Unfiltered Story #182265

, , | Unfiltered | January 13, 2020

The Mate and I were doing grocery shopping and needed dog food. We have 5 dogs, a couple of them large, so we buy the biggest bag of food. The dog food is at the end of the aisle, so we line up the cart parallel to the end cap, so I have a straight shot to sling the bag underneath and the Mate is holding it, so he can’t be seen from the aisle. I’ve got the bag halfway to the cart when Mr. Good Ol’ Boy offers to help. I decline, say thanks, and finish moving the bag. Then this:
MGOB: (coming around the corner & seeing the Mate) Oh, you have a man with you! >sneer at ‘Man’ letting li’l ol’ me load dog food<
Me: Yeah, I have a ‘Man’ with me. I like having him with me. That’s why I load the dog food, since his CARDIOLOGIST said he shouldn’t lift anything over 15-20 pounds. Thanks.
MGOB: slinks off, looking a lot less sure of himself.
Mate thanks me for standing up for him. I buy myself a candy bar because I’m just that spiffy. :)

He Had It Comin’

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2020

(I’m a computer programmer, but I’ve been practicing UFC martial arts since I was in high school. After more than a decade of training, there are certain things you do instinctively when under attack. Our most recent client is a smarmy dude who seems to think he can do whatever he wants because he’s paying us for a program. It should also be noted that I am female.)

Client: “Wow. That’s a nice piece of a** you’ve got there.”

Me: “Yes, all the better to sit on while coding. Do you mind?”

Client: “Oh, okay.”

(The client then whips my chair around and pulls me out of it, grabbing me and pulling me close to him. He probably shouldn’t have done that. My head ducks, my knees bend, and my arms go into fighting stance. Before he can say or do anything else, I’ve grabbed him, kneed him in the solar plexus, and thrown him rather painfully to the floor.)

Me: *angrily* “Don’t touch me!”

Client: *gasping* “What the f*** was that?!”

Boss: *coming around the corner* “Dude, you went after both the hottest and most dangerous woman in the office. You deserved it.”

(The client quit coming by the office after that.)

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The Dog Is Being Treated Tenderly

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2020

(I am working the drive-thru at a small local fried chicken chain.)

Me: *answering the intercom* “Thank you for choosing [Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “I would like [meal that includes chicken tenders, fries, and a drink].”

Me: “Okay, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want a drink.”

Me: “Would you like to order [snack meal]? It comes with three chicken tenders and fries?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want fries.”

Me: “We can order the chicken tenders individually, then. How many would you like?”

Customer: “[Meal that he originally ordered].”

Me: “That comes with a drink. What would you like to drink?”

(The conversation repeats.)

Me: “Would you mind pulling up to the window so we can talk easier?”

(The customer pulls up with a dog sitting in the front passenger seat.)

Me: “Did you want [Meal]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Oh, no drink.”

Me: *maintaining customer service smile best I could* “Would you like [snack]? It’s three tenders and fries.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t need fries.”

Me: “Would you like to order the tenders individually for [price] each?”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: *relieved that some progress has been achieved* “How many tenders would you like to order?”

Customer: *turns to his dog, asks his dog how many, then turns back to me* “Small.”

Me: *pause* “I’m sorry, how many was that?”

(The customer again asks his dog and answers with small.)

Me: “How about three?”

Customer: “Yeah, that sounds good.”

(Luckily, the rest of the transaction went smoothly. As soon as the customer pulled away, my coworkers and I burst into laughter.)

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Unfiltered Story #181141

, , | Unfiltered | December 27, 2019

I used to work in a women’s clothing boutique. We sold pretty much everything you could want in that area except shoes. Since the company had expanded beyond the one store in the mid-20th century, we had never sold shoes. There was also only one other location in the surrounding area.

Customer: My friend found these great boots here last week, and I’d like to take a look at them.

Me: I’m sorry, but we don’t sell shoes here.

Customer: No, I asked her where she got the boots and she said [my store].

Me: I’m sorry, but we’ve never sold shoes here. Perhaps it was another store with a similar name?

Customer: NO. She was at [mall] and she said she got her boots at [my store].

Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t have a store at [mall], and we have never sold shoes. Perhaps it was [other store that DOES have a location at that mall]. They sell shoes in addition to women’s clothes.

Customer: NO! My friend was at [mall] and she got her boots at [my store]!

Me: I…don’t know what else to say to you.

I am certain the friend got her boots at a store that had locations in the other mall as well as ours. People got us mixed up more than once. But the names sound NOTHING alike!

Not A Winning Formula

, , , , , | Working | December 22, 2019

(My husband is on a business trip and my car is not working, and I’m uncomfortable walking the six miles into town with my infant daughter, so I’ve been having our nonperishable groceries delivered to the house. It’s near the holidays and deliveries are running behind, even more than I have allowed for. I call the store and get a rush put on the most important item, and they assure me it will arrive the next morning. Sure enough, the next morning I hear a knock at the door and go to answer.)

Delivery Worker: “Okay, sign here. Rush order, huh? Last-minute Christmas shopping?”

Me: “Actually, it’s formula for my baby. Thank you so much for getting this here so quickly! We were almost out!”

Delivery Worker: “You feed your kid formula? What is wrong with you?”

Me: “Uh… right. Well, I’ll just take that…”

(I reach for the package, but she isn’t letting go. We struggle awkwardly for a minute before I yank the package from her hands and step back through the doorway into the house.)

Delivery Worker: “Hey! That’s rude!”

Me: “Not as rude as taking food from a baby!” *slams door*

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