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Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Slowly

, , , , , , , | Right | June 17, 2022

I typically worked the closing shift at a hardware store. We had one guy who was notorious for coming in fifteen to thirty minutes before closing and continuing to shop, forcing us to stay there while he finished.

One night he came in, shopped our clearance items, and then checked out. Because he was there past closing hours, we couldn’t use that downtime to do our duties like clean up the registers, put stuff back, etc. We still had to do it, but his appearance meant we would be late getting out, so I came up with a plan. If he had no problems making us late, I wouldn’t have a problem giving him the same treatment.

I scanned a few items, then stopped, took a swig from my drink slowly, breathed out a refreshing “Ahhh,” and then went back and scanned another item. I stopped again, slowly took my vest off, then looked at the computer screen of the cash register to go over a few things. I scanned another item or two, stopped, then grabbed a rag and dusted off part of the register or things I needed to wipe down.

At one point, I just stopped and did nothing, looked at the screen, and then looked over toward the other cashiers as if I was waiting for a command. I repeated parts of this process a few times as he usually had a larger order. I got paid for time on the clock, so why not?

All that time, he and his entourage were waiting for me to finish. Nobody said a word. I figured if he had no reservations coming in late and holding me back, I had no problem taking my time and making him late, too, preventing him from leaving at a reasonable time. He knew he couldn’t leave without his precious clearance items as someone else might get them the next morning, so he had to wait.

Eventually, I finished the transaction, taking three or four times longer than I would have with a normal transaction. Looking back, I think that I should have turned the power off to the register and then turned it back on before taking cash or credit. That way, we’d have to start all over again.

From that point on, I noticed that he never came in close to closing time and always left well before we made closing announcements. Remember, retail workers… while corporate may believe the customer is always right, you can teach customers that they will be treated just the same as they treat you.

Making Assumptions Can Be Taxing

, , , , , , | Related | May 3, 2022

I am driving with my sister and the song “Neighbors” by J. Cole is on. 

Sister: “Okay, I really relate to this song right now.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Sister: “I think the neighbor’s son is selling weed.”

Me: “Why do you think this?”

Sister: “Because ever since he moved back, there has been a ton of cars driving up to their house, staying for like five minutes, and then leaving.”

Me: “You are so stupid right now.”

Sister: “Why?”

Me: “One, he hasn’t moved back in; he’s just helping out his mom at work. And two, it’s tax season, you idiot! All those people are dropping off their tax stuff because she’s a preparer!”

Sister: “How was I supposed to know?”

Me: “She’s been doing our family’s taxes for years!”

Maybe If I’d Learned That Song I’d Be Better At Math

, , , , , , , , | Learning | April 11, 2022

This took place in 2001. I was nine years old and in third grade. We were just starting to learn multiplication and were learning the multiples of threes. My teacher warned us that from here on out, the multiplications were going to get harder and she didn’t want us to feel overwhelmed, so she came up with a song to help us remember the solutions to multiplying threes.

Teacher: “I am going to sing a song that’ll help you memorize all the multiples of three up to the number thirty. I sing this song every year to my students and I’ve had past students, including middle schoolers and even high schoolers, who come back to visit me tell me they remember this song. Are you ready?”

Us: “Yes!”

Teacher: “Three, six, nine, the monkey drank wine; twelve, fifteen, eighteen, we’re going skating; twenty-one, twenty-four, twenty-seven, we’re almost to heaven; thirty!”

Our class erupted in laughter at the silliness of the song, and we asked her to sing it again which she did.

Classmate #1: “Mrs. [Teacher], there’s no way we’re going to remember this when we get older. It’s too silly!”

Teacher: “You might say that now, but I’m telling you, I have students from many years ago come up to me and say one of their favorite memories was learning this song and they still use it to this day!”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, right!”

Fast forward to today. I just turned thirty and I taught my nine-year-old nephew, who is just starting to learn how to multiply, this song my teacher sang all those years ago. It might sound silly, but it turns out she was right when she said we would never forget that song!

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 49

, , , , , , , | Right | February 17, 2022

A woman and her children come in five minutes before we close — we close at midnight, and I am beyond exhausted — to return a bunch of pants that didn’t fit her kids. Apparently, I miss a pair of jeans, so I have to go through and rescan the pile to see which one I missed.

Customer: “Just hand me the jeans and I’ll match up the barcodes from the receipt to see which pair you missed.”

Me: “That won’t work; it will just be easier if I go through and scan them all to see which pair pops up that wasn’t previously returned.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me do it so you won’t accidentally miss the pair again.”

Me: “Ma’am, that won’t work. The UPC numbers on the receipt for whatever reason are different from the ones on the actual tag. You will be here for years, and the numbers will never match up. I’ve worked returns here for two years now and I know this, so please, just let me scan.”

She purses her lips and finally just lets me scan through the jeans once more. I toss the various jeans into different piles once I’m sure they are not the missing pair.

Customer: “Honey, let’s all keep the jeans in one pile in case you mess up again. Being tidy and organized would have saved you some trouble in the first place.”

Me: “The jeans are in different piles because they need to be. Some can be put directly on the floor. Some can be marked down and sold as clearance because they are online-only items. The rest are to be sent back to the warehouse. I need to keep them separate so they don’t get all mixed together and things end up where they are not supposed to. Please just let me finish as I only have a few pairs left.”

I finally scanned the missing pair and returned them. We were probably a few minutes past close by then and I was eager to get them to leave. The woman called her daughters to come to join her, and I saw in horror that they had decided to go clothes shopping and not just wander the store, and they each had a huge pile. Because all the other registers had been closed, I had to check her out. Also, because she paid cash, I had to recount my drawer because it had to have the exact number of bills and change in there noted for the cash office.

I was one of the last people to leave the store that night.

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 47
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 46
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 45
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 44

You Shouldn’t Need This To Be A Nice Person, But Here We Are…

, , , , , | Right | February 4, 2022

My sister is working at a fast food restaurant and a customer is acting incredibly rude and nasty. Keep in mind that most of the employees are high school students. My sister then notices that the customer is wearing a shirt for a major local business in the area.

Sister: “Oh, do you work at [Business]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Sister: “What’s your name? I know people who work there, and I want to see if they know you?”

He surprisingly tells her his name which is when the fun begins.

Sister: “I’ll make sure to tell [Vice President of the company] you said hi.”

Customer: “You know [Vice President]?”

Sister: “She and my mom are really good friends. Her children are like a little brother and sister to me. My mom pretty much raised them from birth. In fact, we’re friends with all of the family!”

The business is literally named after this family.

Sister: “I also graduated with the president’s son, and we used to hang out a lot in high school. I’ll make sure to tell them you stopped in and said hi!”

The customer was now incredibly nervous. He stopped acting like an a** and was quiet while waiting for his food. My sister said she felt the rush of power as he thought he could bully some random fast food worker only to find out she knew all his bosses and had personal sway with them.