Some Truly Sick Customers Out There

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2019

(I’m eighteen, working my first job at a pub. I’ve been dealing with a “Serial Puker” who likes to decorate our disabled toilet with vomit — walls, floors, the lot! As I’ve got a strong stomach — and the disabled toilet is used by genuine users frequently — I have had to clean up this mess eight times in the last three weeks. We know who it is, but have yet to prove that he is doing it. It’s 10:30 pm on a busy Saturday, a regular has just asked me to refill the toilet roll, and as I walk out, a well-dressed — somewhat intoxicated — man pushes past me into the toilet. Cue vomiting sounds. I go get the mop bucket, paper towels, and gloves ready, check the toilet, and then follow the man to his table.)

Me: “Sir, do you need me to call you an ambulance?”

Vomiter: “What? No, Why?!”

Me: “Well, you’ve been so unwell in the bathroom that you’ve managed to vomit over every surface except the toilet itself. I assume you’re feeling extremely unwell.”

Vomiter: “There’s nothing f****** wrong with me. It doesn’t matter where I f****** puke, b****. I’m paying your wages so clean it up.”

Me: “In that case, sir, I am giving you two options: clean up your mess and don’t do it again, or you’re banned.”

Vomiter: “F*** you. Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?! Do you know who I am?”

Me: “Actually, sir, I do. And I dare say your sergeant would love to hear about your behaviour tonight. I have his mobile number and am more than happy to let him know the issue we’re having and show him the CCTV footage from the last three weeks.”

Vomiter: *suddenly very pale* “Uh, no, no. I, uh, don’t do that. I’ll pay for cleanup. I’m sorry.”

Me: “No, sir, the disabled toilet is needed tonight. You are welcome to clean it up yourself, though, if you’d like?”

Vomiter: “Uh, yeah. Okay. Uh, have you got any gloves?”

(We never had another problem whilst I worked there!)

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Can’t Take Back-teria What You Said

, , , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2019

Back in third or fourth grade, we had someone come into our class for a special science lesson. They had petri dishes, swabs, and an incubator, and immediately after recess, they asked us to swab our hands and wipe the swab on a petri dish. Then, we were told to wash our hands with a bar of soap they brought in — the usual liquid soap was off-limits for some reason — and then re-swab our hands for another petri dish. We then labeled both dishes, put them in the incubator, and came back the next day to look at the results.

Almost everyone had more bacteria on their hands after washing them. The exceptions were two girls who “probably scrubbed enough to remove most of the bacteria physically.” It was explained that certain types of bar soap were actually decent places for bacteria to live, and that denying us the liquid soap was a trap. The presenter then went on to talk about some of the colonies of bacteria on the slides and some interesting or rare ones, as well as which ones might be dangerous.

So… that’s the story of why I stopped using all soap for over a decade — and still prefer liquid soap over bar soap. In my defense, I was young and may have missed the point of the presenter. On the other hand, he was giving a presentation to young children on how washing your hands with soap can actually add bacteria. Why would you ever think that is a good idea?

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Sadly This Story Is Not Bull

, , , | Working | November 15, 2019

(I work as a package handler at a major shipping company, scanning the packages and putting them up in the trailer to head to their next destination. We have meetings once every month about various safety procedures. On this night, it’s about hazmats. They are basically things that can pose a health risk if they are damaged or leaking, like corrosives, explosives, flammable solids, etc. Our HR rep is talking to us about what we do and do not accept when the issue of human biological matter comes up. We absolutely do not take any of it at all: no blood, urine, feces, etc. We’re all nodding along when, all of a sudden, my coworker — who has worked here for a while — pipes up with this gem:)

Coworker: “I don’t mean to be crude or make a joke… but haven’t we accept bull semen before?”

(It got so quiet that you could hear the heartbeat of a flea. After that, everyone stayed dead silent as the HR rep finished the meeting by saying, “We have accepted it before, although I don’t know why. I mean, I consider it biological, even if it’s not human.” I think we were unanimously thinking the same thing: “What has leaked out of damaged boxes onto my hands before?” And now, I plan on wearing latex gloves under my work gloves, because ew.)

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Save The Hood

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2019

(I work at a family-run dry cleaner. I am finishing up high school, so I am rather young and very inexperienced with customer service. I work at the front counter, taking in clothes for cleaning and receiving payments. We have a policy where items received by 10:00 am are processed the same day, so the morning can be crazy. A lady comes in with a filthy hoodie.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m in a rush. Can you clean this?”

(Everyone is in a rush.)

Me: “We can try. So, just the one sweater?”

(It’s a hoodie, but there’s no unique pricing for hoodies, and sweaters are the closest thing. The lady nods and I begin collecting her name and phone number and all the information for the order.)

Customer: “Thanks. I hope you can save it. It’s my boyfriend’s favorite. He was in an accident so that’s blood. I’m taking him to the hospital.”

Me: *stunned* “Okay, we’ll try.”

(She left and I had to tag and carry back the blood-soaked hoodie to the “spot” cleaner. I still can’t believe a hoodie was so special they’d stop to have it cleaned before going to the hospital!)

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Number Teeeeeewwww

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2019

(I am a customer who overhears this exchange. A customer rattles the door of the restroom, which is locked. She calls out to an employee.)

Customer: “The bathroom is locked! I need you to unlock it.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. It’s not a public restroom.”

Customer: “But someone opened it for me before! You need to open this for me. I need to use the bathroom! Can’t you make an exception?”

Employee: “You can go next door to the grocery store. They have a public restroom in the front.” 

Customer: “But I can’t make it there! If I could make it there, I wouldn’t have asked you! Now I’m going to s*** in my pants!”

(I have moved several rows over from this discussion as the customer gets increasingly agitated.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, I can’t open the door.” *goes back to work*

Customer: *stomps off with her cart, shouting* “I just s*** my pants! I HOPE YOU CAN SMELL IT!”

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