You Should Scream For Your Ice Cream

, , , , , | Working | November 27, 2019

(I am a fairly unobtrusive person and tend to step lightly. I am at the mall with some friends. We decide to get sandwiches for lunch and then look around the mall before we have to leave. One of my friends has gone to a creamery across the way from the sandwich shop and tells us that it is really good, so when I finish my sandwich I go to get some ice cream of my own. That section of the mall is fairly empty; I am the only person anywhere near the creamery except for the lone employee behind the counter, reading something on his phone. I walk up to the counter and bend to read the labels over the ice cream. I read all of them and the employee doesn’t notice me. I take my time and read all the labels on the toppings. Still no reaction from the employee. I read all the syrup labels. Still no reaction. By now I am getting a little concerned, even if it has been nice to have the time to read the labels without making the employee wait.)

Me: “Um… Excuse me?”

Employee: *jumps* “Oh, sorry, miss! I didn’t see you there!”

(He made my ice cream and apologized for not noticing when I came up to the counter. The ice cream was delicious and when I told my friends what had happened they joked that I could be a burglar!)

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Why Younger People Text

, , , , , , | Related | November 23, 2019

(I stay with my grandma most summers while my father works. I’m about eight years old, watching TV inside, and Grandma is outside working on her truck. Her landline phone rings.)

Me: *loudly through the open door* “Grandma! The phone is ringing!”

Grandma: “I’ve got oil on my hands; can you answer it and tell them I’ll be right there?”

Me: “Hello–“

Caller: *shouting* “You’re in so much trouble! You oughta be ashamed of yourself! I’m gonna call the sheriff on you and you’re gonna get arrested! And go to jail!

(I hang up and burst into tears just as my grandma walks in.)

Grandma: “Honey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

Me: *blubbering* “The man on the phone was yelling at meeeee! He— He said he was gonna send me to jaaaaaail!”

(The phone rings again and Grandma snatches it off the receiver.)

Grandma: “Who is… [Grandma’s Brother]? Oh, Lord, do you have any idea what you just did, you idiot?”

(Turns out, Grandma’s brother, who lived nearby, noticed he was driving behind Grandma’s truck earlier in the day and that she had a tail light out. He figured he’d call his little sister up and “threaten” to call the sheriff — the sheriff at the time being their older brother. And the reason he was yelling into the phone? He was half-deaf at that point and too stubborn to wear his hearing aids. It took Grandma ten minutes to get me to stop crying, and I didn’t answer her phone again for a month!)

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Unfiltered Story #177732

, , | Unfiltered | November 19, 2019

(I work in a credit union. Most of my members are great but I get a few that are…….interesting.)
Me: “Credit union! This is (my name), how can I help you?”
Member: “Uh…….yes. You are closed for Thanksgiving, right?”
Me: “Yes sir we are!”
Member: “Oh, will my debit card still work since you won’t be there to make it work?”
Me: (Wanting to say No it won’t) …….”Yes sir, it will….?”
Member: “Great! Thanks bye!” *Hangs up*
Me:…(facepalm)

Need A Data Entry Sentry

, , , , | Right | November 7, 2019

(I work in the data entry department of an accounting firm that specializes in religious organizations and non-profit charities. Believe me, there is no greater stinginess in the world than that of a megachurch religious group’s accountants and pastors when you want to take money away from them — to get our company and people paid or to help them pay their taxes, either or — rather than give money to them. Each of our separate departments has its own specialized software for their respective tasks, and thus a person in one department usually can’t fill the requests of a client for something needed from another department. I’m also one of two people in my office with the same first name, and the other [Shared Name] isn’t in my department. The phone rings. I am confused as DE usually doesn’t get called from outside numbers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Client: “Hi. It’s [Client] from [Church]. I’m calling back about the status of [job from another department].”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, you probably meant the other [Shared Name]; there are two of us here. He’s in [other department].”

Client: “Well, I have you here now. So, about–” *starts going into complex detail about a job from [other department]*

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t help you with that, ma’am. I don’t work in that department. If you’ll hold a moment, I can transfer you to the other [Shared Name].”

Client: “No, don’t transfer me! I got you; you’re going to solve my problem!”

Me: “I can’t solve your problem, ma’am. It’s not in my department.” *internally: “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”*

Client: “Oh, yes, you can! I know you’re all hooked up to the Internet together in that office!” 

Me: “I’m just going to transfer you to [Other Person With Shared Name] now, ma’am… Please hold.”

Client: “Don’t you dare!”

(I put her on hold and, after calling in a coworker to show me how it was done — like I said, DE doesn’t get calls from outside often, and almost never work-related ones — finally got her transferred over to the right person. The secretary called me later and apologized for sending the client to the wrong person, and we had a nice little laugh over it. Apparently, this sort of behavior is far from abnormal.)

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A Kitten Is For The Contract, Not Just For Christmas

, , , | Right | November 7, 2019

(I work at a national pet store. Instead of selling cats and dogs, we rent out space to local animal shelters and foster groups. One day, a lady comes in with her son and decides to adopt a kitten.)

Me: “Here’s [Foster Group]’s paperwork. Here’s where you enter your information, and you’ll want to read over this page and leave your initials here.”

Customer: “Wait, what does this part mean?”

Me: *reading* “It looks like part of their contract is that if you decide you can’t keep the cat, you have to return it directly to [Foster Group]. If you choose to dump or abandon the cat at a kill shelter, they’ll hold you liable for $500.”

Customer: “What? No shelter has ever made me sign for something like that!”

Me: “Well, if you’re planning to keep the cat, it’s not something you need to worry about, right?”

Customer: “How would they even know what I’m doing with the cat?”

Me: “I know they send emails to make sure everyone is doing okay, but I’m not sure how they’d be able to prove you abandoned the cat. Do you want their phone number? It’s their paperwork, not ours, so maybe they’d be able to explain it better.”

Customer: “I don’t like this. I’m going to have my lawyer friend look over this contract. This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Okay, but if you can’t fill out the paperwork now, you won’t be able to take the kitten home today. All the cats belong to [Foster Group]. They wrote the contract, not us, so we have to follow their rules. Are you sure you don’t want me to call them? I have their phone number right here.”

Customer: “No, I’m just going to go home and talk to my lawyer friend.”

Me: “Okay. Here’s a pamphlet with [Foster Group]’s phone number in case you want to talk to them.”

Customer: “Thank you. What did you say they were called?”

Me: “[Foster Group]. They have a website, too, if you want to look them up.”

(The lady stormed out with her disappointed son, who never said a word through the whole exchange. Later, I found out from the managers that we got a nasty complaint from the woman saying that our contracts were “weirdly worded,” even though I repeatedly told her that neither the cats nor the contracts were ours! I still don’t understand why she didn’t want to be held liable for dumping the cat. Why did she want to spend $100 to adopt it if she didn’t plan to keep it?)

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