The Retail Equivalent Of Breaking Up Via Text

, , , , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I am the electronics manager at a big-box retailer. One of the new hires in my department is the practical epitome of a poor worker; he frequently shows up late, is rude to other employees, and often sits around doing nothing instead of fulfilling his duties. He has had multiple write-ups and is fresh off a suspension for making a rude remark to his immediate supervisor. Lo and behold, he shows up an hour late on his first shift back from suspension, and I spot him loafing around in the in-store cafe. I decide enough is enough and he has to be let go, but I’m very busy and cannot talk to him in person. So, I decide to be a little creative…)

Me: *over the PA* “[New Hire], if you can hear me… YOU’RE FIRED!” *pause* “Please head to the store manager’s office to pick up your termination papers.”

(Soon after, the new hire storms towards the office, cursing loudly. Several customers are looking at me in disbelief.)

Electronics Supervisor: “I gotta say, that was one h*** of a way to let that guy go!”

(Thirty minutes later, I was called into the store manager’s office and written up for not following termination protocol properly. Totally worth it, given how much of a jerk that new hire was to begin with.)

Unfiltered Story #140416

, , , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2019

( pregnant woman comes in to the store all mad and her husband follows)
Me;  hi how are you is there anything I can help you with”
Customer “ya my here husband waa sent to the store for frozen yogurt.
Husband “technically i did get frozen yogurt”
Me” ma’am did he get the wrong brand or flavor”
Customer “ya!  He bought Disneys frozen yogurt”
Me”ok ma’am you can take it to customer service and you can return it”
Customer” can i return him to” (points to husband”
Me” no ma’am im sorry u can not”
Customer” fine
She walkes away to the service desk and the guy said im lucky to be alive

The Only Time It’s Acceptable To Ask

, , , , | Healthy | February 11, 2019

(My daughter has had an accident at daycare where she smacked her nose pretty hard into the side of a table, so I’ve taken her to the urgent care clinic across the street. Due to the location of the injury, my husband and I have agreed to have them do an x-ray, just in case. Unfortunately, my husband has to return to work, so it’s just me with my daughter. It is important to note that I am also five-months pregnant, and it’s starting to be very obvious.)

X-Ray Tech: “Hi, Mom! We’re all ready to take [Daughter] for her x-ray.”

Me: “Great! Come on, [Daughter]. We’re going to go take a picture of the inside of your head!”

(The tech takes a better look at me, looks down at my rounded belly, looks back up at me, and puts on an impressively good poker face.)

X-Ray Tech: “I’m sorry, but um… I have to ask; is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “Yes, five months!” *smiles at her for a few seconds, and then the penny drops* “Ohhh, right.”

X-Ray Tech: “I’ll just get one of the nurses to go in with [Daughter].”

(Pregnancy brain is real!)

An Alarming Lack Of Overstock

, , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I shop I work at has a ton of artist-made, one-of-a-kind items. It’s is also quite small and built in a historic building.)

Customer: “Do you have this bowl in blue?”

Me: “I’m afraid what you see is all we have.”

Customer: “Could you check the back?”

Me: “All of our product is on display; we don’t have overstock.”

Customer: “Don’t be lazy! Just check the back room.”

Me: “There is no back room to check.”

Customer: “Then what’s that?”

Me: “That’s our back door.”

(The customer rolls their eyes and huffs but continues shopping. A few minutes later, the alarm shrieks out. The customer has opened the back door, setting off the alarm and stepping outside. I rush to disable the alarm, and there’s a minute of silence before I hear a knock at the back door. Outside, there’s a narrow, private alley locked on both sides by a tall gate, and the customer has obviously found himself caged in. I open the door to find him looking sheepish, and he quickly makes his way through the store to leave. I can’t help calling after him:)

Me: “Did you find overstock in the back room?”

Unfiltered Story #136403

, , | Unfiltered | January 14, 2019

(I received a call.)

Caller: “Do you guys sell—“ *unintelligible mumble* “—ear plugs?”

Me: “Do we sell ear plugs? Yes, we sell generic ear plugs.”

Caller: “Well what kind are they?”

Me: “Um… they’re ear plugs.”

Caller: “Well what do they look like?”

Me: “They’re small and brown…”

Caller: “Hmm… let me see what they look like. Do you have pictures of them on your website?”

Me: “…No. We just sell them in store, since they’re only like $3.”

Caller: “Huh. Well that isn’t helpful. These sound like just generic cheap ear plugs.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I said they were.”

Caller: “Ah… well that’s too simple for me. I need something more complex.”

Me: “Sorry, this is all we have.”

Caller: *click*

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