These Technologies Aren’t Compatible

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 11, 2019

(I’m working at the enquiry desk when a worried student approaches me for help with the library computer she is using.)

Student: “I’m using Word, and the screen just keeps scrolling up even though I’m not doing anything. It’s… it’s like it’s got a ghost!”

(Suspecting I know where the problem lies, I follow her to her workstation beside two of her friends. I take one look at the setup on her desk and say:)

Me: “Your phone’s leaning on the keyboard.”

(I turn and walk away to avoid an awkward moment, but her friends aren’t so restrained. They fall about laughing while she is really embarrassed. Later, as they are leaving the library, I overhear her say to her friends:)

Student: “I really thought it had a ghost!”

This Is A Hug(e) Issue

, , , , , , , | Friendly | February 7, 2019

(I am out shopping when a young girl, maybe four or five years of age, runs up to me and hugs my leg. A woman is following her.)

Woman: “[Girl], come on, we need to finish shopping for Grandma’s party!”

Girl: “No! I want to stay here!”

Woman: “This is ridiculous.”

(She grabs the girls arm and the girl makes an ear-splitting scream. The woman lets go and huffs.)

Woman: “You don’t mind.” *walks away*

Me: *shouting after her* “I do mind, actually!”

(I manage to get the attention of a worker, who tries to bring the woman back while I try to get the girl off me. When the woman returns, she starts shouting at me and the other workers who have been trying to help.)

Woman: “In what world do you live in where you think it is appropriate to handle a little girl like this?!”

Me: “In what world do you think it’s okay to leave a little girl with a man you don’t know?!”

(She blushed and tried grabbing the girl again. The girl started screaming again and kicking me. By this time the police had been alerted, and once the girl was successfully removed and calmed down, I was questioned on why I was letting all of this happen. Thanks to the workers in the store, and the woman who at this point was absolutely hysterical, I was free to go after it was discovered the woman had taken her niece out without the girl’s mother’s permission, who had actually made a call to the police about the girl being missing.)

Unfiltered Story #138502

, , | Unfiltered | February 2, 2019

(I work at the create your own pizza counter. We have a selection of pre-prepared pizzas on the counters, as well as making them to order with up to four toppings. One of our popular pizzas – a limited edition that we still make on request – is the Garlic Chicken, which has a garlic and herb spread instead of tomato sauce and is topped with chicken, mushroom and red onion. On this day, a girl came up to the counter.)
Me: Hi, there, what can I get for you?
Customer: I’d like a ten inch thin and crispy with garlic chicken.
Me: *double-checking as I spread the garlic and herb* Is that just garlic spread with chicken or the garlic chicken pizza?
(I did this because often the customers will ask for something like “barbecue chicken and bacon”, meaning barbecue sauce with chicken and bacon, but we also serve a BBQ Chicken & Bacon pizza which also has peppers and sweetcorn. It saves on the confusion.)
Customer: *thinks for a moment* The garlic chicken pizza.
Me: *puts cheese over the spread and moves to get the mushrooms*
Customer: Oh! But no mushroom!
Me: Would you like to double-up the chicken and onion, then, since you only have two toppings?
Customer: No onion either.
Me: Sooo… Just the chicken and garlic, then?
Customer: *with a completely straight face* Yes.
(I told this to a customer just last week when she order the garlic chicken pizza. She told me “life’s easier when there are no customers”. She and my co-worker and I had a great chat about life in customer service while I made her pizzas. Having read the stories on this site: I agree.)

Informally Informing You

, , , , , , | Working | November 6, 2018

(I’m hiring for a new position on my team. The salary is very attractive, as it’s a specialised role. I’ve offered to meet anyone who has any questions about the role before they apply. The meetings are informal, but I am shocked by just how informal some people are.)

Me: “So, do you have any questions about the role or the responsibilities?”

Applicant #1: “Well, could you start by talking me through the role? I haven’t read the job description yet; I just saw the salary and decided to apply.”

Applicant #2: “I don’t have any questions about the job, because I don’t care what I do. I just saw it’s Monday through Friday only; is that right?”

Applicant #3: “Would I ever need to travel to [Site #2 about one hour away]?”

Me: “More than likely, as the team there will be part of our core users. You’d probably need to be there once a week at least, but your expenses will be covered.”

Applicant #3: “Hm, is that negotiable? I don’t have time to be driving to the site.”

Applicant #4: “Will I be busy all day, or will I have downtime?”

Me: “Uh, well, the workload isn’t unmanageable but there will be enough work to fill your entire day, every day.”

Applicant #4: “Do you ever have quiet periods, like the way sales aren’t busy after Christmas?”

Me: “No, our workload stays consistent throughout the year.”

Applicant #4: “Oh, I was really hoping I’d have some downtime during the day.”

Some Adults Make It Public For A Living

, , , , , | Related | October 30, 2018

(I’ve always been a good reader, and I love reading and learning about new things. As such, when the time comes to learn about the birds and the bees, my mum gets me a book on the topic and tells me to ask her if I have any questions at all. I also like to know the reason behind everything, particularly the reason things are called particular names.)

Me: “Mum, I’ve just started this chapter about the new hair I’m going to get.”

Mum: “Yes, it might seem strange, but it’s totally normal.”

Me: “Okay. I’ve only read the first page, but I was wondering… Is it called ‘public hair’ because everyone can see it, like Dad’s beard?”

Mum: *laughing* “Um, I think you’ve misread a word there. Have another look.”

Me: “Oh, what does ‘pubic’ mean?”

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