, , , , | Working | November 20, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are on our way home from my cousin’s wedding to the reception and decide to stop at the mall for some cat food. My boyfriend and I don’t really conform to relationship gender role stereotypes, so while he’s looking for his preferred energy drink, I’m in my nice dress carrying the biggest bag we could find up to the registers. We get up to the counter to pay and the cashier — a man in his 30s — never once looks at me or speaks to me, even when I pull out money to pay. My boyfriend’s hands are full with the cat food and his drink, yet the cashier still tries to hand him my change and receipt. )

Me: “I’ll take that, since it is customary to give the change back to the person that actually paid.”

(The cashier just stares at me like it’s a cardinal sin for a woman to want to pay her own way and speak to him. I take my car keys out and say:)

Me: “Guess which one of us is also the driver?!”

Unfiltered Story #127533

, , | Unfiltered | November 20, 2018

(I am at the store with my best friend and her mother.  At this time, I am a senior in high school and she a junior.  Note that she almost never wears a color that isn’t black and most of the time that she does, it’s because her shirt has a design on it.  She is also a metal head and loves My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic.  Her favorite it Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo with Pinkie Pie as a close second.  She dragged me to the toy aisle and is pawing frantically through a display of MLP plushies, one earbud in her ear, the other dangling down and blasting screamo music.)

Best friend: *in a spastic, somewhat panicky voice* No!  No!  They don’t have Derpy!

Old lady standing a few paces away wearing a large cross necklace: *staring at my friend with huge eyes*

Best friend: *pauses and glances at the lady* Um, it’s for my little cousin, her birthday is coming up.  *continues her vain search*

Her mother: *walks into the next aisle as if she didn’t know us*

Me: *trying not to die laughing*

(Fast forward almost a year, my best friend and several other friends, one of whom later became my boyfriend, got me hooked on MLP.  I am Black Friday shopping in Madison with my mother and two little sisters.  We’re at Khol’s for their Monster High Dolls, as my youngest sister is obsessed with them, when we realize they have Equestria Girl dolls as well.)

Me: Vinyl Scratch Equestria Girl doll!  MINE!!! *snatches it off the shelf*

Everybody in the very small, very crowded aisle: *backs away slowly*

Mom: (my name), you found Equestria Girl dolls?! We’re coming!

(There just happened to be two Vinyl Scratch so my older little sister could get one, too, and the youngest little sister was very satisfied with a Rainbow Dash.)

Their Driving Was More Dangerous Than Your Dialogue

, , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I’m working a closing shift at my second job, which is at a popular meat sandwich chain. The night has been slow on and off, giving us enough time to get stuff done with the occasional moments to socialize. I’m currently the one running the drive-thru.)

Manager: *stops mid-sentence to let out a loud laugh* “Holy s***!”

Me & Coworker: “What?”

Manager: *points out windows at drive-thru line* “That guy came in too fast and almost jumped our driveway!”

(My coworker and I turn in time to see a car backing up and away from the cement curbed strip of grass that separates the drive-thru and the main road.)

Me: “Well, when you really want [Restaurant]…”

(The car straightens out and pulls into the drive-thru at a leisurely pace. I’m totally ready when they pull up to the speaker.)

Me: “Nice driving. What can I get for you tonight?”

(Both of my coworkers AND the driver of the car burst into laughter.)

Driver: “I know; that was terrible!”

(My manager took over the order from there, and also smacked me on the arm. I didn’t care, though, because it was the highlight of that closing night.)

Heat Death

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(I work at a big box hardware store that sells a bit of everything. It is October in Wisconsin so it gets rather chilly.)

Customer: “Hey, do you guys have a heater that plugs into a cigarette lighter in the car?”

Me: “Sure! Right this way.”

(I take her to the product.)

Customer: “Oh, this shuts off after twenty minutes; I need one to last longer. I am going to be camping in my car for a few days.”

Me: “Yeah, they shut off for safety reasons; after all, it’s designed to defrost windows and warm up the car while it heats up. But we do have this blanket that plugs into the lighter, as well.”

Customer: “Okay, I will take that, too. You see, my uncle practices his wake every year and we have a big party. He just wants everything to be right when he dies. We all just sleep in our cars.”

Me: “Okay, well, you have a great day!”

(I got away as fast as I could to go tell my coworkers this story. In hindsight, she did look a little frumpy and unkempt, so she could have been homeless and thought of a story to make it seem better for herself, but she could have come up with something a little less bizarre and messed up!)

Sober, But Lighter On Sanity

, , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(A sober, middle-aged woman brings a pint of vermouth to the register.)

Me: “Hello there. That will be $6.49.”

Woman: *holds out a used lighter from her purse*

Me: *knowing this is not a lighter from our store and that she is not trying to purchase it* “Umm, that will be $6.49.”

Woman: *gestures that she insists I take the lighter*

Me: “Will that be cash, check, or credit?”

Woman: *looks at the lighter, then at me, and gestures again*

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t take lighters here.”

Woman: *holds lighter and waits, and then leaves store without bottle, but keeps the lighter*

Me: “???”

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