Children’s Art Is Piss Poor

, , , , , , | Right | April 17, 2019

(I’m overseeing the self-serve registers when I notice a young boy standing in a puddle of yellow liquid. I walk over to his mother, who’s too preoccupied with scanning her groceries to have noticed.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Customer: “Yes?”

(I just point at the offending yellow puddle at her son’s feet.)

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer yanked her son out of the puddle. Then, she rummaged through her purse to find a piece of A4 paper, with what appeared to be a drawing by her young son on it. She placed her son’s drawing on the puddle, covering only about a third of the puddle, and then grabbed her son by the hand and dragged him out of the store without even a sorry. I can only assume she’d hoped the drawing would soak up the puddle, but all she really did was leave me with a four-year-old’s pee-soaked drawing that I had to dispose of, on top of everything else.)

She’s Chalk…

, , , , , | Friendly | April 14, 2019

(I buy a cheese pastry in a supermarket and, after paying for it, I sit down at a table they have in there for people to rest during their shopping or wait for other shoppers to finish and I start eating it.)

Lady: *keeps staring intensely at my pastry*

Me: “Would you like to have a piece?”

Lady: “Oh, no, I really don’t like cheese.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Thankfully, I do.”

Lady: “Yeah… No, I really don’t like cheese.”

Me: “Okay.”

Lady: “If I ate only a small piece of cheese I would vomit.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “Yes, I would vomit right away. I really, really don’t like cheese. I think it’s really disgusting. For my entire life, I never liked it. I don’t even want to think about eating it. Cheese is disgusting.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “You know, if there was one thing I could ban from the world completely, it would be: fruit juice with apple juice mixed in it, cheese, and red peppers, but seriously, those are really dangerous.”

(Thankfully, I enjoyed the rest of my pastry in silence.)

We Know Them Inside And Out

, , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2019

(My older parents have friends, a married couple, who are very nice and friendly, but who both have a tendency to overshare on the medical front. They will happily discuss every ache, condition, medication, and doctor’s appointment they have, especially when explaining why they don’t feel well enough to hang out. One day…)

Dad: *scrolling through our landline answering machine on speaker*

Friend: “Hi, [Dad] and [Mom], I just called for a chat and to hear how everything’s going. I’m back from my colonoscopy appointment—”

Me: “W-What?!”

Friend: “—and everything is okay, but boy, am I tired! I think I need a nap now. Anyway, we’ll talk another time. Bye-bye for now.”

Dad: *looks at my face and laughs*

Me: “Did we really need to know that?!”

(No matter how my dad tries to defend it, I maintain that the answer is no. No, we did not.)

No Sugar Coating This Attitude

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(I work at a little coffee shop and have lots of regulars that all staff are on a first-name basis with. In early December, half an hour before closing — the shop goes dead after about 3:00 usually — a couple walks in and orders their drinks. I’m sent off to serve their drinks: a tea and a coffee; the coffee is without sugar. The policy for the shop is two sugar sticks per drink unless they ask for more. So, I give them their drinks, when…)

Male Customer: “We’re going to need more than that.”

Me: *confused* “Of what, sir?”

Male Customer: *aggressively points at sugar sticks* “More sugar! Lots more!”

(I go to get more sugar, bearing in mind most customers who want more sugar only want one or two more, but I take four more, just in case. I hand them the sugar and…)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Male Customer: “No! No! No! We’re going to need at least double this!”

(Bear in mind they’ve had six sugars for this tea so far. After coming back with six more sugars:)

Me: “Terribly sorry, sir.”

Male Customer: “Yes, well, I did say a lot.”

(After they left, I was clearing the pots and the sugar residue left in the teacup was sludgy thick. If ever diabetes looked like a drink, I’m sure it was that tea.)

Nacho Going To Get Five Stars

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2019

(I am a rideshare driver. I’ve picked up a group of young girls in the back, and they’re eating something. I assume it’s just chips.)

Girl #1: *leaving* “Thanks for the ride, sir!” *hops out*

Girl #2: *following her* “Yeah, thank you!”

Girl #3: “By the way, it’s okay! It’s not vomit!” *leaves*

Me: *watches them leave and then stares for a few minutes* “What the h*** did that mean?” *checks the back seat* “Holy s***!”

(The entire back of the car was smeared with nacho sauce. It was absolutely disgusting, and I now knew why the girl wanted to assure me that it wasn’t vomit. There was cheese smeared up and down the seats, across the doors, on the back, etc. It was awful, and it started to smell. I had to get it cleaned out immediately. That was a very weird encounter.)

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