No Salvation For Them

, , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I usually work as a cashier, but sometimes when it’s slow they send me out to get carts. Today is the first day we have the Salvation Army bell ringing out in front. I’m just working on carts, and this customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Somebody should go choke that kid ringing the bell. We don’t need to hear that s*** every time we come to the g**d*** grocery store!”

Me: “Sir, this is the first day we have had the bell out.”

Customer: *speechless*

Easy To Counter This Counter Case

, , , , , , | Right | April 18, 2018

(I come into work to find this email from a customer:)

Email: “I left my iPad in a blue case at your store. I WANT IT BACK. I brought it in to see if you could help with it and forgot it on the counter. Why wouldn’t you have called to tell me I left it there? Or texted me. Now I have to wait in agony until 7:30 so I can call you. Call me earlier if you can. It better still be there!”

Unfiltered Story #108937

, | Unfiltered | April 14, 2018

The phone rings
Me: Thanks for calling [Store] How may I help you?
Caller: Hi, this is [caller’s name]. I was wondering if you could tell me if there’s a game on tonight.
Me: I think so. I couldn’t say for sure.
Caller: Well, can you check? I can’t find it.
Me: You know what, I’m pretty sure there is.
Caller: Well, what channel is it on? I can’t find it on the TV guide!
Me: I really don’t know.
Caller: Well, what channel do you have it on?
Me: I don’t have it on any channel.
Caller: On your TV! What channel are you watching the game on?
Me: I’m not watching the game. We don’t have a TV here, this is a liquor store.
Caller: Oh. Well, do you know what channel ESPN is?
Me: I really don’t.
Caller: Thanks [hangs up]

Waving The (Six) Flags For Humanity

, , , , , | Hopeless | April 5, 2018

(I am a cashier at a very nice grocery store. During a slow day, a small boy — about eight to ten years old — runs up to the belt.)

Boy: “Can you just watch these groceries for a second? I need to get my grandma.”

(Since it’s a slow day, I agree. The boy soon comes running back with his grandmother, who is in one of those motorized carts. She has a tank of oxygen in the cart and is moving slowly. The boy runs around happily putting all the groceries on the belt. I see a lot of soda, a lot of bottled water, and other things.)

Grandmother: *to the boy* “Do you think you have enough snacks there for Six Flags?

Me: “Oh, you’re going to Six Flags? Awesome!”

Boy: “I KNOW! I’m so excited! I get to see my mom again, ‘cause she’s working two jobs!”

(Yes, he does say that. Oversharing, I’m sure, but he was so enthusiastic about it.)

Grandmother: *to me* “I won the tickets online. I couldn’t believe it; it was the first time I’d won anything!”

(By now, their groceries are all scanned. My bagger, as is the custom, asks if they would like help out.)

Boy: “No, thanks; I’ve got it!”

(He proceeded to stand patiently by while his grandmother paid, then pushed the cart out, waiting for her. Totally restored my faith in his generation. He was so mature for his age, and so capable. Wherever he is, I hope he had a lot of fun at Six Flags! Best. Customer. Ever.)

Meeting Aunt Petunia

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 2, 2018

(I live in downtown, about two blocks away from our county fairgrounds. It’s Saturday night during a fair, and I have my windows open to let in the cooler air. I’m watching a Harry Potter movie. With my window open, you can see the television from the street. There’s a knock on my door. I open it to see a boy of about ten standing there.)

Me: “Um… Hello.”

Boy: “I want to watch the movie! Mom says to stay here while she goes out.”

Me: “Sorry, kid. I don’t know you. You need to go back to your mom.”

Boy: *pouts but leaves*

(Ten minutes later, there’s a pounding on my door.)

Mom: “I TOLD HIM HE COULD WATCH YOUR MOVIE! Just let him hang out here while I visit the bars! It’ll only be a couple hours.”

Me: “Lady, I don’t know you people, and you don’t know me. How do you know I’m not a child sex offender? If you want a free babysitter, call a friend or family member.”

Mom: “NO! It’s tourist season, and you all have to make us feel at home! Now, do your part and let him in!”

Me: “Yeah… No. Get out of here before I take your picture and send it to the cops. We’re a small town. They love hearing about neglected kids.”

(She scowled at me but finally left. The boy was still whining about wanting to watch my movie. There a lot of sickos out there, people! Keep an eye on your kids during big events.)

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