Our manager has assigned three of us to work together on a project. One of my coworkers, who is originally from the UK, is talking to the manager near me.

British Coworker: “[Manager], I’m happy to work with [My Name] on the project, but I cannot under any circumstances be expected to produce good work with [Coworker].”

Manager: “What are you talking about? She knows the work.”

British Coworker: “I’m sure, but she can’t help but throw in, I’m going to be diplomatic and use the phrase ‘running commentary’, about the UK and me being British.”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

British Coworker: “When she first picked up on my accent, she asked if I was an English refugee escaping now that the UK has been overtaken by Sharia law.”

Manager: “Ooookay, so she’s a bit misinformed.”

British Coworker: “The last time I worked with her, she asked me if I was going to fix my face now that I was in a country with real healthcare and not in one with all of that socialist stuff.”

Manager: “I feel like you’re exaggerating a little bit.”

British Coworker: “I really… really wish I was.”

Manager: “Well, let’s just give her another chance, yeah? Maybe she was having some off days.”

[British Coworker] sighs but tells [Manager] she’ll give it a shot, but will have zero tolerance for any more passive-aggressive comments.

On day one of working together on the project, we lasted almost an hour before this happened:

Coworker: “So, [British Coworker], did you vote for Brexit, or did you vote for the people who want to replace the statue of Winston Churchill with Osama Bin Laden?”

By hour two, [Coworker] had been… reassigned.

When I was in high school, I worked at a car detailing place. We did high-end cars. Think BMW, Porsche. Cars like that. The boss is talking to a guy who bought a Lamborghini on Friday night.

Boss: “That should be ready on Monday.”

Customer: “Thanks! See you then!” *Leaves.*

Boss: “[Coworker], you got the Lambo. Get it done over the weekend.”

Coworker: “You got it.”

So far, so normal. I come into work on Sunday morning and am surprised to see my boss there.

Me: “[Boss], you don’t usually work on Sundays.”

Boss: “Yeah, I just got off the phone with [Customer]. He’s not happy.”

Me: “I heard you tell him his car would be done Monday. How can he be angry?”

Boss: “He wasn’t demanding we finish his Lambo early. He was demanding an explanation as to why he was out with his wife on Saturday night and saw his Lambo pass him by. I’m here to talk to [Coworker].”

Me: “Oh… wow.”

[Coworker] came in and was directed to see the boss immediately. The dumb-a** really said he didn’t think he would get caught as they were leading him out the front door.

I got hired on to a trucking company after CDL (Commercial Driver’s License) school. They had five days of orientation, and it took place at their headquarters, which was several states away. You could either have them fly you there, or you could drive yourself, and they would cover your expenses. Also, the company would put you up at a hotel, pay your food costs, and provide transportation to the headquarters. 

This one guy drove himself there who lived about eight-hundred miles away. On the first day of orientation, he tells anyone who’ll listen that he forgot to keep his receipts and he “better get reimbursed”. I think I’d rather eat the costs than announce to everyone how stupid I am.

On the second day, he slept in and missed the shuttle and ended up driving himself.

On the third day, he missed the shuttle, yet again, and was over an hour late. Worse than that, he fell asleep during orientation. I knew he was done for when the instructor angrily woke him up and asked for his full name. 

On day four, he showed up on time, but his fate was sealed. When I was at the hotel later that night, having a cigarette, I saw him loading his stuff into his car.

Me: “What happened?”

Guy: “They f****** canned me!”

I didn’t even think it was possible to get fired at orientation. All you have to do is show up and pretend to pay attention.

On the last day of orientation, a few of us are discussing that guy, when one of the company managers chimes in:

Manager: “We don’t have a huge list of red flags when it comes to our truckers, but failing at being on time, paying attention, and getting adequate rest are pretty much all of them. Trust me, we made the right call with him.”

I felt bad for the guy, though. He essentially drove eight-hundred miles to get fired and then drove eight-hundred miles back.

Many years ago, a friend of mine used to work as a civilian research scientist at a local Naval base. One day, they had a new machine delivered and needed to fit an electrical plug to it. So, he went down to the store to get one. The following conversation took place between my friend and the store assistant:

Friend: “I need a mains plug, please.”

Store Assistant: “Sorry, but we haven’t any left.”

Friend: *Looking past the assistant at the shelves behind.* “But there’s one there on the shelf.”

Store Assistant: “Yes, but you can’t have it.”

Friend: “Why not?

Store Assistant: “Because it’s the last one, and somebody might want it.”

Friend: “…?”

He gave up, went off base, and bought one at a local hardware store.

I’m at a 24-hour diner. I’m working strange shifts, so I am there having ‘breakfast’ at 3 AM. A waitress has come to take my order.

Me: “Hello there! May I please have the blueberry pancakes and iced tea? Thank you!”

Waitress: “I… uh…”

The waitress looked tired, but now it looks like her brain has stopped.

Me: “Are… are you okay?”

Waitress: “Yes. Sorry. Blueberry pancakes and iced tea.”

She walks away, still in a bit of a daze. The manager is the one who ends up bringing my food over, and I ask after the waitress.

Manager: “Yes, I understand. My waitstaff was shocked by your manners.”

Me: “What are you talking about? I said please! I have manners!”

Manager: “Yes, that’s what’s so shocking.”