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Mother Russia

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2021

I work in a Pennsylvanian Dutch amusement park. A Russian woman comes up with her toddler, babbling away in baby talk.

Apparently, this child is talking to me, because the mother gets very upset at me, yelling and cussing me out because I can’t understand her two-year-old child speaking Russian baby-talk. Not only do I not speak Russian, but even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to understand him, just like I can’t understand other two-year-olds I have to work with. Usually, I just have them point at what they want or their parents will help, but not this lady.

Mother: *Cussing me out and yelling in Russian.*

When she finishes she seems to expect a response:

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t speak Russian.”

She repeats most of it in English, still yelling, then grabs one of the things I am still holding out to offer the kid and storms off.

From Fire And Brimstone To Rainbows

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 3, 2021

Back in college, there was a very loud religious advocacy group that would visit campus, set up their speakers, and “preach” the gospel to the students passing by. Now, I say “preach” because it was less “Glory to God who loves you!” and more “You’re all going to Hell because of who you are! Change your minds or burn!”

One such day, they set up right outside our performance center. It was obviously intentional, as a majority of the performance majors were part of the LGBT community, and the theater majors were not happy about having their space taken over. I had a class in the building behind the performance center, so I walked by the crowd gathering.

One of the advocates had a mic in one hand and was holding hands with a young woman I have seen in a few theater productions. The advocate seemed to be praying while the young woman stood there, half-smiling and nearly crying.

Advocate: “Lord, help this girl see the error of her ways! Help her, God, to see that her homosexual fornications are not what you want for her, but that she is here to bear children with a man, to love his family, to—”

Young Woman: *With a very dramatic tone* “Lord! You died for me!”

Surprised, the advocate shook her arm almost violently.

Advocate: “Yes… Yes, He did! He did die for you! The Lord loves you, child! Spread the word!”

The advocate passed his mic to the young woman, who stepped forward proudly.

Young Woman: “Jesus died for the gays! He loves us!”

There was a cheer from the crowd. The advocate dropped her hand and glared at her. I don’t know what he was trying to say because he was drowned out by the screaming crowd. The young woman took a bow and walked away. I went on my way to class, but when I came back, the advocacy group had packed up and left campus. They came back a few more times over the years and the message never changed, but I don’t think they tried to openly save anyone after that.

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 14

, , , , , , | Right | December 1, 2021

I am cashing out a lady and child. The child is looking at me.

Child: “Why is he wearing a ring?”

Mom: “Because he’s married, honey.”

Child: “But why is he wearing a ring?”

Mom: “Because he’s happy and wants everyone to know he loves his wife.”

Child: “Oh, then why aren’t you wearing your ring? Do you not love Daddy?”

Mom: “Shut up.”

Me: *Pauses* “Okay, have a nice day, ma’am!”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 13
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 12
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 11
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 10
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 9

They Shopped Long Enough To Become The Villain

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2021

My store doesn’t have a designated clearance section but rather has clearance items everywhere which are identified by the Sharpie slashes through the barcodes. A green slash means something is 25% off, a red slash means 50% off (or, very occasionally, more).

There are signs all over the store to explain this, but of course, people don’t read them closely, so we at the registers then have to explain that no, a customer did not find their item “in the clearance aisle” and no, it’s not on sale. Sometimes people shrug it off, and sometimes they yell at us about “misleading signs.” But then there is this memorable couple

The husband puts two pieces of wall art on my counter.

Husband: “We found these in the clearance aisle. Can you tell us how much they’ve been marked down?”

Me: *Bracing myself* “We don’t actually have a clearance aisle. These are regular price; there are clearance items all over the store, but they’re marked as such.”

Wife: “Wait, is that what the sign said?”

Me: “Yes. You can see one of the signs right there; a red slash is half-price. These pieces aren’t marked, so they’re regular price.”

They turn and look at the sign and then stare at each other with horrified expressions.

Wife: “We didn’t read the sign. My God, we’ve become what we hate!”

Really Embracing The Whole “Crappy Neighbor” Thing

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2021

We live in a house across the street from an old brick building that has been converted into four apartments. It was empty when we moved in but was soon renovated and filled with new tenants. Most of them have been nice and respectful of the quiet neighborhood… except for one person: a young woman in her twenties. She moved in with a man about her age, and like every other household on the street, she had a dog.

It’s a town ordinance (and common courtesy) to clean up after your dog, but I soon began noticing brown patches on our neighbors’ grass and clumps of dog poop on ours.

I had a hunch that it was the couple with the dog, but I couldn’t prove it… until one day. Our house is situated on a slight hill from the street, whereas the apartment building is right on the street, so from our windows, we can see very well everyone coming and going. While walking past a window one day, some movement caught my eye, and I saw the woman leaving the apartment with her dog on a leash. She dragged him across the sidewalk, across the street, and straight to our front yard.

Aha! Caught in the act!

I immediately ran to the front door to confront her. She tried to tell me that “she’d clean it up,” but I pointed out she hadn’t ever before, and I saw her deliberately lead the dog over to my yard!

Suffice to say, we haven’t had a problem with dog poop again, and thankfully, the couple moved out within a year.