As Long As You Don’t Have Any Blue Tits

, , , , , , , | Healthy | June 7, 2018

(My stepmum has been unwell for a few months and has been on a number of different antibiotics. Her symptoms aren’t improving, so she goes back to the doctor and my dad goes with her. During the examination, the following takes place.)

Doctor: “I’m going to put you on a stronger antibiotic, but before I do that, I want to make sure you haven’t had reactions to the antibiotic you’re currently on. Have you had any headaches or trouble sleeping?”

Stepmum: “No. I’m tired from the illness, but I have no trouble sleeping.”

Doctor: “Okay, and any stomach issues?”

Stepmum: “No, that’s fine, too.”

Doctor: “Great. Now, this might be a bit sensitive, but have you had any thrush?”

Stepmum: *looks at my dad, confused* “No, but I have a parrot at home!”

Dad: *nearly peeing his pants with laughter* “He’s means a yeast infection, not a bird!”

Pot Shouts The Kettle Black

, , , , , | Right | April 25, 2018

(A woman and her young-ish son, maybe 10 or 11 years old, walk in. She is yelling at him as they enter the store.)

Woman: “I’M SICK OF YOU EMBARRASSING ME IN PUBLIC!”


Can't stand the way people act? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!

Time To Hops Into The Shower

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2018

(I work at a campground. I’m on the phone with my supervisor because I need to place a maintenance request to fix a toilet that isn’t wanting to flush. It’s also Fourth of July weekend, our busiest weekend.)

Me: “Yeah, the first toilet will not flush. It’s going to get clogged, but I don’t think it is yet.”

Supervisor: “All right, I’ll send maintenance down there in a minute.”

Me: “Other than that, it doesn’t seem that bad.”

Supervisor: “That’s good.”

Me: “Well, that’s interesting!”

Supervisor: “What did you find?”

Me: “Someone had fun in the shower last night.”

Supervisor: “How do you know?”

Me: “I found two beer bottles in the shower.”

Tips You Can Bank On

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I am standing in a queue at a local coffee shop. The customer in front of me orders six or seven different drinks for his group and then moves to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be £24.”

Customer: *pays* “That is such a f****** rip-off!”

Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry about that; our prices are set by the company.”

Customer: *glares, and then spies the tip jar* “I was going to give you this.” *pulls out £10 note* “But you’re so f****** useless!” *rips £10 in half and places it in the tip jar*

(Come on! Who does that? Guess he didn’t know that banks will still accept two halves of a note. Whoops!)

Unfiltered Story #105154

, | Unfiltered | February 5, 2018

(Bit of backstory, my boyfriend works in a department store which sells lingerie, which he doesn’t work in but this customer has pulled him over there saying she can’t find anyone that works there. This is about 15 minutes before he’s due to finish his shift, after which we’re going on a date. It should also be noted that I’m busty, to the point I’m looking for a breast reduction, so can’t buy bras from this department store as only specialised stores carry my size)

Customer: So, I was looking at this bra as a 34 D-cup, and I think it’s a bit too small. What do you think?

Boyfriend: I’m not sure ma’am, I don’t know your size. If you think it’s too small, though, I can see this size goes up to an F-cup, so we should have your size.

Customer: How about this, I buy this bra, wear it on a date with you tonight, and you tell me if it looks like it fits tonight.

([Boyfriend] Is obviously disturbed by this, as he’s awkward with flirting, so he just tries to remain polite and hope the customer gets the hint)

Boyfriend: Ma’am, we have a no return policy in the lingerie department. You won’t be able to return it if it’s been worn.

Customer: Well, how about a date tonight anyway? You don’t want to miss out on these DD breasts, do you?

(She grabs her own breasts and winks)

Boyfriend: Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I already have a date tonight.

Customer: Then dump her, don’t you want to play with these huge breasts tonight?

Boyfriend: I can assure you that, even if breast size was the main reason for me to date someone, my date has bigger breasts than you do, Ma’am.

Customer: (Now red faced) Yeah right, besides, how can you be so sure, she might have lied to you about her size!

Boyfriend: She can’t even get a bra here!

(After the customer gaping at him for a bit, he notices one of his co workers that works in the lingerie department, so waves her over to help the customer. Later, when he’s finished his shift and changed, he walks over to me and kisses me. The customer, unfortunately, is still in the store and sees this.)

Customer: Damn, no wonder you didn’t fall for my charm, when she has a rack that size!

Me: (Having been told the story briefly) Excuse me, grabbing your breasts in front of an uncomfortable store employee is not being charming. Besides, if you had any charm you’d realise you’re being turned down and not try to convince someone to dump their girlfriend!

(The customer is flustered at this point, and is floundering for something to say)

Customer: I- Well- Uh

Me: Oh, and of course he’s happy to miss out on playing with double d boobs if it means he can play with J boobs tonight!

(We walk off, the woman still stuttering. I don’t normally like to flaunt my breast size, but that felt d*** good!)

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