Excuse Me, I Just Gotta Make A Quick Trip To Pennsylvania

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 27, 2021

Jason Momoa is filming a movie in the town where my college is located. I am walking to the main tourist square to grab lunch and I am behind two young men around my age. I happen to overhear their conversation.

Guy #1: “Are you sure this will work?”

Guy #2: “Absolutely! Look he’s like seven feet tall, right? So we’ll easily be able to spot him. Then, we strike up a friendly conversation and invite him out for beers. Next thing you know, we’re best friends with Khal freaking Drogo, man!”

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The Ability To Ask Nicely Has Been Locked Down

, , , , , , | Right | February 5, 2021

Lockdowns have lifted, but I am still very cautious about going out, even though I work retail, so I try to minimize my contact with others as much as I can. However, my dog’s nails have gotten long and I have trouble trimming them, so I have brought her to a local pet store for a quick trim.

I have already paid and dropped her off and am standing off to the side of the grooming salon waiting. I happen to be in direct eyesight of the doors. A man and a woman walk in — one not wearing a mask and the other wearing one but leaving the nose and mouth exposed — and approach me.

Customer: “Cages?”

He has come super close, and like I said, he isn’t wearing a mask properly. 

Me: “Excuse me?”

I guess my tone takes him aback.

Customer: “Oh, you don’t work here?”

Me: “No, and can you please back the f*** up? You are clearly invading my personal space and not wearing a mask properly.”

He started to say something, but at that moment, my dog came out. She is a very large German shepherd mix and can look quite intimidating. She nearly launched herself over the gate after seeing me. Once they saw this very large dog clearly trying to get to me, the two quickly hurried off.

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You Apologize To That Precious Pupper Right Now!

, , , , , , | Related | January 28, 2021

I am getting ready to go to sleep. My dog will usually start the night off in my sister’s room for an hour before hopping into bed with me and spending the rest of the night in my room. I go to collect her from my sister’s room but she’s not in there. I’m not worried as it’s summertime and I figure she’s in my parent’s room; the air conditioner is in their room and sometimes she’ll sleep on the floor if she’s too hot. However, she’s not in there, either.

I begin panicking as I search the whole house and can’t find her. Eventually, I check outside and see the world’s saddest dog laying on the outdoor furniture. She sees me and is ecstatic that she doesn’t have to spend the night outside and runs into my room where she is given extra cuddles all night.

The next morning, I am furious with my sister.

Me: “You a**hole! You left the dog outside last night.”

Sister: “How do you know it was me?”

Me: “Because I know you smoked weed before going to bed and you always take her out with you.”

Sister: “Whatever, she’s fine now.”

Me: “No, it’s not fine. What if it had been wintertime and you pulled this s***? If I hadn’t bothered to check, she would have been dead. Even so, we have bears in the woods, and what would have happened if one attacked her? It’s so irresponsible of you!”

Sister: “Whatever, accidents happen.”

I’m still pissed at her, and thankfully, the dog realized who was fully at fault here. My sister then began to complain that the dog didn’t like to hang out with her as much and say, “I think the dog is mad at me for some reason.” Gee, I wonder why?

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Everyone Has Two Voice Settings: “Normal” And “Customer Service”

, , , , , | Healthy | January 25, 2021

When I need to find a new primary care physician, my sister, who’s a medical assistant, strongly recommends one of the doctors she works for. I accept — and she turns out to be the greatest PCP I’ve ever had, but I digress.

I don’t know if this is the law or their office’s policy, but my sister explains to me from the beginning that she’s not allowed to have anything to do with my treatment; she can’t look at my chart, she can’t room me when I come in, she can’t talk to me on the phone, etc.

Okay, rules are rules. I almost never have to call the office anyway — you call the network’s central line to make appointments, not the office directly — but I figure if she ever answers, I’ll simply say, “It’s [My Name],” and wait for her to put someone else on the line.

There comes a day where I call the office with some questions for my doctor about a course of treatment I recently began. A female voice I don’t recognize at all answers.

Assistant: “Thank you for calling [Office]. We’re on a recorded line. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I saw [Doctor] earlier this week and just had some questions for her about [treatment].”

Assistant: “[My Name], it’s [Sister].”

Me: *Stunned* “Oh! I’m sorry, I—”

Assistant: “Here, let me get [Coworker].”

Another employee took care of me. For the record, the health issue was neither embarrassing nor something I hadn’t already told my sister about in typical family conversation.

When we hung up, I texted my sister, “I’m so sorry! I know you can’t help me, and had I known, I would’ve waited for you to get someone else, but I swear, I had no idea that was you! Your voice sounded so much deeper and more mature.”

When she was free, she simply texted back, “Customer service voice.”

And now I know what voice to listen for!

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We’re Angry For You, Too!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 19, 2021

I am unloading a truck in my section with my coworker, talking about holiday shopping.

Me: “I bought an item on [Handmade Goods Site] and it never showed up. I didn’t think too much because of [health crisis] delays until [Handmade Goods Site] let me know I could open a case. Turns out they took my money and then shut down their shop without ever letting me know and didn’t even refund me.”

Customer: “What?!”

We turn and see a customer who apparently has been nearby and overheard.

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m gonna be mad for you. That’s completely messed up! The balls that person had.”

I thought it was so funny that she got really fired up over it. Thankfully, though, the website gave me a complete refund on the item.

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