All Together Now: “No, Thank You. I’m Not Interested.”

, , , , | Working | July 20, 2021

The best way to handle cold-calling is to be honest, polite, and straight to the point. Don’t pretend you’re interested and don’t make up a story. Just, “No, thank you. I’m not interested,” and repeat until they get the idea. I find being totally emotionless really helps.

I get a knock on my door out of the blue and find a young guy in a badly fitted suit standing there.

Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Salesman: “No, but I can help you! You see, we are having a special limited-time offer.”

Me: “No, thank you. I’m not interested.”

Salesman: “Hold on now. I haven’t even told you what I’m offe—”

Me: “No, thank you. I’m not interested.”

Salesman: “Come on, you never know what you’re missing out on.”

Me: “The sign says no cold-calling. So, no, thank you. I’m not interested.”

Salesman:  “Can I at least leave you a brochure?”

Me: “…”

Salesman: *Sighs* “No, thank you, you’re not interested?”

Me: “You got it. Better luck at the next house.”

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When Electricity Is An Attractive Force

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2021

Me: “Hello, [Company Acronym].”

Caller: “Hello, is this [Electrical Supplier #1]?”

Me: “No, this is [Electrical Supplier #2] in [Town].”

Caller: “Oh… so, you sell electrical supplies?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Great, that’s what I’m looking for! Do you sell [item]? I’ve got a job at a hotel in [Town]…”

Me: “Let me transfer you to sales.”

An unconventional way to acquire a customer, but I’m not complaining!

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She Has No Endgame

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2021

I have just turned eighteen and have gotten cashier trained at my first job. I had not yet learned not to laugh at the customers.

Customer: “Two days ago, the yarn was .99 cents apiece.”

Me: “Yes, they were.”

Customer: “But now they’re $2.99 apiece.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “They were on sale last week. It’s a new week now so the sale ended and they went back to the original price.”

Customer: “Why did it do that?”

I almost start giggling, but then the customer starts glaring at me. I realize the customer is not kidding.

Me: “Um… because that’s what sales do? They… end.”

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Too Mulch Math

, , , | Right | April 13, 2021

I work at a home and garden center. We have a sale on mulch: five bags for $10. I wish I could say this happens only once but it actually happened several times a day:

Customer: “How much is black [Brand] mulch?”

Me: “It’s $2 a bag.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s [Competitor] that’s running the five-for-$10 sale?”

Me: *Sighing* “Yes, sir. Us, too.”

Every single day.

I tried saying, “Five for $10,” but then I had to explain they didn’t have to buy five to get the sale price. I hated those sales.

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Long Story Short, The Answer Is No

, , , , | Working | April 9, 2021

Many years ago while I was driving my vintage extended-cab pickup, I noticed a newer extended cab on a dealer’s used truck lot. I pulled in, got out, walked to the truck, and checked its bed length. It was the shorter bed of that era — six and a half feet instead of the long eight-foot bed.

A salesman arrived and asked my thoughts on the truck.

Me: “Not interested. It has the short six-and-a-half-foot bed; I want an extended cab with the long bed.”

Salesman: “Oh, no! You wouldn’t want a truck that long. They are difficult to drive on city streets and in city traffic.”

Me: “Gee, I had never heard that. Are you sure?”

I know that many even longer trucks are being driven in the city daily.

Salesman: “Oh, yes! They are a real problem driving in cities.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that.”

After a few more exchanges of the same basic views, I decide it is time to give my closing declaration.  

Me: “I have been driving my truck with the extended cab and the long, eight-foot bed for thirteen years. When do you think I might finally notice this problem?”

He walked away with a deer in the headlights look on his face.

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