Gunning For A Win

, , , , , , | Legal | July 15, 2018

(I work at an indoor gun range where people can rent and try different guns. Every customer has to sign a liability waiver stating what their firearms experience is so we know better how to serve them. It also serves to protect us against people who may injure themselves and try to sue us. A woman who rented a gun minutes ago comes out holding onto her hand which is lightly bleeding.)

Me: “Did you get cut by the slide? It happens to everyone at some point. I’ll get you a bandage!”

Customer: “I don’t know what happened! I shot it and it cut me! I’m taking you all to court! This is your responsibility!”

Me: “But, ma’am, I thought you had extensive firearms experience. That’s what it says on your waiver!”

Customer: *frustrated and distracted from the bleeding* “WELL, I WAS LYING!”

Me: “Oh… Then you should not have lied!”

Customer: “No. You should have known what my experience was!”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am, they don’t pay me to assess that… but they do pay me to get you that bandage!”

(She called a lawyer and lied to him, too. When she and the lawyer came in requesting the video, we showed him the liability waiver that she’d signed but neglected to mention to him. He looked at her for a moment, then walked out of the store.)

A Scam Fit For The Movies

, , , , , , | Legal | July 11, 2018

Coworker: “Hey, I have a customer here who says he saw a woman and her kid removing the wet floor sign from theater eight.”

Me: “All right, I’ll go check it out in a sec—”

(Suddenly a woman comes limping towards to ticket desk.)

Woman: “Oh, ah, oh, my back!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, are you okay?”

Woman: “No! I want to speak to your manager! Ah, oh, my back!”

Me: “I am acting manager. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “I’m going to sue this place! I just slipped and fell on an unmarked wet spot in one of your theaters!”

(My coworker and I exchange a bemused look while the lady pretends to be in serious pain. I decide to play with it a little bit.)

Me: “Oh, no! Whatever can we do?! Please, don’t sue!”

Women: “Well, firstly, you can compensate me for my pain. Oh, the pain!”

Me: “All right, miss. As you are injured, I need you to fill out this accident report.”

Woman: “Oh… Can’t you just compensate me without? I’m a very busy woman, you brats! Oh, my back!”

Me: “Well, firstly, I just need a picture of you.”

(My coworker rushes over with a phone and takes her picture.)

Me: “And can I see a driver’s license, and a credit card? Our drawers won’t open without a cash transaction, so I’ll just put, say, $250 straight into your bank through your credit card.”

(I don’t know if that’s actually possible to do, but it sounded true enough, because the woman’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. She pulls out her driver’s license and her credit card and hands them to me, all the while groaning in pain.)

Me: “And real quick, can you tell me what happened, while I write an incident report?”

(I get a blank piece of paper and a pen, and while she tells us her story, I write, “This woman is an idiot. This is going to be funny; just wait,” and hand it to my coworker.)

Me: “All right, miss, I only have one problem before I put the money through.”

Woman: “Yes? Ah, oh, my back.”

Me: “When you told this story, why did you leave out the part where you moved the ‘wet floor’ sign?”

(The woman sprinted away, leaving me with her license and credit card. My coworker saw her license plate, and we called the cops to say she attempted fraud and was driving without a license. Apparently she was already on probation for attempted fraud, and in a few months when she gets out of jail, she won’t be going back into my theater; we put up the picture of her and her name next to the ticket booth, and she is no longer allowed to enter any of our 50+ movie theaters nationwide!)

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 11

, , , , , | Working | June 15, 2018

(I recently got a new car insurance policy, and a month later, my husband’s car insurance is also up for renewal. As we weren’t married when we renewed our car insurance last year, my husband tells me I should cancel my new insurance and go on his plan to save money, which I agree with. But now I am a little concerned, as I don’t know what the cancellation policy is for my insurance. I have a conversation with the company.)

Insurance Agent: “There is no cancellation fee, but there is a charge, based on how long you have been on the policy and [a few other factors].”

Me: “Okay, so could you tell me what the charge would be, then?”

Insurance Agent: “Unfortunately, I am not able to do that. Because you haven’t been with us for long, I would recommend that you wait to cancel until your renewal date.”

Me: “So, there is no way to tell how much I would pay to cancel?”

Insurance Agent: “I couldn’t tell you that until you cancelled. I understand this is a little confusing.”

Me: “Confusing?! This is aggravating and makes absolutely no sense at all!”

(Fed up, I said goodbye and called my husband to tell him about the conversation. He was very confused and encouraged me to call back to see if I could get a clearer answer with another agent, but I was at work and had already wasted enough time with the call. A very short time later, my husband called me back, and told me he called the insurance company himself, and they gave him an answer right away, saying that I would either be getting back or paying between $5 to $20. I was baffled. If this other agent didn’t know, she should have asked someone! I couldn’t believe she told my husband literally the exact opposite thing that I had been told. I am now on my husband’s plan and we are saving approximately $800 a year on insurance.)

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 10
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 9
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 8

Your Friend Doesn’t Care About The Blood Of Jesus

, , , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(My coworker takes a call.)

Customer: “I’m calling to tell you I paid my payment.”

(He has gotten a cancel notice on his auto insurance.)

Coworker: “Our records indicate the last payment was paid on [date], and the next payment was due on [date], and it wasn’t made, so the policy is cancelled.”

Customer: “By the blood of Jesus, that payment has been made!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir. The payment was not posted to your account.”

Customer: “I gave my friend money, and by the blood of Jesus, he paid my insurance.”

Coworker: *stunned silence*

Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave

, , , | | Healthy | May 13, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department, and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”

Doctor: “What if she was dying and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”

Doctor: “Well, yes — I mean… Just make sure they call me today.” *click*


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