Asking With A Hidden Meaning

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(I am a cashier.)

Me: “Hi. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “Why? Are you hiding something?”

Shutting Down That Closing Down Grief

, , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(The company that owns the chain of stores is shutting down our location. There are three other locations within a half-hour’s driving distance, plus an online store, but some customers are still pretty upset. I have this conversation, or a variation on it, more times than I can count while we are breaking the news.)

Customer: “So, [Store] is closing? That’s terrible! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Yeah, we’re closing on [date]. But it’s just this location; there’s still the stores in [Other Locations], plus online.”

Customer: “I don’t want to go all the way to [Other Location]. You guys were so convenient. This is so terrible. I don’t know what I’m going to do! Why would you shut this store down?”

Me: “That’s above my pay-grade. Are you ready to check out?”

(After ringing up items:)

Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “Would you like one? It’s free and it’ll only take a moment.”

Customer: “No, I never come here.”

(Between this drama and having to console people about driving twenty minutes away when I was going to be laid off, I was pretty much going crazy for the last few weeks. And this isn’t even getting into the clearance prices and coupon abuse we had to deal with.)

Cancelling Your Cancellation Stunt

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(I work as a ride-share driver. If someone requests a ride but cancels it after a certain amount of time but before they are picked up, they get charged a cancellation fee of $5. This is to make sure the drivers still get paid for their time and gas when they travel to pick someone up. If a driver cancels a ride for any reason, the rider is not charged the fee. To get around this, some riders will call the driver and ask them to cancel for them. I have just traveled 15 minutes to pick up a rider. As soon as I pull up to the address, they call me.)

Rider #1: “Hello! Hey, can you hear me?”

Me: “Hey, I’m right outside.”

Rider #1: “I am having trouble with my phone!” *hangs up*

(I wait two more minutes before calling them back.)

Me: “Hey, I’m at your address. Are you here?”

Rider #1: “I put the address in wrong. I’m actually a few blocks away. Can you cancel so I can request the ride again?”

Me: “You can update your location in the app. I’d be happy to meet you where you are to pick you up.”

Rider #1: *to someone else in the background* “He said he will come to get us here. What do I do?”

(Suddenly, someone else is on the phone.)

Rider #2: “Um, hello? Yeah, the app won’t let me change the address, so can you just cancel the ride?”

Me: “That’s fine. Just cancel through the app.”

Rider #2: “Oh, um, it won’t let me do that, either. Can’t you just cancel it?”

Me: *feigning concern* “Oh, no! Have you tried contacting [App] tech support? They can help you through everything.”

Rider #2: *pause* “You should probably just cancel. What if someone else requests a ride?”

Me: “I’m happy to wait until you get everything straightened out.”

Rider #2: “OH, F*** YOU!”

(About thirty seconds after the call ended I was able to mark them as a no-show, and they got charged the cancellation fee, anyway.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Turning It Up To Eleven

, , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(I work in a bank. This story happens on two separate days, Saturday and Wednesday, and with two different coworkers. We have a customer upset that her account is overdrawn by $500, and she has previously spoken to our manager about refunding her $100 in overdraft fees. He agrees that if she brings in enough to bring her account positive, he will refund the fees and reactivate her debit card. She comes in Saturday morning, while our systems are offline due to an update, and speaks to my coworker.)

Coworker #1: “Hi. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer], and I spoke with your manager yesterday about refunding my overdraft fees and reactivating my card.”

Coworker #1: “Yes, I remember seeing that email. Unfortunately, our systems are going through an update, and the program we need to reactivate is currently unavailable. I can definitely put the money into your account for you.”

Customer: “Well, that won’t work! I need my card so that I can buy gas and groceries. Your systems shouldn’t be down when I was promised to have my card today.”

Coworker #1: “I do apologize, ma’am, but even if our systems were up, your card wouldn’t be activated until Monday because Saturday transactions don’t process until then.”

Customer: “No, that’s not what I was told! I’m not giving you any money until you make sure I can use my card. I need to be able to get gas for my car and groceries! So, if I can’t use my card to do those things, then I can’t give you money.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, just so you understand. Once we refund your fees and you deposit the money, you’ll only have a positive balance of $5. If you spend more than that, you’ll be overdrawn again.”

Customer: “You’re not getting money until I can use my card! I’ll just come back next week!”

(As the customer leaves, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “Um… did she really just tell you she was basically planning to immediately overdraw her account again once she left?”

Coworker #1: “Pretty much.”

(Our bank charges extra fees for each day you leave your account overdrawn. Had the woman come back Monday, we could have still given her what she needed. But she didn’t come back until Wednesday, and gave the same spiel to [Coworker #2].)

Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t refund you all these fees.”

Customer: “No! I was in here on Saturday and your systems were down. I dealt with [Coworker #1]! And your manager said he would refund these fees!”

Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but because you waited until today to come in, even if I refunded the $100 fees, your account would still be negative due to the fees for Monday and Tuesday. If you would have come in on Monday, it would have been no problem.”

Customer: “The agreement with your manager was that he would refund all of my overdraft fees! This is ridiculous! I wasn’t going to give money unless I was able to use my card, and your systems were down, so I couldn’t do anything on Saturday. I shouldn’t be punished for your system error!”

Coworker #2: “I do apologize, ma’am, but even if the systems weren’t down, your card wouldn’t have been able to be activated until Monday because Saturday is Monday’s business day. You would have had no issues had you come in on Monday. But I already spoke with my manager and read the email he sent out, and it specifically said that he would only refund $100 worth of fees and nothing more. If you’d like to speak with him once he is off the phone, you can, but until he approves it, that’s all I can do.”

Customer: “I can’t wait for him! I have to be at work in five minutes! This is ridiculous. I’m just taking my cash!” *walks out the door*

Me: “Why would you come to a bank less than ten minutes before you’re supposed to be at work? She just wanted to cause trouble.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part “It’s Over 9000!”
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part We Don’t Even Know Anymore
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 83

It Does If You Fast-Forward At 88 Miles An Hour

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

I was at an office of my cable company, picking up my first DVR. The person helping me briefly went over how it all worked, like how far back I could rewind, recording, etc.

Then, with a resigned look, she adds, “You know you can’t fast-forward live television, right?”

I can only imagine how many complaining customers she’d dealt with who didn’t understand that the DVR was not, in fact, a time-travel machine into the future. I’ve never had so much sympathy for a cable company employee in my life.

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