And I Thought That Strapless Top I Wore Last Week Was Awkward

, , , , , , | Working | August 3, 2021

More than half of the attorneys I work for in my office are Jewish. We’re currently all working from home, and all our meetings with each other and clients are virtual.

At today’s meeting, our boss passes on a virtual meeting tip that someone who can’t attend today has shared: “Do not have a book with a Nazi symbol visible in the background, even if it’s just a book about the Third Reich.”

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A Good Side Scare

, , , , | Friendly | August 3, 2021

Due to renovations made by the prior owner, the front door of our house is partially blocked on the inside, so we use the side door. We have gone so far as to put a large storage cabinet on the porch directly in front of the door and have posted a sign directing people to use the side door. We’ve never really had a problem.

I am puttering around in the kitchen when I hear a sharp pounding on the front door. I quickly finish pulling food from the oven, all while the pounding continues in a firm, steady beat. Our kitchen is right by the side door, so I exit and circle around to the stairs at the end of the front porch, where I find a well-dressed lady pounding on the door. She has obviously moved our large storage cabinet away from the door, and her face is roughly six inches away from our large sign directing people to the side door, but she is just pounding away on the door.

Me: “Can I help you?”

The woman glances at me before very obviously turning away in dismissal and continuing to pound on the door.

Me: “Ma’am, that door is blocked. Like the sign says, we use the side door.”

She doesn’t even bother to look at me, just continuing to pound on the front door. I am getting a bit steamed at the incessant banging and her ignoring me.

Me: *Stepping up onto the porch* “Oi! That door isn’t—”

At that point, she spun to face me, her face shifting from boredom to looking terrified, and she dashed to and vaulted over the railing of our porch, sailing over the bushes to land on the lawn, and sprinted for her car. I honestly have no idea how she managed to stick the landing when she was wearing heels, but she made it and proceeded to peel out and speed off down the street.

For my part, I grunted and heaved to shift the storage cabinet back into position — I seriously don’t know how a woman matching my size and build was able to drag it away without making any noise — and then headed back in to finish preparing dinner.

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Leaves A Lot To Be Desired

, , , | Right | July 26, 2021

My husband works in the produce department at the local supermarket. An older gentleman approaches him carrying two organic cabbages.

Customer: “Are these all the cabbages you have?”

Husband: “Well, that’s all we have left of the organic cabbage. But we have the regular green cabbage right over here.”

He escorts the customer over to where they have plenty of cabbages.

Customer: “No, I don’t like those. They have too many leaves!”

He walked away with the organic cabbage.

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“Return” Of The Couponator

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2021

I have just finished a transaction for a customer who has purchased roughly ten items. Some are fragile, so they were wrapped in paper before being bagged.

Me: “Here’s your receipt and your bags, and you’re all set. Thanks so much, have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh… I had a coupon!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Can I still use my coupon?”

Me: “Well, the way our system is set up, I have to return everything and then re-ring it with the coupon. If you want to do it that way, we can use the coupon.”

Customer: “Yes, please. I’m sorry.”

I’m annoyed, especially because I’m the only cashier on duty and there’s a line forming, but one does what one must and at least she’s being polite. Rather than unwrap everything, I put on my reading glasses and type each UPC from the receipt to process the return, which goes smoothly. The line is getting longer and I call for backup, but no one answers.

Me: “All right, now we’ll ring everything out again and apply your coupon.”

I type each UPC once again and then ask her for the coupon.

Customer: “Here it is. Thank you.”

I scan the coupon. A message pops up on the screen: “COUPON HAS ALREADY BEEN REDEEMED.” I inform the customer, and she gets a deer-in-headlights look.

Customer: “I can’t use it again?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Our coupons are single-use.”

This is not the first time this has happened, either. Where are these people shopping that they can use a coupon more than once?

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So The Serpent Was A Python, Then?

, , , , , | Related | July 23, 2021

I am visiting my mother for Mother’s Day. I know it’s important to my mom that I attend church, so I allow her to drag me to her church on Sunday morning. Right as we are leaving, I get a call from work because they are having issues with a program I support. So, during the drive, I stay on the phone, walking them through some suggestions of how to debug what is happening to fix the program.

Me: “I’d diff them, then grep the diff for that DN and pipe it to WC.”

Mother: “It’s a good thing you’re finally going to church because you’re already speaking in tongues!”

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