Time To Hops Into The Shower

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work at a campground. I’m on the phone with my supervisor because I need to place a maintenance request to fix a toilet that isn’t wanting to flush. It’s also Fourth of July weekend, our busiest weekend.)

Me: “Yeah, the first toilet will not flush. It’s going to get clogged, but I don’t think it is yet.”

Supervisor: “All right, I’ll send maintenance down there in a minute.”

Me: “Other than that, it doesn’t seem that bad.”

Supervisor: “That’s good.”

Me: “Well, that’s interesting!”

Supervisor: “What did you find?”

Me: “Someone had fun in the shower last night.”

Supervisor: “How do you know?”

Me: “I found two beer bottles in the shower.”

Tips You Can Bank On

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I am standing in a queue at a local coffee shop. The customer in front of me orders six or seven different drinks for his group and then moves to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be £24.”

Customer: *pays* “That is such a f****** rip-off!”

Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry about that; our prices are set by the company.”

Customer: *glares, and then spies the tip jar* “I was going to give you this.” *pulls out £10 note* “But you’re so f****** useless!” *rips £10 in half and places it in the tip jar*

(Come on! Who does that? Guess he didn’t know that banks will still accept two halves of a note. Whoops!)

Unfiltered Story #105154

, | Unfiltered | February 5, 2018

(Bit of backstory, my boyfriend works in a department store which sells lingerie, which he doesn’t work in but this customer has pulled him over there saying she can’t find anyone that works there. This is about 15 minutes before he’s due to finish his shift, after which we’re going on a date. It should also be noted that I’m busty, to the point I’m looking for a breast reduction, so can’t buy bras from this department store as only specialised stores carry my size)

Customer: So, I was looking at this bra as a 34 D-cup, and I think it’s a bit too small. What do you think?

Boyfriend: I’m not sure ma’am, I don’t know your size. If you think it’s too small, though, I can see this size goes up to an F-cup, so we should have your size.

Customer: How about this, I buy this bra, wear it on a date with you tonight, and you tell me if it looks like it fits tonight.

([Boyfriend] Is obviously disturbed by this, as he’s awkward with flirting, so he just tries to remain polite and hope the customer gets the hint)

Boyfriend: Ma’am, we have a no return policy in the lingerie department. You won’t be able to return it if it’s been worn.

Customer: Well, how about a date tonight anyway? You don’t want to miss out on these DD breasts, do you?

(She grabs her own breasts and winks)

Boyfriend: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I already have a date tonight.

Customer: Then dump her, don’t you want to play with these huge breasts tonight?

Boyfriend: I can assure you that, even if breast size was the main reason for me to date someone, my date has bigger breasts than you do, Ma’am.

Customer: (Now red faced) Yeah right, besides, how can you be so sure, she might have lied to you about her size!

Boyfriend: She can’t even get a bra here!

(After the customer gaping at him for a bit, he notices one of his co workers that works in the lingerie department, so waves her over to help the customer. Later, when he’s finished his shift and changed, he walks over to me and kisses me. The customer, unfortunately, is still in the store and sees this.)

Customer: Damn, no wonder you didn’t fall for my charm, when she has a rack that size!

Me: (Having been told the story briefly) Excuse me, grabbing your breasts in front of an uncomfortable store employee is not being charming. Besides, if you had any charm you’d realise you’re being turned down and not try to convince someone to dump their girlfriend!

(The customer is flustered at this point, and is floundering for something to say)

Customer: I- Well- Uh

Me: Oh, and of course he’s happy to miss out on playing with double d boobs if it means he can play with J boobs tonight!

(We walk off, the woman still stuttering. I don’t normally like to flaunt my breast size, but that felt d*** good!)

Keep Note Of Taxis Like This

, , , , , , , | Working | January 8, 2018

(I live in Glasgow and have gotten a taxi to Queen Street Station. The driver has been perfectly calm and chatting with me up until now. When we get to the station, I see the cost is £17.60. I instinctively grab the first note in my wallet, believing only one to be in there, and hand it over.)

Driver: *furious* “This is a fiver!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know I had that in there.”

(I take it back and pull out the £20 note. In this time, however, the driver turns off the engine, locks the doors, and starts using his phone.)

Me: “Umm, here.”


(I sit down, confused and worried, as he dials the police, reporting my blunder as attempted theft. After he hangs up he spends the next couple of minutes mumbling at how the English, like me, can’t be trusted. When the police arrive, he gets out and starts ranting at them. I can only see the face of one officer, who doesn’t look too impressed. She comes over and talks to me through the window.)

Officer: “Now, I’m not going to get formal with you. You look respectable enough, and [Driver] phones us at least once week thinking someone is stealing from him. Can you pay?”

(I lift up the £20 and she looks at the meter before rolling her eyes.)

Officer: “So, what happened?”

Me: “I had another note in my wallet and took that out, instead.”

(She rolls her eyes again and goes back to the driver. The driver then comes back and takes my money. He hands me my change.)

Me: “You’ve short-changed me.”

Driver: *pretending to be calm* “No, I haven’t!”

Me: “You’ve given me 40p; I should have £2.40.”

(Both officers looked in the car at the meter, and the driver begrudgingly gave me the extra £2 before speeding off. The officers shrugged and left. I just made it to my train. The irony of it all was, he was also English.)

Why On Earth Would You Need To Know Where On Earth

, , , | Right | December 16, 2017

(I work in an airport.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get to Glasgow?”

Me: “But you’re in Glasgow.”

Customer: “Duh! I need to know how long it will take to get here.”

Me: “From where?”

(Blank stare.)

Me: “I need to know where you would be departing from.”

Customer: “Why on earth do you need to know that?”

Me: “Because flying from Australia would take considerably longer than if you were to fly from say, Southampton.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. You work in an airport and you can’t even answer such a simple question!” *walks away*

(I saw him approach several other staff, but none were able to help him. He left shouting about how incompetent we all were.)

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