Crazy Data Hater

, , , | Right | January 21, 2020

(We sell software at the store I work in — basic stuff like Office, antivirus, OS, and the like. Now, one thing to note is that the boxes don’t contain disks anymore, just a single code that you register on a website. During a normal day, I’m working the register with a coworker. While I’m busy with another customer, I notice a couple entering and coming up to the register that my coworker is manning. This is the conversation that follows:)

Customer: “Hi, I want to buy a copy of [antivirus software]. But can I see the code first?”

Coworker: “Sorry, I can’t show you the code until you buy it.”

Customer: “But I want to compare it to the previous code; I want to make sure it’s a 2018 version and not a 2017.”

(Mind you, the software doesn’t come in a yearly version; as long as you have a subscription it stays up-to-date.)

Coworker: “I can assure you, it’s unique. Barring misprints, they have to be unique to confirm that the customer bought one.”


Coworker: *calmly* “And I said I can’t show you until you buy it. Tell you what; if by some miracle it doesn’t work, I’ll give you a refund.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll take it.”

Coworker: *cheerful* “Lovely! Can I have your name, please?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer].”

(Like most systems, you can enter a few letters in our system and get a list of all the names that match.)

Coworker: “Right, I got a [Customer] living in [Street #1] and a [Customer] in [Street #2]. Which one were we?”

Customer: *basically smashes her finger in the screen* “WHO’S THAT? WHY IS SHE ON MY SCREEN!” *yes, her exact words*

Coworker: *taken aback* “Uh, that’s someone who just shares the first three letters of your name.”

(At this point, I have to go in the back, so I don’t get the rest. I do hear agitated voices, so I can only imagine what’s happening. An hour or so later, the store phone rings and I pick up.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] at [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: *angrily* “Who was that on my screen?”

Me: “I’m sorry, is your screen broken or…?”


Me: “I… wha…. OH! Yeah, I get what you mean. You were in the store about an hour ago, right? Yeah, like my coworker said, it’s just someone who shares the first three letters of your name. Nothing to worr—”

Customer: “Where do they live?!”

Me: “I… I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that due to privacy reasons.”


Me: *getting slightly ticked off at this point* “Again, I can’t do that without their permission. Anything else?”


(Yes, she is going to call a regulation. Not an office, but a rule.)

Me: “No, goodbye.”

(A day or two later:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Store]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want you to remove my name from the GDPR.”

Me: *recognising the voice* “Oh. Right. You’ll have to call—”

Customer: “Because you guys are from the FBI and are selling the info to the CIA!”

Me: “Okay, look. I’m getting tired of this. If you want to rescind your GDPR approval, contact [Boss’s email]. Unless there is anything else, I’m hanging up.”


Me: “Glad to hear that, ma’am. You have a lovely day!” *hangs up*

Not In The Zone Of Waiving The Fee

, , , , , | Right | January 21, 2020

(I work in the treasurer and collector’s office for a town. We have a pretty strict payment policy. We have a one-day grace period after the due date, after which we charge interest. State law allows us to waive up to $15.00 of interest and/or fees. Sometimes, if the customer is sincere enough in their excuse why they didn’t pay their bill on time, we will waive the interest and/or late fee, but not more than the legal amount. I do have some authority over these instances, but if I don’t like the customer’s attitude or if I’m unsure if I should do it — we also look into payment history — I ask my manager for approval with the excuse given. Real estate tax bills were due on the first of the month. It is currently the ninth. A woman who doesn’t seem familiar brings in her bill with her check already written out for the original amount. I look up the bill for the current amount with interest.)

Me: “Okay, so, after this payment, the balance will be $4.59, which we can put on the next bill if you’d like.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because it was due last week on the first. It’s now the ninth.”

Customer: “Listen. My husband volunteers for the town.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “He is on the zoning board.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So, can’t you give us a break?”

(I think, “Did she actually just ask us to waive her interest because her husband is on a board? Isn’t that unethical?”)

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, why not? He volunteers for the town.”

Me: “We don’t waive interest for any reason.” *especially name-dropping!*

Customer: “Can you ask your manager?”

Me: “Sure.” *to my manager* “This customer just asked us to waive her interest of about $5 because her husband is on the zoning board.”

Manager:What?! No. Absolutely not. I can’t believe she would even ask that. No, tell her we can’t do that.”

Me: *to the customer* “Sorry, my manager says we can’t do that.”

Customer: “I don’t believe that. My husband volunteers for the town! He doesn’t get paid! And you can’t waive $5 of interest?”

Me: “No, we can’t.”

Customer: “Unbelievable.”

Me: *knowing this isn’t going to go anywhere* “[Manager], can you come here, please?”

Manager: “No, we absolutely cannot waive interest just because your husband is on the zoning board, or any board or committee, for that matter. It’s against the code of ethics.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand why you can’t waive it. It’s just $5. He volunteers for the town. As in, he doesn’t get paid. And you can’t give us a break for $5.”

Manager: “No. It’s unethical, and frankly, I’m surprised you’d even ask. Your husband signed a code of ethics, and this would violate that code. So, no, I’m not going to waive it.”

(The customer then stormed out and tried to slam our self-closing doors on her way out. My manager talked to the town clerk, who would have sworn the husband in to his position and given him the code of ethics. The clerk said the husband may have known not to do it, but the wife may not have known. My manager cooled off a little after that. She told me that if the customer had come in with almost any other excuse, like it got buried in a pile and she just now found it, she may have waived the interest, but because she asked in that manner, it wasn’t going to happen. I also noted that one of the Select Board members makes late payments for almost every bill, and he always pays interest, so why would we waive it for a zoning board member? Update: While typing this out, the customer called back to apologize to my manager. She thought about what she had said regarding ethics violations, and she agreed that wasn’t the best course of action to take. She said her husband had buried the bill in a pile of mail, and she would be talking to him later.)

A Howler For The Growler

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2020

(I work at a craft beer tasting room where we only serve our company’s product. One night, a man comes in, casually dressed but nothing out of the ordinary.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Business].”

(As it is the customer’s first time here, we explain the sizes, how you can get beer to-go, etc., but he cuts us off.)

Customer: “I just want something that will get me drunk!”

(I’m thinking at this point, “We are not the place for you.”)

Me: “What do you normally like to drink?”

Customer: “[Non-Craft Beer Brand] or malt liquor.”

Coworker: “[Beer Brand] is typically 4-5%. [Beer #1] and [Beer #2] are both 1 or 2% higher, and that really makes a difference.”

(My coworker serves a couple of samples.)

Customer: “[Beer #1] is kind of tangy, but I like [Beer #2]. Can I get a 32-ounce?”

Coworker & Me: “That is only to-go. Our largest size here is 16-ounce.”

Customer: “I could get a 64-ounce, then. There’s got to be a chair outside.”

Me: “Sir, that’s illegal. You’d have to take the beer home to drink.”

(The man still tried to buy a growler, but the minute we mentioned the price, he claimed that was too much for today. The ironic thing is that there are many restaurants and bars nearby that would have hard liquor for “getting drunk quickly.” I still think he was looking for a liquor store, and somehow ended up with us.)

This Time It’s Personal (Shopper)

, , , | Right | January 20, 2020

(I’m a personal shopper at a grocery store. A few months ago, our lead quit; however, she still comes in once a month or so, always on Sundays, to help out since we are busy. She was a favorite among our customers, since she was really good at her job and would often go out of her way to make them happy. One day, this happens.)

Me: “Home shop, [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m having trouble placing an order. Are there any time slots available?”

Me: “Yes, they’re all free for this evening.”

Customer: “Free? I thought you had to pay a fee for them.”

Me: “No, free as in available.” *looks at time* “The earliest you could place an order would be for 5:30 today.”

Customer: “5:30? Isn’t there anything sooner?”

(In order to give us time to actually shop, all orders must be placed for a pickup time of at least four hours in advance. However, we more often than not shop the orders an hour or two before the scheduled pickup time.)

Me: “We will probably shop it sooner, but the earliest you could choose is 5:30.”

Customer: “Hmm… who’s shopping today?”

Me: “Me, [My Name], [Coworker #1]–” *the new lead* “–[Coworker #2], and [Coworker #3].”

Customer: “What about [Former Lead]?”

Me: “No, she’s not here anymore.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “She doesn’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “[Former Lead] doesn’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. [Former Lead] doesn’t work here. She quit.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “She quit. She quit a long time ago.”

Customer: “I just saw her Sunday!”

Me: “She will come on one Sunday a month to help out. She came in last Sunday, so she’s not going to come in again.”

Customer: “Did she change stores? I’ll go shop wherever she is.”

Me: “No, she quit. She doesn’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “Did she quit or was she fired?”

Me: “She quit.”

Customer: “But I just saw her Sunday!”

Me: “She doesn’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “But she was so good at her job! Why would she leave?”

(By this time, everyone who is in the office listening to me is staring at me, wondering who I’m talking to.)

Me: “It was time for her to move on. We are more than happy to shop your order, though.”

Customer: “Are you sure she quit?”

Me: “Yes, she quit. She quit a long time ago. If I could get your name, so I can keep an eye out for your order…”

Customer: “No, I won’t even bother anymore if [Former Lead] can’t do it.” *hangs up*

Me: “Well, then…”

(I texted the former lead and told her what had happened. She said I should’ve told the customer that I was lying and that she really just moved to Hawaii or something.)

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Rage Against The Machine When It Suits You

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2020

(I work for a store that has a lot of self-check machines, and every day I hear the same phrase like a broken record: “Those things steal jobs!” Recently, I got into an argument with an older customer over whether or not they do.)

Customer: “Aren’t you afraid these take jobs? Machines will ruin the world. You’ll be out of a job soon anywho.”

Me: “Sir, do you use a cellphone?”

Customer: “Yeah, but what’s it matter?”

Me: “Used to be that people had to phone operators, right? What happened to those jobs?”

Customer: “Machines took over.”

Me: “But it’s more convenient, right?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “And do you use an ATM?”

Customer: “Well… yeah…”

Me: “People used to pump gas for you, too, right?”

Customer: “F*** you.”

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