Don’t Bank On Them Getting The Right Account

, , , | | Working | May 13, 2019

(I was adopted at birth. I grew up 30 miles away from where I was born, and recently moved to a town halfway between both towns. I have an older half-sister through my bio dad, but we’ve never met because he won’t tell me who she is. This happens when I walk into the local branch of my credit union to change my address. My name will be Jane, for simplicity.)

Me: “Hi, I need a change of address form, please. I just moved here. I’d like to get some cash out, too.”

Teller: “Ashley! Haven’t seen you in years! When did you move out of [Birth Town]?! How’s your mom? Oh, right, here’s your form. And your cash. How much would you like?”

Me: “Just $100, but—“

Teller: *types some information into her computer as I try to show her my ID, and she keeps chattering away* “And you remember my son, Brian? Boy will never get his head on straight, the way his dad spoils him. Hang on. I’ll go grab your cash.”

Me: “Wait!”

(She brings the cash to the counter, counts it out, and pushes it towards me.)

Teller: “There you are, hon. Now, say hi to your mom for me. Anything else I can help you with?”

Me: *pushes the cash back towards her* “Yeah. I can’t accept this, and I’d like to speak to your manager.”

(An older woman looks up from the counter next door, where she was typing on a computer.)

Manager: “May I help you?”

Me: “Yes. This is my first time in this building. I have never seen this woman before, she kept talking like I was somebody else, and she never asked for ID when I wanted to take cash out. This means she went into some random person’s account and removed cash.”

Teller: “Ashley, what are you talking about? I’ve known you your whole life!”

Me: *pulls out my ID* “My name is Jane. I just moved here. I don’t know you; I have never seen you before. If you’d let me speak, you would’ve known that! Maybe you thought I was my half-sister?”

(The teller turned bright red and fled into the back. The manager apologized, put the cash back into the original account, and waited while I changed my address and took out cash from my own account. I still haven’t met my sister, but this will make a great story for when I do!)

Using Her Microbrain

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 13, 2019

(I have this one coworker whom I love to death, but she can be kind of ditzy. Our work recently got these new candy-covered nuts, and we keep them warm under the heating lamps. They’re still really good cold, but they’re best warmed up a little. Said coworker likes to buy a bag of the nuts, but she only eats half of them before they get cold. Last time we worked together, she asked if I wanted the rest of the bag because she doesn’t like them cold.)

Me: “Why not just heat them up in the microwave?”

Coworker: “It’s just not the same as buying them hot.”

(This I get, but I’m trying to make a point as she always throws half a bag away even though she loves them.)

Me: “I don’t see why? I mean, the only difference is either being heated by light waves or micro waves.”

(Cue the stare of slight confusion slowly morphing into understanding.)

Coworker: “OH, MY GOD! That’s why they’re called microwaves? Because they use micro waves?!”

You Need A Knife For People Who Like It Sliced

, , , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

(I deliberately hide my name tag at work because I also have a side job online where I really REALLY don’t want people knowing my real name. None of my coworkers know of this side job, either. If someone asks for my name, or if there is something weird going on where a manager or cashier might need to know I was the one that helped them, I, of course, give it to them. I’m working on salads at a far corner of the deli area while a coworker is standing right in front of the counter when this happens. Note: this customer is definitely not a regular.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]!”

Me: *dropping what I’m doing and putting on my best fake smile while I try to figure out how I would know this person* “Hi!”

Customer: “Can you remember what I got last time?”

Me: “You know, my memory doesn’t seem to be as good as yours. What do you need?”

Customer: “Okay, let’s see if you can remember this.” *gives decent-sized order all while grinning like a very creepy maniac* “And you know how I like it sliced.”

(I do my normal setting for people who don’t actually know what they want and hold it up.)

Me: “Like this?”

Customer: “You know me so well!” *wink*

(He wanders off while I do his order. My coworker walks up to me.)

Coworker: “Who’s that?”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I’m just going to sleep with a knife under my pillow tonight.”

The Warranty Is Taking A Commercial Break

, , , , | Working | May 10, 2019

(It’s 2018. I am on the phone with the warranty company for some parts I had replaced on my truck. Last October, I had a starter module replaced, and the replacement part was faulty, causing my truck to die on the interstate.)

Me: “Hello. I am calling about a warranty on the starter module. It failed. What info do you need me to send you to get my refund?”

Company Rep: “We will need the original receipt, the receipt for the replacement, and your address and contact info. Please email this to [address].”

(I do so.)

Me: “So, when will I receive my refund?”

Company Rep: “About three to four weeks after we process the request.”

(Three weeks pass and I receive a letter in the mail. The letter, in short, states:)

Letter: “Due to your vehicle being a commercial vehicle, we will not be honoring the warranty on the starter module.”

(Of course, I contact the warranty company, enraged by their claim.)

Me: “What makes you think my truck is a commercial vehicle?”

Company Rep: “Ma’am, the address on the two receipts do not match.”

Me: “Yes, they don’t match because I used my father’s mechanic and he accidentally put my dad’s address on my receipt. I can get that fixed and resubmit the receipt.”

(My dad and I still have the same last name.)

Company Rep: “We will not accept the receipt as it will be a forged document.”

Me: “Get me your manager.”

Company Rep: “My manager is in a very important meeting and cannot be disturbed.”

Me: *absolutely ready to lose it*

Company Rep: “He will call you back.”

Me: “I do not believe you.”

(I contact the original mechanic that did the work. He is confused as to why they would deny the claim under “commercial vehicle,” as that is not a disqualifying factor on the warranty. He puts me in contact with their company’s direct representative for the warranty company.)

Mech Rep: “Hello. I was informed your warranty claim was denied. Can you tell me what the letter said?”

Me: *reads letter*

Mech Rep: “That doesn’t make any sense; there is no commercial vehicle clause in the warranty.”

Me: “I know, but do you know why it’s really stupid?”

Mech Rep: “No.”

Me: “My truck is an ‘89 Silverado, making it almost thirty years old. Nobody in their right mind would use a classic as a commercial vehicle. Also, the warranty company never called me back, and it’s been a month.”

Mech Rep: “I will take care of this.”

(Two weeks later, I received a check for the full amount.)

Getting Off The Debt Ladder

, , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

(I work as a debt collector where I mostly make outbound calls but also take inbound calls. Most of our inbound calls are a result of people seeing a missed call from us and are calling back. I am taking an inbound call in this story.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This call may be monitored and recorded. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just received a call from you guys and I wanted to know what this was about.”

(I proceed to verify the customer and go through the script to let him know that we are collecting a debt. He is upset over the bill and is arguing about it. He gets fed up and says this gem.)

Customer: *yelling* “Okay, well, can we talk about this while I’m not on a ladder?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?!”

Customer: *still yelling* “Yeah, I’m up on a ladder right now! You had to call me while I was up here! It’s dangerous!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but you could have called us back when you weren’t on the ladder!” *click*

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