Some friends and I are having a drink in the bar, and we get talking about AI and our increasingly technologized future.

Friend: “Yeah… the fact that the word robot comes from the Czech word meaning forced labor is toooootally not going to come back and bite us in the a** in the future.”

Me: “This is why I always say please and thank you when talking to ChatGPT.”

My Husband: “You say thank you to the microwave when it beeps that your food is ready.”

Me: “It could be listening!”

Hopefully, my politeness saves me on that eventual judgment day…

I was at a downtown chain hotel. My best friend and I were taking our tween daughters to a movie-themed concert a few blocks away, and we needed to leave soon after the cocktail hour started, in order to walk the few blocks, get through security, and find our seats before the show started.

We sent our kids to the food line and jumped into the bar line (because priorities), and the bartender overheard us talking about what would end up being our unused drink tickets, given that we had to leave shortly. 

Immediately, he grabbed two large coffee cups and six pre-poured glasses of wine, explaining:

Bartender: “What you ladies need is the concert special!”

He took our drink tickets, poured three glasses of wine into one large cup, three in the other, slapped coffee cup lids on top, and declared:

Bartender: “You ladies enjoy your ‘coffee’ on your walk down to the arena!”

And then he gave us directions. 

He got a big tip, and we had the means necessary to enjoy a concert full of screaming young girls!

Related:
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 6
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 5
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 3
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2

I worked as security at a Washington DC watering hole in the early ’90s. We had a lot of Secret Service-type guys who would come and drink, sometimes quite a bit.

One night after closing, we found a backpack left behind upstairs. It was heavy. One of us opened it, and there were guns inside. We sat there having our free end-of-shift drink, trying to figure out what to do with them when we heard pounding on the door.

Some guys in suits are there.

Suits: “Did we leave behind a backpack?!”

We wordlessly give it to them through the door.

Suits: “Could you maybe keep this to ourselves to keep anyone from losing a job?”

Me: “Keep what to ourselves?”

That was sort of a tense night.

My coworker and I are working behind the bar, waiting on customers seated at the bar and making drinks. A customer, who is seated at a table, walks up to the bar to order a drink. He immediately goes to my male coworker, who is chatting with some of our bar regulars. The table customer loudly interrupts them and is invading the space of one of my regulars; he’s practically sitting on top of him.

He starts asking my coworker about our tequilas. My coworker points at me.

Coworker: “I’m not sure. My coworker can actually help you with that, sir. She knows everything about our liquors.”

The customer gives me a look like he finds that hard to believe. He then starts shouting his questions at me in a condescending tone, again while he is practically on top of my regular. He also keeps interrupting me when I try to answer. I have had enough of his shouting.

Me: *In a cold, flat tone.* “I can hear you just fine, sir. There’s no need to shout.”

Customer: *Gapes and sputters for a second.* “Oh… uh… um… uh… hearing aids!” *Gestures to his ears.*

He was definitely not wearing hearing aids, and even if he had been, that would not have been an excuse for his rude behavior.

He tried to complain to my manager, but my bar regulars backed me up.

I’m bartending on a Tuesday, and how my restaurant works is it’s divided up by bar and restaurant; there’s a clear divide. As the bartender on a Tuesday, I get the whole bar (thirteen tables), and I have to make everyone’s drinks (no bar back on Tuesdays).

It was a pretty good night. I had about six tables, but they were all one to two people, so I was quickly bouncing between them all. I had two guys at the bar, only having beer. They have each had, at this point, two beers, and I was last behind the bar five minutes ago, where they seemed fine.

I’m at a table, and I turn around with their dirty plates to bring to the back, and I see one of the dudes reaching over and pouring himself a beer from his seat – and doing so very poorly, as the bar is huge.

Me: “What the f***!”

I was shocked.

Customer’s Buddy: “Oh, you got caught!”

The customer sits down… and just lets the beer pour. He doesn’t even try to turn it off. I run behind the bar (which, from where I was, was quite far) and turn off the tap, while staring him in the eye.

Me: “Again, what the f***!”

He shrugs his shoulders.

Customer: “You took too long. It was like fifteen minutes.”

Me: “You can’t do that.”

Customer: “It’s not a big deal, just put it as spillage.”

I look at him like he’s crazy and get my manager. My manager comes, and THEY flag him over.

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Manager: “Yeah. Are you guys the ones pouring yourself beers?”

Customer: “She took too long.”

Manager: “Doesn’t matter.”

They asked for their bill, tipped me a dollar, which I wanted to throw back at them, but they left too fast.