Confusion Has His The Sunroof

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2021

Customer: “I’m here for my 2:00 pm appointment for an oil change.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. When you’re finished, your total will be $28.16.”

Customer: “Can I add a note?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Can you ask them not to put the windows down? They won’t go back up. I left the sunroof open for access.”

Me: “I apologize, but access to what?”

Customer: “Just don’t put my windows down.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I’m not understanding the sunroof?”

Customer: *Grinning like I’m an idiot* “Thank you!”

Me: *Genuinely confused* “Ma’am, I understand not to put the windows down, but I don’t understand why we would need access through the sunroof. Is there an issue with the doors?”

Customer: *Same grin* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!”

Me: “All right, then.”

I then walk into the bay, because surely the tech knows something I don’t.

Tech: “She means that if we lock the keys in the car, we can get in through the sunroof, which ain’t happening, ‘cause I’m not climbing in through a sunroof.”

Me: “Why didn’t she just say that instead of acting like a dumba** about it?!”

Tech: *Shrugs*

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Totally Estúpido! Part 17

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 18, 2021

My girlfriend is visiting me in my apartment. She has an upcoming vacation planned to Panama with two friends. One of her friends speaks Spanish as her first language. During many of my conversations with her about this trip, she mentions the “Spanish friend” going with her on the trip and how helpful she has been in spearheading the arrangements since she speaks the national language of Panama.

Me: “You know, there are differences to how Spanish is spoken in Spain compared to how it is spoken in Latin America. Has she been experiencing any issues?”

Girlfriend: *Confused* “What do you mean?”

Me: “Your friend, the one from Spain going with you on your trip.”

She looks at me as if I’m wearing a block of cheese as a hat.

Girlfriend: “She’s not from Spain! She’s from Honduras!”

Me: *Confused pause* “Throughout the entirety of the weeks you’ve been talking about your trip, you’ve been saying, ‘My Spanish friend this,’ and, ‘My Spanish friend that.'”

Girlfriend: “Because she speaks Spanish!”

Me: “That doesn’t make her Spanish; she’s Honduran.”

Girlfriend: “It’s the same thing.”

Me: “No, it is not the same thing. You’re an American, but what if you were living in a foreign country and your local friend kept referring to you as their English friend? Wouldn’t that bother you?”

I can see the wheels turning in her head as she realizes I am right, but she’s trying to deflect.

Girlfriend: “Well… this isn’t like that.”

Me: “Yes, it is. It is exactly like that. You’re Asian. Do you speak Asian?”

Even after all that, every single time her friend comes up in conversation in the days or weeks that followed, she still refers to her as “my Spanish friend.”

Me: “You don’t have a Spanish friend; you have a Honduran friend.”

She would either reply with, “Whatever!” or she would repeat her statement with “my HONDURAN FRIEND!”

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 16
Totally Estúpido! Part 15
Totally Estúpido! Part 14
Totally Estupido, Part 13
Totally Estupido, Part 12

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Negative, Ghost Ryder; My Brain Is Full

, , , , | Related | February 17, 2021

I have just spent a little over an hour on my weekly video chat with my five-year-old goddaughter when she apparently starts getting bored of our games. We do these chats on their kid-friendly tablet that they normally only get to use for long drives and video chats.

Me: “Why did you turn off my video?”

Goddaughter: “I want to watch a video.”

Me: “If you want to watch something, maybe I should say goodbye and hang up.”

Goddaughter: “No! We can talk while I watch something.”

Since she wants me to stay on the video chat, I do, but she is clearly too distracted to engage with me from that point. About ten minutes later, after my last attempt to ask her a question, I get this response.

Goddaughter: “I’m done talking with you, so I’m going to hang up now.”

Me: “Okay, I love you.”

I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before she had hung up. Less than an hour prior, she had been telling me that she loved me so much she planned to marry me when she grew up, and now I’ve been replaced by “Paw Patrol.” Apparently, love can be a fickle and fleeting thing for us godfathers.

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Toddlers And Feral Cats: A Perfect Pair

, , , , , | Related | February 6, 2021

My first apartment complex had a number of feral cats that would roam the outskirts of the complex since some of the homeowners put out food for them. I was very bored at the time, as I’d just moved to this new area and didn’t know anyone yet, so out of curiosity, I took out some meat one evening to see if a feral cat would come to me to eat.

One little kitten “volunteered” himself by running up to me when he saw me try to feed the other cats, which was already far more outgoing than any of the other ferals.  

He was cautious at first, fleeing from me after taking his meat as the others did. After a number of feedings, I eventually got him to come to me to take the meat out of my hand. Some feedings after that, he would tolerate my right hand briefly touching his head when he grabbed the food out of my left hand. Some feedings after that, he would accept a single stroke of his head to get food. And finally, after a long-fought war, he would willingly allow me to pet him after I finished feeding him.

Eventually, my complex put out cages to catch all the cats, and when my favorite cat was caught, I went to the local shelter and adopted him officially. It took him a few days to get used to being in a house, but he came out of his shell and became a very affectionate cat who loved to be pet. Every night when I got up to go to bed, he would race to my bedroom and take up a spot on the pillows above my head and spend all night curled up with me.

A little while later, I offered to allow some friends to stay at my apartment for the night to save on hotel costs. I warned them that my cat was technically a feral cat, having spent his kittenhood outside with only my intermittent brief visits to feed him for human interaction. Even though he had come to trust me, since I fed him as a kitten, I didn’t know how he would be around other humans. I told them if he was a problem I would lock him in the laundry room for the evening.

When they arrived, their toddler was fascinated by my cat and chased the poor feline all over my small apartment trying to hold him. She was too young to know how to handle cats and so was always trying to pull the poor cat’s tail or pick him up awkwardly. Originally, I was afraid he might lash out at her, but he tolerated her admirably, never once hissing or growling at her no matter what she did.

However, most shocking of all was that, as soon as they managed to get the toddler to go to sleep, my cat went over to her bed and curled up above her head for the night. That was the only night he didn’t sleep with me, having assigned himself to watching over the toddler that had tormented him all evening, instead.

After that, it was clear, despite having grown up outside, that he was always meant to be with people. I’m quite thankful for my random decision to relieve my boredom by seeing whether I could tame a “feral” cat.

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A Little Slice of Coincidence

, , , , , | Related | February 5, 2021

This took place before I was born, back in Ye Olde 1980s when people had landlines with multiple receivers around the house. My brother and sister were very young at the time — five and three, I believe — and they were playing around upstairs.

Meanwhile, my parents were downstairs, and they decided to order a pizza. My dad picked up the phone and called the pizza place, but they were busy and placed him on hold. While he was waiting, my brother picked up the phone upstairs and pretended to order a pizza, blissfully unaware that anyone was actually on the line. Then, he hung up the phone and continued playing with my sister.

Once the pizza place finally took my dad off hold to take his order, Dad ordered the exact same pizza my brother had requested. He went to the store to pick it up, came back home, and called out:

Dad: “[Brother], the pizza you ordered is here!”

I’m told that my brother’s expression was quite comical.

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