Washing Your Hands Of This Date

, , , , , | Romantic | January 18, 2020

(I’m a waiter at a fancy restaurant.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, are those ‘must wash hands’ signs only for the employees?”

Me: “Yes, sir. By law, we must wash our hands to prevent contamination.”

Customer’s Date: *looks disgusted, gets up, and leaves*

Customer: *plays on his phone for thirty minutes, then throws money on the table and leaves*

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Giving Them The Stink-Eye

, , , , , , | Healthy | January 1, 2020

At my job, I’m considered a lead, so if an employee brings in any paperwork that needs to go to human resources or needs their paycheck, I handle it.

An employee came up to me, handed me their doctor’s note, and asked if they could get their paycheck. I put the doctor’s note in the scanner, and then I handed them the paperwork for their paycheck along with a pen to sign with. After they signed, I signed.

I then copied the doctor’s note, and as I was handing them their copy, I saw the reason they had been out: “conjunctivitis” or pink eye. I looked at them with a “Really?” look. 

I went to my locker and got hand sanitizer. As I came back to the desk, the employee told me, “You might want to sanitize the pen; I’m still contagious.”

I waited until she left and then sanitized the door handles to our office and threw away the pen. I sat there wondering about what an idiot she was while the other employees laughed at me.

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Their Reaction Doesn’t Seem To Track

, , , | Working | December 30, 2019

(This conversation has happened more than once, with more than one colleague. Somehow, some people find it very difficult to look back after they do a dump in the toilet, resulting in dirty traces or even whole dumps. It’s disgusting, I know, but we can’t find the culprit. A coworker heads to the toilet and rushes out, hands up, calling, “Ew, disgusting, disgusting!” over and over again.)

Me: “Let me guess, our mystery-dumper?”

Coworker: “This is so disgusting! Don’t people ever look back to see if they’ve left anything behind?!”

Me: “Apparently not.”

Coworker: “We have to call the janitor to have this cleaned up; no one can use the toilet now!”

Me: *curious* “It’s that bad?”

Coworker: “Don’t go in there, [My Name]! Ew, you dare to go in there?! Gah, disgusting!”

Me: *looking at the minimal tracks, pushing the flush button* “There, all gone. Crisis averted.”

Coworker: “My gosh, [My Name], you are so brave! This is so disgusting!”

Me: “Yeah, well, it was easy. I mean, you have to do it at home, as well, right?”

Coworker: “But that is different!”

(Knowing it was pointless to continue, I just took my toilet break. I know it’s disgusting, but all I had to do is flush.)

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Don’t Drink The Lemonade!  

, , , | Right | December 29, 2019

(A customer has just given his order and is waiting at the counter as I ready his drinks. Note that it has been a particularly busy day and I have not been able to tidy up my station for a while as we aren’t allowed to when there are customers waiting.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! Is that somebody’s blood?”

(He has exclaimed this with alarm and is pointing towards the end of the counter which is right beside the iced beverage machine. Naturally, I go over to investigate straight away.)

Me: “Sir, that is raspberry flavouring syrup. We use it for our iced lemonades.”

Customer: “Well, it looks really realistic!”

(After he left, I took the time to wipe up that particular spill!)

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Come And Ride The Karma Wheel

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 20, 2019

(On a very hot day, I am operating a ride which spins and goes side to side… which makes people sick. Very often. The ride seats about 32 people at a time and seating can be difficult once in a while. On this particularly hot day, we have been struggling to seat a taller but very fit guest and have to do some moving around to get him in a more comfortable spot.)

Other Rider: “Dude, suck in your gut! You’re wasting our time!”

Me: “Don’t listen; you’re just taller so we need to switch your seat so your shoulders fit better.”

Coworker: “Hey! No need to be rude; we’ll get it started soon enough.”

(The rude rider then thought it was funny to start chanting with two of his buddies, saying, “Suck it in, suck it in, suck it in!” My co-operator and I started the ride and, as usual, everyone was having fun… until we heard a loud gasp and screaming… followed by a ton of puke hitting the center platform. I hit the emergency brake and waited for the ride to stop. It took a few minutes for it to stop completely turning and for the platform to rise… and then, like music to our ears… the taller guest and some strangers around him could be heard chanting, “He ate puke, he ate puke, he ate puke!” A kid decided to eat too many snacks before riding and puked all over that rude guy. Cleaning that vomit was definitely worth watching him do his walk of shame!)

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