A Stabbing Realization Of Who Is The Favorite

, , , , , , | Related | April 13, 2018

(My family and I have just moved into a new house and are unpacking. My mother gives me some outdoor lights to put on the pathway to the porch.)

Me: *looking at the stakes on the lights* “Hey, [Brother], are you a vampire?”

Brother: “No… Why?”

Me: “I don’t know… Maybe I have to make sure.” *mimes stabbing someone in the heart*

Brother: “I’m not a vampire!”

Me: “I have to be sure!”

Brother: “Go away!”

Me: “Mom, [Brother] won’t let me stab him!”

Mom: *distracted* “[Brother], let your brother stab you.”

Shocked You Awake

, , , , , | Related | April 11, 2018

(My mother and I are staying with my grandmother for the week. We are sitting in the living room watching television in our pajamas.)

Grandmother: *to me* “What time is it?”

Me: “Nine forty-five.”

Mom: “Do y’all ever feel like you just wait all night to go to bed?”

Grandmother: “I do that all the time, and I hope that I won’t wake up…”

(Mom and I look over, shocked, as my grandmother pauses.)

Grandmother: “…as much in the middle of the night.”

(We all cracked up laughing. What a time to take a pause in your sentence!)

Unfiltered Story #108606

, | Unfiltered | April 6, 2018

(As a teenager, I went to a midwife center for all my womanly needs as my GP was a man, and I didn’t feel comfortable talking about such things with him. I go in for an appointment to get a refill on my birth control pills, used exclusively to lessen my period pain. I fill out the form as I wait. Sexually active? No. Number of sexual partners in the last year? 0. Reason for visit? Birth control pills. And so on. They already have my inssurance on file, so I simply turn the form in and sit back down. My mom and I are the only two people in the waiting room. A few moments later, the receptionist calls me back up.)

Receptionist: Hi, honey. I just wanted to talk to you about your insurance.

Me: Is there an issue?

Receptionist: Not exactly, but this State has ways to help girls in your situation. It’s good to have as much insurance as possible right now. *hands me some pamphlets for the State run insurance system for children*

Me: Uh… what situation?

Receptionist: Now it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We get young mothers in all the time.

Me: My mom’s almost 50, which I don’t think is that young really.

Receptionist: What? Aren’t you…?

Me: Me? No. I’m just here for my bc pills.

Receptionist: *flushes darkly* You can go sit down now. She’ll be with you shortly.

(I go back to my seat and tell my mom what happens. I understand wanting to help teen moms in whatever way you can, but maybe take a look at what they just told you first.)

The Fluffy Chronicles

, , , , , , | Learning | April 5, 2018

(I am and have always been an avid and fast reader. I finish my in-class reading and pull out a “fun” book: a fantasy novel with a witch on a broomstick on the cover.)

Teacher: “Finish your assigned reading.”

Me: “I am finished.”

Teacher: “No, you’re not.”

Me: “I read the assignment, answered the questions, and turned them in to you.”

Teacher: *prowls up beside my desk and grabs my book* “You need to finish your work before reading fluff!”

(I hang onto the book with all my strength, and she is visibly surprised.)

Me: “I finished the reading and turned in my questions. And this is a library book; it is not yours to take!”

(The teacher keeps pulling, I keep hanging on, and she realizes that the whole class is watching her lose a tug-of-war with a 12-year-old over a book about witches.)

Teacher: “Fine!”

(She goes to her desk and grabs my turned-in paper. I watch over the top of my book as she gets visibly annoyed. At the end of class, she hands me my 100% correct paper.)

Teacher: “You still shouldn’t be reading fluff in science class!

(I still read fluff!)

Paycheck Checkup

, , , , , , | Working | March 17, 2018

(I’m working for a privately-owned restaurant. My manager has developed a bad habit of forgetting to bring in my paychecks. It has even resulted in me being late on rent on multiple occasions, because I couldn’t get the money in time. My morale has dropped considerably to the point where my coworkers have noticed. I have been trying to find another job, but I’ve had no such luck.)

Coworker: *as I’m clocking in* “I had a talk with [Manager] earlier today.”

Me: “Huh? About what?”

Coworker: “I told him that because he’s been late with your checks, you’ve been looking for other jobs.”

Me: “You did what?!

(While I have been looking for another job, I haven’t told anyone at work about it.)

Coworker: “Yeah, he wants to talk to you.”

Manager: “[My Name], can you come to my office?”

(That was the day I learned that I had job security. My manager was so worried about losing me, I never had a late paycheck again. I eventually had to quit when I moved out of state, but my now-former coworker and I still regularly keep in touch. I even came back up for his wedding.)

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