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Your Wi-Fi Problems Are All In Your Head

, , , , , | Related | November 19, 2022

My parents’ Wi-Fi fails suddenly while I am visiting. I work in IT, so it naturally falls on my shoulders to fix it. I try resetting and reconfiguring their wireless access point without any improvement, so I decide to call technical support. My cellular service provider has zero service in my parents’ neighborhood, so without Wi-Fi, I have to borrow my dad’s phone to call. My dad’s hearing is poor, so he wears hearing aids and has used their Bluetooth capabilities to connect them to his iPhone. I switch the phone back to the internal speaker to use it.

However, we discovered today that if my dad’s hearing aids happen to fall back in range of the phone’s Bluetooth receiver, the phone automatically switches back to them as the audio output.

My dad is in the kitchen walking around talking to my mom while I’m in his office working with the WAP and router.

Suddenly, the helpdesk employee’s voice cuts out.

Me: “Uh, hello? Hello, are you still there? Ma’am, I can’t hear you anymore.”

Dad: *To my mom* “D*** it, hang on.” *Yelling out to me* “[My Name]! There’s a woman in my head trying to talk to you!”

There’s No Room For Error When Working With Mercury

, , , , , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2022

I’m the author of this story, about working for my uncle for a ridiculously low “salary”. One day while I was working for him, I and several coworkers at his nonprofit were called into a meeting with a “consultant” that my uncle had hired. She spent half an hour or so giving advice that seemed pretty meaningless and generic to me — lots of buzzwords and platitudes — but no worse than any other consultant.

Then, at the end of the meeting, this happened.

Consultant: “You need to focus on consolidating for a while and not start any new projects because Mercury is in retrograde.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Consultant: “Well, it just makes sense, right? That’s why [Coworker] got overwhelmed and had to go home early.”

Me: “She has the flu!”

Consultant: “No, the energy just isn’t right for new things because of Mercury.”

I’m making $100 a week, but it’s nice to know that at least the company can afford vital resources like an ASTROLOGER!

And to top it off, my uncle gave me a lecture that afternoon about how I needed to be more open-minded. I’m so glad to be out of there now.

There’s No Room For Error When Working With Family

There Are Probably A Lot More “Related” Stories In This Family’s Future

, , , , , , , , , | Related | November 7, 2022

We have a little creek behind our house. It’s a nice peaceful spot to unwind most days. Today, my boys, being the avid outdoorsmen that they are, decided to go catch some crawdads and swing on some vines like typical little boys. After I got done mowing some grass, I had to fix my wife’s heat-press, and after MacGyvering the s*** out of it, I felt I deserved a break.

After about three minutes of peace, [Ten-Year-Old] came in all flabbergasted and being his usual diva self.

Ten-Year-Old: “There’s a snake at the creek! It almost bit me! Get a gun!”

Blah, blah, the usual. I kind of blew it off and continued with my lackadaisical afternoon. After a few minutes, my wife gently “encouraged” me to go check on them. Off I went.

I begrudgingly sauntered off to the creek. Upon my arrival, I was witness to quite a sight.

[Ten-Year-Old], my eldest born, the leader of the pack, the standard for my other boys, was ankle-deep in the water, frantically waving a cattleprod taser thing — I’m not entirely sure where he found it — taunting this phantom snake to bring it on.

While I was simultaneously in awe of his fearlessness and dumbfounded about how he had survived as long as he had, I can only assume the snake went full-on “Don’t tase me, bro,” and noped the h*** out of there. I seriously don’t blame the snake; [Ten-Year-Old] was about to take them both out.

I face-palmed but immediately explained the intricacies of electricity and water to my son. He nodded and then ran off to go poop in the woods or whatever [Ten-Year-Old]s do.

[Four-Year-Old], my smartest child, looks at me and says:

Four-Year-Old: “[Ten-Year-Old]’s not very smart.”

And then he proceeded to yeet a rock straight into [Two-Year-Old]’s forehead.

If the children are our future, mine are not going to be very productive. Sorry, everyone else.

“Welcome To The Group Chat; How Can I Help You?”

, , , , , , , , , | Friendly | September 25, 2022

Years ago, when I used to work at a fast food drive-thru, I developed an odd muscle memory tic. I was a gamer, so I wore a headset and often used a function called Push-To-Talk when in voice channels with my friends. Basically, I would push a button so that I could be heard and release the button when I didn’t want to be heard. This stopped background noise from coming through, but it also meant I had to push the button to be heard.

One night, while chatting with my friends, I realized they couldn’t hear me despite the fact I was sure I was pressing the button. It wasn’t until my husband came over and tapped me on the shoulder to point out what I was doing that I realized I was trying to push a button on my headphones — about the same location the button was on my drive-thru headset at work.

Embarrassed, I pressed the button on my keyboard, apologized to my friends that I hadn’t been present in the conversation, and explained what had happened. They didn’t stop giving me grief about it for a solid few years, even long after I lost that job.

Who Even Says Something Like That To A Random Stranger?!

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 3, 2022

I’m functioning on two hours of sleep and have just put in a full day at the office. I’ve stopped by my local supermarket for necessities before going home to collapse. One of these items is a four-pack of paper towels.

I’m in the deli contemplating grab-and-go items when, out of nowhere, this old man starts talking to me.

Old Man: “You about to do the big one?”

Me: “What?”

Old Man: “I guess you’re about to do the big one.”

Me: “Um… okay…”

Old Man: “A pack of toilet paper like that is more valuable than water!”

I briefly contemplated beating him with the four-pack of paper towels. I thought better of it, choosing to avert eye contact and sidestep away from him. The old man merrily strutted off, apparently thinking what he’d just said was perfectly normal.