I am supposed to know if they work?!”

Me: “All of the faucets on the actual counter are functional. You can pull those out and see how they work. The wall, however, just has display models.”

Customer: *reaches up and tries to yank on another faucet*

Me: “Ma’am, really. I am going to have to ask you to stop doing that.”

(I grab the spout of a faucet that is on the counter and pull on it.)

Me: “See? These ones are hooked up.”

(The customer walks over to another faucet on the wall and violently pulls on it. She breaks the spout off and rips the display off the wall, breaking the wood that holds the displays up.)

Me: “Ma’am! I informed you that those are not hooked up! You have now damaged property that belongs to this store!”

Customer: “Well, you should hook them all up!”

Me: “Ma’am, these faucets have two-foot long hoses in them. The display ledge is only two inches thick. The maker of these faucets sent them to us for the express purpose of display. You also managed to break my wall, as well. These walls are specially made to hang these displays on!”

Customer: “Whatever; that is Velcro!”

Me: “Are you serious? What about this looks like Velcro to you?”

(I point to the wood on the wall that she splintered, and then to the metal brackets that had been holding the faucet stand to the wall.)

Customer’s Husband: “Honey, come on. You broke it and didn’t listen.”

Customer: “I don’t want to shop in a store with such rude employees, anyway!”

(My boss told me that if she had not had left, I should have run her out.)

Your Mouth Will Get You Into Trouble

, , , , | Working | September 20, 2017

(I’ve just had a root canal and tooth extraction. I also have TMD [Temporomandibular joint dysfunction] and it’s difficult to anaesthetise my gums, resulting in a swollen jaw on the side that wasn’t worked on, and the maximum dose of anaesthetic being used to just taper off the pain. I’m not the happiest of bunnies while leaving the dentist. I’m making my way home, walking through the main street of my town when a woman holding a clipboard points at me from about 20 metres away. I try to avoid her but she cuts me off.)

Woman: “Got a minute, dude?”

Me: *walking around her* “No, sorry. I’ve just been to the dentist—”

Woman: *cutting me off again* “No worries, mate. You don’t have to talk.”

(I decide to just let her sell whatever crap she’s pushing and get it over with. I shrug and nod.)

Woman: “GREAT! First question: how old are you?”

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