This Is Not A New Problem

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I work at a bookstore and this is a couple of years ago when ‘The Great Gatsby’ movie came out.)

Customer: “Do you have that new book, The Great Gatsby?”

Me: *sighs* “…follow me.”

Enough To Make Your Literary Blood Boil

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I work at a bookstore and a customer comes up to the register with several teen romance vampire books including ‘Twilight.’)

Customer: “I love vampire books! I can’t get enough of them! I’ve basically read them all.”

Me: “Yeah, I like vampire books, too. Especially Anne Rice.”

Customer: “Who?”

Both The Birds And The Bees Were Busy That Day

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2019

(I work as a librarian at a university library. A very tall, awkward guy approaches me.)

Patron: *avoiding eye contact* “Do you have a book on sexual growth and development? Because I’m very confused right now.”

(Unfortunately, we didn’t have any books but I directed him to one of my male coworkers.)

Explain It To Them Like They’re A Baby

, , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I work for a small, family-run bookstore. One day I’m working in the store alone when a very elderly lady comes in. I offer to help her and she tells me she’s shopping for a present for a baby. I lead her to the children’s section and leave her to have a look around.)

Customer: *after looking at several books* “What’s the idea with these bits in books?”

Me: “Oh, those are our touch and feel books! They have fur and other textured things in there for children to touch.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Uh… it’s interactive. For babies that can’t read yet.”

Customer: *clearly very confused* “So… They touch it, do they?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “So, babies can’t read?”

Me: “Not normally, no.”

(The customer looked bemused and shuffled out of the shop muttering to herself. I had no idea the concept of touch-and-feel books could be so confusing!)

Hopefully, He Gets Out Within A Dog’s Age

, , , , , | Legal | January 9, 2019

(I work in a jail. After some scouring, the Chaplain and I have managed to get together enough gently-used books to update the jail library, including a few movie novelizations. One of these new books, “A Dog’s Purpose,” is picked up by a hardened gang member and career criminal. Later that night, the officers are doing a check in the dorms and find the man curled up on his bunk, crying his eyes out.)

Officer #1: “Hey, you all right?”

Inmate: “I’m all right, CO. I miss my dog.”

Officer #2: “Excuse me?”

Inmate: “My dog, Taco, she’s a little mix breed. My Mama is watching her. God, I miss her.”

Officer #1: “Well, you’re going to court next week, right? Any chance you’ll get out then?”

Inmate: “Yeah, my lawyer said I might get three years probation.”

(Last I heard, the guy did get probation and managed to turn his life around. Seems like everyone who read the book made a change of heart.)

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