What The Dickens Is Her Problem?

, , , , , , | | Learning | May 20, 2019

(I started reading when I was three years old and I am a very avid reader. I am now in third grade, aged eight. I have a terrible teacher who always picks on me.)

Teacher: “The reason I have taken you all to the library is that I want you to pick a book to read in class for this term.”

(I head over to the back of the library where the books for the older kids are and pick out “David Copperfield” by Charles Dickens.)

Me: “Miss, I found a book.”

Teacher: “No, you haven’t.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s right here.”

Teacher: “No, you’re not reading that! It’s too hard for you! Stop trying to be funny and pick out a real book!”

Me: “B-but I already found a book.”

Teacher: “No! Stop trying to be funny!”

Me: “I-I’m r-really sorry, Miss, but I really want to read this one! I’ve already read Great Expectations, and that’s by the same author.”

Teacher: “DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!”

(I’m on the verge of tears and the librarian, who has witnessed the whole incident, decides to step in.)

Librarian: “Excuse me, [Teacher], but this girl is in here every morning reading, and she has read novels far more challenging than this. Now, stop shouting at this poor child and let her read the darn book.”

Teacher: “…”

(To this day, I am still thankful to that librarian. She helped me through my bullying and we ended up becoming really close!)

We’re Not On The Same Page

, , , , , , | | Right | May 3, 2019

(My coworker is in her last half-hour of her last day at the bookstore, and she’s ready for revenge. All summer long, we’ve had the mandatory summer reading section set up. Of course, 90% of the students come in with Mom and Dad two days before school starts to get their books. A sixteen-year-old boy comes in with his parents.)

Coworker: “May I find something for you?”

Boy: “I need a summer reading book.”

Coworker: “Okay. What’s it called?”

Boy: “I dunno, but it has 186 pages.”

Coworker: *to the boy and his parents* “Do you have your list?”

Boy & Parents: *blank faces*

Boy: “It has 186 pages.”

(There are easily 100 books on the summer reading shelves. I see it coming and I don’t believe she’s really going to do it…)

Coworker: *pointing to the rack* “In this section are all the books under 100 pages. Over here are all the books from 100 to 250 pages.” *walks away*

Accident Identity

, , , , , | | Related | April 29, 2019

(My sister and I are a few years apart but we are both in high school. There is a pair of twins that go to school with us. My sister is reading a book on an app that has a pair of twins, as well. One is named the same as one of the real-life twins. In the story, [Twin] was in an accident and was in a coma.)

Sister: *sounding honestly distressed* “[My Name]! [Twin] was in an accident!”

Me: “What? When?”

Sister: “He was in an accident and now he’s in a coma!”

Me: *jerking up* “Is he going to be okay?!”

Mother: *entering the conversation* “What happened?”

Sister: “[Twin], one of the twins from my book is in a coma and everyone is blaming [Main Character]!”

(I stop for a second.)

Me: “You nutter! I thought you were talking about the one at our school! I may hate him, but Jesus. Don’t scare me like that! Be more specific next time.”

Sister: “Sorry.”

Read Into The Question More, Not The Book

, , , , , | Romantic | April 11, 2019

(My boyfriend brings books to work to read when it’s slow.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, should I read [Book #1] or [Book #2]?”

Me: “Uh… [Book #1].”

Boyfriend: “But what about [Book #2]?”

Me: “I dunno, what about [Book #2]?”

Boyfriend: “I really want to read [Book #2].”

Me: “Then why did you ask?!”

Jack And Jill Ran Up The Hill To Play With Dick And Jane

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2019

(A young woman comes into our store and heads for the kids’ section.)

Customer: “Do you have any of those Sam I Am books?”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with those.”

Customer: “You know, ‘I am Sam; Sam I am.’”

Me: “You mean Dr. Seuss? Let me see what we have…”

Customer: “No, not that. ‘See Sam run.’ That kind of thing.”

Me: “Oh, you mean like Dick and Jane.

Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

(I guess Dick and Jane got a new dog.)

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