Being A Thief Ain’t No Sunshine

, , , , | Legal | January 19, 2019

(I am working third-shift in a convenience store. One night, a somewhat intoxicated woman comes in carrying a handful of sunglasses.)

Woman: “Hi. I need to return these sunglasses.”

Me: “Hello. I can help you with that; I just need to see your receipt to process your refund.”

Woman: “They didn’t give me no receipt! Just give me my money back.”

Me: “No problem; I can reprint your receipt. When did you purchase these items?”

Woman: “Um, Tuesday?”

Me: “Okay, and about what time on Tuesday?”

Woman: “I don’t know; my sister actually bought them… from [another location]. Just give me my money!”

(At this point the customer staggers and knocks over a jerky display.)

Me: *having lost all patience* “Lady, you stole these sunglasses, didn’t you?”

Woman: “Please, just give me my money! I need some money, please!”

Me: *taking the sunglasses and putting them on the back counter* “No, I think I’ll call the police, instead.”

(The woman cussed me out and fled the store. The next day the district manager sent out an email warning about a woman who stole some sunglasses from [other location]. I called him and told him I had them right here with me.)

Threatening Retail Workers Is The Only Power Some People Have

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2019

(While I’m working on unloading the stock, a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Is that the only cashier you have in the whole store? There’s a line, and I’m in a hurry!”

(I look up and see that the line currently consists of two people, not including the customer herself. I head to the registers for backup, grabbing the second person in line and directing them to another register, as per policy. Eventually, I get done with him, and the customer who called me over reaches me.)

Customer: “I have a coupon, as well.”

(I ring up her items and try to take her coupon, but she keeps a vice grip on it.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use it, I have to take it.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! I can use it as many times as I want!”

Me: “That’s not true. We keep the coupons.”

Customer: “Well, they let me do it before! You obviously need to learn to do your job!”

Me: “I don’t know who let you keep the coupon before, ma’am, but that’s not how this works. You use the coupon, and we keep it.”

Customer: “They let me do it before, so just do your job!”

(Whenever a customer is being unreasonable and I have a choice to stand my ground or let them have what they want, I ask myself, “Is this worth getting a complaint to corporate later?” Resolving a corporate complaint involves a lecture from our district manager, who would do anything to save a sale. It also requires calling the customer afterward to apologize and offer them something for free, even if the customer is wrong. Her coupon will save her less than five dollars, so I conclude that it’s not worth the hassle. I scan it and let her keep it.)

Customer: *smugly* “I’m going to call to complain about you!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Who’s your manager?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty.”

Customer: *literally throws her head back to scoff loudly* “Ha! You’re a sorry excuse for a manager. You should learn how to do your job! You’re supposed to let customers keep their coupons! This isn’t [Grocery Store]!”

Me: “…?”

Customer: “My coupon is still good until [next month]! I can keep using it. Now hurry up and ring up my coupon!”

Me: “I did.”

Customer: “Well, then, do the thing you do at your register!”

(I glance at my register, spin the PIN pad around to read it, and then spin it back to show her where it reads, “Please swipe or insert your card.”)

Me: “You need to swipe or insert your card.”

Customer: “Who’s your manager?”

Me: “[Boss].”

Customer: *victorious smile* “Well, he’ll be hearing all about this!”

(She started to stomp away, nearly forgetting her receipt until she spun around, saw me holding it out to her, and snatched it out of my hands. I honestly wish I had stood my ground and made her give up the coupon, but my boss and district manager would both have wanted me to save the sale, so I know this was the correct route to avoid getting in trouble. I just don’t know why she felt compelled to fuss so much at me AFTER I gave her what she wanted! I guess threatening retail workers is the only thing that makes her feel powerful.)

Really Gunning For That TV

, , , , | Right | January 13, 2019

(Over the summer I worked for [Satellite Company] as an intern. My tech trainer and I are currently at a customer’s home. Most customers are nice and quiet so we finish quickly, but at this house, we’ve been there for two hours. The customer, an older gentleman, is a hoarder, resulting in me having to climb over various things to work on his TV and cable box. I’m currently talking to him casually.)

Customer: “Sorry about the mess. I know it’s bad but I don’t have the time to get around to it.”

Me: “It’s fine, man. Trust me, we’ve been to places that were a lot worse.”

Customer: “Yeah, just want to show my daughter what a mess she left her father in when I’m dead and she comes back to get the rest of her s***.”

(Our whole conversation prior was basically his life story.)

Me: “I hear ya; that’s terrible.”

Customer: “The TV’s the only thing that keeps me going now. If that was gone I’d probably just end it here.”

(He pulls out a pistol under the recliner he’s sitting on as he’s saying this and starts pointing it at various places including me. My trainer’s been outside the entire time working on the satellite dish.)

Me: *about to have a panic attack but manage to stay calm on the outside* “Well, then, I guess we better get you set up nice!”

(We finally finish at the customer’s house and get in the van. I turn to my trainer.)

Me: “[Trainer], please, for the love of god, get us the f*** out of here.”

Tech: “That bad?”

Me: “Dude.”

(I then explained the story to him. We both laughed, and eventually my anxiety went back to being manageable. The job was fantastic and most customers were fantastic but this customer was seriously terrifying.)

Unfiltered Story #136352

, , | Unfiltered | January 11, 2019

Customer Service: [My Name], can you test out this computer?  The customer wants to return it.
Me: Sure. [I ran a few basic tests]… OK, it tests out fine.
Customer Service: Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t take this back.  It’s outside the return policy and there’s nothing wrong with it.
Customer: How dare you!  I had to go all the way home just to get the charger for this!
Manager [stepping in]: Ma’am, we could only have taken it back if there was something wrong with it.  But there’s nothing wrong with it and it’s outside the return policy anyway.
Customer: I had to drive all the way home for this!  This endangered the life of my child! He’s sick!  I am a CUSTOMER!
Manager: We cannot take this back. This conversation is over.
Customer: You told me one thing and now your employee is telling me something else.  I KNOW MY RIGHTS!
Manager: We cannot take this back.
Customer: I KNOW MY RIGHTS!
Manager: This conversation is over.  Please leave.

Eventually the police were called in… by the customer!  She called 911 to complain that we wouldn’t take her return.

Love Needs Its Beauty Sleep

, , , , , | Romantic | January 7, 2019

(It’s very late at night, and I am sound asleep when my phone rings.)

Me: *groggily* “H’lo?”

Voice: “[Not My Name]? [Not My Name], it’s Bob.”

Me: “Bob?”

Voice: “Yes. I need to know how you feel about me.”

Me: “What?”

Voice: “Look. I’ve been in love with you for years, and I need to know if you feel the same way.”

Me: “Who is this?”

Voice: *impatiently* “It’s Bob; you know me!”

Me: “It’s 2:30 in the morning. I don’t know who you are, and if you were in love with me, then you’d know better than to call me at this hour.”

Voice: “Look! I just—“

Me: “If you want to talk to me about this, find me and talk to me about it in broad daylight. I don’t love anybody right now. I’m tired. Goodbye.”

(I hung up and went back to sleep. I never got another phone call from the mysterious Bob, and no one ever confessed their hitherto unknown love for me. Seriously, though, there is no confession of love that can’t wait until at least sunrise.)

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