Dad… Dy… Read… With… Me…

, , , , | Related | August 4, 2020

I am reading a book I recently bought. My dad is watching the news. He looks over at me.

Dad: “What are you reading?”

Me: “[Book]. It’s basically about a war between chimeras and angels.”

Dad: “What are chimeras?”

Me: “Basically a creature or being that is made up of different animal parts. For example, one of the characters in this book has the horns of a ram, the eyes of a crocodile, the face and body of a man, the legs of a goat, and the claws of a bird.”

Dad: “Sounds demonic. Is it that witchcraft stuff you’re so into?”

Me: “This is fiction.”

Dad: “Still sounds weird.”

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Cat-atonic, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 20, 2020

The customer is an older lady.

Customer: “I got a paper in the mail. There was a book with a cat on it. Do you have the book?”

Me: “Do you know which paper it was?”

Customer: “I got it in the mail.”

Me: “Do you remember the author or the title of the book, then?”

Customer: “No, I don’t remember. It had a cat on the cover.”

Me: “Was it a book about cat breeds or owning a cat?”

The customer just stares silently.

Me: “Was it a novel? It might have been ‘Knut: Nobody’s Baby’ by [Popular Norgwegian Author]?”

Customer: “I don’t know. It had a cat.”

Me: “Do you remember anything about what it’s about?”

Customer: “There was a cat on the cover.”

I give up and hand her the catalogue for the big sale all the Norwegian bookshops are having.

Me: “This is the only catalogue we’ve given out recently. Can you see if you find it in here?”

She looked through it, and the next time I looked her way, she was gone. I still have no idea what she was looking for. It mystifies me that people think we can read their minds.


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A License To Believe

, , , , | Right | July 17, 2020

At my store, we sell a book that has pictures of the most iconic license plate of each US state. A customer is looking through it with her elementary-school-aged daughter. One license plate from New Mexico is BRIGHT YELLOW with red and green text. It’s VERY distinctive.

Daughter: *To her mother* “Wow, look at that one!”

Mother: *To the daughter* “That can’t be real.”

She approaches me.

Mother: “Why would you have this book? It doesn’t even have real license plates!”

Me: “Actually, that is a real license plate! I saw a lot of them when I was driving through the southwest last summer.”

Mother: “Well, I don’t believe you!”

I am taken aback and responding without thinking.

Me: “You don’t have to believe me. It’s still true.”

The mother scowled at me, grabbed her daughter’s hand, and dragged her out of the store.

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Oh! The Tantrums You’ll Throw!

, , , , , | Right | July 11, 2020

A coworker and I are shelving a good-sized stack of books on a bottom shelf in our children’s section of the store. As we’re sitting or kneeling there, a customer, who is male and about sixty or seventy years old, comes over.

A customer walks up to us briskly and thrusts out a copy of “Oh! The Places You’ll Go!”

Customer: “Don’t you have this in regular format?”

My coworker and I look at one another.

Coworker: “That’s the only kind we have of that title.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! This is different! I just want the regular book!”

Me: “Well, then, what is so different from this one and the ‘regular book’?”

Customer: “It doesn’t have this sticker on it!”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, that is all that we have of that title currently. I can order you another one, if you’d like?”

The customer storms off with the book in hand, muttering under his breath.

We continue to shelve, but I get called away to help a customer. The angry customer comes back to the children’s section and throws the book at my coworker, causing it to hit her on her leg. It’s a different copy with no sticker but it is the same book.

Customer: “See! If you work here, you should know your d*** inventory better!” *Storms off*

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It’s Exactly What You Asked For!

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2020

Customer: “I’m looking for an ABC book.”

I take her to the children’s section and show her a book. Each page has the letter, a picture of something beginning with that letter, and the name of the object, e.g., the letter “A,” a picture of an apple, and the word “apple.”

Me: “How about this one?”

Customer: “I want one where it’s got a picture of something to go with each letter, like an apple for A, etc.”

Me: “Ma’am, this book has exactly that.”

I am holding the book open on the “apple” page for her to see.

Customer: “No, it’s not quite what I asked for.” *Leaves*

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