Needs More Help Than The Student Help Desk Can Provide

, , , , , | Learning | June 4, 2018

(I work at my campus library. This girl comes in at five, and I see her log into a computer and print a document. She then comes back in at nine, distressed.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Student: “I can’t log on. I lost my password. Can you give me my password?”

Me: “I am sorry, but the library doesn’t give out passwords. I can log you in as a guest, if you like. Otherwise, I would check with Student Help Desk, since they are in charge of accounts.”

Student: “No! I want my password. Why can’t I get it?”

Me: “I do apologize, but our system doesn’t tell us student passwords. Those are handled by the Student Help Desk. You would have to go there for assistance. I can log you in on a guest account, but I cannot retrieve individual passwords.”

Student: “Where are they located? What are their hours?”

Me: “They are located in the science building. Here are their hours.”

(I hand her a sheet with their listed hours.)

Student: “They are closed at nine! They aren’t even open now. Can you go over there and open it for me?”

Me: “I am sorry, but I didn’t make their hours, and I do not work for them. You could always check with them tomorrow.”

Student: *glares* “That’s so stupid. If they are closed, why can’t you just go over and open it for me?! Now I can’t print my paper!” *storms out*

A Battery Of Jokes

, , , , , , | | Right | May 30, 2018

(I work at a small chain electronics retailer. We have to ask each customer for their phone number, name, and address. I usually don’t if I think it will cost me a sale, but sometimes I just have to. The customer has a right to refuse, and I usually let them know that if I sense any hesitation. Today, I try my luck with a customer buying a specialty battery.)

Customer #1: “Here! This battery! That’s all!”

Me: “Hi! May I have your phone number for the receipt?”

([Customer #1] throws up his hands and storms out before I can even tell him he can refuse. I begin voiding the order when I notice he left his book. I take it aside so nobody steals it. The customer storms back in for his book.)

Me: *while handing him back his book* “Okay, that will be $16.04.”

Customer #1: *perplexed that I would even dare try to ring the sale* “I DON’T WANT IT!”

Me: “Okay, hope your day gets better.”

([Customer #1] stares at me, then storms off. [Customer #2] reaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi! Can I have your phone number for the receipt?”

Customer #2: *jokingly* “Do I need to throw a temper tantrum, too, or can I just tell you no?”

Me: *serious but friendly* “I don’t need it unless you’re buying a cell phone, but in that case, the system would have your info, anyway.” *now jokingly* “I would also accept a picture of you in a zebra costume.”

([Customer #2] is caught off guard and is laughing throughout the purchase. My manager comes up to me after and makes a comment.)

Manager: “Well, you made one battery customer storm off angrily and another giggle on his way out.”

Me: “I guess you can say they were… POLAR OPPOSITES.”

(At this point, every customer and employee who knows anything about electromagnetism starts laughing.)

Me: “Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll be here all week.”

Dressed To Pass

, , , , , | Related | May 13, 2018

(My little sister moves in with me so she can attend a physician’s assistant program. During a warm day in October, we are chatting in the kitchen.)

Sister: “I think I should have the upper extremities covered today.”

Me: “You should be fine with that tank top. It’s going up to 75 degrees.”

Sister: “I was talking about studying for my exam.”

Me: “I was talking about the weather and how you are dressed.”

Please Just (Bus) Stop

, , , , , | Friendly | May 8, 2018

(It is late afternoon, and I just got off my lunch shift as a waitress. I am at the bus stop waiting for the next bus home. The bus stop has a handful of people waiting, including an old man. The old man comes up to me and starts talking.)

Man: “Hi. How are you?”

Me: “Good.”

(I am young and have a friendly face, which unfortunately seems to make me a magnet for chatty strangers in the street. I have since learned to keep my answers short and my eye contact away from strangers.)

Man: “So, you are waiting for the bus to go home?”

Me: *nods, but quickly darts my eyes away*

Man: “What’s your name?”

(I start to get nervous and annoyed for many reasons. The first is that I just got off of a waitressing shift, which means I have a lot of cash on me. I also don’t want to answer him, but we are both waiting for the same bus, and I won’t be able to avoid him even if the bus comes soon. I am tempted to just walk away, but the buses in my city typically run every 45 minutes, which means that it would be dark by the time I got to my home bus stop if I waited for the next route. Eventually, my fear of getting mugged for my lunch shift money in the dark outweighs my fear of a creepy old man, so I decide to humor him, but to lie for the rest of the conversation.)

Me: “My name is Catherine.”

(My name is not Catherine.)

Man: “So, I guess you are a student here?”

Me: “Yes, I am a nursing student.”

(I am a foreign-languages major and absolutely can’t handle anything medical.)

Man: “Oh, a nurse. Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Ah, good for him. If I were your age, I would certainly like to see what you could do.”

(He then proceeds to list a few crude acts. I am now completely uncomfortable and dart my eyes around the bus stop for help.)

Me: “Sir, please stop talking to me.”

Man: “Oh, what’s the matter? I am paying you a compliment.”

Me: “No, you are making me uncomfortable. Please go away.”

(Three girls are standing nearby, and one of them immediately goes over to me and takes me by the arm.)

Girl: “Hi, how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages!”

(She then leads me over to her friends and talks to me as if she has known me for years. I have never met this girl in my life, and I gratefully play along and have an animated conversation with them until the bus comes. When we get on the bus, she and her friends make sure to sit around me so that there is no way the man can sit near me. He sits far enough away that we can talk without him hearing.)

Me: “Thank you so much! I was starting to get really freaked out.”

Girl: “Yes, we saw how uncomfortable you looked when he went over to you, and when you told him to leave you alone, we decided to help out.”

Me: “I am so glad you did!”

(They sat next to me for the rest of the bus ride. The man was still on the bus as we got closer to my home bus stop, so I exited the bus two stops prior to my stop so he would not follow me home. Luckily, the girls were still on the bus by the time I was ready to get off, so I was not left alone on the bus with him. I took a very roundabout way to get home, but I got there just before dark. I never saw those girls again, but they were my angels that day. If you ladies are reading this, know that I never forgot what you did!)

Got The Body Of The Joke

, , , , , | Right | May 8, 2018

I’ve only been at this job about three weeks, but it’s significantly less stressful than the job I held prior. It’s near the end of my shift, and I still have a natural smile on my face, when a man comes up to my register. He has two large plastic totes with latching lids, as well as some other groceries.

I ring up his groceries as I make small talk, and then I walk around my register to scan and check inside the totes. Anyone in retail knows the acronym LISA: look in-side always. I can clearly see into the first and scan it, then I tip open the lid of the second, and without thinking I say, “All clear; no dead bodies in here,” and scan it.

The customer starts laughing, and I can feel my face get red-hot as I realize that I’ve said it out loud! As I try to regain my composure, the man goes, “Wait… No dead body?! Then where the hell did she go?!”

I guess he could tell I felt embarrassed.

Page 1/812345...Last
Next »