Their Head Is So Very Very Close(d)  

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2020

I’m a tech for a known coffee store chain. During renovations of one outlet, I had to come by the store to check and test the cash registers. The manager had asked me to print out a few “Sorry, we’re closed” signs, which he taped on the glass doors on eye level.

I somewhat expected people not reading these, and indeed, in the course of an hour, I counted three groups opening that door and asking if we were open — the store had already been closed for two weeks or so. 

One even managed to ask this while his head was at the most 20 centimeters away from the “Sorry, we’re closed” sign.

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Caramel Entitlement Never Tasted So Bitter

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2020

(It is a late shift, we are closing in an hour, and I am making drinks while one of my coworkers is on register. One of our regulars comes up; most of our regulars are nice but this one always has a sour look on her face and is known for being difficult.) 

Coworker: “Hello! Wha–“

Customer: *cuts right to it* “Ultra-caramel frappe with extra milk, half ice, light ice, light whipped cream, and extra caramel drizzle.”

(I hear the order and start making the drink right away. Before she even finishes paying, she screams.)

Customer: “THAT’S TOO MUCH MILK!”

Coworker: “Would you like her to pour some out or start over?”

Customer: *gives blank angry state and says nothing*

(Before she can ask again…)

Me: *in a polite sweet voice* “I’m sorry, I will start over.”

(The regular finishes paying and waits at the pickup area. I show her the milk amount before I make the rest of the drink; I pour just over the standard amount and ask her if that is all right. She continues to stare angrily but refuses to say if it isn’t, so I continue with the drink. I make it with her specifications and put it on the counter for her.)

Me: “Here you go!”

Customer: *twists the drink* “This isn’t right.”

Me: “I am sorry, I will be happy to fix it. What is wrong?”

Customer: *hissing* “This isn’t how I usually get it.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can fix it if I know what’s wrong.”

Customer: *snaps* “Just give me a refund.”

(I am fed up. There is a line of customers and I have to make a ton of drinks because this conversation is taking way too long.)

Me: “Okay, then, you can wait in line and [Coworker] will give you a refund.”

(She huffed off and straight-up cut in line. The people behind were shocked. My coworker asked if she should give her the refund and I told her to just do it and get her out of here. The next week, she came in and I found out the only difference between what I made and how she usually drinks her frappuccino is that I put the extra caramel drizzle she ordered on top and she likes it in the cup!)

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A Sprinkle Of Idiocy Is Too Much

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2020

I work at a popular coffee chain known for serving ungodly sugary iced blender drinks. 

I am making drinks while a coworker rings. I get an order for two venti cotton candy frappes with whipped cream made with heavy cream. Just to be clear, this has four pumps of frappe syrup, three scoops of vanilla bean sugar powder, and six pumps of raspberry syrup. The recipe calls for pink sprinkles if the customer asks for whipped cream, so I put some on. This customer is the definition of a basic white girl, wearing North Face, a scrunchy in a messy bun, and Uggs. 

She leans over and says, “OH, MY GOD! Can you please take off the sprinkles if possible? That’s WAAAY too much sugar!” 

It takes all of my soul to not straight up say that the sprinkles are probably the healthiest thing in there.

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She’d Better Fly To Colombia, Then

, , , | Right | January 16, 2020

(I work at a bakery and coffee shop in my hometown. It is one of about five locations in the city. Our bakery specializes in freshly made cookies and various cakes and bars, along with a pretty good selection of coffee flavours and espresso machine drinks. One afternoon, I’m working at the store with my shift partner when a lady comes up to order a latte. I go on to ask about the type of milk she wants and if she wants a flavour shot or cinnamon or chocolate powder on the top. The conversation that follows is a head-scratcher.)

Me: “Okay, so, a medium latte with 2% milk and no toppings.” 

Customer: “Ooh, I have to ask. Are your beans fresh?”

Me: “The beans come in a vacuum-sealed bag, and the machine is filled from the bottom up every day to ensure the beans never sit in the machine for too long.”

(The machine dispenses beans from the bottom so the beans are never old as we add new beans to the top unless the machine has been idle for a few days, at which point we toss the beans and wash the container out before refilling it with fresh beans.)

Customer: “No, no, I mean when were the beans made? Are they fresh, as in picked recently? I only want the freshest beans!” 

(At this point, I’m slightly confused and show the lady the bag of beans we use, pointing out the “best before” date, which is something like eight months from now, and the packaged date, which is a couple of weeks ago, which is pretty good considering the beans are picked in COLUMBIA and packaged in some small town in ITALY and then shipped to CANADA.) 

Customer: *throws her hands up* “This is unacceptable! I only drink the freshest coffee and espresso. Cancel my order; I’m going to the coffee shop that I know has fresh beans!”

(My coworker mutters behind the lady’s back after she leaves:)

Coworker: “Have a nice trip; don’t come back!” 

(We were beginning to think the lady was expecting us to pull out this coffee plant from the back garden and roast and grind the beans right there. Some people.)

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Drink Some Covfefe And Call It A Day

, , , , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work for a popular Canadian coffee chain.)

Customer: “Do you take American? Hundreds?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take AmEx or bills larger than 50s.”

Customer: “What? You don’t take American money at all?”

Me: “What? I… Oh, I’m sorry, usually American means American Express credit cards here. Yes, we take American money; we just don’t take any bills larger than 50.”

Customer: “You don’t take American money?” *passes me a Canadian toonie*

Me: “Yes, we do, we just don’t take—”

Customer: “You should. You’d better. Best country in the world. Best money in the world.” *walks off calmly*

Regular Customer: *in line behind him, doing a fake Trump voice* “Best money ever. The very best. There has never been any better money before our money.”

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