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A Collision With Destiny

, , , , , , , | Working | January 20, 2023

As a teenager, my sister was applying for jobs and one day went to drop off an application at a local fast food and ice cream restaurant. She was driving my dad’s truck at the time, and we had gotten food.

While exiting the drive-thru, [Sister] didn’t pull out far enough before turning right. She ended up hitting the concrete piece that helped support the roof over the drive-thru and scraping my dad’s truck. She got home and saw the damage and began sobbing. She called the restaurant to explain she might have damaged the building. Thankfully, there was no damage, and she ended up getting hired and even becoming a manager later on.

When she went to college, she got a job at the same chain and even lived above it. [Sister]’s new boss would pay her to take her place at regional conventions for the owners, where she would always sit with her old boss.

One day, her old boss finally revealed something to her.

Boss: “So, fun fact: when you applied, we weren’t actually hiring at the time and I was going to toss your application. But when you called crying about hitting the building, I thought it was really funny and wanted to see what else would happen with you around.”

Next Time, Take Mom For A Walk, Too

, , , , , , , | Related | January 15, 2023

The year is 2020, and you know what that means: lockdown! I am supposed to be taking the LSAT (test for law school admissions) and, due to the global health crisis, it’s to be taken at home. I instruct my parents to not make a peep as I need to concentrate.

My parents assure me that they will be quiet and are more worried about my dog, who hates being locked out of a room without me. My dad takes her on a walk so I can have some peace and quiet, but little do I know, my dog isn’t the problem.

After I’m all finished, I go confront my mother.

Me: “What the f*** were you thinking?!”

Mom: “What did I do?”

Me: “How many years have we told you to not do the dishes in the morning as it’s loud as h*** and would always wake us up? So, you decide the perfect time is literally during the hardest section! Then, you were running up and down the hallway for some reason!”

Mom: “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was that loud.”

Dad: “I thought we agreed to stay downstairs until she was done?”

Mom: “I wanted to dye my hair and do some laundry, though!”

Me: “Seriously, though, at one point I asked if it would be okay to yell at you to shut up but was denied.”

Following The Rules Isn’t In Her Jeans

, , , , , , | Related | December 18, 2022

My dad is a massive golf fan and is literally always watching it on TV. One year, a Tournament is coming to a nearby country club, so my mom gets tickets for him and some of his family to go watch. The country club sells merch for the event, and my mom decides to go early to get it so Dad can unwrap it on Christmas and then later be surprised with the tickets. My mom tells my grandma this, and my grandma invites herself along.

Mom: “Okay, but remember that this is a country club and there’s a dress code. You have to dress up, so no jeans.”

Grandma: “That won’t be a problem.”

The day comes to go to the country club and my grandma shows up… wearing jeans.

Mom: “Mom, what the h***?! I told you that you can’t wear jeans!”

Grandma: “But these are my good jeans!”

Mom: “It doesn’t matter! They might not even let you in!”

Grandma: “But [My Name] is wearing jeans.”

Mom: “She’s also not planning on getting out of the car! She’s just along for the ride so we can stop somewhere that normally is out of the way.”

We went to the country club and, sure enough, the staff made a huge fuss and almost kicked Grandma out. They only allowed her to stay as they literally would only be there for five minutes. My mom was incredibly embarrassed, while my grandma continued to argue that her jeans were “dress jeans”.

The Adventures Of Mrs. Coat Factory

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2022

It’s a few weeks before Christmas and I am working in a department that’s known for its coats. This store sells all types of things from clothes to baby products and housewares.

The main registers where you can check out, do returns, and set up/pick up layaways are set up in a large square almost U shape, and there are two registers on either side. Each side has one line to form and the person at the furthest register just calls the next person in line up to their register. I am at the furthest register, closest to the entrance, when this peach of a lady walks up.

Customer: “I ain’t waiting in this long-a** line!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do. This is the way the lines are set up and I can’t let you cut in.”

Customer: “Just bring my layaway up and let me pay for it!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said, I can’t allow you to skip the line as I’m sure other customers in this line are looking to do the same.”

Customer: “Can’t you just ask them to let me or just do it before they notice?! I have other places to be than this stupid-a** line that doesn’t make sense!”

Me: “Ma’am, do I look like Mrs. Coat Factory? I didn’t make the store setting; I simply work here. Either get in line or go somewhere else!”

I was quitting shortly after that as I’d had my fair share of retail! But seriously, where do some people get off being so self-important they think their time is more valuable than others? Sheesh!

We Need A Real Patrol Out Here!

, , , , , , | Right | October 31, 2022

Our big box store often hosts a Halloween event where different stations are set up around the store and kids can come and trick-or-treat inside. It is always really popular, and we love to see all the kids in costumes.

One year, we have a Paw Patrol theme for some of the things we hand out. At one point, a woman stops me.

Customer: “When does Paw Patrol arrive?”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the theme this year. We aren’t going to have any of the characters here to meet the kids.”

She leaves, but later on, I do see a mascot character interacting with guests. I feel bad because I genuinely didn’t know but am curious as to who got stuck having to be in the costume. I end up asking my friend who was assigned to a table in the back if she knew who it was.

Coworker: “I honestly have no idea. I didn’t know we were going to have a meet and greet. Go see if you can find out; now I’m curious, too.”

I end up finding the store manager and asking him.

Manager: “I honestly have no idea who that is.”

Me: “What?! What do you mean?! So that’s just some random person?!”

Manager: “Yeah. One of the parents showed up in costume with their kid and ended up just taking pictures and meeting all the kids. If they hadn’t arrived with a kid, I probably would have kicked them out.”

Me: “We can agree it’s a little weird, right?”

Manager: “Oh, no, it’s totally weird.”