A Hard Sell On Soft Drinks

, , , , , , | Right | March 26, 2020

(I work in a fairly high-end hotel bar and restaurant in a nice part of town. A family with two young daughters comes in and orders a bottle of our most expensive champagne. A coworker takes it over to them. A little while later, the father comes up to the bar, presumably to buy non-alcoholic drinks for his daughters.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I borrow a bottle opener?”

Me: “You don’t need a bottle opener for that type of champagne. If you like, I could open it for you, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not for the champagne. It’s for the drinks I bought for the girls.”

Me: “Were they not opened when you bought them?”

Customer: “No, we bought them from a supermarket.”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, you won’t be allowed to drink those in here. You can only consume food and drink purchased on the premises.”

Customer: *getting aggravated* “This is ridiculous. I’ve come here and bought your stupidly expensive champagne, I’m going to eat dinner here later, and I have to waste money on your inflated prices for [Soft Drink], as well?” *storms back to table*

(Later, I saw that another colleague had served him [Soft Drink], and he was now topping up their empty glasses with the drinks he’d brought in with him. I alerted my manager, who confiscated the drinks. Daft that he was happy to spend £100 on champagne, similar on food, but not £2 each on soft drinks.)

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Stout Is Out

, , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I’m working at a tasting bar in a brewery. A customer comes up to do a beer tasting.)

Customer: “I’m ready for a taste!” *reads the beer list behind me* “Wonderful, you have a stout! Stouts are great; I’ll try one. That sounds good.”

(I pour him a taste of the stout. He looks at it critically and possibly a little confused.)

Customer: “It’s awfully dark.” *tastes it* “Ugh, this is awful! I hate stout! This is way too dark for me. What’s the lightest beer you have?”

(As I went to get him our lightest ale, my coworker whispered, “Not a stout, that’s for sure!”)

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Beer, Batman, And Ghandi

, , , , , | Right | March 7, 2020

It’s Thursday night — the dreaded “DOLLAR BEER!” night. No one likes working this vomit fest, but it doesn’t affect me tonight since I’m tucked up safely behind the line in the kitchen, cooking. It’s about 8:00 pm and I’ve just finished an epic rush. I wander out to the bar to grab a pint before retreating to my sanctuary.

It’s comparatively quiet out in the bar since the students and the kids — who I assure you are 18 and over — haven’t turned up yet. On my way to the bar, I pass a table with two early starters in their mid-twenties. They have their tray of twenty plastic cups of cheap and nasty “beer” set out before them and are preparing to launch, so they’re still one hundred percent sober and have no excuse for what follows.

As I pass them, one says to the other, “Dude, that guy over there; I totally recognize him!” and points to an empty table by the wall across from them. I am baffled and pause in my stride.

“Yeah, man… Wasn’t he in the last Batman movie?”

I finally figure out that they’re pointing at a large framed poster of Mahatma Gandhi. In all seriousness, they thought Gandhi had a support role in The Dark Knight Rises. He really can perform miracles. God does move in mysterious ways… It’s true.

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The Caller Is Forever Under 21

, , | Right | March 6, 2020

(I’m a bartender at a karaoke bar. This happens on a weeknight when I am working by myself.)

Caller: “Hi. Do you have to be 21 to come to sing?”

Me: “Yes, we are 21 and up.”

Caller: “Do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, everyone needs to have a valid ID.”

Caller: “What if my kids have IDs that say they’re 21?”

Me: “Do the IDs belong to your children?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Then they can’t come in. Everyone needs to have their own valid ID that states they are 21 or older.”

Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Ten minutes later…)

New Caller: *same phone number* “Hi. Do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, you need to be at least 21 with a valid ID to come in.”

New Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Five minutes later:)

Same Caller: *same phone number* “Hi, do you check ID?”

Me: “Yes, you need to be at least 21 with a valid ID to come in.”

Same Caller: “Okay, thank you.”

(Five minutes later:)

Same Caller: *same phone number* “Hi, do you check ID?”

Me: “No, we just take your word for it.”

Same Caller: “Really?”

Me: “No, not really. You have to be at least 21 with a valid ID.”

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Unfiltered Story #187778

, , | Unfiltered | March 5, 2020

I own a karaoke business and am running a gig. Two men are singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water” when a woman comes up to me and starts a conversation.

Woman, “You need to cut this song off so that my friend can sing.” (Note, that she hasn’t signed up to sing)
Me: “I’m not going to do that.”
Woman, “Well, she needs to go next. She’s from Iowa!”
Me: “If she wants to sing, she needs to fill out a card, and she’ll be added to the end of the rotation, which will be in about 2 more songs,” thinking to myself, “They don’t have karaoke in Iowa?”.
Woman, “But I’m in your friends’ band! I play [instrument].”
Me: “Sorry, I run a fair rotation. She needs to sign up,” thinking to myself, “What the hell does being in the band have to do with anything?”.

She proceeds to grab a book for the first time, and they look through for a song. It takes them half way through the next round to make up their minds and fill out a card. They wait until the singer is finished, apparently assuming that they’d be next, and then, when I call the next person in line, they just walk out.