Hopefully, He Doesn’t Look As Stupid As He Sounds

| | Legal | May 31, 2018

Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”

Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”

Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”

Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”

Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”

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Introducing The New ‘Legal’ Category!

| | Friendly General Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | May 30, 2018

Some of our keen-eyed readers will have noticed a new category has appeared here at Not Always Right!

Our new ‘Legal‘ category will involve reader submissions that deal with the complexities of the law, and mostly how people go about trying to break it. Whether it’s about an entitled person expecting they can sue everyone, a plight of a police officer who is just done dealing with stupid people, or scammers who picked the wrong person to try to defraud (don’t do it to a Not Always Right reader, they’re a savvy bunch!) – they will all find a home here!

Got any stories about that would suit our new category? Then submit one here! It’s the law!

Minimally Criminal

| | Legal | May 30, 2018

Me: “Good Afternoon, Civil Department.”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to know what happened in my son’s case today.”

Me: “I can’t tell you any details, but I can tell you if they have finished. Can you give me the case number?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Me: “Are you sure this is a civil case and not criminal?”

Caller: “Definitely Civil. Not Criminal! My son’s not a criminal!”

Me: “Okay, could I get a last name to see if I can find it that way?”

Caller: “The name is *****.”

Me: “Okay, that name isn’t showing up at all. Are you sure its not a Criminal case?”

Caller: “MY SON IS NOT A CRIMINAL! How dare you suggest it, you b****!”

Me: “Okay… can you tell me what the case was about?”

Caller: “Oh, kidnapping and assault.”

Me: *transfers to Criminal*

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Driving While Supplemented

| | Legal | May 29, 2018

(While interviewing a man I have just stopped for drunk driving one night…)

Me: “How much did you have to drink?”

Man: “A bottle of wine and a scotch in four hours. I thought I was okay to drive.”

Me: “Are you taking any medication?”

Man: “Well, I just started taking those fish oil capsules.”

Me: “The Omega 3 ones?”

Man: “Yes, those ones.”

Me: “Those are supposed to make you smarter.”

Man: “Yes, they are.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure you can get your money back for them, then.”

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Fake ID, Real Emotions

, , , , | | Legal | May 28, 2018

(I am working third shift in a convenience store. A guy walks in. He looks about 14. He brings a six-pack of beer to the counter.)

Me: “Uh, I need to see your ID.”

(The guy hands me his driver’s license, but he’s shaking so hard from nervousness it’s hard to take it from him. It turns out he’s 16.)

Me: “Sorry, you’re not old enough to purchase this product. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

(I hand him back his ID. The guy slinks out of the store but returns a minute later.)

Guy: “Man, did you keep my ID? Please don’t call the cops! My parents will kill me!”

(I assure him I gave the ID back to him but he is panicking and starts to cry:)

Guy: “Please, man, just give me back my ID.”

(I spent the next five minutes with this sobbing dude looking around the parking lot and inside his car trying to find his ID, trying all along to convince him that I had not confiscated it and called the cops on him. Finally, he reached into his underwear and retrieved the ID. He was so nervous he had missed his pocket and slipped the ID into his waistband. He fled, and I never saw him again.)

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