(I’m at the customer service desk to return a skirt. I place the skirt on the counter and HAND the receipt directly to the cashier, who places it on her desk under her monitor.)

Cashier: “I don’t recognise this skirt. You know you can’t return an item without a receipt, right?”

Me: “I bought the skirt here nine days ago; it says that on the receipt I just gave you.”

Cashier: “I can’t exchange it if it’s not from this store, either. You need a receipt.”

Me: “I don’t understand what you mean. I’ve got a receipt and it’s well within the 28-day return period?”

Cashier: “Look. I’m not going to argue with you. Without your receipt, I can’t and won’t help you.”

Me: “I’ve literally just given you the receipt. What are you talking about?”

(I’m getting a little flustered now and notice a manager walking nearby.)

Me: “Excuse me! I’m really sorry, but I think we need help over here.”

Manager: “What’s the issue?”

Cashier: “She’s trying to get a refund for a skirt we don’t carry. I keep telling her she needs a receipt, but she won’t listen.”

Manager: “Is that right? I’m sorry, but without a receipt, we can only excha—“

Cashier: “No! Not if we don’t carry it!”

(The manager looks weirdly at the cashier.)

Manager: “We do carry this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but she has my receipt right there!” *points at monitor* “She’s had it the entire time.”

Manager: *to cashier* “What? If you’ve got the receipt, what’s the problem? Just go on break; we’ll talk about your conduct after.” *to me* “I’m so sorry. I’ll refund you straight away. Would you like a free coffee voucher for the trouble?”

(The cashier storms off into the store.)

Me: *laughs* “I think I just need a lie down after all that. As long as I get the refund, it’s fine!”

(I am having one of those mornings where everything goes wrong: almost no sleep, car trouble, spilled juice on my clothes, burned myself in the kitchen, dog chewed a hole in the rug, etc. I’m tired and I’m on my last nerve. I’m running errands and the pet store is my last stop before taking a break for lunch. I put a large bag of dog food on the counter — I’m a small woman so I have to carry it with both arms — and start digging in my purse for my credit card. I go to pay but notice that the cashier hasn’t rung up my purchase.)

Me: “Is there a problem?”

(The cashier is grinning at me.)

Cashier: “I’m not ringing this up until you smile for me.”

(I stare at him. I assume he’s joking and stand there, waiting for him to ring up the dog food. He keeps grinning and nods at me.)

Cashier: *in a cutesy voice* “Come on, now. Smile for me.”

(And that’s the moment when I’ve had enough. I flip him off with both hands, leave the dog food on the counter, and walk to the door.)

Cashier: *sounds shocked* “Hey, wait! It’s just a smile!”

(I flipped him off again over my shoulder and kept walking. I had to make an extra stop at a different pet store, but I don’t regret it.)

(I’m in a clothing store at the checkout counter when I overhear this gem of a conversation.)

Cashier: “And did you want to save an extra 25% by signing up for a [Brand] credit card today?”

Customer: *airheaded giggle* “Oh, my husband would kill me if I did that.”

Cashier: *sweetly* “Well, if you put him as an authorized user, he’ll have a [Brand] credit card to use when he gets out of prison!”

(I actually had to duck out of line because I was giggling so hard.)

(I go to a popular chicken restaurant. This chain of restaurants has a card that gets you a free item every month. This particular month is labeled as a “mystery item,” while other months can have the free item printed on the card. Also, new cashiers have, “in training,” written under their names on their badges, and my cashier does not have this on her name tag.)

Me: “Hi. Do you know what the mystery offer is?”

Cashier: “It’s a free [Brand] fountain drink or bottled water, and a free waffle fry. Any size.”

(I’m not a fan of soda, but past experience tells me that tea is included with this deal.)

Me: “Great. I’ll have a large sweet tea and large fry.”

Cashier: “Tea isn’t included. It’s only the fountain drinks.”

Me: “What? When did that happen?”

Cashier: “It says right here, ‘fountain drinks.’ Tea is not a fountain drink.”

Me: “But I’ve gotten tea before when the offer was used in the past.”

Cashier: “Do you mean you’ve already used this month’s free offer? You can only do that once.”

Me: “No—” *glances at card* “—but in March, it had the same offer, and I got tea then.”

Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you, because tea is not included.”

Me: *internally* “Don’t make me say the words. Don’t make me ask for a manager.” *out loud* “It should work.”

Cashier: *scoffs* “I’ll try it, but it’s not going to work.” *scans my card* “Oh, the tea came off. Huh. Would you like anything else?”

Me: “A sandwich with no pickle.”

(She didn’t even apologize for wasting my time over something that shouldn’t have even been an issue.)

(I am working late night overtime for inventory preparation after the store where I work closes. I volunteer to go on a food run to a nearby family-owned and -staffed burger restaurant that recently opened. None of the three of us working has been there but we’ve heard from others that their food is really good. The lobby has closed for the day but the drive-thru is still open, so I drive up to the order board and speaker. There are no other cars in the line, and no others pull into the drive-thru while I am there, so it is not busy.)

Cashier: “Please order when you’re ready.”

Me: “I have three orders that will be paid separately, please.”

Cashier: “But you are only one car.”

Me: “I’m ordering for three people, and each of us will be paying separately.”

Cashier: “I can’t do that! You’ll need to put it all on one order!”

Me: “So, can you put it in as if there are people ordering in three cars, like I was driving through three separate times?”

Cashier: “Oh, I guess I can do that.”

(I place the orders without incident and am given the totals for each, then pull forward to the window as instructed.)

Cashier: “Okay, the first order is [total].”

Me: *handing the cashier $20* “Okay, here’s the money for that order.”

(The cashier takes the money, puts in the till but doesn’t give me any change.)

Cashier: “Now, the second order is [total].”

Me: “You didn’t give me the change for the first order.”

Cashier: “Oh, I am going to pay for the second order with that.”

Me: “No, I have separate money for the second and third orders. I’ll need the change for the first, and the receipt, please.”

Cashier: “You said there were three of you, but I count only one person in the car. One. Only you. You gave me more than enough money to cover the second. I’m using that money, and I didn’t print a receipt. Okay, the second order is paid for. Now, for the third order, I’ll need you to pay some more. The total is [total], and the remaining amount is only [amount].”

Me: “Wait! I asked to pay each of these orders separately; I am buying food for myself and two other people, who are at my work waiting for their food! Please give me back the change for the first and I’ll give you money for the second. Then I’ll take care of the third order.”

Cashier: “But you already gave me too much money for the first order, and I’ve already used money from that for the second order. Now you only owe [amount] more.”

Me: *giving up, just trying to get the food to get back to work* “Okay, fine.” *hands her another $20.00*

Cashier: “Don’t you have anything smaller?”

Me: “I’ll need to make change for the other two people. Please just give me the change and the food.”

Cashier: “Fine, but you don’t have to be so snippy about it!”

(I jotted down the totals for each order on a napkin so we could figure out the change when I got back to the store, took the change and the food — which I carefully checked for accuracy — and left. It would probably HAVE been easier to have actually driven through and ordered three separate times. The food was really good, and the cashier was good with her math skills, because the final change was spot on, but not so much her understanding of “three separate orders.” The next week the restaurant was advertising to hire a cashier to work the late shift.)