Skirting Over The Denim Issue

, , , , , | | Working | August 14, 2019

(I work in an office. We get a lot of people for whom this is a first job. I train our new starters. I have my script down pat after many years of saying the same things. There are lots of things I have to cover that seem like I shouldn’t have to say, but if someone has ever done it before, I have to cover it. Amongst them is the dress code:)

Me: “No denim, jeans, or anything that looks like or is styled after denim or jeans. This includes jeans, denim jackets, denim shirts, denim waistcoats, jeggings, clothes made of material designed to look like denim that isn’t actually denim, jean-cut trousers, chinos, or anything else that gives the appearance of jeans or denim in any way.”

(You’d think this is pretty clear, right? Today, one of our newer staff members turned up in a denim mini-skirt. Her excuse?)

New Staff: “You did say that, but I didn’t think this would count. You didn’t mention anything about denim skirts!”

(That, of course, also ignored that fact that the dress code training also included “full-length trousers with socks, or skirt to at least the knee with tights.”)

Not Even Google Can Find That

, , , , , , , , | | Working | August 14, 2019

Female Coworker: “[My Name], my G-spot is missing.”

Me: “What?”

Female Coworker: “My G-spot, on the computer.”

(I walk over to her desk.)

Female Coworker: “It’s usually right there.”

Me: “What are you trying to find again?”

Female Coworker: “Oh, my God, my G-suite.”

(I show her how to bookmark it.)

Me: “Sorry, I can’t help you find that other thing.”

They Need Some Stupidity Coverage

, , , , | | Working | August 14, 2019

(I’m home alone and I see my phone ring. It’s clearly a telemarketer, but I answer anyway just for fun.)

Me: “Hello?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Hello? May I ask who’s calling?”

Telemarketer: “Hello! This is [Telemarketer] from [Insurance Company].”

Me: “I think you have the wrong number.”

Telemarketer: “No, I have the right phone number; you are just stupid.” *click*

(I have no idea what he sought to accomplish there.)

The Tannoys Are Adjusting Their Sales Pitches

, , , , , | | Working | August 13, 2019

(My store sells small helium balloons, already blown up, on plastic sticks. They’re quite popular with kids, and a lot of people give them to the kid to hold, who proceeds to lose the stick. As a result, the balloon just gets dumped. We have a random balloon, minus the stick, on the customer service desk. A manager tells us to just pop it and throw it away, since it won’t sell. My supervisor is generally quite serious and wouldn’t ever do anything silly in front of customers.)

Me: “You know, the last time [Manager] told us to pop one of these, [Coworker] did a tannoy announcement after inhaling the helium. It was brilliant.”

Supervisor: “Really? Did she not get in trouble?”

Me: “Nah, [Manager] found it hilarious and none of the customers seem to listen to the tannoy anyway…”

(I turn away to do something for a moment. When I turn around, [Supervisor] is inhaling the helium and trying to ring our HR manager. When the HR manager doesn’t pick up the phone, she inhales a big gulp of helium and does a tannoy announcement. A few minutes later, when I’ve stopped giggling, the HR manager wanders over.)

HR Manager: “What on earth was that?!”

(She found it funny, as well, and nobody got in trouble. Now, whenever I find a balloon, I ask if anybody would like to do a tannoy announcement before I pop it!)

Working With This Guy Is Just A Scream

, , , , , | | Working | August 13, 2019

(I am a waitress at a restaurant chain. We have a new general manager who, according to my coworkers, is very unpleasant to work with. He screams at them over slight mistakes, but luckily, all my normal shifts since he started working there have been under the much nicer shift manager. One day, my luck runs out, and I get the mean general manager. This happens while I’m waiting on a 75-year-old lady during that shift.)

Me: “How is everything today, ma’am?”

Elderly Lady: “It’s absolutely delicious, thank you.”

(Just then the general manager storms toward me.)

General Manager: “What the f*** are you doing?! Why aren’t you waiting on the other tables?! You’re so f****** useless!”

Me: “But I—“

General Manager: “Shut it! You go over and serve those customers right now, and then come straight to my office!”

(The general manager storms away. I’m close to tears at this point. The lady is visibly angry.)

Elderly Lady: “Sir! SIR!”

General Manager: *turning around* “WHAT?!”

Elderly Lady: “You’re the manager here, right?”

General Manager: “Yes.”

Elderly Lady: “Just what do you think gives you the right to scream at her, young man? She’s done nothing wrong!”

General Manager: “Because I’m her boss, that’s why! You can’t tell me what to do!”

(The lady ignores him and gives me a $10 bill.)

Elderly Lady: “For you. Don’t let what he says get to you. You’ve been doing a very good job.”

General Manager: That’s it!

(Without warning, he stomps over to the table, snatches the $10 from my hand, and stuffs it into his shirt pocket.)

General Manager: *screaming in my face* “YOU’RE FIRED!”

(I break down crying. The whole restaurant is now staring at us. The lady, who by now has had enough, stands up and gets up close to the general manager.)

Elderly Lady: “Now, listen here, young man. This poor girl has been nothing but nice and sweet this whole time. She’s been doing her job very well. You, on the other hand, have been nothing but rude and unprofessional. All you have done is scream and yell at her for no particular reason, and now you’re firing her and taking the tip I gave her? Shame on you! Shame, shame, shame on you!”

(The lady went to the register, paid her bill, and left without so much as saying a word. Several other patrons got up and walked out after her, some of them doing so without paying. That night, I got a telephone call from the district manager profusely apologizing for the general manager’s actions and telling me that my firing had been overturned, and that I could resume my normal schedule the next day. He paid the restaurant a visit that day, and I arrived just in time to see him in the office, going practically nuclear on the now ex-general manager for his behavior. The shift manager was promoted into the newly-vacated general manager position. And I got my $10 back.)

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