Workplace Daddy Issues

, , , , , | Working | December 14, 2017

(I’m the supervisor at a popular Canadian coffee chain. I’m also one of the only males and slightly older than most of the rest of the staff (me being 28, them mostly being high school/college age). I’ve just exchanged some change for one of my cashiers.)

Cashier #1: “Thanks, Dad.”

Cashier #2: “Did you just call [My Name] ‘Dad’?”

Cashier #1: *laughing* “It was an accident. Besides, he’s kind of like our Work Dad.”

Cashier #2: “That’s so weird. [My Name] doesn’t want to be called Dad by a bunch of teenagers.”

Me: “Actually, I’m fine with it.” *laughs* “Maybe if I’m your dad you guys might listen to me for a change.”

Cashier #1: “See, he’s fine with it.” *turns to me* “Thanks again, Work Daddy.”

Me: “Now that on the other hand…”

Can’t Clean Your Hands Of This Crime

, , , , , , | Working | December 13, 2017

(We have someone come in once a week to clean our house. She is, in a word, amazing; our house looks fantastic, and she always goes that extra mile to make it look even better. When a friend tells me that she is looking for a cleaner, I gladly recommend my cleaner. A few weeks later, my friend phones me.)

Friend: “This is a little awkward, but… have you noticed any money missing from your house?”

Me: “No. Oh, wait a second. [Eight-Year-Old Daughter] said that she can’t find some money that she’s been saving. She’s kind of careless, so I assumed she’d just misplaced it. Why do you ask?”

Friend: “I keep noticing small amounts missing, say, $5 or $10, and it’s always after [Cleaner] has been here.”

Me: “Oh, dear! I hope I didn’t let a thief into your house!”

Friend: “Tell you what: my husband has tomorrow off, and [Cleaner] is coming to clean. I’m going to deliberately leave $10 lying under a chair, and he’ll see what she does.”

Me: “Okay. Keep me posted.”

(The next day…)

Friend: “Well, she tried to steal the $10. She picked it up and put it in her pocket, and when my husband confronted her, she pretended that it was hers. We fired her on the spot.”

Me: “Guess I’ll have to do the same. Ugh. I’m so sorry about this!”

(I phone our cleaner.)

Me: “My friend told me what happened at her house. My little girl’s money is missing as well. Did you steal it?”

Cleaner: “What? No! Of course not! I would never do such a thing to a child!”

Me: “I’m thinking seriously about phoning the police.”

Cleaner: “NO! You don’t need to do that. Listen… I’m completely innocent, but just to show good faith, I’ll return… um, I mean give you half of the missing money. That’ll be $65. How’s that sound?”

Me: “I don’t remember telling you how much was missing.”

Cleaner: “…”

Me: “Forget it. You’re fired.”

(We changed our locks, of course, and I gave my daughter her money back out of my own pocket. To this day, I still miss my cleaner. She was such an awesome cleaner, and if she’d only taken money from ME, I might have turned a blind eye to her stealing.)

“Groundhog Day” Must Have Seriously Confused Them

, , , , , | Working | December 13, 2017

(I work at a company that is open 24 hours a day due to the nature of our business. There is a separate day staff and night staff that both rotate through several different shifts. The earliest day shift is 2:00 am to 10:00 am, and the latest is 10:00 am to 6:00 pm. This happens one night while I, a night staff worker, am on the floor during one of the few times when there are both day and night staff employees there together. A day staff coworker has just gotten in for his 2:00 to 10:00 am shift, and we are talking about our respective hours and how we feel about them.)

Coworker: “Yeah, I don’t mind them so much, but I was definitely lied to in my interview.”

Me: “Oh, really? How so?”

Coworker: “Yeah, they told me I’d never be here past 6:00 pm.”

Me: “Oh, do they schedule you later than that sometimes?”

Coworker: “Well, yeah. Like, right now I come into work at 2:00 am.”

Me: “But you’re leaving by 10:00.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but I have to start at 2:00 am. They told me I’d never be here past 6:00.”

Me: “But you’re not here past 6:00 pm. None of your shifts end after 6:00.”

Coworker: “But this one starts after 6:00 pm.”

(After several tries to get him to understand that A NEW DAY STARTS AT MIDNIGHT and that 2:00 am is NOT, in fact, after 6:00 pm, I gave up. This was a job that required a college degree, and here was this guy telling me that, just because it was after 6:00 pm of the previous day, he was lied to about his hours. By that standard, EVERYTHING is after 6:00 pm!)

Money Talks But It Doesn’t Read

, , | Working | December 13, 2017

(This happens back in the ‘80s. Our $1 note has been replaced with a coin, followed four years later by the $2 note being replaced as well. The $2 coin is much smaller than the $1 coin, which is unusual as our coins usually go up in size with each increase. I use a $10 note to buy something worth $6.)

Salesperson: “We have new $2 coins.”

Me: “Really? I’ve been waiting to see what they are like.”

Salesperson: *hands me two coins back* “There you go. $4 change.”

Me: *looking at the coins, wondering why the $2 coins are the same size as the $1 when I know they are supposed to be smaller* “Hold on, you’ve just given me the wrong change. You still owe me $2”

Salesperson: “No, that’s right. Those are the new $2 coins.”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Salesperson: “How do you know? You said you had never seen them before.”

Me: “The fact that these say $1 on them.”

Salesperson: “Are you sure?”

Me: *holding them up* “Yes, I am sure.”

Salesperson: “I don’t know. I think you might be wrong but I’ll check.” *opens cash drawer* “No, those are the larger coin which means they are worth more.”

Me: “No, the $2 are the smaller coin.”

Salesperson: “Now I’m confused. If you want two of the smaller ones that’s ok, but I still don’t think you are right.” *we exchange the coins*

Me: *holding up the $2 coin* “See? It says $2 right there.”

Salesperson: “Oh, is that how you can tell which is which?”

Green Cards Put You In The Red

, , , , | Working | December 13, 2017

(I have gone to visit a friend in Canada. I live in New York but am originally from Germany. I received my green card when I was 11 and at the time I am 20. I hand the border agent my green card, driver’s license, and German passport.)

Agent: “This doesn’t look like you.” *referring to the picture of 11-year old me on my green card* “However these two do.” *referring to the pictures on my driver’s license and passport which are much more recent*

Me: “I’m sorry, I was 11. All the information matches across all three forms of identification, does it not?”

Agent: “Yes but this doesn’t look like you. Why do you not have a more recent picture on here?”

Me: “Because it hasn’t expired yet.”

Agent: “Well, you should update it anyway.”

Me: “It’s $450 to renew a green card; I’m not going to be doing it early if I don’t need to.”

Agent: “I just don’t know if this is really you or not.”

(After a bit more back and forth of him not understanding why I wasn’t willing to pay $450 to renew my green card when I didn’t have to yet, he looked in the trunk of my car and had me pull over and go inside for them to take my fingerprints.)

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