Magical Whimsical

, , , , , | Related | September 18, 2018

(My cousin likes to force her five-year-old son to conform to some high standard of a perfect little boy like you’d see in a magazine and doesn’t allow him to actually act like a small child. We like to instill a little whimsy in him whenever she’s not around. We’re currently taking him to a street fair, and my sister finds a dandelion that’s turned to puff.)

Sister: “Look! If you see a dandelion that looks like that, you can make a wish and blow on it, and it’ll carry your wish into the sky!”

(He excitedly blows on it ,and we continue walking. He sees the prettiest fall leaf — the first of the season — on the sidewalk, and excitedly picks it up.)

Cousin: “My wish came true!”

(He had a smile on his face for the rest of the day.)

Should Have Used The Online Psychic Service

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(Our store has a system where you can purchase something online and come to the store to pick it up. A woman approaches the customer service desk where I am working.)

Customer: “Hi, I placed an order and I’m coming to pick it up.”

Me: “Okay, can I have a last name to search for it?”

(She tells me her name. Nothing is coming up in our system.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but nothing is showing in the computer that an order was placed. Are you sure you have the right store?”

Customer: “Well, when I was ordering online, I never paid for it. It should still be here, set aside, right?”

Me: “Actually, unless you pay for the items, our store doesn’t get an alert that an order was placed. You have to complete all the steps shown online for the items to be picked up here.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make sense!”

Me: “Well, maybe next time just call ahead and have us place the items on hold for you.”

Customer: “But that still doesn’t make sense!”

Deliver Me From This Delivery

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(We have a service we offer in which, if you buy a mattress from us, we will remove and dispose of your old mattress for $25. My coworker is speaking to a customer who has purchased this service and is expecting delivery tomorrow.)

Customer: “So, I paid for you guys to come take my old mattress…”

Coworker: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “I’ve decided I want to bring my old mattress to my daughter’s house.”

Coworker: “Oh, okay. So, would you like to cancel the $25 removal and have a refund?”

Customer: “No, I want you to take the old mattress to my daughter’s house.”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, our delivery team can’t do that. They can bring you the mattress you ordered, and if you would like, they can take your old mattress away for disposal. They can’t deliver your personal item to someone else.”

Customer: “No, I paid you $25 to take my old mattress, and I want you to take it to my daughter’s house!”

Coworker: “Sir, the $25 charge is to dispose of your old mattress. If you do not want us to do that, we can refund you, but we can not deliver your belongings to another residence.”

Customer: “Well, I will just tell the delivery people when they get here.”

Coworker: “Sir, the delivery team does not offer that service. You can ask them, but they will most likely refuse, and they would be well within policy by doing so.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I don’t think you know how to do your job!”

Coworker: “Sir, if you would like to speak to a supervisor I can transfer you.”

Customer: “Yeah, right… You’re just going to pass me to someone sitting next to you.”

(My coworker turned her head to the side and saw that the person sitting nearest to her was the supervisor, and we both burst out laughing. The conversation went on for another ten minutes before the customer gave up.)

Someone Should “Lightly” Explain How This Works

, , , , , , , | Related | September 15, 2018

(We are at my aunt’s house and there has been a blackout. My aunt turns on a battery-powered light in the kitchen, and my sister and cousin start making shadow puppets with it.)

Sister: *holds up two fingers in front of the light* “Look, a bunny!”

Cousin: *holds up her whole hand in front of the light* “Look, a turkey!”

Aunt: *picks up her coffee pot and holds it in the light* “Look, a coffee pot!”

They’re Breeding Like Starbucks

, , , , , | Romantic | September 13, 2018

(My husband and I are driving on a road near our house where they are putting up a natural food store right next to a restaurant. It looks like it’s almost touching the restaurant.)

Me: “It looks like they’re spooning one another.”

Husband: “Store sex! Does this mean they’re going to have kiosks?”

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