We Can Assume That Salad Was Adequately Tossed  

, , , , , | Right | September 18, 2019

(Two women are eating salads at my bar. One woman finishes eating way faster than the other.)

Me: “Wow, someone was hungry.”

Woman #1: “Yeah, I hadn’t eaten today and I was famished.”

Woman #2: “Wow, you did eat fast. You really ran on a train on that salad.”

Me: “I… um… don’t think you’re using that phrase right.”

Woman #1: “She definitely isn’t. Don’t tell her; I’ll show her later.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

(They pay a little while later and, as they leave…)

Woman #1: “All right, off to show her what it means to run a train on someone!”

Me: “Have… fun?”

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Unfiltered Story #163291

, , , | Unfiltered | September 17, 2019

A couple of obnoxious middle aged rednecks have been making out at the end of the bar for an hour when my relief bartender comes in for the night shift, the man waves him over.

“Another”
“What were you drinking, sir?”
“Jim Beam, double.”

He pours the drink and serves it. The man looks at the glass.

“You suck at pouring doubles.”
“Well, you smoke Pall Malls.”

When The Act Is Just An Act

, , , , , | Working | September 16, 2019

I am a manager of a small bar and music venue. We mainly get local bands and DJs that are starting up and grateful for the exposure. I occasionally have to deal with rude or entitled idiots, but this one girl definitely stood out.

When she called me, she was initially nice enough, asking about schedules and costs for her DJ set; however, she started getting more difficult and clearly thinking she was more famous than she was, demanding I cancel other bands’ already booked slots and rearrange the lighting display to suit her. She also claimed that I would definitely want her as a regular and to clear a space in the weekly schedule, something we don’t do for outside performers. All of these were denied and I gave her one booking slot.

The day came and she arrived before any of the other acts, started looking around, and demanded I take down our in-house lights and buy new ones from this “eco-friendly” shop and that we move and rotate the — fixed — stage to face the outside light, as vitamins help you perform or something to that effect. She then said she needed other bands’ slots, as she’s a celebrity. She also mentioned her expected salary as a celebrity regular. I adamantly held my ground on her ridiculous demands. She hassled other people, as well, always introducing herself as “you know who I am” and trying to take performance slots. Just before the setup window ended and guests came in, she told me how all images of her were copyrighted and photos were not permitted. I just nodded and chuckled.

Her performance slot arrived and she arrived with a group to set up her (incredibly basic and cheap) DJ set, introduced herself as the most famous DJ in the area — to loads of confusion — and then started her set. It was by far the worst set I’d ever heard — random screeches, going from one genre to the next within seconds, and shouting over the top. Basically, imagine a toddler smashing random keys on a keyboard that’s randomly changing sounds, and crying over it. That would be better than her set was.

The whole time, her group of friends was approaching anyone who took out a phone and aggressively saying, “No pictures!” The hostility and terrible music drove most guests to the bar or tables, yet her friends still approached them and said, “No pictures,” even when they were clearly doing something else. After several complaints, I was forced to pull the plug on her and kick her out. Of course, she flipped out, saying the whole, “Do you know who I am?!” thing, as well as saying I didn’t appreciate her good music and that we would see her in every magazine, blah, blah, blah.

A few days later, my friend at another venue reiterated the same story to me and we concluded it was the same girl, so we checked her Twitter account. She had less than ten followers, some we recognized as her friends, and we discovered that she’d been banned from almost all music venues nearby due to her hostile attitude. 

Seriously, how can someone be so convinced of their own fame that they continue to put on such an act?

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Unfiltered Story #163219

, , , | Unfiltered | September 12, 2019

All of the liquor we have, with the exception of the well is prominently displayed on the wall behind the bar.

Customer: What kind of vodka do you have?

Me: I have literally everything you see behind me.

Customer: I’ll have a skyy and soda.

Me: I’m sorry I don’t have skyy do you have a second choice?

Customer: No skyy? I’ll just have grey goose then.

Me: ….

Gonna Party Like It’s Nineteen-Twenty  

, , , | Working | September 9, 2019

(In Norway, the legal drinking age is 18 years for alcohol up to 21%, and 20 years for higher. Different bars have different age admittances based on what age groups they want and are set up for. When my best friend, roommate, and I are 18 we start frequenting this bar that is conveniently located for us, because they happen to have our favorite beer on tap, which is unusual to come by. We usually come in and have a few calm beers a couple of times a month. I even celebrate my 19th birthday party there, with fifteen friends about the same age. We are never a rowdy crowd. We stop going there because we move. A year later, on my best friend’s 20th birthday — my birthday is a month after hers — we decide to go back there for good old times’ sake. The following conversation ensues with a new bartender.)

Me: “I would like a [beer], please.”

Bartender: “Let me see some ID.”

(My best friend and I both give him our cards.)

Bartender: *turns to my best friend* “You are old enough.” *turns to me* “But you are not, so I have to ask you to leave.”

Me: “What?! Your age limit is 20?”

Bartender: “Yes.”

Me: “When did that happen?”

Bartender: “It’s been 20 since it opened.”

Me: “Are you kidding? This was our favorite bar for over a year! I celebrated my 19th birthday here.”

Bartender: “Please leave.”

(I have never gone back there. I can’t believe we never knew… or that they never carded us before. It’s been ten years and it still baffles me.)

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