Unfiltered Story #123669

, , , | Unfiltered | October 18, 2018

(I work in *ahem* a well known fried chicken chain, and as our menu is somewhat more complicated than it needs to be for somewhere that literally only does chicken, customers often aren’t sure what to order. Unfortunately they often don’t make it easy for me to recommend products to them.)

Customer: *approaches the till blinking up at the menu boards*

Me: Hi there, what can I get for you?

Customer: *doesn’t look at me* Chicken.

Me: *deep breath* Well, you’re in the right place sir. How would you like your chicken? We have boneless strips, on the bone, burgers, hot wings…

Customer: Don’t know.

(I don’t really know how to respond to that, so I just stand there and wait while he continues to look at the boards)

Customer: *finally looks at me, irritated* Well are you not gonna help me choose then?

Me: I can absolutely help you if you tell me what you’d like to eat.

Customer: Chicken! F***’s sake man! *storms out of the shop in a huff*

As Long As You Don’t Have Any Blue Tits

, , , , , , , | Healthy | June 7, 2018

(My stepmum has been unwell for a few months and has been on a number of different antibiotics. Her symptoms aren’t improving, so she goes back to the doctor and my dad goes with her. During the examination, the following takes place.)

Doctor: “I’m going to put you on a stronger antibiotic, but before I do that, I want to make sure you haven’t had reactions to the antibiotic you’re currently on. Have you had any headaches or trouble sleeping?”

Stepmum: “No. I’m tired from the illness, but I have no trouble sleeping.”

Doctor: “Okay, and any stomach issues?”

Stepmum: “No, that’s fine, too.”

Doctor: “Great. Now, this might be a bit sensitive, but have you had any thrush?”

Stepmum: *looks at my dad, confused* “No, but I have a parrot at home!”

Dad: *nearly peeing his pants with laughter* “He’s means a yeast infection, not a bird!”

Pot Shouts The Kettle Black

, , , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(A woman and her young-ish son, maybe 10 or 11 years old, walk in. She is yelling at him as they enter the store.)


Time To Hops Into The Shower

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work at a campground. I’m on the phone with my supervisor because I need to place a maintenance request to fix a toilet that isn’t wanting to flush. It’s also Fourth of July weekend, our busiest weekend.)

Me: “Yeah, the first toilet will not flush. It’s going to get clogged, but I don’t think it is yet.”

Supervisor: “All right, I’ll send maintenance down there in a minute.”

Me: “Other than that, it doesn’t seem that bad.”

Supervisor: “That’s good.”

Me: “Well, that’s interesting!”

Supervisor: “What did you find?”

Me: “Someone had fun in the shower last night.”

Supervisor: “How do you know?”

Me: “I found two beer bottles in the shower.”

Tips You Can Bank On

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I am standing in a queue at a local coffee shop. The customer in front of me orders six or seven different drinks for his group and then moves to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be £24.”

Customer: *pays* “That is such a f****** rip-off!”

Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry about that; our prices are set by the company.”

Customer: *glares, and then spies the tip jar* “I was going to give you this.” *pulls out £10 note* “But you’re so f****** useless!” *rips £10 in half and places it in the tip jar*

(Come on! Who does that? Guess he didn’t know that banks will still accept two halves of a note. Whoops!)

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