Slender Man Is Missing His Graduation Shirt  

, , , , , | Working | October 7, 2019

(I’m shopping for a dress shirt for graduation. We buy a shirt, but when we open up the package at home, we find out that the sleeves are ridiculously long on me, so we go to return it. We are greeted by the same employee who helped us in purchasing it.)

Employee #1: “Is something wrong?”

Mom: “It doesn’t fit.”

Employee #1: *perplexed look* “What do you mean?”

Mom: “The sleeves are way too long.”

(The employee measures the length of my arms, which are the same as what the package says.)

Employee #1: “It should be right. Why don’t you try it on?”

(I put the shirt on, and the sleeves are way too long.)

Employee #1: *really confused* “Oh, no, that’s definitely not right.”

(He takes the shirt to another employee and measure the sleeves on it, which are a good six inches longer than labelled, and they take the shirt to the back.)

Employee #1: “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Employee #2: “Me, neither!”

Employee #1: “Hey, [Employee #3]! Check out the shirt [Employee #2] has! It’s a 39-inch arm length! It was labelled as 33 inches.”

Employee #3: “Really?!”

Employee #1: “Yeah! I didn’t even know we carried those.”

Employee #3: “We don’t!”

(The staff’s interest and confusion with this shirt were quite entertaining!)

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The Ugliest Thing In This Office Isn’t The Ring…  

, , , | Working | October 6, 2019

(When my husband and I got married a couple of years ago, we did not have a lot of money, but I secretly saved up for a couple of months and bought our wedding rings as a surprise. They were custom made to fit his style and mine, and although they were not extremely expensive, they were a little over our budget. Now, I am sitting in my office, very pregnant, and a new coworker comes in.)

Coworker: “Who is the father of your baby?”

Me: “Um… my husband.”

Coworker: “Oh, you are married? So, why don’t you wear a wedding ring?”

Me: “I do.” *lifts my hand with my ring on it*

Coworker: “Where is your engagement ring?”

Me: “I don’t wear it at the moment.”

(I had to take it off a couple of weeks into the pregnancy because my fingers got a little swollen and I didn’t want to end up having to cut it off.)

Coworker: *looks at my ring* “I don’t like your ring; it’s very ugly.” *walks away*

(I nearly started crying. How he doesn’t understand why nobody likes him is beyond me.)

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Crabby About The Prices  

, , , , , | Working | October 5, 2019

(This happens in a local supermarket known for its cheap prices. We aren’t posh or rich but my wife does have a love for cooking and is VERY good and adventurous at it. Her parents are coming round for tea so we’ve been food shopping, have just arrived at the till, and are bagging up.)

Cashier: *looking at a small pot of crab meat we’ve chosen* “That can’t be right. Do you know what this is? It’s coming up at £4.50! It’s only small — must have doubled scanned it or something…”

Wife: “No, that’s right. It’s crab meat; it is expensive but we thought we’d treat ourselves tonight.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *scanned a few more things through including two bags of large frozen prawns* “Having anything nice?”

Wife: “We thought we’d try crab and prawn linguine tonight. I’ve got my parents coming round.”

Cashier: *looking puzzled and down her nose at us* “You what? What’s that? Sounds a bit posh to me.”

Wife: “Well, it’s just crab meat and prawns, and linguine is a type of pasta. It’s very nice; you should try it.”

Cashier: “I’m having shepherd’s pie for tea tonight. I always have a baked potato on Sunday and shepherd’s pie on Saturday, but I had some shepherd’s pie leftover yesterday so I’ll have that tonight, too.”

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This Story Got Dark Quickly

, , , , | Working | October 4, 2019

I will be the first to admit that I’m not the most observant person. The office manager asks me to bring the trash cans in, so I go up to the front. I walk past several men in work clothes fiddling with a ladder and bring the trash cans inside. 

I notice that it seems darker than usual in the lobby, so I ask my coworker if she sees it, too. She looks at me like I have two heads, and then I hear laughter behind me.

Turns out, those men with the ladder were changing out a bunch of the light bulbs. I had seen this with my own two eyes and didn’t make the connection. They got a good chuckle at my expense but I think I deserved it.

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Purse-uing The Wrong Person

, , , , | Working | October 4, 2019

When I was in high school, I worked at a farmer’s market that operated out of a very small building. In the fall, we would host a pumpkin patch and carnival that always drew a huge crowd. The fields directly behind our building would be opened for overflow parking and packed full on the weekends.

One busy, rainy Saturday, I was standing near one of the registers to help bag things for the customers who were all crowded around the counter. Suddenly, a woman flung her arm in front of my face, gesturing wildly out the door and yelled, “She forgot her purse! That woman forgot her purse!” 

Wanting to be a helpful employee, and hoping to prevent the woman from getting caught in the rain too long without her car keys, I grabbed the bag on the counter and ran to the parking lot, past row after row of parked cars, until I finally caught up to her. As I held out her bag, she looked at me like I had two heads.

“That’s not mine,” she said, staring at me as I mumbled an embarrassed apology, and she got into her car and drove off.

Dumbfounded, I slogged back to our building in the rain, only to find a confused-looking woman at the register, wondering why I had snatched her purse off the counter and tried to give it to someone else. The woman who caused the whole situation by yelling was nowhere to be found.

Luckily, the owner of the purse was understanding after I explained myself, and took her dripping-wet bag and left without complaint. And I learned to always double-check any instructions I was given at that job, just in case!

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