A Sizeable Problem

| USA | Working | July 22, 2017

(I am waiting in line in a coffee shop behind an elderly woman, with a young barista serving.)

Elderly Customer: “I would like a small black coffee. I have a coupon to get it for free.”

Barista: “This coupon is good for a free medium coffee. Would you like a medium today?”

Elderly Customer: “I only want a small.”

Barista: “Well, this coupon only works for a medium.”

Elderly Customer: “I only want small, though.”

Me: “…”

(This standoff went on for a little while longer, until finally the woman sighed, gave me the coupon, and left. Neither of them could devise a solution to this insurmountable problem apparently. I got a free coffee out of it, though!)

Will Need A Louisiana Slim After This

| AL, USA | Right | July 22, 2017

(I work in the cafe of a bookstore. It is only my fourth day there. A customer is walking through the bookstore towards the cafe when he yells at me.)

Customer: “Hey! HEY, YOU!”

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “What’s the name of that girl who comes around here? She comes from New Orleans.”

Me: “I’m not sure who you mean, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t know her name, but she comes from New Orleans!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know.”

Customer: *scoffs and talks in a condescending tone* “Well, isn’t it amazing how you all can work so closely together and still know nothing about each other. Such an accomplishment.”

Me: *speechless*

Unfiltered Story #90839

, , | Unfiltered | July 12, 2017

(When other stores need cover, they generally call around and borrow baristas. I’m pretty much on speed dial for this store.

Since this store is in a shopping centre, they get some very interesting customers.)

Me: Hi, how can I help?

(The customer proceeds to list five drinks, and hands me several items to go into the store’s turbo oven).

Customer: Oh, on the ham and cheese croissant, could you remove the cheese?

Me: Oh… one second, let me check. [Supervisor], dumb question time: how do I take the cheese out of this? Is it a tong job, or do I use the plastic knives?

Supervisor: Tongs. It’s easy to get used to.

(I do so, put the now cheese-less croissant into the turbo oven and return to the customer.)

Me: (to Customer) Sorry about that. I’m from a different store, and we don’t usually get this particular request over there.

Customer: But you always do it.

Me: Maybe these guys do, but my store doesn’t.

Customer: But you always do it.

Me: … You’re not listening. I’ve never removed the cheese before – okay, nevermind. Here’s your receipt!

Customer: But you always do it! (leaves in a huff)

Supervisor: There’s a reason people prefer [my store, which gets some pretty crazy customers] to here, you know.

The Caffeinated Dead

| TX, USA | Working | July 11, 2017

(The people working at my local coffee shop are very friendly, and are used to my zombie-like behavior since I come in most mornings.)

Me: *tired and very zombie like* “Coffeeee…”

Barista: “Good morning, Miss [My Name]! I’m guessing you want your usual?”

Me: *tired nod*

Barista: “You’re even more zombie-like than usual; didn’t you sleep last night?”

Me: “Yeah… Mother gave me a sleeping pill.”

Barista: “Ah. That explains it. All right then, one Javalanche, coming right up.”

(Nodding and paying, I go wait for my coffee at the end of the line.)

Barista: *handing me my coffee and one of their muffins* “The muffin’s on me. Enjoy!”

Youth Got A Lotta Nerve!

| IL, USA | Working | July 11, 2017

(Our local mall has a “youth escort policy” where kids under 18 have to be accompanied by adults after 6 pm. This story takes place when I am a freshman in high school, on a shopping trip with my friends as well as someone’s mom.)

Mom: “I’d like to get a coffee. Do you think they’d mind if I went into that shop right there while you looked at those scarves?”

Friend: “Oh, of course not.”

(Note that while she is in the shop she is no more than 15 feet away from us. We are giggling and trying on scarves.)

Security Guard: “What do you ladies think you’re doing?”

Friend #1: *very nervous* “Uh… um, looking at these scarves?”

Friend #2: *calmly* “Oh, we’re just trying these on. I hope you don’t mind. We can put them back if you’d like. Sorry to be a bother—”

Security Guard: “No! Don’t talk to me like that; you know full well what you’re doing, and I don’t like it.”

Friend #2: “I’m sorry, sir, um—”

Security Guard: *to his walkie-talkie* “Hello, we’ve got some girls who are trying to pull some monkey business with this scarf stand—”

Me: “Wait, no, sir! I’m sorry; her mom is in the coffee shop! We can show you, here. See? She’s coming out now!”

Mom: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Security Guard: “Well, they are in violation of our youth escort policy! They could be up to no good! You should do a better job of keeping track of your kids!”

Mom: “Get a life, a**-hole.”

(We all stand, gaping at her nerve.)

Mom: “You don’t need to kick us out. We’re leaving. Come on, girls, let’s go.”

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