Just Sell Them The Bloody Things!

, , , , , | Right | May 14, 2021

I’m in charge of the cashiers. I call a lady forward and she’s a little quiet, but otherwise fine, until I pick up a pair of white pants.

Customer: “Those had… something on them. But I still want them.”

Me: “Oh? Okay, where is the stain? I may even be able to discount them!”

It’s one of the few powers I have, and I don’t mind helping out where I can. But this is where things take a turn. There is blood on the crotch of the pants, and a little down one of the legs. Horrified, I am stunned into silence for several moments.

Me: “I… I don’t think I can sell these. It’s a hazard to health.”

She stays silent and stares at me.

Me: “Is that… is that okay?”

At this point, I am completely at a loss.

Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

After she left, it took very little digging to realize she had been the one to bleed on them. I was horrified and revolted that she had let me touch the pants with my bare hands, and I wrapped them in two bags before washing my hands for five minutes straight.


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The Lucky Last Slice

, , , , , | Working | May 7, 2021

I’m eating a pizza with a friend. When there’s only one slice left, I notice a hair baked into the crust. I go to complain.

Me: “There’s a hair baked into this pizza. I’d like a discount on our bill, please.”

Clerk: “I can get you another pizza.”

Me: “We just ate the entire pizza before we realized it was unsanitary. I don’t want another pizza; I’d like a discount.”

Clerk: “All I can offer you is another pizza.”

I take the hair in my fingers and lift. The entire slice rises. I hold it, dangling in the air by the hair for several seconds.

Clerk: “I’ll get you a discount.”

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She’s Been Waiting Her Whole Life To Do That

, , , , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

I work for my local council. I have had a little old lady asking about pensioners’ discounts and exemptions for Council Tax. She keeps going on and on for a while and it seems like she just wants someone to talk to, so I let her tell me her life story.

At the end of the call:

Caller: “Thank you very much; you have been most helpful.”

Me: “Not a problem. If you need help with anything else, don’t hesitate to call us.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks, bye.”

Thinking she has put the phone down, I put my phone on speaker so I can quickly get some more scrap paper. Next moment, I hear a loud “Pffffft… Ahhh…” and realise the lady has just farted down the phone.

Caller: “Oops.” *Click*

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It Sounds Like The Cat Escaped

, , , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

I am on my way back to my register from my break when I see a woman coming straight toward me pushing a walker. She makes eye contact with me, parks her walker in the middle of the walkway, and steps to one side to look at something. I now have a small little opening to try and squeeze through to get past her, making social distancing difficult.

Me: “Excuse me, please.”

I carefully scoot past her.

Customer: “Sorry, but not really.”

I don’t say anything and return to my register. An hour later, the woman comes around the corner, her mask down beneath her chin. She looks at some items and picks up a small packet, covers her mouth with it, and coughs loudly on it. She then comes to my register and tries to hand it to me.

Me: “Sorry, I can’t touch that.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because your mask is off and you coughed all over it.”

Customer: “Tch, it’s a smoker’s cough!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. Your mask is off and I can’t touch that after you’ve coughed all over it.”

She sighs, pulls her mask back up, and puts the item in her purse. She grabs another one and has me scan it instead. As she’s paying, she pulls her mask off again.

Customer: “I’ve been smoking a lot more because I’m stressed about my cat. I let a bunch of strangers stay in my house, and I knew I shouldn’t, and they left the door open and my cat ran away.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Please pull your mask back up. Cats are smart; it might come back.”

Customer: “No. My daughter is a white witch and she told me the cat is already dead.”

Me: “Um… I’m… sorry.”

I just stood there blinking as she finally left.

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Bugging You About That Refund

, , , , | Right | May 1, 2021

I am having the morning shift alone. A woman comes in with a bag of rice of a brand we sell that has been opened and is missing about a quarter of its contents.

Customer: “Hi! I bought this rice from you and there are tiny little bugs in it! I’d like to exchange it for a new bag, but I do not have a receipt.”

I am a little floored because the brand she has is very high quality and I never would have thought to hear about bugs inside rice. She is also extremely calm and friendly about it, which strikes me as odd since I am grossed out just thinking about it, especially since there’s so much of the rice missing already and it makes it seem like she ate it.

She has no receipt, which is an issue, and in the six months I’ve worked there I’ve never had to do a return or exchange so I don’t know how to do one.

I check the rice first and, truthfully, there are a few black, small bugs in it. Still alive!

Customer: “I come here very often, you know! I know your boss, too!”

Since we are a small store, we have a lot of regulars so this might actually be true. I’ve never seen her before, but I just nod along.

Customer: “I hoped the younger one would be here; she knows me!”

I am not sure what to do at this point, so I text my boss’s daughter; she’ll be taking over my shift in fifteen minutes anyway.

Me: “Should I just give the customer a new bag of rice? The customer insists you know each other.”

I send her a picture of the bugs. All through that, the woman keeps on talking, overly friendly. I am slightly suspicious but usually, scammers don’t agree with me when I offer to contact one of the bosses because they know it will not help them.

Customer: “Oh, if you want to, you can even take a picture of me and send it to her; she knows me! I shop here so often!”

My texts are answered, with lots of exclamation marks, telling me to NOT give that woman a new bag, that she does NOT know her, and that we cannot do anything without a receipt. The way she’s typing is very unusual, so I figure the woman is a scammer.

Me: *Smiling* “I will need a receipt, but if you wait for fifteen minutes, my colleague will be here and will be able to help you. I am just a part-timer and don’t have that much authority.”

She seemed disappointed but claimed she was in a rush and bought a new bag anyway, opening it and checking if there were bugs inside this one; there weren’t. She left the old bag with me and I made sure to give her the receipt, just in case. I taped the bug bag closed with way too much tape just as the boss’s daughter came in. I then left, thinking not much of it. 

The boss’s daughter told me on my next shift that the woman had come into the store the day before, claiming that her mother had bought that rice and they had found bugs in it. Since nothing could be done without a receipt, she left again. The boss even made sure to open every single bag of rice from that batch we got delivered; all were bug-free. The boss had not been working in the store for two months due to health reasons, and I asked the other part-timer about it, but she also did not sell that to the woman.

Either the boss sold the rice months ago and the bugs appeared because the woman didn’t store it right, or she bought it somewhere else in the first place. Since she changed tactics and adapted her story to be more believable on her second try with me, I wonder if she may have planted the bugs in there on purpose. 

Either way, I am baffled by her attempt to scam us, not because she was the first to try, but because she seemed so confident and insistent enough to try it twice — only to end up buying a new bag without fuss anyway.

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