Valet Away

, , , , , | Legal | August 12, 2018

(I arrive at work to find the assistant store manager looking frazzled.)

Manager: “You just missed the police.”

Me: “Why were the police here?”

Manager: “I had a customer call for a manager. He was very upset that an employee wouldn’t call the valet to return his car.”

Me: “We don’t have a valet…”

Manager: “Yup. He refused to believe that because he had given his keys to the valet and they drove away when he got here.”

Me: “Oh… oh, no.”

Manager: “Yeah, hence… police.”

Suffering Bad Pet Owners

, , , , , | Healthy | July 30, 2018

(I work the front desk in a highly recommended vet hospital that has both appointments with doctors and a walk-in emergency service. Emergency visits are always a trip. A young man walks in, carrying his dachshund mix. He tells me that his dog is having respiratory distress, so I take her back to see the doctor first before getting his information. It turns out that the dog has been having breathing troubles for two days. The doctor is not impressed with that info and, with client approval, takes some x-rays to see what might be going on internally. It’s cancer, a lot of cancer in all of the places. The dog is not comfortable outside of oxygen, so the vet goes to talk to the owner to explain that euthanasia is the only humane option. By this point, the owner’s father has come to join him and has brought his own dog. He is handling the dog very roughly and occasionally whacks the dog lightly with the end of the leash when he thinks the dog is misbehaving.)

Father: “Vets just want to take your money! Don’t worry, [Dog], they’re not going to see you. This is where dogs come to die.”

(He is making other clients uncomfortable, so I warn the ER doctor as she goes in to speak with them. The client is understandably shocked and upset, but the father is whole other matter.)

Father: “We’re not ready to put her down yet. Can you give us meds to keep her comfortable for another week?”

Vet: “Sir, she isn’t comfortable at all outside of oxygen. It would be against medical advice to take her out of oxygen and take her home.”

Father: “I’ll take her out of oxygen if I want to! It’s not like she’s suffering!”

(The vet was literally so angry she had to leave the room because yes, this dog was suffering! The father continued to be resistant, but the client agreed that it was in her best interest to euthanize her immediately, and handled the rest of the visit like a rational adult.)

 

Unfiltered Story #117775

, | Unfiltered | July 29, 2018

I recently started working in a call center for a large cable/internet provider. I will admit, my company’s not so great reputation is not entirely unearned, some of our customers consistently leave me stunned at the level of entitlement. One of my favorite examples goes as follows:

Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling “Buisness”, how can I help you today?

Customer: I know I have a past due balance, but I need you to turn my cable back on.

This is a common opening remark and I’m always willing to do what I can to help out. Unfortunately, in this case, the only way to get his cable working again was to pay the past due. When I explained this, the customer had one zinger of a remark.

Customer: “I’ll pay you the past due only after, as a sign of good faith, you restart my cable”

At that point, I could only tell him that no, that’s not how that work. He proceeded to swear up a storm and hang up. What did he expect when his account is $1300 in the hole?

Can’t Sneak This Past You

, , , , | Friendly | July 28, 2018

(My best friend and I are both high school seniors, and since it’s likely that we’re going to different colleges, we’re talking about the crazy memories we’re going to make. A common saying in my friend group is, “If it sounds like something [My Name] would do, don’t do it!”)

Friend: “I want to try sneak-attack peeing on someone from a tree.”

Me: “[Friend], that sounds like something that you would be telling hammered-me not to do.”


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I’m P(r)etty Pregnant

, , , , , , , | Romantic | July 27, 2018

There was a guy I met via a dating app, with whom I went on several dates. It got very serious, very quickly, and he started talking about me potentially becoming his girlfriend.

After a little over a month of going on dates, I got a Snapchat from him with the caption, “Girlfriend hack!” and a picture of some other girl. I immediately asked him about her, and he confessed that it was his girlfriend of over a year. I was heartbroken, and the fact that he wouldn’t add me on any social media platforms suddenly made sense.

A week later, I reached out to his girlfriend via Facebook to inform her of her boyfriend’s actions over the past few weeks with me. I felt that if I were in her situation, I’d want someone to tell me. I didn’t tell her out of spite, or to try to get him all to myself. I’ve always felt that when a man cheats, the women shouldn’t blame one another; they should blame him for his actions and his lies.

She didn’t feel the same way. She responded by calling me a liar and yelling at me for interfering in their relationship. I took that moment to remind her that he pursued me on a dating app, meaning that it was his intention to find someone to cheat with. She continued to defend him, and it became very clear to me that she was so in love with him that she’d never leave him, even for her own good. The way he spoke about her, it was obvious that she had low self-esteem, and I guessed that she assumed she couldn’t get another man as attractive and as seemingly sweet as he was. So I let it go.

A few weeks went by, and a mutual friend told me the guy and and his girlfriend got engaged. This really upset me, because I knew the girlfriend/fiancée deserved better, so I took it upon myself to text him and inform him that I was pregnant. He freaked out and started blaming me for getting pregnant, claiming it wasn’t his child. I convinced him that he was the only person I had been with, and that I’d definitely be having a paternity test, which would include him. I also sent him a picture of a positive pregnancy test. He began to panic, telling me to get rid of the baby, and then verbally attacked me personally, saying this would ruin his life. He asked me how could I be so selfish.

The irony was almost too much to handle.

I then told him that he had two options: he could either tell his fiancée himself, or I would. After several text messages convincing him I was serious, he stopped responding.

After an hour without a response, I got a phone call from him, and through tears he told me that he told his fiancée and she left him. He called me names and said I ruined his life. After I let him get it all out of his system, I calmly reminded him that he had no one to blame but himself, because he went on a dating app to find someone to cheat on his girlfriend with, and then broke not only my heart, but his fiancée’s heart, as well. He finally seemed to realize how badly he had screwed up. He asked me how many weeks along I was, because he was wondering if I was still early enough to have an abortion.

I responded by telling him I wasn’t pregnant.

He flipped out so bad. It was one of the funniest moments of my life. I told him that he got exactly what he deserved. I also told him to Google positive pregnancy tests, because he’d find the picture I sent him right at the top. I then hung up the phone and blocked him permanently.

The best part about this story, which happened several years ago, was that recently the ex-fiancée reached out to me to thank me for breaking them up. She told me it was the best thing that could have ever happened to her, and that now she was engaged to another man who treats her well and who she believes is truly her soulmate.

I confessed to her what I did to end her relationship, and she laughed for a good minute before catching her breath enough to call her ex-fiancé several explicit names, saying he got what he deserved. She apologized for all the names she called me, and told me that he constantly made her feel like she wasn’t good enough, so she didn’t believe she was, and let him walk all over her. If she hadn’t believed he had gotten another woman pregnant, she never would have been able to leave him. She and I are now quite good friends, and she even invited me to her wedding.

He, on the other hand, lost all his hair by the age of 30, has a beer belly, is still single, and had to move back in with his mom after the breakup, where he’s lived ever since.

I always felt a little petty for breaking them up, but I’m so glad it ended up working out for the best.

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