Telling You The Long And The Shorts Of It

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I am about nineteen, working in a retail shop that carries some clothing items and sports equipment. In the sports equipment area, we also have a bench where we work on customers’ broken equipment. To my left, overlooking the clothing area, is the dressing room, and to my right is a back hallway. A customer of about sixty or older walks in and begins looking at shorts.)

Customer: *tries two dressing room doors, locked and in use by other customers, and turns to me* “Hey, these doors are locked. Where can I try these shorts on?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. There must be a few customers still trying things on. It should be just a few minutes before they’re done, and then I will open one up for you.”

Customer: *grumbles and goes back to looking at shorts*

(Five minutes later:)

Customer: “Hey, these dressing rooms are still locked. I’m about ready to just go in the back hallway over there and just try my shorts on in there, instead.”

(He chuckled and walked away again. I just laughed awkwardly, thinking how crazy that idea was, and then went back to working on a customer’s equipment. Five minutes later, the customer walked out of the back hallway wearing the shorts he’d been carrying, with the pants he’d been wearing draped over his arm. I was stunned and speechless.)

Unfiltered Story #136394

, , | Unfiltered | January 13, 2019

Customer:  I’d like to return this.
Me: Okay, do you have the receipt?
Customer: Yep!
(She proceeds to hand me a receipt from *2007*)
Me: Ummmm…I’m sorry, but the receipt needs to be within the past 14 days.  I won’t be able to take this back.
Customer: Oh okay.
(She was a little dejected, but she left. I commend you, ma’am, not only for holding onto the correct receipt for the past 8 years, but also for not flipping out when it was denied.)

A Gas-Giant Sized A**hole

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2019

(I’m a customer at a restaurant and bar that holds trivia every Sunday night. In the middle of the game, there is a question about the solar system. The correct answer is, “Jupiter.” A family with two young kids enters the restaurant as this question is displayed on the TVs but the teams still have time to put in their answers.)

Kid: *yelling loudly enough to be heard over the music* “JUPITER! IT’S JUPITER! THE ANSWER IS JUPITER!”

DJ: “And the correct answer is… Jupiter! And everyone got that right. So, just a reminder: there’s no blurting out answers if you’re not playing the game.”

Dad: “Oh! Angry DJ, huh? We’ve got an angry DJ!” *looks around the restaurant for backup but no one says anything* “Hey, buddy, the customer is always right!”

Me: “Dude, you’re not a trivia customer.”

(The family angrily left the restaurant. They later called the manager and demanded that the DJ apologize. She told them that wasn’t going to happen.)

A Dream Is A Wish Your Stomach Makes

, , , , , , | Working | January 1, 2019

(I enjoy feeding friends, and I often bring snacks into work. Some snacks are more memorable than others.)

Coworker: “When are you going to bring fudge in again?”

Me: “Which type?”

Coworker: “The peanut butter, tiger-swirled one.”

Me: *grinning* “I’ve been thinking about it.”

Coworker: “I’ve been dreaming about it.”

(It’s probably time to bring it in again. Soon.)

A Whole New Twelve Days, Twice!

, , , , , | Right | December 31, 2018

(I am a fast-food worker with a bit of a reputation of being good with words, especially coming up with parody lyrics. I work at a family-owned business, not a chain. My boss asks me to make a parody of a Christmas song as a holiday advertising stunt. I pick “Twelve days of Christmas.” Here are those lyrics:)

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, I ordered at [Restaurant]:
Twelve eggnog milkshakes,
Eleven cappuccinos,
Ten bacon doubles,
Nine strips with tartar,
Eight turtle sundaes,
Seven giant popcorns,
Six quarts of chocolate,
Five onion rings!
Four Snickers storms,
Three large fries,
Two chili dogs,
And an order of nachos with cheese!”

(However, inspired by this, I also come up with a version from an employee’s perspective.)

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, the drive-thru gave to me:
Twelve giant trailers,
Eleven window tappers,
Ten noisy engines,
Nine quiet talkers,
Eight shouting children,
Seven cups of pennies,
Six separate orders,
Five cars in line!
Four cards declined,
Three add-ons,
Two cars out back,
And a customer b****ing at me!”

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