Kicking Up A Stink

, , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a hotel. We get a call.)

Guest #1: *angrily* “Yes, hello? I thought that this was a non-smoking hotel.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Guest #1: “Then why do I smell smoke?!”

Me: “Pardon? In your room?”

Guest #1: “No, not in my room! It’s coming from the girls next door! I have asthma!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll send someone to investigate. I apologize.”

(I send a housekeeper to sniff around on the customer’s floor.)

Housekeeper: *returning* “There’s a strong smell of cigarettes in the hallway. It seems to be coming from [Room].”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *calls up [Room]* “Hello. This is the front desk. There has been a complaint that your room smells of cigarettes. We are a non-smoking hotel and we will charge a fee if you do smoke in your room.”

Guest #2: “Excuse me?! We were not smoking in this room! We know that this is a non-smoking hotel and we would never smoke in here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I sent someone to investigate, and she says that she smelled it coming from your room.”

Guest #2: “Well, I don’t know how that would be! I am a smoker, yes, but I only do it in the designated places to smoke! What must’ve happened is that I went to smoke, and the smell blew back into my room, causing it to stink of cigarettes!”

Me: “Uh…”

(I’m trying to think of a nice way to say that this excuse is very unlikely.)

Guest #2: “Or, maybe it’s because on the car trip here, my friend and I were smoking very heavily in the car, and all of our bags absorbed the smell!”

(This is a better excuse, because even though I do not smoke, I have been around people who do, and I know the smell gets absorbed very quickly and lingers on everything.)

Me: “I see. Well, let me turn this over to the manager.”

(I got the manager, and the guest continued to insist that she and her friend did not smoke in her room. Meanwhile, I got three more calls complaining of the cigarette stench. After reviewing the security tapes, we saw that the girl and her friend weren’t smoking in her room, but in the HALLWAY outside the room, which is also not allowed. However, the girl and her friend put up such a “stink” that the manager caved and didn’t charge them. The housekeepers had to clean the hallway.)

Common Sense Has Other Left The Building

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a small shop near a popular affluent retirement community. We recently got a credit card machine that will read the new chips in credit cards, and has a screen for signatures. Some of our customers are having difficulties with the machine.)

Me: “Please insert the chip in the card reader.”

Customer: *places the card on top of the pin pad*

Me: “Please use the slot underneath the pin pad.”

Customer: *puts the card in properly*

Me: “Please sign on the screen.”

Customer: *signs name, and stares at the buttons at the bottom of the screen, that read ACCEPT, CLEAR, and CANCEL*

Me: “Touch ‘ACCEPT’ at the left, please.”

Customer: “This one?” *reaches for the CANCEL button at the right*

Me: “The one on the left, please. ‘ACCEPT.’”

Customer: “It’s this one?” *again going for the CANCEL button at the right*

Me: *in slight desperation* “Your other left, ma’am.”

Got To Tackle This Bull By The Horns

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(It is a slow afternoon at the restaurant where I work. There is a couple eating at one of the tables, but they are the only dine-in customers. I have been sweeping the dining room, and eventually I end up close to their table.)

Customer: “MOO!”

(Yes, “MOO!” like the sound cows make.)

Me: *continues sweeping*

Customer: “MOO!”

Me: *glances at the man, to find he is scowling furiously at me*

Customer: “Hey, MOO!”

Me: *trying to be polite* “Are you talking to me?”

Customer: *in a very rude tone* “Yeah, I sure am talking to you! Now give me another ranch for my salad!”

(I got him the ranch, he thanked me, and that was the end of our interactions.)

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Getting This Problem Regularly

, , , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work at a coffee shop that is inside a store. I’m also a full-time student, so I only work part time. This story takes place just after I have finished college for summer.)

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Two lattes, please.”

Me: “No problem. Coming right up.”

(I proceed to make her coffees and set them on a tray for her. While making the coffees, we have been talking away to each other, and she seems to be a nice customer.)

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “Those are your coffees; two lattes, right?”

Customer: “Yes, but I wanted them to go.”

(This happens all the time — customers not saying they’re taking them out but expecting us to know.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I mustn’t have heard you. I’ll just pour them into takeaway cups.”

(While I’m pouring the first one into the takeaway cup…)

Customer: “They look smaller than usual; are you sure those are large?”

Me: “Large? Sorry, these are just regular. Again, I mustn’t have heard you say large.”

(I steam more milk to add to the lattes I already made to make them large.)

Customer: “I’m in quite often; I assumed you would remember.”

(I have been working at this coffee shop for over two years and do remember a good few regular customers and their orders, but I know that I’ve never served her before.)

Me: “I do apologize; my brain must be working slower than usual today.”

Customer: “That’s all right. You teenagers stay up way too late and are always tired the next day.”

Me: “That must be it.”

Customer: “Now, which one had the hazelnut syrup in it?”

Me: “…”

(It turned out she was an employee in the store that the coffee shop is a part of, and started about three months ago. She worked during the week, and since I was only working weekends at that point, I had never served her. Moral of the story: just because you’re a regular customer, you shouldn’t expect every employee to remember what your order is.)

They Would Have Figured It Out… In Ten Minutes

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work the customer service booth in a large mall.)

Customer: “I wanted to go to [Store in the mall], but they’re closed right now.”

Me: “Really? That’s odd. The mall is open right now; they should be open.”

Customer: “Yes, they had a sign on their door that said, ‘Back in ten minutes,’ and I have no idea how long it’ll be before they’re back. Do you know when they’ll be back?”

Me: “Um… Probably about ten minutes, I would think.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thanks so much for your help. I’ll be back then.” *walks away*

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