I am working late night in the bakery department and, due to the time of day, there is very little stock left.

A middle-aged woman walks past and starts looking at the racks where the bread should be. She turns to her husband who has walked up.

Woman: “I’m sorry, they’re all out of white bread; they’ve only got brown.”

Man: “Well, you know what I’m like with that foreign muck.”

Woman: “You’re right. We’d better leave it.”

They walked off without buying any, completely ignoring me standing there, trying not to crack up.

While browsing through social media, I was offered an advert for a product that I had been interested in. In said advertisement, there was a prize draw to win one of said products. I entered and, having not won, I was offered a coupon for £35 off their online store. Naturally, the coupon wasn’t available with other offers and sales.

I headed to the website, only to find that there were sales on every item, mostly for £20 or £25 off.

“That’s not an issue,” I thought. “I’ll remove the voucher code in the basket and apply my own, saving some more money.”

However, the pre-applied codes were locked in and impossible to remove. There was also no option to add your own code. So, on to the online support.

Chat Box: “Please leave your message here.”

Me: “Hi, I’ve received an online voucher code, but I can’t seem to remove the pre-applied ones to use my own.”

Five minutes later…

Advisor: “Hi, I’m [Advisor], your [Slogan] support. How can I help today?”

Me: “Hi, [Advisor].”

Advisor: “I’m so glad to hear you’re interested in our [product]! As per the FAQ, only one voucher code can be applied at a time. Feel free to keep the other code for later or give it to a friend or family.”

Me: “I appreciate that, but I can’t seem to remove the pre-applied codes that are on every product. I’d rather use my own code as it saves me a little more money.”

Advisor: “Please let me know if you have any other questions. I am always happy to help.”

Me: “For reference, my code is from the [Campaign] that you’re running. Or am I simply unable to use my code?”

Advisor: “I’m so glad to hear you’re interested in our [product]! As per the FAQ, only one voucher code can be applied at a time. Feel free to keep the other code for later, or give it to a friend or family.”

Advisor: “Please let me know if you have any other questions. I am always happy to help.”

Sigh.

Thanks, [Advisor].

I am in a mall with my brother. We pass by a burger place.

Brother: “Oh, wait! I need to do something real quick.”

Me: “But we just ate.”

Brother: “No, they owe me a refund.”

He takes out an old burger from his backpack.

Brother: “They didn’t put cheese on my cheeseburger, so I called to complain. They said to bring it in for a refund.”

Me: “That burger looks… really bad. How long has it been in your bag?”

Brother: “Hmm, about three weeks.”

Me: “Dude! They’re not going to refund that!“

He goes in anyway and later comes out smiling.

Brother: “They complained that the bun was mouldy, but they couldn’t argue with the lack of cheese!”

I had a brief stint working as a barman in one of Glasgow’s trendier pubs, and as I didn’t drive at the time, I relied on buses to get to and from work. I met some interesting characters on the night buses after midnight, but this story is about the one time somebody tried to mug me, and I’m only telling it because it was utterly bizarre.

After one particularly long shift, followed by a drink with my colleagues, it was about 1:00 am, and I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was standing at my usual bus stop listening to music on my headphones. After a few minutes, somebody walked over, stood in front of me, and smirked at me from an uncomfortably close distance. 

Me: “What is it?”

Would-Be-Mugger: “Phone, wallet, headphones. Now.”

Now, I don’t recommend what I did next but, as I said, it had been a long day and the guy didn’t have any obvious weapon.

Me: “F*** off.”

Would-Be-Mugger: “What?!”

Me: “You heard me. F*** off.”

I was ready for a fight at this point, so I had taken my headphones off, but I wasn’t expecting what happened next.

Would-Be-Mugger: “Oh, umm, hahaha! I nearly got you?! Aye, you’re right. I watched a show today about a guy who pretended to mug people just to see what reaction they would get, but you’re right. It’s late, it’s dark, and people are going to think I’m serious. Would you like some chewing gum, by the way?”

Me: “No, I don’t want any chewing gum. Get lost.”

He ran off down the street, never to be seen again. It was a bizarre end to a long shift.

Related:
When They Act Tough, You Call Their Bluff, Part 2
When They Act Tough, You Call Their Bluff

I work in a public library. A woman comes up to our help desk with a young girl about five or six years old. It should be noted that the woman is white, but the young girl is black.

Patron: “Hello. Long story short, I am fostering this girl while her asylum application is going through the motions. Her English is limited, but she’s fluent in French. My French is okay, but I’m having trouble explaining the concept of a library.”

Me: “My coworker is fluent in French. Maybe she can explain easier?”

Patron: “Thanks, but I don’t think it’s a translation issue. I just don’t think she understands the concept.”

Me: “Hmm. I’ll call my coworker over and let’s see what we can do.”

I call my coworker over, who is originally from Martinique. After explaining the situation, he starts speaking to the little girl. What they say was translated to me after.

Coworker: *To the little girl* “So, how it works is that you look at the books. When you find one you like, you bring it to me or to my friend here, and we make a note. Then you can borrow it!”

Little Girl: “What does ‘borrow’ mean?”

Coworker: “It means that as long as you promise to bring it back when you have finished reading it, you can take it home.”

Little Girl: “But I have no money.”

Coworker: “It’s okay. You don’t need money. You just need to bring the book to me or my friend. As long as you’re with your guardian, we can sort out the rest.”

Little Girl: “So… I can read the books?”

Coworker: “Yes!”

Little Girl: *Eyes going wide, looking around the whole place* “I can read… all the books?”

Coworker: *Laughing* “Haha, yes, as fast as you can read them!”

She is simply awestruck. She slowly turns around, as if the sheer size of the place is finally dawning on her. She then tugs on the shirt of her foster mum.

Little Girl: “Let’s go find the books!”

She checked out with five books (the maximum for a child dependent on an adult library card) and she was back within days to return them and check out five more.

After a few months of this, and as her English improved unbelievably quickly (I wonder how that was happening?) she was able to get her own card, and her voracious appetite for books increased as a result.

Sixteen years later, the asylum application is a thing of the past, and this little girl is now a young woman studying for her degree in Literature. She uses our library for all her resource materials.

At the time of writing this story, she currently has the maximum number of books out on loan and has never been late in returning or extending their loans.

This story is part of our end-of-year Feel Good roundup for 2022!

Read the next Feel Good 2022 story!

Read the Feel Good 2022 roundup!