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The Brother Is Not Always Right

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2022

I am in a mall with my brother. We pass by a burger place.

Brother: “Oh, wait! I need to do something real quick.”

Me: “But we just ate.”

Brother: “No, they owe me a refund.”

He takes out an old burger from his backpack.

Brother: “They didn’t put cheese on my cheeseburger, so I called to complain. They said to bring it in for a refund.”

Me: “That burger looks… really bad. How long has it been in your bag?”

Brother: “Hmm, about three weeks.”

Me: “Dude! They’re not going to refund that!

He goes in anyway and later comes out smiling.

Brother: “They complained that the bun was mouldy, but they couldn’t argue with the lack of cheese!”

Warning! This Story Will Require Brain Bleach!

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2022



I work in a pet store. A customer comes up and asks, with no warning:

Customer: “Do you sell condoms for dogs?”

I somehow manage to maintain a straight face.

Me: “…no.”

The customer grunts and wanders off. My manager, who overheard, comes over.

Manager: “I really wanted to ask him who would’ve been rolling ’em on if we did.”

Who RAISED You?!

, , , , , , , | Working | November 24, 2022

Working as help desk tech support for a company with over 30,000 stores they support across the US and some internationally means that we have to have the help desk open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. There is zero downtime for the help desk.

I and four others — five others if you include the supervisor on duty — are tasked with working Thanksgiving Day. The day isn’t busy, but we need enough people to cover the calls, and our hours overlap by a few. The shifts are staggered to make sure someone is available to answer calls at any given time. Call volume on Thanksgiving is pretty low until businesses are getting prepared for Black Friday, so managers are coming into work on Thanksgiving anytime after 5:00 pm so they can set up. 

Before things are expected to start getting busy, the supervisor, unbeknownst to the guys working, sets up a local restaurant to make three full turkeys and tons of sides. He goes and picks everything up around 3:00 pm and brings the food back so all of us can have a Thanksgiving dinner since we were stuck at work and probably missing out on the real thing at home. It is an awesome gesture. He also sets up some of the TV screens around the room to run the football games.

The employee taking the 2:00 pm to 10:00 pm shift is a guy with a big appetite. Everyone notices that when free food is brought for the employees, [Coworker] isn’t shy about taking his fill plus enough for four other people.

The manager comes in with all this food and starts setting up the table with plates and utensils and laying out the food. We take turns dishing ourselves and go back to our desks to eat while we mindlessly watch the football game that’s running on a wall-mounted TV, since there are essentially no calls coming in throughout the day. Four of us (the manager, two other techs, and me) have made it through about one turkey and about a quarter of the sides. Then, the [Coworker] comes over to get his food.

He takes one full turkey back to his desk, sets it down, and comes back to the table to grab one of the stuffing side dishes that is about half-full — this side dish container holds four servings when full — and he loads up the other half with mashed potatoes and dumps the whole container of gravy all over it. He then returns to his desk to sit down and eat, like the rest of us. However, he does not take any utensils with him. He sits there scooping gravy-soaked mashed potatoes and stuffing into his mouth with one hand and working on peeling meat from the full turkey with his other hand. He doesn’t have any napkins with him, so as he takes a call that comes in, he just types away on his keyboard with nasty gravy-covered fingers and turkey juices dripping all over his equipment.

The sight of him stuffing his face with his hands and not cleaning them off and using his keyboard, mouse, phone, and headset is enough to turn my stomach. I make it through maybe half of my plate, but after seeing [Coworker] eat, I’m not hungry anymore, and neither are the other guys. 

That is the last time free food is brought in for the staff [Coworker] is working. It isn’t the first time the guy has made a spectacle of himself; the last time pizza was brought in, he took two whole large pizzas for himself. Human Resources spoke to him about his behavior and his eating habits when food is brought in for everyone, but clearly, it didn’t change anything. So, the last option is to not bring in food for the employees when he is on duty.

Way Worse Than A Bee In Your Bonnet

, , , , , , , | Working | November 22, 2022

When I am fourteen, I go on a school trip to Normandy to visit the D-Day beaches and various graveyards. For the duration, we stay at a very nice hotel that has a large enough cafeteria to house about forty students and ten teachers.

This incident occurs when we are eating dinner one night. We get a piece of baguette with each meal. I pick up my piece of baguette, but then I stop and put it back down.

Classmate #1: “[My Name], you’re not going to eat your bread?”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, you always eat that first.”

I pick the baguette back up and point at what’s wrong. The piece that I was given has a wasp baked INTO the bread.

Classmate #1: “Oh, dear.”

Classmate #2: “I’ll get a teacher.”

They start waving at the teachers’ table.

Me: “Oh, please don’t. I don’t want to make a fuss.”

Due to being at a low point in my life, I try to avoid confrontations or drawing attention to myself, but one of the language teachers notices my classmate waving and comes over to our table.

Teacher: “What’s wrong?”

Classmate #1: “[My Name]’s bread has a wasp baked into it.” *Passes it to her*

The teacher — who I don’t know, mind you — stares at the bread for a moment before getting a very angry look on her face and striding straight for the kitchen.

Me: “Was— Was that the best idea?”

Classmate #2: “Trust me.”

From the kitchen suddenly bursts a cacophony of angry shouting, none of which we can understand due to it being all in French, but we can definitely tell it’s coming from [Teacher].

A few minutes later, the teacher comes out with a new piece of baguette for me

Me: “Thank— Thank you.”

Teacher: “It has been dealt with.”

She walks off and sits back at the teachers’ table.

Later on, when the big trays of desserts come out, which are normally just big pans of sheet cake, I am given a big slice of fancy chocolate cake by an embarrassed-looking employee before they scurry off. I notice that the teacher has a slice, as well.

Me: “As much as I appreciate the gesture, I can’t eat all of this. Any of you want to share?”

So, alongside the regular sheet cake, I shared the chocolate cake with the five other girls at my table, and for the rest of the time we spent at the hotel, none of the employees would look at me and would always look slightly fearful of the teacher that came to my rescue.

You Can’t Wash The Cheapskate Out

, , , , , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2022

I work for a carpet cleaning company. A landlord called us because his previous tenants had left one of his properties in a sorry state, and he wanted us to clean all the carpets.

He was not wrong. The carpets were absolutely caked in years’ worth of dirt, grime, grease, and worst of all, urine. It smelled horrific. It was so bad that our boss told the customer he would be better off replacing the carpets. Many of the stains were so ingrained that no amount of cleaning would shift them. But the customer insisted that they be cleaned because it was cheaper than replacing them, so we gave him a quote.

We charge based on the area of the carpet and how heavy the soiling is, not by hours spent or how much/what cleaning product we use, etc. However, the customer kept trying to cut corners to get a cheaper quote.

First, he told us we didn’t need to vacuum the carpet. He claimed he had already gone over the whole house with an industrial-grade vacuum and demanded that we lower the quote to reflect that. This was clearly not true; when we inspected the carpet there was clearly dirt and lint everywhere.

Then, he told us to use a cheaper cleaning agent and only send one person so he wouldn’t be paying for the labour of two people (even though an entire house was definitely a two-man job). On and on he went trying to cut corners to save money. 

Vacuuming the carpet is not only important to protect our machines — clumps of lint and dirt can clog or even damage our carpet cleaners — but it also means we can clean carpets more efficiently. Spending a few minutes removing as much dirt as possible beforehand means less work for the carpet cleaners and fewer rinses are required. Additionally, the cheaper cleaning fluids were not going to cut it. As a bare minimum, the carpets needed a cleaner with enzymes to break down the urine, or all we’d do was spread urine around rather than shift it.

This was all explained to the customer, but he was having none of it. Ultimately, we had to refuse his business because what the customer was asking for meant we would not be able to complete the job properly.

The customer demanded to speak to our boss, the owner, who repeated what we had told him. The customer blustered for a while longer and then left us alone.

A few months rolled by, and the customer called us back. He told us he had hired a different company, but they had made a mess of everything. He begged us to come and clean the carpets. My boss told him we would only do it if he accepted our quote with no substitutes or amendments, and he would pay us in full before we did the job. The customer begrudgingly agreed.

Our boss made sure to detail the fact that we would not be able to get all the stains out in the contract and that the customer was going ahead with the cleaning against our advice. He also made sure that the customer initialled and signed those parts of the contract.

My colleague and I went to the property again to assess the damage. The carpets were horrifically streaked, and we could smell damp in the air mixed with the stench of urine, meaning the carpets didn’t get rinsed, drained, or dried properly, and they certainly didn’t use an appropriate pre-treatment or cleaning agent. It really was a shoddy job that actually made some areas of the carpet worse than they had been before. Whoever the customer had hired before must’ve been real cowboys.

We gave the customer our quote, and he accepted and paid. We got to work, making sure to take meticulous before and after photos.

As we suspected, we didn’t get all the stains out, but we got more than we initially thought we would. The carpets looked a whole lot better, and best of all, they now smelled like a spring meadow rather than a truck stop bathroom.

The landlord tried to complain that we didn’t get all the stains out and demanded a partial refund, but we quickly reminded him of the contract — a contract he had signed and initialled. We had done exactly the job we told him we would do.

When we left, the landlord complained incessantly about how much it had cost him — not only paying for the job once but having to pay to get it done again — and that the carpet still was still stained. My colleague and I left without saying a word.

A few weeks later, we received a letter from a solicitor acting on behalf of the customer, demanding a full refund because we failed to clean his carpet correctly. Obviously, our customer had not been entirely honest with his legal representative, so we enlightened the solicitor about what happened and sent him a copy of the signed and initialled contract, email communications, and phone call recordings, as well as the before and after photos. We never heard a word from the customer or his solicitor again.

After the fees for the botched job, our invoice, and solicitor fees, it would probably have been cheaper for the customer to replace the carpets.