Age Is But A Guessable Number

, , | Right | January 21, 2019

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a gift for my kid. Can you recommend me something?”

Me: “Of course! Are they a boy or a girl?”

Customer: “A boy.”

Me: “And how old is he?”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’m stupid* “I know how old my kid is.”

Me: *confused*

Three Fee See?

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work in a bank.)

Customer: “Three dollars for a printout of my statement? That’s outrageous! I’m not paying it. Call your boss.”

Coworker: “Feel free to speak with him yourself; his policy is to only refund fees if they were caused by a bank error.”

Customer: “Well, I need a statement, and I’m not paying the fee.”

Coworker: “We mail you a statement every month on the tenth. You should have gotten one last week.”

Customer: “I don’t keep those. You need to just print me one and waive the fee. Three dollars is ridiculous.”

Coworker: “I can’t waive the fee; it’s a bank-wide policy. You can print all your statements through online banking if you didn’t keep the ones we sent you.”

Customer: “I can’t print anything at home. It’s too expensive.”

Coworker: “That would be why we charge the three-dollar fee.”

Give This Customer A Cupcake

, , , , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(A young woman walks into our vet’s office with a German Shepherd.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Do you have an appointment?”

Lady: “Yes, my name is [Lady] and this is Cupcake.”

Me: “I see he is here for his rabies and distemper shots.”

Lady: “That’s correct.”

Me: “I don’t want to sound condescending, but the distemper shot won’t make him nicer.”

Lady: “Oh, I know that… Do people actually believe that?”

(I’m a little shocked by this.)

Me: “Unfortunately, you’re one of the few people I’ve met that hasn’t said, ‘When will it make my pet nicer?’”

Lady: “I’m sorry you guys have to deal with knuckleheads like that.”

Me: “It’s okay. Every job has its risks.”

(I wish I could’ve given her a discount. I found out later that she is a service dog trainer. My niece is blind, and Cupcake became her service dog after she learned how to use a cane.)

Might Want To Skip Those Pies

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

There’s an animal shelter we used to frequent a few blocks away from my house. The place had a prominent blackboard in the entrance announcing any upcoming events that might interest people, like adoption days or charity drives.

One day, however, when I arrived, I advised one of the employees to do something about the new announcement. It read, in big letters, “Adoption Saturday,” but underneath that, someone had written, in smaller letters, “Yummy meat pies on Sunday!”

Throwing The Blinds Out With The Bathwater

, , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work at the customer service desk of a popular home improvement store. A married couple comes up to the desk with a box of blinds to return.)

Me: “So, did you have any problems or concerns with the blinds?”

Husband: “No, we decided to sell our house.”

Me: “Wait, the blinds didn’t work for you, so you decided to sell your house?”

(They realized how odd that sounded, and we had a good laugh about it.)

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