Made With Barley, Hops, And Gender Stereotypes

, , , , , , | Right | February 11, 2019

(I am volunteering behind the bar at a beer festival, serving over 100 beers of many different styles. A woman approaches to order.)

Woman: “I’m looking for a girly beer. Something girls will like.”

Me: “What kind of beer do you normally drink? Light, dark, or something in the middle?”

Woman: “Something girly!”

Me: “None of our beer is sexist, madam, but let me see what I can find you.”

(She took it in good humour, and I recommended a light golden ale, which she enjoyed.)

Unfiltered Story #138432

, , , | Unfiltered | January 29, 2019

It’s happy hour at the bar I work at, we’re serving a regular we know well for being confrontational normally, and even worse when he gets drunk, but he never actually goes so far as to swing or do anything to incite something past words so we haven’t seen fit to kick him out, we also get people from a nearby military base pretty often, so you’d have to be an idiot to seriously pick a fight. I’m working the bar and see the regular is nearing his point and has gone to pick on someone who, to my horror, is an obvious amputee I haven’t seen before.

Regular: “Come on stumpy, come at me, I’ll even give you the first swing! Or are you gonna show me you’re half the man you used to be!”

The new guy grunts. Obviously annoyed but not wanting trouble he continues to ignore him, then the regular throws his drink in his face.

Regular: “Hey, what’s that on your finger, a wedding band? You even got the d*** to please her anymore? Tell ya what, you give me your address and I’ll go-”

Before anyone can react, the regular is on the floor bleeding from his mouth unconscious, the new guy wipes off his knuckles, sits down like nothing ever happened and goes back to his drink. At this point the soldiers in the bar are going OORAH, when one of them turns to me.

Other regular: “Guy over there is the toughest damn soldier I’ve met, lost his arm to a bomb and still managed to kill the guys that attacked his squad before getting rescued.”

I see the new guy pull out a piece of paper, write something on it, and slip it into the regular’s pocket. When the regular came to it was in the back of an ambulance. The regular was banned for attacking both a veteran and a disabled person as well as jailed for assault. And as for what was written on the note? According to the Vet it was; “What does it say about you that I could still kick your ass with one arm and one punch?”

One Ring To Bind Them All

, , , , | Friendly | January 26, 2019

(It is the mid-2000s. I’m visiting friends out of state. We’re getting ready to go see a drag show at a local alternative bar. There are four of us: a recently-married couple who are visiting, a male friend, and me. The single guy makes a comment about not wanting to get hit on by other men.)

Husband: “You want to wear a wedding ring so everyone thinks you’re married?”

Wife: “Yes, we have an extra wedding band! We bought the wrong size, and because it is titanium, we couldn’t get it resized. Let me find it.”

(She finds the ring and it fits, so off we head to relax and enjoy the show. We find a space at the bar and are relaxing for a bit before our married friend realizes something.)

Wife: “Hey, [Male Friend], I just realized we ordered the same band for [Husband], only a size down…”

Male Friend: “Yeah…”

Wife: “So… you and [Husband] are wearing matching wedding bands.”

(Watching the realization flit across his face was great. We all had a good laugh about it and how we didn’t catch it earlier. Well, maybe the wife did but waited to see if we’d catch on ourselves. I think he opted to keep the ring on because it’d still work as intended, even if not in the way he’d anticipated.)

Jaegerbombs Have That Effect On People

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

Customer: “I’ll have two jaegerbombs, please.”

(I make them up.)

Me: “[Amount], please.”

(She pays, and while I get her change out of her register, I see her lift the glasses up and pour them down the sink in front of her.)

Me: “Did you not want them?”

Customer: “No, I did.”

(I stare between her and the sink, and it slowly dawns on her.)

Customer: “I don’t know why I did that.”

Me: “I don’t know, either.”

(I gave her change and she ordered again. This time she managed to walk away with them. Let’s hope they made it down a different hole!)

Good Decisions Save Lives, And Money!

, , , , , | Right | January 4, 2019

(I’m at my friend’s bachelorette party, and we’ve headed out for drinks after a day at the spa. We are having a blast, dancing, and drinking. We have all our drinks on one tab. We go to pay up.)

Bartender: “All right, here’s your total. We comped the strawberry lemonades for the two designated drivers, just so you know.”

Club-Goer: *standing nearby* “Wait. They got comped drinks? Why?”

(He is horribly intoxicated, slurring his words, struggling to stay on his feet.)

Bartender: “We always comp the non-alcoholic drinks for the designated drivers to thank them for making good decisions.”

Club-Goer: “I want comped drinks! I make good decisions!”

Bartender: “I’m sure you do, but you’re not a designated driver.”

Club-Goer: “I’m driving myself!”

(As he says this, he hurtles across the floor, pulling his keys out to demonstrate and dropping them on the floor. As he struggles to regain his balance, one of the bouncers picks them up for him and sticks them in his own pocket.)

Bouncer: “Yeah, no. You’re not making that decision. We’re cutting you off and you’re taking a cab home tonight.”

(We added to their tip as a thank-you for keeping the streets safer.)

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