Number Teeeeeewwww

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I am a customer who overhears this exchange. A customer rattles the door of the restroom, which is locked. She calls out to an employee.)

Customer: “The bathroom is locked! I need you to unlock it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. It’s not a public restroom.”

Customer: “But someone opened it for me before! You need to open this for me. I need to use the bathroom! Can’t you make an exception?”

Employee: “You can go next door to the grocery store. They have a public restroom in the front.” 

Customer: “But I can’t make it there! If I could make it there, I wouldn’t have asked you! Now I’m going to s*** in my pants!”

(I have moved several rows over from this discussion as the customer gets increasingly agitated.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, I can’t open the door.” *goes back to work*

Customer: *stomps off with her cart, shouting* “I just s*** my pants! I HOPE YOU CAN SMELL IT!”

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, , , , , , | Friendly | November 10, 2019

My three-year-old daughter recently got a betta fish as a first pet, and one afternoon we go to the local pet store to buy a decoration for his tank. She picks out a yellow submarine and proudly walks it to the checkout counter.

As I’m paying, I feel something large and fuzzy bump into me, sending my daughter a few steps back, as well. A massive dog has jumped onto the counter and pulled the submarine down, breaking it. The dog is bigger than my daughter and she begins to cry because she can’t get to me. 

The woman holding the dog gives a token apology while doing little to rein the dog in. I have to move past the dog and pick up my daughter, who is starting to cry. The lady then proceeds to say there’s no reason to worry; her dog is fine — I wasn’t worried about the dog.

She then proceeds to talk to the clerk checking me out, demanding to know if another employee is working, all while he’s still trying to process my payment. 

The clerk discounts the damaged submarine and I head out, clutching my crying daughter, all while the woman with the dog that’s too big for her to control sits there, unsure why everyone is upset. I’ve always liked dogs, but now I know I don’t like dog people!

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Undermined By Underwear

, , , , , , | Learning | November 7, 2019

(I work as a part-time tutor because I need some extra cash and I enjoy working with children. This evening, I am working with a ten-year-old girl who is known to be very bubbly and intelligent. She also tends to be very talkative and I doubt she has ever had a thought she has not vocalized. I am helping her through her study packet when, out of the blue, she says this.)

Girl: “I’m not wearing underwear!”

Me: “W… What?!”

Girl: *giggling* “I don’t have any underwear!”

Me: *takes a moment to process this bizarre declaration* “Uh… yes, you are?”

Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

Me: “Yes, you are.”

Girl: “How do you know?”

Me: “Because you’re wearing leggings and your panties show through them.”

Girl: *sheepish at being caught in a lie* “Oh…”

Me: “Now, stop making up silly things and let’s finish your work.”

(We finish the session without further incident and I think nothing more about it, save for chuckling a couple of times at how odd it is. The next time I come into work, the assistant director asks to speak with me.)

Assistant Director: “I got a very strange report about your conduct from another teacher.” *looks more perplexed than concerned* “She said you were discussing inappropriate topics with your student and… and that you are a peodophile? Something about talking about the underwear she was wearing?”

(I stammer dumbfounded at such accusations, but then I explain to him the full story.)

Assistant Director: *chuckling* “That sounds like something [Girl] would say. I’ll have a talk with the accuser. This is an extremely serious accusation to make for such trivial reasons.”

(I worked with my assigned student that night without incident. There was only one other tutor with me on the floor the night in question, so I knew who must have made the report. I am not sure what was said to her, but she refused to make eye-contact the rest of my time there. There’s a good reason men are under-represented in the field of childhood education. It is far too easy to ruin someone’s life with false accusations. Think before you report!)

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It’s Not Easy, Eating Green

, , , , , , | Learning | November 4, 2019

When I was in high school, I went through a phase of being a vegetarian. I was also on the school’s free lunch program. At one point during my vegetarian phase, the school tried to open a salad bar, which was very helpful for me; on most days, neither lunch option was vegetarian, and bringing paid-for food from home didn’t make sense when I got food from the school for free.

Unfortunately, most of my classmates weren’t fans, and halfway through the school year, the salad bar was shut down due to running at too much of a loss. Not wanting to burden my parents by having them pack me lunches with fresh veggies and/or tofu “meats”, neither of which were cheap, I tried to make do with what I could still access. So for a while, my main entree was whatever that day’s main side was, usually french fries; that’s not the healthiest option, I know, but at the time, I was too stubborn to just stop being vegetarian because it would have been more practical.

One day, I saw a tray with a bowl of salad sitting on top of the counter from further in the line. When I got to the counter, the lady handed it to me, at which point I saw that it was how I usually made my salads from the salad bar. Turns out, the ladies decided to just start ordering the ingredients necessary to make sure I wasn’t relying on carbs most days. Looking back, I’m sure there was some bureaucracy they had to jump through to be able to order these, unless it was out of their own pockets, which would still be impressive considering, again, fresh veggies aren’t cheap.

I eventually gave up being vegetarian anyway, and made sure to inform them when I did so they knew to stop ordering the necessary ingredients — though I added that I would happily finish what they already had in stock so it wouldn’t be wasted.

Among the horror stories of how poorer kids are treated with regards to school lunches nowadays, it warms my heart to remember how my old lunch ladies looked out for a poor student who just wanted to try eating healthier for a while.

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Do You Have To Let It Lingerie

, , , , | Right | November 4, 2019

(We have an outage that affects the registers in about a quarter of the store. We quickly make signs pointing customers to the closest working registers and instruct our employees to tell customers the same. I get a lot of complaints about the inconvenience, but this one takes the cake.)

Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager? I have a complaint!”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I wanted to buy shoes, but they said they couldn’t ring me up there. They said I had to go to—” *drops his voice to a barely-audible whisper* “—women’s lingerie.”

Me: “Yes, I’m afraid a number of our registers are out and we have to direct people to the next closest register.”

Customer: “Yes, but why women’s lingerie?*he’s using the same, incredibly soft whisper*

Me: “It’s the closest register to the shoe department.”

Customer: *looking flustered* “But, I can’t be seen buying something in women’s lingerie. What would people think?”

Me: “Well, you’d be buying men’s shoes, and I think all the customers know that there’s an outage…”

Customer: “But they might think I’m buying women’s lingerie!

Me: “Or… you can use any other working register. There’s one in the men’s sportswear section that’s working.”

Customer: “Oh… oh, that will work. Thank you.”

(He walked away. I turned to an employee who had been close enough to hear and whispered, “Women’s lingerie!” and they just started giggling.)

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