When The Cat’s Away, The Liars Come Out To Play

, , , , | Legal | December 26, 2018

During a recent wildfire, a group I volunteer with is tasked with sheltering over 1,000 animals whose owners have been evacuated from the fire zone, as well as a couple hundred animals who have been brought into the shelter by fire, police, and other emergency workers. We immediately try to match those lost animals with their humans and reunite the extended family.

For about every hundred people looking for their lost pet, we match one very happy family. A mother and daughter couple come to the shelter looking for their lost cat. We start with a picture and try to match with an animal in the shelter to avoid crowds in the building.

English is the mother’s second language, and she is having some difficulty explaining the color and breed of her missing cat. After a couple of minutes, the mother and daughter start speaking an Asian dialect I can sort of understand, but can not speak. The daughter, upset that her mother dragged her down to the shelter to find her missing cat tells her mother, “Just find a picture of a cat you like and I will tell them it is yours.”

Nope, time to let them speak to someone with a badge.

The Jury’s Verdict Is Sealed With A Kiss

, , , , , | Legal | December 25, 2018

(I’ve been asked to cover for a coworker who has been chosen as a juror on a high-profile trial that could last for weeks. She rings in on the second day to say that she will be back to work on the next day.)

Me: “I thought the trial was supposed to be a big one; is it over already?”

Coworker: “No, I was dismissed yesterday. It was so embarrassing.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker: “The judge called me up in front of the whole courtroom and gave me a lecture for inappropriate behaviour in public for a juror. The whole courtroom was sniggering at me.”

Me: “What did you do that was so wrong?”

Coworker: “On the first day, [Fiance] came to pick me up outside the courthouse after work, and he gave me a kiss.”

Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

Coworker: “He was dressed in his police uniform; apparently that means I’m a security risk.”

Me: “You didn’t want to be there, anyway.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I know, but it was embarrassing.”

Me: “If I’m ever called up, can I borrow him?”

Coworker: “Sure. Just make sure it’s during the jury selection; you don’t want to be called up in court.”

Holiday Roundup 2018

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | December 25, 2018
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the kids jingle belling
And everyone telling you be of good cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year(*)

Long before we started NotAlwaysHopeless we had lots of stories that put smiles on our faces and cheer in our hearts.  We offer you a present of a sampling of those older stories!

Faith In Humanity In Small Doses — You never know who will turn your day around.

We Love (To Pay) To See You Smile — A smile on your face today can mean a new job tomorrow!

Good People Are Not A Dime A Dozen — A small good deed becomes a special experience.

Please Let The Coffee “Be Good” — A joking and friendly clerk give a big boost!

How To Make An Employee’s Day — Something that seems small can make someone feel very important.

Not All Knights Are In Shining Armor — When the best people turn up at just the right time.

Tipping The Scale — One big smile earns another.

Random Acts of Cuddleness — Helping others inspires.

Good News For A Change, Part 2 What starts out as a typical NAR story turns into a feel-good tale.

There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds — BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL


Want more stories to warm your heart and lift your spirits?  We have plenty over at NotAlwaysHopeless.


(*) “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” Pola & Wyle, 1963

Get Out Or They Will Be An In-Jury

, , , , | Legal | December 24, 2018

(My mom gets called for jury duty every year. One year she is placed in a sexual harassment/title-nine trial. The woman in this case just so happens to be a patient of the doctor my mom works for. The judge in this trial is peeved from the start and warns that he will accept very few excuses for not serving. He declines to accept the excuse that someone is a small business owner and it’s nearing a shopping season, or that someone is a driver and doesn’t get reimbursed by his employer — basically, if he doesn’t drive he doesn’t make any money, and jury service payments are a joke. The judge gets to my mom, who states she has a reason for being unfit for this trial, but due to legal reasons cannot say in a crowded courtroom. The judge keeps pressing and my mom insists that due to HIPPA she can’t say anything more. The judge clears the court of everyone but the opposing parties and their attorneys.)

Judge: *as snide and sarcastic as all get out* “Well, now, [Mom], the court has been cleared. What is your excuse?”

Mom: “I work for [Doctor], and she is a patient.”

(The woman in question goes wide-eyed and whispers to her attorney. Both sides agree to dismiss my mom.)

Judge: *clearly pissed that he has to do this* “[Mom], you’re excused. But you have to return to the jury room to see if your service can be used elsewhere.”

(Fine. My mom went to the jury room, where the clerks were confused. It was already past lunch; most people were completely excused if they’d made it this far. They formally excused her from service for the year. My mom had a good laugh, not only because the judge was so rude, but because the woman was known for being a pain in the a** at my mom’s office.)

He’s Insuring His Own Fate

, , , , | Legal | December 23, 2018

(I am in traffic court for a speeding ticket. While there, I overhear this exchange:)

Judge: “Mr. [Ticketee], you had a citation for driving without insurance. Do you now have proof of insurance?”

Ticketee: “Yes, right here. I had insurance at the time I was stopped, but didn’t have the proof with me.”

(The judge takes some papers from him.)

Judge: “Okay, you were driving a [Make, Model, and Year of Car] at the time?”

Ticketee: “Yes.”

Judge: “The insurance information you just gave me is for a [totally different vehicle], and the name listed on the policy is not yours.”

Ticketee: “It’s my friend’s insurance.”

Judge: “How does that help you in this case?”

Ticketee: “I didn’t think you would look closely.”

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