Coming To An Understanding

, , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(I am working at a car dealership in the service center, and I receive a phone call from a customer complaining about a repair that was done but doesn’t seem to have fixed the problem.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Dealership] service. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I had a repair done a little over two weeks ago, but the same problem persists with the air conditioning.”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that, sir. When can we have you back down here to inspect the vehicle?”

Customer: “Well, I live over an hour away; I don’t want to drive down just to be told you don’t have the part in stock and it needs to be ordered. I want it fixed right this time. I have an appointment for 4:30 today to have it inspected.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I understand. Coming in today, we can check the vehicle out, but if it’s more than a part we need to order, the wait could be long enough to warrant a courtesy vehicle, which I don’t have at this time.”

Customer: “I understand that.”

Me: “If it was a part that needed to be ordered, and I ordered it now, I still wouldn’t have it until tomorrow.”

Customer: “I understand that.”

Me: “So, would you like to reschedule, or do you still want to come down today?”

Customer: *sighs* “No, I still have the appointment today; I guess I’ll come down.”

(I really wonder what he thinks is going to happen, since he understood everything I said.)

The Number One Car Problem

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2018

(An older female customer calls with a complaint about her car.)

Customer: “Since you serviced my car last week, my tire is leaking. There is a puddle under it that gets bigger every day.”

Me: *trying to think what would leak fluid near the tire* “Have you been running the windshield washer fluid to clear the frost off the windows in the morning? The drain is near there.”

Customer: “No, I think the tire fluid is leaking.”

Me: *at a complete loss but thinking possibly brake fluid or a strut is leaking* “Bring it in; we’ll take a look.”

(The customer shows up with an obvious water stain on the outside of her tire. Our tech agrees to take a look and drives it into the shop. I give his analysis to the lady.)

Me: “The tech looked at your car, and that liquid is dog urine.”

Customer: “But the puddle gets bigger every morning.”

Me: “Once a dog finds a place to mark, it tends to become a popular spot for other dogs.”

Customer: “A dog is peeing on my car tire every day?!”

Me: “Looks like it.”

Nailing Their Security In Their Masculinity

, , , , , | Working | April 4, 2018

(I work in an auto shop. The talk of the town at work is that one of the admins is going to see her boyfriend in person for the first time in months this weekend, and has been laboriously planning every little detail to make things perfect. Discussions lead to a small cluster of mechanics around her, offering their input — totally unsarcastically — about how she should get her nails done.)

Admin: “I want to do black and pink to match my outfit, but I’m having trouble deciding.”

Mechanic #1: “Maybe French tips?”

Admin: “That’s not really my style, though. I’m thinking all black and one pink nail, or all pink and one black. What finish? Do you think I should do matte or not matte?”

Mechanic #2: “I think you should get satin. Or eggshell.”

Mechanic #1: “All pink and one black nail, though. The other way around is too heavy; more pink is more fun!”

(It was definitely one of the more sweet, adorable moments you’ll see in an auto shop.)

Journalistic Integrity Is Worth More Than A Car

, , , | Working | March 23, 2018

(I’ve saved up some money to buy a used car I’ve seen at a local dealership. This is happening while I’m sitting in the office with the boss, making small-talk.)

Boss: “So, what do you do for a living?”

Me: “I’m soon graduating journalism school. That’s part of the reason why I need the car. Interviews and so on.”

Boss: “Oh, okay. I’ve always wondered. Do they tell you when to lie in school, or is this decided by the individual newspapers?”

Me: *not sure if he’s joking* “I’m sorry?”

Boss: “Come on. We both know your kind withholds half of the news from the public, and the other half is more fiction than fact. You can be honest with me. I’m just curious!”

(Needless to say, he didn’t make the sale.)

Sounds Like Their Brain Is Leaking, Too

, , , | Right | February 10, 2018

(I work at a car dealership in the service department. Right before long weekends, we are always booked up with plenty of appointments, so if you don’t book early enough, you will not be getting your vehicle in.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Hi! [Car Dealership] service department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I am [Customer]. What is wrong with my vehicle?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What?”

Customer: “I need to know what’s wrong with my vehicle; it is leaking.”

Me: “Well, sir, what is it leaking?”

Customer: “I don’t know… Fluid.”

Me: “Well, if you make an appointment and bring the vehicle in, we can check that out for you.”

Customer: “So, you can’t tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle?”

Me: “No, sir. We would need to see the vehicle.”

Customer: “Fine, I will bring it in Tuesday.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we are currently booking the week after next week.”

Customer: “No, I will bring it in this coming Tuesday.”

Me: “Sir, we are already completely booked up for that day; the fastest I can get you in is the following Tuesday.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have been a customer here for ten years, and this is how you treat me? You can’t even tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle; why should I bring it in to be fixed? For all I know, it’s not even broken!”

Me: “Sir, you called and told us the issue.”

Customer: “Regardless, you will have to move someone out of their spot to fit me in, as I am a return customer of ten years.”

Me: “I am sorry, but that is not how this works. I cannot move someone who called earlier and tell them I need to move their appointment.”

Customer: “YOU LISTEN HERE! THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH; I AM A DOCTOR AND I NEED MY VEHICLE FIXED!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but regardless of your profession, I cannot move your appointment up any further than the following Tuesday. Would you like me to book that in?”

Customer: “LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING. I DO NOT NEED TO TELL YOU WHOSE JOB, BETWEEN US, IS MORE IMPORTANT, DO I?”

Me: “No, you do not; however, it doesn’t change the fact that I cannot diagnose your issue without seeing the vehicle, and I cannot get your appointment to happen any faster.”

Customer: “PEOPLE WILL DIE, AND IT’S YOUR FAULT! I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT!”

(The customer then hung up. At this point everyone in service was staring at me because they could hear this very angry customer screaming at me over the phone.)

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