She Has Steal Appeal

, , , , , , | Right | April 20, 2019

(I’m working the information desk with my coworker when this happens. A middle-aged, blonde woman with a strong Eastern European accent comes up, looking very angry.)

Customer: “I need police!”

Me: “Okay, what for?”

Customer: “My purse stolen! I vas sitting at bench outside, I put my purse under, and next thing I know it gone. Person next to me, gone, too!”

Me: “And how long ago was this?”

Customer: “About ten minutes ago.”

Me: “Oh, wow. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Do you need the number for the police?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I give her the non-emergency number for the local police.)

Me: “Here. You can call that number and file a stolen property report. The police should talk to you soon.”

(She dials the number on her cell phone and starts talking.)

Customer: “Yes, I need police officer!” *pause* “My purse stolen!” *pause* “I was sitting at bus stop, I put my purse under the bench, and when I look up it gone! Person next to me, gone too!” *pause* “Okay.” *pause* “No.” *pause* “Ten minutes ago, why?” *pause* “What?! But why can you not send someone now? I at library, [address], you always have officer here! But, but…” *pause* “Fine! But be here quick!”

(I’m definitely not liking where this conversation is going. For the record, we sometimes have an officer stationed in our library, because we tend to get a higher-than-average number of patrons who do not know how to behave well, but only on weekend evenings.)

Customer: “You idiot! Why you give me that number?!”

Me: “Wha… Ma’am?”

Customer: “I need officer right now! Why you not give me 911?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am… I’m sorry, but you described a crime that happened a while ago. Dialing non-emergency and filing a report is usually the wisest thing to do.”

Customer: “But I need right now! Why officer not here?! You alvays have one!”

Me: “Well… that’s usually only on evenings, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, now, what I do?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but the best I can tell you is to wait for the officer to come.”

(She stomps off angrily. I assume that will be the end of it. Stupid me. About four minutes later:)

Customer: “This all your fault!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “All my documents gone! My social security, my passport, my medication — gone!”

Me: “Well… I’m sorry, madam, but you are expected to be responsible for your own personal property.”

Customer: “So, why not call 911?!”

Me: *patience stretching just a tad thin* “Ma’am, with all due respect, if you know the number for 911, why not just call them yourself?!”

Customer: “Because you have officer here in library!”

Coworker: “I’ll call 911 for you, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you! He know what he doing!”

(Even after that, she still comes back to harass me several times at my desk, telling me how stupid and incompetent I am, how she’s going to make my life miserable if she doesn’t get her purse back, etc. She also proceeds to talk over my coworker whenever he tries to mediate between us. But I’m still willing to let this go, until this happens!)

Customer: “You know vat? I bet it was black guy!”

Me: *keeps my mouth shut, as I don’t want to make an already volatile situation worse* “Mm-hmm.”

Customer: “I’m serious! That’s all black people do: steal! I remember all my pill stolen when I talk to one once!”

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t speculate like that. It’s offensive.”

Customer: “But it truth!”

(Did I mention that my coworker standing next to me, who called 911 for her, is also black? Remind me to commend him for his patience. She goes back to sit down, but — you guessed it — not even two minutes later:)

Customer: “If you just call 911 first time, I no be here, you stupid, incompetent, worthless little—“



Coworker: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, let’s calm down. [My Name], the police officer is here; how about I take [Customer] downstairs?

Me: *deep breath* “Yes, please.”

(A few minutes later.)

Coworker: “Okay, the officer’s taking her statement, but he also decided it’d be a good idea to ask her to leave the library.”

Me: “Good. Thank you, [Coworker].” *deep sigh* “I want to feel bad for her, since she did get stolen from, but some people really make it difficult. Especially considering this didn’t even take place on our property.”

(I somehow never got written up for this.)

Too Much Sunshine Leaves You In A State

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2019

(My wife participates in a mom-and-child fitness program that incorporates the stroller and nursery songs and games for the kids to get them involved in fitness. They don’t have a storefront, but instead, classes meet at malls, parks, and shopping centers around town. Since they’re a business dealing with small children, they are very strict on passersby taking pictures. During warm-ups one day, a woman in a heavily-bedazzled denim jacket and matching jeans shows up and starts taking photos.)

Instructor: “Ma’am, please don’t take photos of us. We are a franchise and do not allow it.”

Denim Clad Woman: “Oh, it’s okay. I’m from Florida.”

(She promptly walked off, leaving everyone in the circle scratching their heads in between squats.)

A Deadly Combo Of Sheer Anger And Pure Stupidity

, , , | Right | March 25, 2019

(This takes place at a fast food restaurant drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *sharply* “Hold on, okay?”

Me: “All right, let me know when you’re ready to order.”

(Five whole minutes pass. I can hear them just talking to their passenger about unrelated things while four cars pile up behind him.)

Me: “Are you ready to order?”

Customer: “Huh? Oh, I guess. Give me a number 18 with an orange juice.”

Me: “All right. Anything else?”

Customer: “Give me two number 18s, with orange juice. That’s it.”

Me: “Does everything look right on the screen?”

Customer: “I never wanted two combos. Why did you put two combos?”

Me: *slightly irritated* “Okay, I took it off. Does everything look right?”

Customer: “What are you doing? Are you stupid? I want one combo and then the crunch-wrap by itself.”

Me: “…Okay, sir. You can pull forward.”

(I meet him at the window, moderately annoyed but cheerful.)

Me: “So you have one combo and one crunch-wrap?”

Customer: “NO! I just want two crunch-wraps! Why don’t you understand this?”

Me: “All right, sir.”

(Despite my self-control, I’m struggling to keep cool. I hand him his bag of two crunch-wraps.)

Customer: “Where are my drinks and my hash-browns? I wanted two combos!”

Me: “Sir… you didn’t want two combos.”

Customer: “So you didn’t ring me up for what I f****** ordered?”

Me: “…”

(I shoved two hash-browns into his bag, handed it over, and went to dunk my head in the fryer.)

So Incompetent You Could Just Die!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I live with my grandmother as she has problems moving around. Since I moved in with her, I have added Internet access on top of her normal cable box. However, I have noticed that the Internet randomly drops connection and stays disconnected for a few minutes. I call up the Internet company and notice that it is under my grandfather’s name first. He passed away ten years ago.)

Internet Rep: “Am I speaking to [Grandfather]?”

Me: “No, I’m his grandson. He passed away ten years ago. I can put my grandmother on the line as she is also on the account.”

Internet Rep: “I’m sorry, but unless he talks to me I can’t continue this conversation. He is the name on the account.”

Me: “I don’t understand; she is also on the account, so she can help out.”

Internet Rep: “He is on the account. I can’t continue unless he talks with me.”

(I decide to try something stupid and tell him to hold on.)

Me: *with the same voice* “Hello, this is [Grandfather].”

Internet Rep: “Ah, thank you. Now we can begin your fix. What is the problem?”

(I couldn’t believe that worked. In fact, I just found it easier to say I’m my grandfather when talking with the companies. I asked how to remove his name from the account during another conversation, but I needed a four certified copies of his death certificate!)

Unfiltered Story #144713

, , , | Unfiltered | March 22, 2019

I’m monitoring the self check-out registers when an elderly lady comes up to me.

– Do you work here? (Clearly my work shirt, nametag and hat with the company logo were not enough of a sign.)

– Yes ma’am.

*She shows me a bag of garlic priced at 56 cents.*

– This garlic was marked as $2.99 per pound, not $3.99! What are you going to do about it?!

*Knowing full well that garlic has always been $3.99, I point at the customer service desk not 10 feet away from where we were.*

– Unfortunately, I’m not authorized to make price changes, but the people over at customer service will be able to direct your complaint to the right people and get your situation corrected.


After that, she stormed off in a huff. I was half tempted to offer to buy the garlic myself if paying an extra 10 cents or so was such a loss for her.

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