Insurance Telemarketer: “Hi, there! I was just calling to tell you about the wonderful deals we have on life insurance at the moment!”

Me: *asking a purely rhetorical question* “What if I’ve only got weeks to live?”

Insurance Telemarketer: “Oh… you have a nice evening!” *click*

(I go to the local post office to get some postage and drop off the mail for my boss. Here is the actual conversation at the postal counter.)

Me: “Hi. I need a roll of reg—“

Post Office Lady: “No rolls.”

Me: “You don’t have rolls of stamps?”

Post Office Lady: “No.”

Me: “Okay, how about just 100 stamps, then?”

(She counts out five sheets of stamps.)

Me: “And I need one $1 stamp—“

Post Office Lady: “No $1 stamps.”

Me: “Okay, how about $2 stamps?”

Post Office Lady: “No $2 stamps.”

Me: “Um, all right. I need five postcard—“

Post Office Lady: “We don’t have postcard stamps.”

Me: *growing ever more incredulous* “You don’t have post… Okay, you know what? I’ll just take those, then. I’ll go somewhere else for the rest.”

(I get ready to pay.)

Post Office Lady: “Do you need anything else today?”

(SO MANY responses go through my head, it nearly explodes.)

Me: “Um, no. That will be all.”

(A friend and I walk into a large, popular furniture warehouse, looking for a bookshelf.)

Me: “Look, the books are shelved backward!”

Friend: “That’s weird!”

Me: “Don’t know how that could happen.” *picks up some books, which are mainly old Readers Digest collections*

Friend: “Must be a mistake.”

(I start turning books with the spine out; my friend takes the next shelf and does the same.)

Employee: “Excuse me, but I’m the designer here, and I need you to stop doing that.”

Me: “We just noticed these books were backward.”

Employee: “We do that on purpose. This way we don’t have to match colors.”

Me: “I assumed someone just shoved them on… probably someone who doesn’t read…”

Employee: “It’s part of the design. I don’t want the books to distract from the furniture.”

Me: “I can’t see the furniture because the books are so weird. But sorry for interfering!”

(My friend and I left, giggling like schoolgirls.)

I have cable and Internet services with a well-known company infamous for its garbage customer service. My previous encounters with their customer service have varied from fair to wanting, but up to this point they haven’t been truly awful. This time, though, I got the experience that’s emblematic of their reputation.

Without warning, my cable/DVR box goes on the fritz — the power button flashing on and off, just not working at all. I do my due diligence to try to fix it without success, and then I call the provider. I explain to them what’s going on, and proceed to spend twenty minutes going through every single action I’ve already taken, because the agent will not accept that I have already done them. The only thing she does that I haven’t done is send a restart signal, which predictably fails. At the end of this, she tells me she has to transfer me to a local center to get a service appointment. I’m a bit annoyed at this point, but there’s not much I can do without getting a service appointment, so I agree.

The call transfers, and another agent picks up and starts asking me for my basic details. I interrupt and say I was just transferred from another customer service agent. That’s when I learn there was no actual transfer; the first agent sent the call to someone else without giving them a single detail about me, or even telling them that I had been on the line with someone else! And [Agent #2] either doesn’t believe me or doesn’t care because she spends another 20 minutes going through the exact same tests I have already done with [Agent #1]. I’m at less than my best when it’s all done, as it’s late and I just want to get a tech out there to help me, but finally, the appointment is made.

Or so I think, because the scheduled window comes and goes without any sign of the tech. Cue another call up, where it’s taking everything I have not to yell at [Agent #3], who tells me that no appointment was ever made. I make a point of demanding a credit to my account at this point because I’m very fed up with how this has gone, but finally, the appointment is confirmed for the next day. The tech takes one look at the box and deems it toast, and sets me up with a new one.

The kicker? The new box dies in less than a week. When I call up, they don’t waste any time telling me to go to the local shop; apparently, someone has their head on straight and sees what I’ve been through and realizes I am not in the mood for BS. At least the second replacement box works fine.

(Some painters are painting our house inside and outside, so they are there for some weeks. The boss is constantly pranking his employees. At one time, he sends a young employee to get a skirting-board ladder. The boy gets in his car and leaves. Four hours later, he still hasn’t returned and the boss calls him on his phone.)

Boss: “Where the h*** are you? “

(Inaudible answer from the boy.)

Boss: “You are at home playing video games? Come back now!”

(The boy returns and the boss starts chewing him out.)

Boy: “I knew skirting-board ladders do not exist. So, I just had a relaxed time wondering how long it would take you to realise that your prank wasn’t all that good. Now, do you want me to get some striped paint, double-sided masking tape, brushes made of mink, or a square paint roller? I can go look for them…”

(All the other painters laughed and the boss look very embarrassed. To be fair, the boss did pay the boy for the four hours he was at home playing video games, but he also cut back on his pranks.)