Back in the nineties, I waited on a group of four old guys at the coffee shop I worked at. They all ordered water to drink except for one guy, who had coffee.

As I was taking their food order, I watched one guy (not the guy who ordered the coffee) put cream and sugar in his friend’s coffee and begin drinking it. After I was finished taking the order, the coffee “thief” said:

Coffee Thief: “Oops, I just realized I didn’t order coffee, and I ruined my friend’s coffee. Go ahead and bring him a fresh cup and, since this one is already here, I’ll drink it so it doesn’t go to waste.”

Me: “Sir, if you’re going to drink that coffee, it’s going on the bill.”

Coffee Thief: “C’mon, it’s just a cup of coffee.”

Me: “It’s just a cup of coffee, but my friend, you ain’t playing me.”

I took the coffee back and poured it out into the bus tub while looking him straight in the eye. They did not come back after that.

Customer: “Is there any way I can get a coffee with ten creams and still keep it hot?”

Coworker: “Yes, you move into an alternate universe which has different rules of thermodynamics where heat transfer doesn’t occur spontaneously from a region of lower temperature to a region of higher temperature.”

Customer: “So… no?”

Coworker: “I can do warm at best.”

Customer: *Sighs.* “I guess I’ll settle.”

Related:
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 30
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 29
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 28
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 27
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 26

The name of the town where we live has been changed, but it still fits the story.

A group of us ladies meets up weekly at a coffee shop for some chatting and company, and to enjoy a safe space around other women. Last week we had been chatting about being healthier and more active as a group, discussing things like hiking and things like that.

Friend: “My friend works the reception at the local sports center, the one with all the tennis courts.”

Me: “The one that is notoriously difficult to book any tennis?”

Friend: “Yes, but she said if we’re able to book a bunch of the courts as a group, she can scan ahead on the diary and reserve it for us at a discount rate. We just need to make sure we can fill up the courts with as many of us as possible.”

Me: “How would you do that?”

Techy Friend: “Social media! My daughter does it all the time! Make a group on Facebook and invite all the ladies. I bet you’d get plenty of women interested in a sporting event free from mansplaining, ha!”

Friend: “Yes, and we could even give it a nice name! Like ‘Cleveland Ladies’ Indoor Tennis’ or something.”

We discuss this and a few more topics while [Friend] grabs a napkin and starts writing down some ideas, including a mock-up of a flyer or banner to put on the Facebook group.

Me: “Uh, [Friend], was it intentional for you to capitalize and enlarge the first letter in each word?”

Friend: “Yes, to make it stand out.”

Techy Friend: “It stands out all right! ‘Cleveland Ladies’ Indoor Tennis’. You see what you’ve done?”

Friend: “Oh… oh! I didn’t notice! Well, that’s even better! We didn’t want the men to come to it; now they won’t even be able to find it!”

We laughed, but we did end up choosing a different name…

I was waiting for my order from a coffee shop (a frappe-type drink). I had ordered a large, which is significantly bigger than the small. It is not a place that puts names on the cups.

Two drinks are ready at the same time. My large and another small one of the same type. A guy reaches over me and grabs the large one and continues to wait with his friend for his friend’s order. I figured mine must not be ready yet.

Another minute passes, and one of the employees asks if the small is my drink. I say no, I ordered a large. The guy who grabbed the large speaks up and says that it must be his, that he ordered a small, and tries to grab it while still sipping on the large.

The employee doesn’t let him take it, calling him out on grabbing the large, which could NOT have been mistaken for a small, knowing he ordered a small. He argues with her, saying he paid for the small and he is going to get what he paid for. She asks him if he paid for the large he was currently drinking. He argues back, saying both drinks should be free for him for “their screw-up,” meaning he thinks the coffee shop was at fault.

The guy gets even more p***ed when the employees give the small drink to a random kid in line and make me a new large and refund me what I had paid.

His friend was standing there the whole time, looking mortified and stunned and begging the guy just to leave (the friend hadn’t gotten his food yet).

The guy ends up storming out, ranting about how he paid for a drink that the shop wouldn’t make for him, saying they stole his money, basically. All while still sipping on that large he grabbed up.

Some people.

Customer: “Remake my drink!”

Me: “Uh, excuse me, miss, but what is wrong with it?”

Customer: “You made the wrong drink!”

Me: “You ordered a white chocolate mocha?”

Customer: “Yes! Exactly! But when you called my order out to your people, you said white mocha.”

Me: “Oh! Well, that’s just us saying things in shorthand to speed things along. White mocha is white chocolate mocha.”

Customer: “No. It’s the wrong drink because you didn’t say chocolate.”

I kindly explained to her, again, that they are the same drink. She, ever so tentatively, took the cup, took the tiniest sip, and said:

Customer: “No, it tastes weird. Can you make it for me again?”

Well, store policy says I have to remake the drink. My manager, who heard the whole thing from around the corner, comes over to me, “scolds” me for not jumping to remake the drink, and says to the customer:

Manager: “Don’t worry, I’ll make it right.”

My manager takes the cup back, runs a cleaning cycle on the Mastrena (our espresso machine), and pours her drink into a different cup.

Manager: “Here you go, ma’am, a white chocolate mocha.”

Would you believe this girl sips it, swoons, and says:

Customer: “It’s perfect!”

And then she walks away elated.