It’s Time To Hang Your Hat

, , , , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

(I worked in a mall throughout high school. After I went to college I was hired back for the following summer. Another employee I used to work with the previous year came back as well and started again a week before I did. Since most of the rest of the staff are high school kids, the two of us are the only ones working weekday mornings — high schools don’t get out for another month.)

Coworker #1: “You’ll like most of the new kids working here. They are all pretty cool, except for this one guy, who is a complete moron. I’m pretty sure he is stealing from the store, as well.”

(As if on cue, this particular new coworker walks in.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2], what are you doing here? Don’t you have school?”

Coworker #2: “School is for p***ies; I don’t need school.”

(I stand there kind of in shock while he demands my coworker give him a free sandwich, before eventually leaving as my coworker declines. Before I have a chance to work a shift with this kid, he is fired for trying to walk out with an entire case of energy drinks while the owner is in the store. We think this will be the end of having to deal with him, but he is immediately hired at a hat store directly across from ours. He regularly comes in, trying to get people to give him free food. After about two weeks of him working at the other store, their manager comes in to chat with us.)

Hat Store Manager: “Hey, guys. I have a question about [Coworker #2]. He used to work here, right?”

Me: “Yeah, the owner fired him for stealing a few weeks ago.”

Hat Store Manager: “That’s what I figured. He told me he quit because you didn’t give him enough hours, but our entire inventory has been off since he started. Guess I should have checked over here before I hired him.”

(It turns out that in the short time he had been at the hat store, he had taken home a few dozen hats. His classmates told us he was trying to sell them at school, but no one would buy them because of how obvious it was they were stolen.)

A Sauce Of Confusion

, , , , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I go to a sandwich shop for lunch. There’s one girl making sandwiches alone, but luckily it isn’t busy, because this ensues:)

Me: “I’d like the regular chicken carbonara on wheat, please.”

Worker: “For here or to go?”

Me: “For here.”

(She starts making my sandwich.)

Worker: “I accidentally put ranch on it.”

(She then starts to put other toppings on it.)

Me: “Wait! I don’t like ranch!”

Worker: “Oh… I’ll just start a new one, then? Do you even want alfredo sauce?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what comes on the sandwich.”

Worker: “And it’s to go?”

Me: “For here.”

Worker: “I thought you said to go.”

(My sandwich turned out as described by some miracle! I still can’t believe she was just going to try to sub alfredo for ranch, instead of just making the sandwich I asked for.)

Mapping It Out For Them

, , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I go to a copy and business supply store to have a large map laminated. The map measures 24 inches by 36 inches. Upon learning these dimensions, the clerk tells me🙂

Clerk: “I’m sorry. Our widest lamination machine is only 26 inches wide. We can’t help you.”

(I wait a few moments for him to connect the dots, then reply:)

Me: “Well… Can’t you just turn the map sideways and pass the now-24-inch wide map through the machine?”

Clerk: *after a confused moment or two* “Sure! No problem!”

When You’re Acting Like A Boss

, , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I have been working at this very small, family-owned store for a year now, and it’s time for my review. Because our only manager quit several months ago, I have personally taken on many of her old responsibilities just to keep the store afloat. The owner hasn’t seemed to notice and, in fact, has been treating me fairly poorly. I assume this is due to stress. But he’s refused to promote any of his employees to manager roles or to hire a new manager. He claims he is now the new manager, despite losing his temper any time I attempt to pass him management duties that aren’t actually part of my job description or pay grade. We finally sit down for my interview, and I am hoping for a good review so I can ask for a raise based on my increased responsibilities.)

Owner: “Okay. Well, I like to keep this process very formal, just so you know, for paperwork reasons and clarity. I rate everything on a scale of one to five, one being grounds for termination and five being excellent. Don’t worry about the grade, though, if you don’t get a five. Nobody gets a five. Two to three is pretty average; it means you’re doing okay, but there’s room for improvement.”

Me: “Uh… Okay. This seems a bit formal for our usually informal systems.”

Owner: “Well, this is important, and I like to keep it very orderly so there are no questions later, and for the paper trail.”

Me: *wondering if he’s about to fire me now* “Uh… Sure.”

Owner: “Here is my list of the various areas of the job and your mark. You’ll see you’re a two to three on everything.”

Me: “Oh.”

Owner: “Do you have any questions?”

Me: “Well… I guess I don’t understand why I am not doing well in the store. I did not expect to rate this way.”

Owner: “Well, two to three is actually very good. A four would be management, and nobody who works for me is management. And five, nobody gets.”

Me: “Nobody?”

Owner: “Well, if you get a five, then I might consider making you partner.” *laughs* “It’s the top ranking!”

Me: “Uh, okay. Well, can you give me specifics on what I can do to improve my… rating? The things you’ve listed here seem very minor. I feel as if I’ve taken on most of the managerial responsibilities since [Old Manager] left, and I’m surprised you feel I am not up to the task.”

Owner: “Oh, really? Huh. Like what?”

Me: *lists duties*

Owner: “Really. Well, I’ll do those from now on; don’t worry.”

Me: “You know, I don’t mind doing them, but I was kind of hoping for a raise.”

Owner: “No, no, it’s okay. That’s my responsibility now, as the store’s manager. Anyway, the stores aren’t doing very well, anymore. We’re pretty down from the last month. I have to figure out a way to fix it. I’m sorry; I just can’t give out any raises right now.”

Me: “I see.”

Owner: “Any other questions about these sheets?”

Me: “I guess not.”

Owner: “Great. Thanks for meeting me so late! I wanted to get this done before we head off to Italy tomorrow for a few weeks. I left you a task list. If you could make sure to delegate the duties to everyone else tomorrow when you come in, that’d be great. Have a good night. See you when I get back!”

(Then, he actually left for Italy for three weeks. Guess who ran the store?)

It’s Time For A Change

, , , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I am the customer in this story, calling the phone company to get my “new” phone number changed.)

Me: “I moved not too long ago and had this number assigned to me, but I need to change it. Whoever had this number before me must have been very popular, because I am getting multiple calls per day for them.”

Representative: “Okay. We can do that for you, but there will be a $50 fee to have your number changed.”

Me: “Um, okay, I’m not requesting this just for the fun of it, or because I don’t like my number or what the numbers add up to, or something crazy like that. Like I said, I am getting multiple calls every day for this person, and I need it changed, please.”

Representative: “I understand, but there is a charge associated with changing the number, and it is $50.”

Me: “Again, I am not doing this just for s***s and giggles. Why should I have to pay $50 because you guys stuck me with a phone number that obviously has not been out of circulation long enough for all these people to know they no longer have a valid number? Having to answer someone else’s phone calls multiple times a day is not fun, especially when the person who had this number spoke a different language. I don’t even know if the people who are calling understand what I am saying because most of them don’t understand English!”

Phone Representative: “I am sorry, but the only way we can waive the charges is if the calls were threatening or harassing.”

Me: “Trust me: the calls will get threatening and harassing if you don’t waive your stupid fee and change my number for free!

Phone Representative: “Umm… Okay… We will change your number, free of charge, for you.”

Me:Thank you!”

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