There Can Be Only One… Person To Help Me

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2019

(I work in an insurance office as an office staff member, meaning I don’t sell policies, but I service them. My coworker has been with the office for many years and knows our customers well. A customer walks in and approaches my desk:)

Customer: “Hi, is [Coworker] in?”

Me: “Yes, but she’s at lunch right now. I would be happy to help you, though.”

Customer: “No, thanks. [Coworker] called me earlier, and I’ve been working with her for years! She sold me my original policy, you know!”

Me: “That’s great! We love our long-term customers! She’s probably going to be out for twenty minutes or so. Do you want me to leave her a message, or perhaps I could look up something for you?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’ll just wait for her.”

Me: “Are you sure? I’d feel bad for keeping you.”

Customer: “It’s no problem.”

Me: “All righty. Can I get you water or coffee while you wait?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thanks. I’ll just play with my phone a bit.”

Me: “Can I get your name, then, so I can have your file ready for [Coworker] when she gets back?”

Customer: “Oh, no, she’ll know who I am.”

Me: “I’m sure she will, but if I can grab your file, she’ll be able to get right to you.”

(The customer waves me off and sits in the lobby, playing with his phone. Approximately every five minutes, he grumbles about having to wait, and ponders why we’re given such long lunch breaks when we’re supposed to be working. Each time, I politely inform him that [Coworker] will return, and ask him if he’s sure I can’t help him. After approximately twenty minutes, [Coworker] does, indeed, return.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Customer]! How are you?”

Customer: “It’s about time you got back! I have been sitting here this whole time!”

Coworker: “Well, you know, I had to run some errands! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, you called me this morning, and I didn’t understand the message!”

Coworker: *confused* “I haven’t called you today. Are you sure it wasn’t [My Name]?”

Customer: “It couldn’t have been her.”

Coworker: *to me* “Did you call [Customer’s Full Name]?”

Me: “Yes, I did. I wanted to let him know his payment had gone through, as he requested yesterday.”

Customer: “That’s not right! I’ve never spoken to you in my life! I only speak to [Coworker]!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I spoke to [Customer’s Full Name] yesterday, who requested I keep an eye on his automatic payment, as he had just updated his credit card info online, and I called to confirm it was posted to a card ending in [digits]. Was that not you?”

Customer: “That was me, but I never talked to you! I talked to [Coworker]! I never talk to anyone else, ever!”

Coworker: *reviewing our interaction notes* “I’m sorry, [Customer], but I haven’t spoken to you since last year. You’ve worked with [My Name] five times over the past several months.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t right. I shouldn’t be tricked like this! I expect to talk to [Coworker] every time!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but sometimes I’m not available. [My Name] is just as licensed and knows what I do.”

Customer: “What am I paying for if I don’t get to talk to [Coworker]? This is ridiculous!”

Coworker: “You are paying for an insurance product. We are the staff that advises and guides you. Everyone in this office is licensed by the state and bonded by the company to help you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You’ve been lying to me all year. I wait all day to talk to you, and you tell me I can’t even talk to you. SHE—” *pointing to me* “—can’t even help me!”

([Coworker] started to explain, again, that she is not always available, but [Customer] had had enough, and left with a slam of the door. He later called to cancel all of his policies, but never completed the process. Sadly, this was a pretty common occurrence in our small town.)

I Taekwondon’t Work Here!

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2019

(Because I have just gotten out of taekwondo, I am wearing my summer uniform, which for assistant instructors like me is a blue polo with our logo stitched on the breast. I stop by the local superstore because one of my headlights is out and I need to replace it before it gets dark.)

Customer: “Hi. Can you tell me where your printer ink is?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I think it’s—” *gestures* “—over there.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you look it up on the computer that you employees all have?”

(Keep in mind, I’m wearing my white pants with my taekwondo black belt around my waist, wearing flip flops, and sweating buckets because I just left class.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

Customer: *extremely irritated and snooty at this point* “Well, can you page someone over to help me?”

Me: *slightly irritated because confrontation like this makes me mad, but trying to keep my cool* “Ma’am, let me repeat myself: I don’t work here. I already have a very good job at [Store], you know, up at [Intersection]? I’m not even wearing the same color shirt as the employees here.”

Customer: “I’m telling the store manager here about the way you treat your customers.”

Me: *with a huge fake smile* “Okay, make sure they write me up and fire me.”

(Cut to about ten minutes later; I’m checking out with my headlight.)

Cashier: “Hey, man, I was at the other end of the aisle when you had your little ‘encounter’ with that lady a few minutes ago. That made my night. I’ll keep a lookout for that write-up you mentioned.” *winks*

Me: “Haha, thanks! Unfortunately, I could have handled that better, but I was too tired to do anything else in the moment.”

(We finished the transaction and I left without any more issues.)

Now We Want Grilled Cheese Hash Browns

, , , , , | Right | October 20, 2019

(I am working as a server at an all-day grill.)

Customer: “Excuse me? What’s a grilled cheese sandwich?”

Me: *trying to remain in server mode* “It’s a sandwich… with cheese… which is grilled.” *unable to keep up the server routine* “Seriously, dude. It’s the most descriptive name a food has ever been given.”

(I later bring out the food.)

Customer: “Are these hashbrowns?”

Me: “Yes…?”

Customer: “They look like potatoes!”

Me: “Um… Sometimes things look like what they’re made out of?”

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Since This Story Was Written, Disney Bought Everything  

, , , , , , | Right | October 19, 2019

(I am a manager, working near an employee checking bags at a movie theater. They approach an elderly female guest.)

Employee: “Hello, ma’am, we have a bag check policy here; I do need to check your bag.”

Guest: “Are you Disney certified?”

Employee: “I’m sorry… What?”

Guest: “This is Florida. You need to be certified by Disney to check bags. Can I talk to your manager?”

Me: “I’m right here, ma’am. You don’t need to be certified by Disney to do anything. We need to check your bag.”

Guest: “Not until you prove you’re Disney certified. It’s required.”

Me: “Where are you from?”

Guest: “Jersey.”

Me: “Well, here in Florida, Disney doesn’t own everything yet. So, until then, we need to check your bag or it can’t come in.”

(Hidden in her bag: raisinets, snow caps, four bottles of water, one bottle of Sprite, a bag of hot fries, and peach gummies.)

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This Service Is On Fire

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2019

(I work in a hotel. Our breakfast starts at six am and ends at ten. We have a conveyor-type toaster. Since we are full, I’m working at the front desk while another woman handles the breakfast room. She is normally very soft-spoken, so when I hear her almost yelling I come running.)

Coworker: “[My Name], FIRE!”

(I grab the extinguisher and run in. Out of the toaster pops a paper bowl on fire. Instead of using the extinguisher and shutting down the area, I dump it into a bowl of water. A guest is standing to one side giggling.)

Me: *barely staying polite* “Why would you put a paper bowl through the toaster?! The sign says bread and English muffins only!”

Guest: “I don’t know.” *giggles*

Me: “That is a $400 toaster! If you break it that way, you have to replace it, and we have cameras.”

(The guest stops giggling and runs out of the room.)

Coworker: “Sorry, I didn’t see him put it in.”

Me: “It is not your fault. It’s going to be a long four hours, huh?”

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