Gives New Meaning To “Spillover” Parking

, , , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(I am working for a large music festival doing gate security. I often have to deal with drunk or confused individuals, but this guy was my favorite.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t come in without a ticket.”

Drunk: “I am trying to find my car.”

Me: “Okay, sir, but the parking lot is in the other direction; this is the festival grounds.”

Drunk: “I know that. I parked my car over there—” *waves hand towards fairgrounds* “—I need to get through to get to my car.”

Me: *look over shoulder* “Sir, the other side of the grounds is Lake Michigan. Are you trying to tell me you parked in the lake?”

Drunk: “Yes. Can I come in now?”

Burger And The Beast

, , , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(Some friends of mine and I are leaving a hotel parking garage in my car. I pull up to the payment booth. There are two employees inside; one is waving around a fast food hamburger and chewing out the other.)

Employee: “F****** idiot! How can you totally screw up a simple hamburger order?!”

(The angry employee turns to me and it’s like he flips a personality switch.)

Employee: *now calm* “Hello, sir. I hope your stay with us was pleasant. May I have your parking ticket, please?”

(I hand it to him and he begins yelling at the other employee again.)

Employee: *angry again* “I mean, good f****** God! Look at all this ketchup and s***!” *turns back to me, calm again* “That will be $[total], sir.”

(I pay, and as he counts the money he turns on his apparently hamburger-ordering-challenged coworker yet again.)

Employee: *angry again* “Were you always a f****** idiot or did you burn your brain out with drugs or something?”

(As the gate opens, he bids me farewell.)

Employee: *once again calm* “Thank you, sir, and have a safe drive home. Come back and visit us again!”

(As we drove off, we could hear him still yelling at the other employee.)

No Longer Has Control

, , , , | Right | January 28, 2019

(A customer calls me about a knob that has fallen off of her refrigerator. She doesn’t have the model number so I’m trying to identify the part.)

Me: “What color is the knob.”

Caller: “Black.”

Me: “Does it have any numbers on it?”

Caller: “No. All it says is ‘Colder’ and then 1, 2, 3, 4…”

Unfiltered Story #137194

, , , | Unfiltered | January 27, 2019

(I work at a small burger and ice cream shop that has two locations. Next door is a fast food place from a major chain. They are remodeling and tore down their entire building a few weeks ago. Then one night…)
Me: How can I help you?
Customer: What happened to [chain]?
Me: They’re remodeling. They should be back in about six months.
Customer: Well, do you know of any other [chain] locations around here? I really wanted [chain].
Me: …no, sorry.
[Customer leaves.]
Me, to coworker: If she had to come in here specifically to ask us how to find [chain], she could have at least bought an ice cream cone.

Telling You The Long And The Shorts Of It

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I am about nineteen, working in a retail shop that carries some clothing items and sports equipment. In the sports equipment area, we also have a bench where we work on customers’ broken equipment. To my left, overlooking the clothing area, is the dressing room, and to my right is a back hallway. A customer of about sixty or older walks in and begins looking at shorts.)

Customer: *tries two dressing room doors, locked and in use by other customers, and turns to me* “Hey, these doors are locked. Where can I try these shorts on?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. There must be a few customers still trying things on. It should be just a few minutes before they’re done, and then I will open one up for you.”

Customer: *grumbles and goes back to looking at shorts*

(Five minutes later:)

Customer: “Hey, these dressing rooms are still locked. I’m about ready to just go in the back hallway over there and just try my shorts on in there, instead.”

(He chuckled and walked away again. I just laughed awkwardly, thinking how crazy that idea was, and then went back to working on a customer’s equipment. Five minutes later, the customer walked out of the back hallway wearing the shorts he’d been carrying, with the pants he’d been wearing draped over his arm. I was stunned and speechless.)

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