A Slight Wrinkle In The Application

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2017

(My sister is a counter manager in a department store for a mid-level makeup brand. One day, a customer comes in to return an anti-aging serum.)

Customer: “I need to return this. It’s making me sick.”

Sister: “Do you mean it’s causing a rash?”

Customer: “No, it’s making me physically ill!”

Sister: *now really confused* “Are you having an allergic reaction?”

Customer: “No, I get sick to my stomach every time I take it!”

Sister: “What do you mean, ‘when you take it’? How are you using this?”

(It turned out the customer had been SWALLOWING the serum. The directions for use on the bottle clearly said to rub a couple drops of it into one’s face, but she skipped the reading part, saw the medicine dropper attached to the cap used to measure it out, and decided that meant it was to be swallowed. She had been ingesting this serum twice a day for a couple of weeks before she’d had enough, because it wasn’t fixing her wrinkles!)

Getting Hysterical-ectomy

, , | Healthy | December 4, 2017

(I am a lesbian, and I occasionally experience extremely severe symptoms when on my period, for up to 5 days, such as a complete inability to eat without vomiting, severe pain, and on a couple occasions, seizures. After talking it over with my wife, I decide to go in to speak to my gynecologist and ask her about how to go about getting a hysterectomy. The trouble starts right from when I attempt to book an appointment. After getting through hold and basic introductions.)

Me: “I would like to schedule a consultation with [Doctor] about having a hysterectomy.”

Receptionist: “Okay! Just so you know, if you have a hysterectomy, you won’t be able to have children afterwards!”

Me: “I know. That’s fine.”

(The receptionist then schedules the consultation without any more fuss. On the day of the appointment, I arrive with my wife so that we can both talk to the gynecologist.)

Doctor: “I don’t think that this is a bad idea given your symptoms, but you need to understand that if you go through with this you will never, ever be able to have babies. There is no way to undo it if you decide you want kids.”

Me: “I know. That’s fine.”

Doctor: “We could schedule it a year or two out so you could have one last baby before your surgery.”

Me: “I have never had children.”

Doctor: “So you want to wait—”

Me: “Shut up and listen to me. I am gay. The only penises that ever go inside me are made of plastic. I will not be having children either way. I don’t care. We can adopt. [Wife] could have artificial insemination. It doesn’t matter.”

Doctor: “If you say so…”

(My gynecologist continued to flare at me and mention children several times, and even tried to show me pictures of her own kids, while she was recommending surgeons to me and helping me schedule with one of them. With the surgeon, he also listed all the possible side effects, but a simple “I understand” was all it took to convince him, luckily.)

Unfiltered Story #101104

, | Unfiltered | December 3, 2017

I work on commission, and as per store policy, I hand out business cards to every customer I spend a significant amount of time helping. The cards have my business email address on them. I encourage customers to send me emails with any further questions.

Today a previous customer sent me a photo of his penis.

The Greatest Generation Of Debt Payers

, , , , , | Right | December 1, 2017

(The restaurant I work for is in a very small town, and as such, we have a devoted group of elderly regulars that are allowed to have a tab because we see them everyday. One day one of the regulars walks in, hands me a blank check, and tells me to hang it up with his tab.)

Me: “[Regular], what is this for? You only have a few dollars on your tab.”

Regular: “Yes, I know, but I just turned 80!”

Me: “Uh?”

Regular: “So, if I die, you can fill that out and pay for my food! I can’t just not pay!”

Me: *shocked* “[Regular], if you die, I don’t think we’ll be worried about a few dollars for eggs!”

Got More Than A Chip On Your Shoulder

, , | Healthy | November 29, 2017

(I go to my routine semi-annual dental check-up, and tell my dentist that I think I have chipped a molar, as there is a rough patch on my tooth that keeps catching my tongue, causing it to blister and bleed on a regular basis.)

Dentist: “Oh, yes, there is a small chip.”

Me: “Can we get it fixed?”

Dentist: “Insurance won’t cover the procedure as it’s ‘cosmetic.’”

Me: “It’s literally causing my tongue to bleed. This chip is painful, and it’s actually causing injury to me. I think it’s more than cosmetic.”

Dentist: “Oh, you’ll be fine. Just don’t play with it.”

(This went on for months. I kept asking him to fix the chip, and he kept refusing. I also got opinions from other dentists that said the chip needed to be filled, but my dentist still refused. Ultimately I switched to a new dentist due to a change in insurance; the new dentist took one look at the chip and had me scheduled for an appointment to get it filled a few days later.)

New Dentist: “Yeah, let’s get this taken care of; you shouldn’t have to suffer with this chip causing you pain and open sores. Plus, it’s deep enough that your dentin is exposed. If we leave this open any longer, your whole tooth would be in danger of forming an abscess, which would need a root canal to fix.”

Me: *in shocked disbelief* “My tooth could have rotted away from the inside out because my old dentist couldn’t be bothered to give me a filling the size of a pin-head?!”

New Dentist: “Yep.”

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