Uses High-Smug Fuel

, , , | Right | September 19, 2017

(It is back in the days when gas station attendants pump gas for you, and gas is only 40¢ per gallon. It’s a hot summer day. The station is on a superhighway, so we get customers from all over the world, and our orders can vary widely. A customer drives up to the pump, but will not roll down his window. He wildly gesticulates, waving five fingers at me.)

Me: *speaking loudly at the window* “Five dollars or five gallons, sir?”

Customer: *continues to wave his hand at me*

Me: “Five dollars or five gallons, sir?”

Customer: *continues to wave his hand at me*

Me: “Five dollars or five gallons, sir?”

(The customer finally rolls down the window:)

Customer: “Five dollars.”

(He then quickly rolls the window back up.)

Me: *smugly* “Regular or high-test, sir?”

Take The Money And Run

, , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(Overnight, the shop is closed, and you can fill up by paying card or cash at the automatic pump. An angry customer comes into the gas station.)

Cashier: “Good morning, sir.”

Customer: “You f****** thieves! Last night I was here and that g**-d*** machine stole my 20 euros!”

Cashier: “Do you have the receipt from the pump?”

Customer: “No, I was in a hurry; I couldn’t wait for the f****** receipt!”

Cashier: “Let me get the manager.”

Manager: “Good morning, sir. The cashier explained to me that you paid 20 euros without filling up and that you have no receipt. Normally, it would be a problem, but I can check on the system if there is a difference between the amount paid and the gas sold, and very likely I’ll find the amount you paid. Unfortunately, I have to wait until this evening, so if you could wait until tomorrow, I’ll have your money ready first thing in the morning.”

Customer: “F*** OFF! GOT NO TIME FOR YOUR LAME EXCUSES! I WANT MY MONEY NOW!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Customer: “THAT’S IT! I’M CALLING THE COPS!”

(Once the police came, it turned out that the angry customer was a foreigner with an expired visa, so he was promptly handcuffed and placed in the back of the police cruiser. The kicker? That same evening, the 20 euros he claimed he paid without filling up turned out… if only he was a little patient, he could have walked off with his money.)

“No Sign” Of A Comeback

, , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(I am at a convenience store getting gasoline, cigarettes, and a soda. It’s a small store, with only two pumps. As I pull in, I notice one of the nozzles has a large yellow plastic bag on it clearly marked, “Out Of Order,” so I pull my car around the other side, get out and go in the store to pay for my gas. As I am crossing the parking lot, another truck pulls up to the other [broken] pump but I don’t think much about it. As I am in the back of the store getting my drink, I hear the clerk speak into the intercom and tell the driver of the truck that pulled in after me that the pump is broken, meaning that the guy has tried to use it, in spite of the big yellow bag over the nozzle. Just as I am getting up to the counter to pay for my things, he sticks his head in the door and yells at the cashier:)

Truck Driver: *very rudely* “Are you the one who told me the pump was broken?!”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Truck Driver: *shouting* “Well, you could have marked the g**-d***ed thing as broken!”

(Before the cashier has a chance to say anything, I say:)

Me: “You mean other than the bright yellow bag that said, ‘out of order,’ on it?”

(The truck driver stares a hole through me and turns around, gets in his truck, and leaves.)

Cashier: “I appreciate that; I would have had to be nice.”

Me: “You can get fired; I can’t.”

It’s Not “Looking” Good, Ladies

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(I am a customer in line. Because this is a party town, this particular gas station closes its restrooms at 10 pm to avoid drunk college students messing up the place. There are two 20-something girls talking to the male cashier.)

Girl #1: “Please let us use the restroom. It’ll be quick.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the owner doesn’t want us to make exceptions. There are port-a-potties outside by the parking lot you’re free to use.”

Girl #1: “Come on. Look at me.”

(She starts batting her eyes and pushes out her chest.)

Girl #1: “I bet you don’t meet many girls who pay attention to you. But I’m looking at you.”

Girl #2: “What if I look you in the eyes? Then will you let us use it?”

Cashier: *stares blankly* “…No, I’m sorry but I am not allowed to unlock it.”

Girl #2: “BUT I’M LOOKING AT YOU.”

Cashier: “Okay, but—”

Girl #1: “GOD, WHAT AN A**-HOLE! You’re lucky we even talked to you, and this is how we’re treated!”

(Both girls stormed out, leaving everyone else in the store bewildered.)

Unfiltered Story #93691

, , | Unfiltered | September 13, 2017

(The gas station I usually go to lets you use the tire pumps for free if you buy gas. The pump didn’t stay on long enough for me to fill all my tires so I went back to the register to ask if they’d turn it back on for me. There was a line of 4 or 5 people so I was going to just get the attendant’s attention to get them to flip the switch again, but then an old woman of about 80-85 years walked right to the front of the line before I could do anything)

OLD LADY: “Excuse me, but the person before me spilled a lot of gas on the ground! It’s dangerous!”

ATTENDANT: “How much gas was spilled?”

OLD LADY: “It seems like a lot.”

ATTENDANT: “Ma’am I’ll be there as soon as I’m able to help these people.”

OLD LADY: “This is a hazardous situation! I don’t want to breathe it in! My husband says it’s dangerous! I need to fill up my car but I can’t do it because someone spilled gas and I don’t want to get hurt!”

(The attendant apologizes to us in line and shuffles out of his booth to get the cleaning materials)

OLD LADY: (To us in line, indirectly) “I’m sorry I just think its dangerous. The person before us spilled a lot of gas and it’s very dangerous.”

(I decided it wasn’t worth the wait, so I gave up my place in line but first wanted to peak at this “huge gas spill,” which was on the far side of the nearest pump. It was a wet spot roughly 1 foot in diameter, already starting to evaporate.)

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