Of Course You Won’t

, , , , | Working | April 3, 2020

(I used to work as a front desk/secretary/whatever the h*** the owners thought they needed for a furniture store. Hindsight being what it is, I brought a lot of the issues on myself because I didn’t fight hard enough at the beginning, but still…)

Manager: “I need you to come in tomorrow for a few hours because I have to take my daughter to the dentist.”

(I normally have Tuesday and Wednesday off, but she is asking me to come in on Tuesday.)

Me: “Sure. But since you’re going to be so long, can I just work all day and then take the next Wednesday and Thursday off, instead?”

(Timing-wise, between appointments and travel to and from the office, getting her daughter back to school and then getting to the store, the day is going to be like two-thirds done.)

Manager: “That should be fine.”

(On the day of the dentist appointment, the manager shows up and the day is actually like 80% over.)

Manager: “Oh, by the way, I need you in on Thursday because I won’t be here.”

Me: *stunned silence*

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No Such Thing As Too Much Garlic

, , , , , | Working | April 2, 2020

My mother and I are out at a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. At this restaurant, any dinner comes with salad and garlic knots as a starter. When the knots come out, they are completely covered in garlic, which neither of us mind too much.

My mom loves to kid around with restaurant employees and jokingly asks our server if we could possibly get more garlic. Usually, when my mom does this, the server laughs a bit, but ours says nothing and walks away.

We think nothing of it until the server returns a few minutes later with a bowl of garlic! To this day I still wonder if it was a joke or if she actually thought we wanted more garlic on our already garlic-drowned garlic knots.

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Good Mac And Cheese Needs No Embellishment

, , , , , , | Working | April 2, 2020

(My friend and I are at a convention. He is vegetarian, and the hotel menu is very limited on non-meat options.)

Friend: “Excuse me, would it be possible to get the lobster mac and cheese without the lobster?”

Waiter: “I think it’s on top, not mixed in. I’ll check with the chef.”

(The waiter confirms that the mac and cheese can come without the lobster, so my friend orders. Twenty minutes later, a small serving of mac and cheese arrives, covered in…)

Friend: “Is this bacon?

Waiter: “Yes, the chef just couldn’t send it out here without anything on it!”

Friend: “I’m vegetarian, which is why I asked for just the mac and cheese. No toppings. Just the mac-and-cheese.”

(The waiter took the plate back to the kitchen. Ten minutes later, another side of mac and cheese arrived, this time covered in potato chips. They charged us full price for the lobster mac and cheese.)

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No Need To Be Catty

, , , | Working | April 2, 2020

Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I need to board my dog while I deal with a flooded apartment. Unfortunately, there aren’t any kennels around here and the vet won’t board healthy animals. They said I should call you.”

Employee #1: “We can board him with no problem! Our temporary boarding program will allow you to board him for up to one month, at whatever price you wish to donate.”

Me: “Awesome! Thanks!”

(I board him and deal with my apartment. When I come back for him, I meet a different employee. She seems angry throughout the checkout process. Right as we’re leaving, she says this:)

Employee #2: “Just so you know, we offer this service for homeless people.”

(I’m irritated, as no one told me this.)

Me: “Well, with my $500 donation, you can now help even more people.” *leaves*

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A Not-So-Sweet Response

, , , , , | Working | April 2, 2020

(My coworker’s contract will not be renewed due to certain circumstances. She is the one who always fills the team’s candy jar, out of her own pocket, just because she wants to.)

Manager: *jokingly* “[Coworker], we’ve run out of candy.”

Coworker: *deadly serious* “Yeah, well, I’ve run out of contract, so what are you gonna do about it?”

(I needed about two minutes to catch my breath again from laughing. The manager was awfully silent for the rest of the day.)

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