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Working At A Bar Isn’t As Glamorous As It Sounds

, , , , , , | Working | September 10, 2021

Many years ago, I worked in a trendy bar in the centre of Glasgow. The team was very cliquey and would often stop to chat between themselves and customers, even when we were really busy. It got to the point where I was the only person trusted to leave the bar area, do a job, and come back without wasting time. That’s how it fell to me to take all of the bins out, collect glasses, and replenish the stock.

One day, I was putting some rubbish bags in our holding area and noticed one of our metal buckets — used for serving multiple bottles of beer — balanced precariously on top of a number of bags. It started to tip toward me, but I caught it before it fell, which turned out to be extremely lucky because it was filled with vomit.

I took it inside and tipped the contents down the toilet before disposing of the bucket and starting to make enquiries about who was responsible for this. Eventually, someone directed me toward [Coworker] and we had this little chat.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]. Did you have to clean up someone’s puke earlier?”

Coworker: “Oh, hey, yeah. It was disgusting, but y’know, I was the only guy on duty and it was in the gents, so needs must.”

Me: “Yeah, that makes sense, but why did you use one of our good beer buckets?”

Coworker: “[Manager] told me to do it.”

Me: “Ah, right. Did [Manager] tell you not to empty it and to stack it on top of a pile of bin bags?”

Coworker: “Erm, no. I just didn’t think.”

Me: “Okay, you’re a lucky guy, then.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, when I took the bins out, the bucket nearly fell on me. Let me tell you, if it had, then you and I would be taking this outside right now. As I said, you’re a lucky man.”

[Coworker] stared at me until he realised I wasn’t joking and then pretty much ran off. I’m not a particularly violent or scary guy, but I think my anger was quite apparent. Whatever. It never happened again.

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, , , , | Right | September 8, 2021

My boyfriend, his dad, and I stop at a local bar for some drinks. It’s been a couple of years since we’ve been in this bar, so we’re surprised to see that they’ve added a food truck to their lot. We get seated with menus and decide to order a pizza along with our drinks.

Dad gets on the phone with his wife to see if she wants any food. She decides she wants three tacos, so Dad flags down the waitress.

Dad: “Hey, could we order three tacos to go, please?”

The waitress puts in the order. By then, our pizza is ready and we’ve ordered another round of drinks. My boyfriend’s brother calls him to check up, and he decides he wants food, too. We order another three tacos. The first set of tacos comes out, and we finish eating. My boyfriend is looking at the menu.

Boyfriend: “You know, I’m still pretty hungry… I think I’ll get some tacos to go, too.”

So far, that’s nine tacos to go. When the waitress stops by to drop off the second order, we apologize and order the third set. We determine that’s all we are getting and pay up. This time, it’s the chef that is delivering us our tacos.

Chef: “I had to come see for myself who kept ordering taco after taco! I thought you’d be a bigger party!”

Boyfriend: “No, we just kept getting on the phone with our family and the demands for tacos kept coming!”

Ah, well, it’s all to support a local business, anyway. We all had a good laugh, and everything was delicious!

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Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2021

I work as a manager at a fusion bar/restaurant in a very affluent area and, understandably, this means we get some incredibly entitled people with very strange complaints or requests — especially from the “old money” types who swing by.

I’m managing a dinner shift one night. Our first question when diners are seated is whether they’d like chilled tap water or a bottle of sparkling water from the bar chiller. It’s a warm summer night and we’ve just sat an older couple on the porch area of our venue and poured out two glasses of the sparkling water they requested.

Server: “Umm, the lady from the couple we seated just dropped her glass of sparkling water and wants us to replace it and speak with you.”

I fill a water glass of soda water and head over. I spot the lady with an obviously confused frown on her face. The offending spilled water has already been wiped from herself and the table, and the broken glass has been cleared away.

Me: “Hi there. I’ve just got a replacement for the sparkling water you dropped. Is everything all right?”

Customer: “Absolutely not! Your glasses are just far too slippery! I just went to take a sip and it just slipped from my hand. Completely unacceptable.”

Me: “Oh? Slippery? As in greasy? I’m so sorry, that is completely unaccepta—”

Customer: “No, no, no! It wasn’t greasy! It was just covered in water! Look at the one you’ve just put down! It’s already covered in water!”

She points to the chilled soda water I’ve placed on her table that has slowly begun to form condensation.

Me: “You mean the condensation on the outside of the glass?”

Customer: “Yes, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a warm evening and our glasses are room temperature. Our tap and sparkling water are kept chilled and of course, condensation will occur on the outside of the glass. Would you prefer a room temperature bottle of water, instead?”

Customer: *Makes a disgusted face* “Warm water?! No, of course not! It’s been such a hot day! I just don’t understand why the glasses are wet!”

This was the exact moment that I died inside.

I then spent five minutes briefly explaining the laws of thermodynamics to a lady in her late sixties while her poor husband watched in silence. In the end, she still didn’t seem to understand and didn’t touch her water for the remainder of her dining experience but seemed happy to take multiple, uneventful sips of her chilled glass of Pinot Gris which was, of course, covered in condensation.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here

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You Scream, I Scream For Service!

, , , , , | Working | September 3, 2021

A bar in my hometown has several floors which are available to hire as venues for special events, but they also run their own from time to time. They’re known for being quirky, and these rooms have a kind of 1920s vintage décor. One night, they had a promotion to watch a classic 1980s sci-fi film and have a two-course meal in one of these rooms, so a few of my friends bought tickets for it.

We got there and were shown to our table, which had two armchairs and a couch instead of normal seats. This would’ve been great except for one chair that didn’t actually have a seat! I tried to find a member of staff, but they had all disappeared into the staff area and it took fifteen minutes for one to reappear.

Our meals came without issue and I asked for an ice cream dessert, too, which would cost extra. Half an hour later, a bowl of ice cream was placed in front of me which, after a moment, I realised was almost completely melted. Again, all members of staff had disappeared, so I ended up standing in the middle of the hall holding a bowl of ice cream soup whilst the movie played until, eventually, a member of staff appeared.

They replaced the bowl with one only slightly better, so I ate it and watched the rest of the movie with my friends. At the end of the film, nobody came to bill me for the ice cream and I was not prepared to go hunting for the staff again, so this remains the only time I have ever walked out without paying.

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Who Wants To Date A Liar?

, , , , | Romantic | August 17, 2021

I meet a woman online and agree to go for a date. I go to the bar and don’t recognise her straight away as she is double the size I was mentally expecting and her hair a different colour and style altogether.

We chat, we drink, and we eventually find a table to grab something to eat. We chat some more and get on, but everything she tells me about herself just makes me question myself a little more and more. I think I’m going crazy or mixing her up with someone else.

When she goes to the toilet, I check the dating app. No, I was right; she posted completely different information about herself, the photos are of her but from what looks like a long time ago, and she mentioned wildly different tastes in books, films, hobbies, food, etc. I think maybe she has just not updated it in a while, but then again, a lot of it is relevant, new music, etc.

She comes back and we start chatting again.

Woman: “What was it you do for a living again?”

Me: “Oh, I work in a school. Did you say you worked in a bank?”

Woman: “No, I work in a supermarket. Not sure where you got bank from.” *Laughs*

I got it from her profile.

Me: “Oh, my mistake, then, sorry. Oh, I’m going on a muddy runner in a couple of weeks. They are still accepting applicants if you want to join me.”

Woman: “What’s that?”

Again, her profile states she has done three.

Me: “You know, running, mud, obstacles… It should be fun.”

Woman: *Laughs* “Do I look like I would be interested in those?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Everything on your profile seems to say something different.”

Woman: “Oh, everyone lies a little on those.”

Me: “Sure, but not everything about them. It’s like talking to a different person. Listen. I’ve enjoyed myself, I have. But I’m finding it a bit weird that I’m meeting someone who presents such a false image of themselves.”

Woman: *Suddenly angry* “Fine! Whatever! Leave, then. Pay at the bar.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but trust is important to me, especially these days. And I don’t feel like I know who you are.”

She ignored me. I guess I understand. I paid my half of the bill at the bar and went home. It wasn’t long before I got a stream of offensive messages, first trying to justify herself, and then yelling at me for not paying for her, too.

I took a break from online dating for a while, only to come back and see her profile, completely new, and again completely fictional. I hope she finds herself before she finds someone else.

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