A new hire hurries over to me.

New Hire: “Hey, [My Name], can you help me? I have an old lady who is looking for Iteb vinegar.”

Me: “Iteb? Is that a brand?”

New Hire: “I don’t know! I can’t find it.”

Me: “Wait, little old lady? Wears sunglasses indoors? Crazy pink lipstick?”

New Hire: “Uh… yeah?”

I walk over with the new hire to see a familiar regular.

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Customer Name]. We’ve been through this before. When you’re cooking up a recipe, the book says one tablespoon of vinegar. “1tb” means one tablespoon. Please try to remember that for next time.”

Regular: “Oh, yes! I remember you telling me now! Well, then I guess any old vinegar will do! Thank you!”

She goes off on her merry way.

New Hire: “How did you know it was her?”

Me: “She’s a regular that does this a lot. She always dresses the same, is always cooking something new, and is always confused with the recipes. Last week, someone was asking if we sold kegs of potatoes, and I knew it was her because before I even saw her, I knew a keg would be a KG, kilogram.”

We laughed a little, and the new hire said he’d know how to handle any future requests from this odd but nice customer.

I used to work at a bookshop.

Customer: “Hello, I’m looking for a book for my daughter’s English lessons. I need a copy of Jane Eyre by Jane Austen.”

Me: “I think you mean by Charlotte Brontë. I’d be happy to grab that for you.”

Customer: “Uh… no. Just because you work in a book shop doesn’t mean you’re smart. It’s Jane Eyre by Jane Austen. She used her own name.”

Me: “Alrighty then, let’s just go to the classic section, shall we?”

I walk her over there and pull out one of the many copies we’re holding of Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë.

Customer: “But… how!? How did this happen?”

Me: “She wrote a book, just not the one you’re thinking. Did you want me to take a copy over to the counter?”

The customer continues to scan the bookshelves, desperately looking for Jane Eyre by Jane Austen to prove me wrong.

Customer: “I’m gonna go to [Competitor’s Book Shop] where they don’t sell knock-offs!”

She leaves, and I’m standing there wondering if our books are Austen by Temu…

Related:
Senseless Sensibility

I was at the library with my mother and, having picked out the books I wanted to check out, I went searching for her. I found her and a librarian standing together, looking confusedly at the section where they kept newly arrived fiction books. As soon as I was close enough, I grabbed a book from the series I knew my mother was actively reading and handed it to her.

Me: “Looking for this?”

Mom: “Yes! Thank you.”

Librarian: “Someone must have put it back in the wrong spot.”

Mom: “How’d you find it so fast?”

Me: “I just recognized the cover.”

Mom: “When did you see this book before?”

Me: “I didn’t, but all their covers have the same style of drawing, I figured it was the same series.”

The librarian gave a small snicker here.

Librarian: “So you’re saying you literally judged a book by its cover?”

Me: “I guess so?”

Librarian: “I think as a librarian, I’m obliged to tell you not to do that.”

Me: “If it works, it works.”

An older woman comes in and asks:

Patron: “Where’s the card catalog? I can’t find it.”

Me: “Uh, we haven’t used one of those in over twenty years. We moved to an electronic system.”

Patron: “Then how the h*** am I supposed to find anything?”

Me: “You could ask us? We also have several computer terminals where you could type in your query.”

Patron: “I don’t want to have to tell you everything I want to find!”

I walk her over to the computers. I show her how to type something into the search bar. She barely touches it before stating:

Patron: “I don’t know how! I hate this! You should still be doing things the easy way!”

I’m in a book club, and five of us entered as a team in a local quiz evening. One question should have been an absolute steal for us, but…

Question master: Marnie and Michael unexpectedly find themselves together on a long-distance walking holiday. Name the book and author.

Me: *Quietly to our team.* “That’s the book we just read! The Lake District one. What was it called…”

Team: *Blank looks.*

Me: “We discussed it at the last meeting; I can’t remember the title.”

Team: “Uh…”

Me: “Oh come on, Marnie and Michael, walking across the Lake District, it rained a lot, there were maps…”

Team: *Blank looks, shaking heads.*

Me: “We talked about it for half an hour!”

Team: “Uh…”

Me: *In desperation, recalling NAR.* “It was blue!”

Entire Team: “OH YEAH that one!” *Writing down ‘You Were Here’ by David Nicholls – and yes, it was the correct answer.*

Me: *Headdesk.*