Gives New Meaning To “Spillover” Parking

, , , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(I am working for a large music festival doing gate security. I often have to deal with drunk or confused individuals, but this guy was my favorite.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in without a ticket.”

Drunk: “I am trying to find my car.”

Me: “Okay, sir, but the parking lot is in the other direction; this is the festival grounds.”

Drunk: “I know that. I parked my car over there—” *waves hand towards fairgrounds* “—I need to get through to get to my car.”

Me: *look over shoulder* “Sir, the other side of the grounds is Lake Michigan. Are you trying to tell me you parked in the lake?”

Drunk: “Yes. Can I come in now?”

Overly OVERLY Protective Mother

, , , , | | Related | August 7, 2019

(I’ve recently come out as a lesbian, and my religious parents are really cool about it. I’m hanging out with a female coworker and her husband, and I’m driving us to a local fair. Suddenly, a call comes in over my car’s Bluetooth option. I answer.)

Me: “Hey, Mom.”

Mom: “Hey, kiddo. Can you stop by later to let the dogs out? Your dad and I are going to your uncle’s house in a little bit.”

Coworker: “Ooh! What breed are they?”

Mom: “Is that a girl? Are you on a date?”

Me: “No, Mom. I’m hanging out with some friends and we’re going to the fair.”

Coworker: “Aww, baby. Haven’t you told your mom about us yet?”

Mom: “Well, at least you won’t give us grandchildren before you’re married. Use protection! STDs are an awful way to live.”


(My idiot friends were silently cracking up as I said my goodbyes and hung up.)

Unfiltered Story #159859

, , | | Unfiltered | August 2, 2019

I work at a popular fast-food chain in the SE Wisconsin area. I’ve been asked blatantly obvious and dumb questions every day, but I feel like my Cherry Coke story beats all of them.

I’m pretty sure this was a Friday night during the Lent season, so our restaurant is LOADED with people in both the dining room and at the drive thru. Me and one of my good friends we on drive together when my friend was asked this simple question:

Customer: Do you have Cherry Coke?

Drive Partner: No, I’m sorry, we do not, we have Pepsi products.

Customer: Oh, well, do you have Cherry Pepsi?

Drive Partner: No ma’am, we do not. The closest thing we do have is Dr Pepper.

Customer: Well could you put an Cherry in my Coke?

Drive Partner (who was starting to get irritated): Ma’am, we have Pepsi. Is Pepsi ok?

Customer: I guess whatever just put a cherry in my come.

Drive Partner: Ok…. well your total is -$$- please pull forward.

After she left the speaker, me and my partner were talking about how terrible that went and how anyone could be that stupid. When they got to the drive window, one of my other co-workers, who was actually let go the other day, looked over and yelled, “Oh my god it’s my cousins!!!” And ran over to the window to talk to the people in the car. Needless to say, me and my drive partner were talking complete smack about the customer when little did we know that the people in the car were related to one of my other co workers. A little embarassing, but in the end, I only put one single cherry in their PEPSI and I’m pretty sure they didn’t even notice a difference.

Where No Blue Potato Has Gone Before…

, , , , , , , | | Right | July 21, 2019

(I am telling a few of my coworkers that the customers do not listen to us until after they are done speaking. I tell them we could say the most ludicrous things, and they would not even bat an eye.)

Me: “I could tell them my name was Blue Potato, and it would not matter.”

Coworker: “No way! You can’t do that!”

(My phone rings just then, and I smile and look my coworker in the eye.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Location]. My name is Blue Potato. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I need to—“ *call proceeds normally and I smirk at my coworker*

(After the call:)

Coworker: “I can’t believe you did that! That was a one-time thing, though.”

(To prove my point, I introduce myself as characters from various fandoms — everything from Star Trek, Firefly, and various cartoons. I’m having such fun with it that I start keeping a notebook page of it. No one, and I repeat no one is batting an eye at all the strange names. Not even Princess Leia or Princess Peach, even though I am a man with a fairly deep voice. I’m having fun with it and decide to do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Again, no reactions. I get another call, and with gusto, I introduce myself.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Location]. My name is Shredder. How can I help you today?”

(A very sweet-sounding, grandma-type voice responds.)

Customer: “Well, Shredder, I have a problem I was hoping you could help with.”

(I got a laugh out of it with my coworkers afterward, not only about how long I was able to keep going with the joke, but the fact that the one who did catch me was not caught off guard at all by my name. We nicknamed her “Cool Granny.”)

Unfiltered Story #158315

, , | | Unfiltered | July 17, 2019

(I work at a big name electronics store…. I get this call quite a bit)

Me: Thank you for calling (store) this is (name) how can I help you?

Customer: Yes, can I have the electronics department please?

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