Happy Thanksglutton!

, , , , , , | Working | February 24, 2020

“You know, when I was younger, I thought of Thanksgiving as ‘the day we eat turkey.’ Then, I got this job and realized 99% of Americans eat turkey every g**d*** day of their lives. So, what’s so g**d*** special about Thanksgiving?”

“Thanking Jesus for making gluttony socially acceptable?”

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Need More Spoons To Deal With All These Spoons

, , , , | Working | February 24, 2020

I have been working at this ice cream shop for over a year and have handed out so many spoons at this point in my life. A customer has just bought an ice cream cupcake.

“Do you have something I can eat this with?”

“Yes, here you go.”

I hand her a fork and a knife.

“Oh, you don’t have spoons?”

I think about soup — which we don’t even sell! — and say in all sincerity:

“No, we don’t really sell anything that would require a spoon.”

“Oh. I thought… you being an ice cream shop…”

The customer starts to walk away, confused.

“Wait. Yes. We have spoons. I am so sorry.”

I gave her a spoon and she had a nice laugh about it. She truly was a great customer — nice the whole time.

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Thinking Outside ALL The Boxes

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 24, 2020

My first job out of school was at a local bakery. One of the tasks I was expected to do during the day was to take the flat pack cake boxes and assemble them, making it easier to pack cakes for customers during the busy periods. My manager was horribly nitpicky about things and one of her pet peeves was that there weren’t enough boxes.

One day, I came into work and she had me fill out and sign a “formal warning notice” to say I hadn’t assembled enough boxes — I was literally one box short of what she wanted. Likewise, my colleague got the same “warning.” Being the 17-year-old I was, and feeling like a smarta***, I spent my whole Saturday assembling every single box we had.

The manager liked to have around 30 and I assembled around 3,000. They were literally stacked everywhere — on the counters, filling the shelves, and on the floor. I even built an archway leading into the back of the store. The next day, the store owner demanded to see me because of the ridiculous state of his store; he actually called me in on my day off.

And that was how I got my second formal warning. After I explained the situation to the owner, he did agree to speak to the manager about how a warning over a single missing box was excessive.

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What A Weird Form Of Sabotage

, , | Working | February 24, 2020

I’m a merchandiser, which means I go from store to store making sure everything looks good for our product and doing updates. However, a lot of stores think that I’m a crazy person off the street sabotaging their merchandise.

“Hello, can I speak with the manager?”


“I’m from [Company] and we’re doing updates on [Product] today?”

“Oh, yes… We got an email saying that you’d be here.”

He looks at me like I’m crazy.

“Well, can you show me where [Product] is? I have to put these new stickers on them.”

*Doubtfully* “Okayyyyyy…”

We go to the back and find the product and I start putting the stickers on. I’m in my uniform, groomed neatly, and do not look like a crazy person at all.

“Which company did you say you were from?”

“[Company]. I can call them if you like and you can talk? Didn’t you say that you got an email?”

“Oh, that’s right. No, I believe you…”

He continued to eye me doubtfully as if waiting for me to say, “Just kidding! I pranked you!” I really don’t get why he’d think someone would come in and start putting stickers on things, just for kicks! I guess they’ve had weirder people, though? Later, my company told me that the product wasn’t done and accused me of being lazy. It turned out that the manager took off the stickers!

I ended up quitting soon after.

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Aggressively Passive Aggressive

, , , , , | Working | February 23, 2020

(I’m a little passive-aggressive, so retail probably isn’t the best for me, but this was a good few years ago, back when I was around sixteen years old. A customer comes in and spends a lot of time causing a fuss at my checkout over the fact that it’s taking a while because she has so much stuff. Keep in mind that it’s getting late and we’re a good fifteen minutes from closing, which we do pretty early, anyway.)

Fussy Lady: *complaining* “…and I have places to go, you know! I have a family at home and a job in the morning!”

Me: *passive-aggressive while ringing her last few items up* “Oh, me, too! Isn’t that funny, me having a lot of stuff on my plate, as well? I mean, it’s not like my parents are wondering why I’m still here and not home, or anything. It’s not like I have high school in the morning where I’ll be stressing for hours over things that I’m probably not even going to need in the future. It’s also not like after I get school done I’ll have way too much homework to do, too. And it’s definitely not like I’ll have to show up here as soon as that’s done, because I need to save up money for when I’m eighteen. Nope! I’m just a cashier!”

(Yeah, I got fired for that one, but it felt good at the time!)

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