I’m listening in to our pharmacist’s conversation with a customer who shouted at one of our clerks this morning for not refilling one of his prescriptions early.

Pharmacist: “Hello, [Patient]. I’m calling because I heard you had some choice words for my assistant earlier today.”

Pause.

Pharmacist: “I understand that you didn’t like his answers, but that’s nothing to do with you being given bad customer service.”

Pause.

Pharmacist: “Because what you were asking for was illegal, sir.”

Pause.

Pharmacist: “Well, yes, we do have a lot of laws and regulations we have to follow, actually.”

Pause.

Pharmacist: “As I said, you can complain, but I will make sure our head office knows that your complaints have nothing to do with our customer service; you just don’t like that we won’t break a law or commit insurance fraud for you.”

Pause.

Pharmacist: “I’m happy to take your medication and shove it there, sir, but it’s more effective orally. Oh… he hung up.”

I work at a call center for a car insurance company.

Caller: “I need you to find my car.”

Me: “Was it stolen?”

Caller: “No, but it’s in this big-a** parking lot, and I can’t remember where I parked it.”

Me: “Sir, you’re calling your car insurance company.”

Caller: “Yes, I know! You’re insuring my car, so help me find it!”

Me: “That’s not really a service we provide.”

Caller: “What’s the point of paying my insurance with you every month then?!”

Me: “Sir, if the car is missing from the parking lot, call us back. If it’s still there, wherever it is… then you’re on your own.”

Caller: “F****** lazy insurance scammers!” *Click.*

Did he think we had, like, our own tracking system on his car or something?

For a short time, I worked in a call centre that dealt with the insurance perks for a large bank account. One perk was travel insurance. As any call centre agent will tell you, I had a script to follow. Especially when it came to setting up insurance cover, we had to know specifics.

This particular call was dealing with travel insurance, so we had to know if it was a business trip, how many people were going, all that jazz. This call came from a very gruff Scottish-sounding man, and coincidentally, this was around the time my sanity was depleted, and I was ready to quit.

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank Insurance Name], you’re through to [My Name], can I take your account number, please?”

Angry Scot: *Sighs.* “It’s [number]. Now hurry up and help me, I’ve been on hold for nearly half an hour!”

Me: “I apologise for your wait, sir. I’ll move through this as quickly as I can. Can you please just confirm your first name, surname, and date of birth?”

Angry Scot: *Exaggerated sigh.* “I want travel insurance for my holiday.”

Me: “No problem, we can do that for you. I just need you to confirm your account details so we can move forward.”

Angry Scot: “It’s [Name]. Birthday is [date].”

Me: “Thank you for that. Now, I understand you want to set up the travel insurance for your upcoming trip. I can do that, I just need to run through some standard questions with you if that’s alright.”

Angry Scot: “Just give me the insurance!

Me: “To validate it, we need to run through these questions. I’ll try to get you sorted as soon as possible, but these questions are mandatory.

Angry Scot: “This is ridiculous! I waited on hold for nearly an hour, and now you want to ask me some f****** questions! Just give me insurance.

Me: *Trying to keep my cool, but already feel my last shred of sanity packing up to leave.* “I understand, sir. However, as I explained, we cannot put this insurance in place without these questions.”

Angry Scot: “F****** ridiculous! Is there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “Unfortunately, all other agents will ask you the same questions. I promise that this will not take long if you just answer the questions relating to your trip.”

Angry Scot: “This is ridiculous.”

Me: *Internal sigh.* “Okay, sir. Can you please start by telling me how many people will be travelling?”

Angry Scot: *Loud sigh.* “It’ll be the whole of f****** Scotland! What do you think?!”

I don’t reply. I stay silent and stare patiently into space, allowing the silence to stretch between us until the customer seemed to realise his sarcastic replies weren’t getting him anywhere. After about thirty seconds, he finally speaks up.

Angry Scot: “It’s me and the wife.”

Me: “Thank you, sir.”

We go through the rest of the questions with minimal sarcasm, and only a small flurry of colourful Scottish dialect thrown in. All in all, the call took about fifteen minutes. It would have been significantly less if the guy just cooperated to begin with. Who knew that cooperating with call centre staff would actually get you somewhere?

I worked for a medical insurance company at their call center.

Caller: “I need an increase in my meds. I’m in such pain.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have an updated prescription from your doctor?”

Caller: “No, I’m in too much pain to go. I’ve taken more than was prescribed, so I need more.” 

I get calls like this a lot.

Me: “Well, since you’re in such pain and taking more than directed, I’ll be happy to call the doctor for you to get this straightened out.”

The key is to act very innocent and be quite ready make that call. They shut down very quickly. It’s the only way to get them off the phone. I went from an average of forty-minute calls with drug seekers to two minutes.

I used to work at a call center for a medical insurance company. I got out of there ASAP, as it was a Hellish place to work, but I did get one call that I found memorable:

Caller: “What’s this on the bill? Ambiance? I didn’t pay extra for no ambiance!”

Me: “Are you sure it doesn’t say ambulance?”

Pause.

Caller: “Well, it’s still too expensive!”

Me: “Sir, I note that your insurance coverage with us also offers a free eye exam…”