Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here  

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2019

Customer: “I want to dispute a transaction; the item I bought is faulty.”

Me: “What is the item and what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “I bought a cooker and it’s leaking water.”

Me: “A cooker leaking water?”

Customer: “Yes, when I boil potatoes the water leaks from the pot!”

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Parents Worrying About The Important Things

, , , , , , | Related | July 21, 2019

(I’m male and have recently come out to my parents as bisexual. My mum has asked me to bring my boyfriend over for the evening. She says my dad has been very on edge about the entire affair, which I assume means he might not be as accepting as I’d hoped. The evening comes around and my mum is there to greet us. She calls my dad into the room. He says very little and looks very uncomfortable. My boyfriend eventually tries to shake his hand. My dad accepts and notices the tattoo on his arm.)

Dad: “Nice rose. Do you still need the stem finished? My friend’s an artist.”

Boyfriend: “No, I’m just keeping it shaded. F*** putting green on my body!”

(I had literally never seen my dad so relieved. All the tension disappeared and the rest of the night went well. It turns out when he heard my boyfriend was from an area well known for its Celtic supporters, he feared he would be a Celtic supporter, too.)

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Dropped The Notes, And The Ball

, , , , , , | Legal | July 7, 2019

(I work as a security guard at a large retail chain. One day, I am standing at the front door with a colleague when a customer comes up to us.)

Customer: “Excuse me. My daughter just dropped two £10 notes and the guy behind us has lifted them.”

Me: “Did you see him pick them up?”

Customer: “Well, my daughter dropped the notes and turned around, and he was picking something up and claimed it was a handkerchief. But I know it was her money. Can you do anything?”

Me: “I don’t know if there is anything we can do because we didn’t see it ourselves; we only have your word for it. We will call the manager.”

(My colleague calls the manager and explains the situation.)

Colleague: “The manager isn’t sure what to do. He is going to phone another manager and then call us back.”

(While we wait for the manager to call back, the customer who is suspected of taking the money pays for his items and leaves the store.)

Customer: “I’m going to go and speak to him; I am not happy that he can do this to my daughter.”

(I take control of the camera to watch the customers outside the store while my colleague stands at the door, in case the situation becomes violent. As I watch the situation, the mother approaches the customer and they speak. The customer then hands the mother something and walks away. I see that it is two £10 notes. She re-enters the store and hands the money to her daughter.)

Me: “What happened there?”

Customer: “Oh, I just told him that security had him on camera taking the money. I know you didn’t, but he didn’t know that.”

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Parents Versus The Oldies

, , , , , , , | Friendly | July 5, 2019

(The shopping centre nearest my home is really family friendly with free play spaces, breastfeeding rooms, food heating facilities, etc. However, for some reason, out of 1000 parking spaces, there are only four parent and child spaces. These spaces are wider than normal spaces to allow for parents to get car seats in and out. They’re also only a courtesy so, while it’s rude, anyone can park there. It’s nearly impossible to get a parent and child space as a result, but one day I’m lucky enough to get parked there. After I’ve finished shopping, I’m getting my five-month-old baby settled back in the car when, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a car waiting on the space. They’re blocking the whole car park by waiting where they are, but I still have to secure my baby and fold the buggy before I can drive away. After a minute, the car drives off, but I notice the driver circles the car park and returns to wait again. As I’m about to get in my car, I notice the driver is a woman in her 60s and there’s clearly no one else in the car. Annoyed, I approach her car.)

Me: “Hi. Are you waiting on my space?”

Driver: “Yep.”

Me: “Okay, but you know this is parent and child parking, right? You don’t have a child with you.”

Driver: “I know, but I’m old and can’t walk far. I need to park near the door.”

Me: “If you go around by entrance A, they actually have age-friendly parking for people like you.”

Driver: “I tried to park there and all the spaces are taken.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t mean you should park in a parent and child space. A parent with a child needs the space way more than you do. I’m sure if you drive around you can find a space close to the door.”

Driver: “I’m still going to park here, though.”

Me: “Umm, no, you’re not. There are only four spaces for parents, and I’m not going to let you park here.”

Driver: “What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I’m going to unpack the car and continue shopping until you’re long gone.”

(With that, I turned and started unpacking the buggy again. The woman huffed and screeched off. A woman walking into the shopping centre with her two kids saw the exchange and laughingly thanked me. I asked her where she was parked and she pointed to a space nearby where her husband was getting ready to unload their buggy for their baby who was still in the car. I told her to tell her husband to bring the car over and he could have my space when I drove out. As I was driving out, the original woman tried to cut in and steal the space from the family, but thankfully, they got in first.)

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Unfiltered Story #156843

, , , | Unfiltered | July 4, 2019

(In Scotland, shops are required by law to charge 5p for a bag to cut down on waste. This has been the law for almost a year now. I am in a shop which is a good place to buy slightly expensive but good quality gifts, waiting to pay for my one item. The elderly gentleman in front of me has over checked out over £100 worth of items.)
Cashier: “That’ll be [price]. Would you like a bag?”
Elderly customer: *scoffs* “Of course!”
Cashier: “That’ll be [new total 5p higher] then please.”
Elderly customer: “What? Since when do I have to pay for a bag?”
Cashier: “It’s the law, sir. We have to charge 5p per bag. It came into effect in October last year.”
Elderly customer: “Well that’s just ridiculous! I need a bag! How else am I supposed to carry all this?”
Cashier: “I’d be happy to provide you with a bag, sir, but I will have to charge you 5p extra.”
Elderly customer: *now shouting and waving his hands agitatedly* “No! I refuse to pay for a bag! I’ve never had to pay for a bag! I want you to give me a bag!”
Me: *stepping in because the cashier looks frightened and upset* “Look, mate. It’s the law and it’s only 5p. Please stop shouting and just give her the money.”
Elderly customer: “This is theft! I will not pay 5p! It’s a matter of principle! You WILL give me a bag! Now!” *He leans over the counter aggressively. At this point a manager comes up and tries to diffuse the situation. The customer repeats his request to her, and demands that she fire her cashier.*
Manager: “Sir, my cashier is required by law to charge 5p for any bag requests and has therefore not done anything wrong. Please either pay for your items, purchase a bag, or leave immediately.”
*The customer proceeded to yell and scream for another 5 minutes before security removed him, without his items.*
Cashier: *To me* “Sorry for the wait.”
Me: “That’s fine. I don’t understand why he made such a fuss about 5p when he was willing to spend over £100 on things anyway! Good on you for handling things so calmly!”
*The rest of the line of customers all chimed in with compliments and apologies and hopefully we made up a little for the awful way she was yelled at before.*