(A customer comes up with an energy drink and a muffin. I notice there is something weird about the design on the energy drink can; I realize it is blood and the customer’s hand is, in fact, bleeding all over the counter.)

Me: “Sir, you’re bleeding.”

Customer: “Whoops, I didn’t even notice.”

(I run off and grab paper towels and a box of bandages. I promptly hand him the paper towels and start opening the bandage box.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t need those.”

Me: “But you’re bleeding.”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll be okay.”

Me: “But you are bleeding all over my register.”

Customer: “It’s okay; I don’t have AIDS.”

(He uses the paper towels to attempt to clean the blood off the counter while still bleeding onto it.)

Me: “…”

(I’m the customer in this story. It is roughly midnight and my friend and I have just stopped to fill up our car before our 3+hr ride back to the states home from a concert. We’re both exhausted and it is below freezing outside and we’re both confused with the metric/standard and currency conversion. I go inside to pre-pay for the gas.)

Me: Hi, I’d like to fill up the tank on the purple car outside please?
Cashier: Okay, how much?
Me: Um, I’m not sure… I don’t know what the size of the tank is… Let’s start with $80 I guess?
Cashier: Okay. (He swipes my card to pre-pay but it doesn’t want to take it. He has to swipe it three times to get it to accept the card.) Finally! (he hands it back to me) Feel free to go out and pump and I promise, you’ll only be charged whatever you actually pump.

(I go outside, and attempt to pump gas. Being that I am completely unfamiliar with driving or fueling cars I make a total mess of it and go back inside thinking that I’ve filled the tank.)

Me: Well, that didn’t seem like enough gas, but the pump kept clicking off, so I guess that’s it then?
Cashier: Oh, okay. (He rings me out and the total is only like $12CAD.)
Me: Wow! Is that all? Um, okay then I guess? (I wave to him and go back outside. My friend and I get back in the car and she tells me that it only filled the tank about 1/4 of the way and we definitely need more gas. So I go back in.)

Me: Hey, sorry to bother you again, looks like I did something wrong and need more gas.
Cashier: Oh okay! No problem, how much do you want to pay this time? Again, I’ll only charge you whatever you actually need to fill the tank.
Me: Yeah, no worries, I believe you. Let’s try $40 this time I guess? That should be enough at least to fill the rest of the tank. (This time my card doesn’t want to ring through. It keeps coming back declined, despite the fact that I had *JUST* used it less than five minutes ago.)
Me: Oh my god, I have no idea why this is happening… Let me try this one. (I try another card, also declined, and then have to go to my debit card which finally works.)

(I go back outside, and this time my friend fills the tank and it fills without issue. I go back to get my receipt, which is about $38CAD and that makes more sense. When my friend and I go back to the car I’m double checking everything and realize something. I tell my friend I just need to go back into the store one more time before we leave. I go back in and the poor cashier gets a pained look on his face.)

Me: Hey, sorry! Last time, I promise! *laughing* I just realized though, after all these issues… (I reach into my back pocket.) I had cash this whole time I completely forgot about! (Me and the cashier both had a really good laugh at the stupidity of it all.)

(I’ve had a horrible twelve months, and I’m at the end of my rope. An older customer comes in to pay for her fuel and return a rental vehicle. This is definitely Not Always Working due to my depressed, monotone voice. Bear in mind, her way of saying hello is, “I’m paying for fuel and returning this car.”)

Me: “No problem. Just park around the back and I’ll run out and get the kilometers.”

(I run out after she returns, look at the kilometers, and come back in a little confused as she has mentioned she’s had the car a week and barely driven it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you said you’ve had the car a week?”

Customer: “Yes, just a week.”

Me: “Okay, well, according to the paperwork, you’ve driven over 200 kilometres. No problem. I’ll just call the bosses and figure out whatever is going on. You’re fine to go. Have a good one.” 

(The lady goes to leave but pauses at the door and turns back to me.)

Customer: “I have to say, your customer service skills are absolutely horrible.”

(I pause from where I was walking to serve another client.)

Me: “Yeah, well… I hate my life and just want to die, sooo…” *gives two thumbs up and grins sarcastically before continuing to approach the next customer*

(My coworker is the type who calls everyone “hon” or “sweetie.” It’s how she is but no one minds. A regular is in her line.)

Coworker: “Anything else, hon?”

Customer: “No. And I would prefer not to be called hon. “

Coworker: “Oh, I call everyone hon.”

Customer: *grunts*

Coworker: *gives her the receipt and change* “Thanks, hon, have a good day!”

Customer: “You, too, c***.”

Me & Coworker: *stunned silence*

Customer: “Oh, I call everyone that.”

(We asked the manager if we could ban her but the manager said he wouldn’t ban a regular for that. We just avoid talking to her now beyond absolutely necessary even though she acts like nothing happened.)

(It’s the 90s. George W. Bush is of only academic interest outside of Texas. Pepsi Clear and Olestra are still current topics, and fuzzy puppets have yet to advise us that the Internet is for p*rn. I work at a gas station just twenty minutes north of DFW airport.)

Customer: “How do you get to [address] West Washington Street‎?”

Me: “There isn’t one in [Town], but might you mean in Dallas?”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “No, Indianapolis.”

Me: *laughs before noticing the customer isn’t laughing, too* “So, you don’t mean Dallas?”

Customer: “No. I mean Indianapolis.”

Me: “Sir, you’re in Texas.”

Customer: “Yes, yes! Now tell me how to get to [address] in Indianapolis!”

Me: “I don’t know. You’re a time zone and several states away.”

Customer: “How can you not know? This is a gas station!”

Me: “I can’t memorize every road in the US!”

Customer: “Well, you should!” *turns and slams the door on the way out*