Their Assumptions That Retail Workers Are Stupid Are Wilde

, , | Right | July 12, 2021

I work as a cashier at a grocery store. I have one degree and am in the middle of another; the bulk of my coworkers either have a degree or are working on one.

A snotty customer makes a comment about Oscar Wilde, but then adds:

Customer: “But you wouldn’t know who that is.”

Me:The Importance of Being Earnest? The Picture of Dorian Gray? Known for his witty one-liners? Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

The customer shut up quickly and went about his business.

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Tell Us Who She Is So We Can Start A GoFundMe

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2021

I work at a small-town library. A certain patron will come in, dart straight to the nonfiction section, and grab the same book each time to bring it up to the front desk.

Patron: “Is there any chance that this book will go on sale?”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a library. If you have a library card with us, you are welcome to check it out, but the book is not for sale.”

Patron: “I don’t have a library card with you guys. I no longer live in the area, but this is the only library that has this book, and I just love this book so much that I was just hoping that if it doesn’t get checked out a lot then maybe it will go to your book sale.”

We have a small book sale all year round where we sell books that have been donated or books that have been withdrawn from our system.

Me: “It is possible that if it hasn’t been checked out in years then we will withdraw it from our system and put it in our book sale, but I can’t guarantee that will happen. That decision is made by our librarians.”

Patron: “Okay. Thank you very much for your time.”

I take the book back and scan it to our system, letting it know that it has been seen recently. I notice that the book hasn’t been checked out in many years but it was seen about a year ago — most likely because I had the same conversation with the same lady a year ago. While putting the book on the cart so it can be reshelved, my coworker, who witnessed the whole thing, comes up to me.

Coworker: “If she keeps on pulling the book out, then it won’t be withdrawn anytime soon. It is telling our system that at least someone is showing an interest in the book whether they check it out or not.”

Me: “Yep. Oh, well, at least she was nice.”

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The Highest Of Crimes

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: sweetpoison02 | June 18, 2021

As a teenager, many years ago, my favourite book was Interview With The Vampire by Anne Rice. What can I say? I was very much into the Emo Vampires back then.

My best friend asked to borrow it, as she was curious because of how often I spoke about it. Normally, I didn’t like loaning out books as I’m very particular about them and didn’t like to risk them being damaged, but as I said, this was my best friend, so I agreed and brought the book into school the next day to loan to her.

A few weeks went by and I asked her how she was getting on with the book, what she thought, etc. She told me she’d gotten about halfway through, but her little sister had gotten her hands on it and drawn all over the pages, so she threw it out. She then asked me when I’d buy another copy and if she could finish it when I did.

I told her she should be buying me a new copy. She said it wasn’t her fault her sister had ruined it and she wasn’t going to pay for it.

We aren’t friends anymore.

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Books For The Win!

, , , , , | Right | June 1, 2021

I’m a female Army veteran. I have a job as a day aide for elderly clients. One of my clients is a ninety-eight-year-old lady who is very exacting about how she wants things done. She is also mostly blind, so she wants me to read to her.

Client: “I want you to read some short stories to me. Have you ever heard of The Decameron?”

Me: “No, I haven’t.”

Client: “Oh. I guess there isn’t much literature reading in the Army.”

Me: “Well, that’s rude.”

Client: *Staring at me in shock* “What do you mean?”

Me: “You saying there isn’t much literature reading in the Army. I do read.”

Client: “Oh, I just meant you hadn’t had a literature class.”

Me: “I have, in high school and in college. I’ve read plenty of classics, like The Iliad, The Odyssey, and The Aeneid. Just because I haven’t heard of this particular book doesn’t mean I’m uneducated.”

Client: “Well, I… I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t read. Just that you… I’m sorry.”

Since she apologized, I decided to let it go at that and read the stories to her. Once we got past that, we actually had a good conversation about the book, which is a series of stories based on the Black Plague. Yes, I know, a bit weird to read that right now, but it was nice to sit and talk. When it was time to leave, she said she was excited to have me back to read, so that’s a win.

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“Yeah, I Guess,” And Its Sequel, “I Dunno”

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2021

Two boys, around fourteen years old, walk in and just stand inside the door, hands in their pockets, not looking at anything. I walk over.

Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

Boy #1: “Yeah, we need books.

Me: “What kind of books?

Boy #1: “Dunno. Books.

Me: “For yourself? Or as a gift for somebody?

Boy #1: “Ourselves.

Boy #2: “We’ve got detention and the teacher said to bring a book to read.”

Me: “Ah, I see. What kind of books do you like?”

Boy #1: “Dunno.”

Me: “Would you like to look around and see what we’ve got?

Boy #2: “Nah, you show us.”

I start at the nearest display.

Me: “Do you guys like to take pictures?

Boy #1: “Yeah, I guess.

Me: “Here are some books about photography. This one’s about cameras and lenses and so on, and this one shows how to take a great photo with just the right colours and lighting. Would you like to look at them?

Boy #1: “Nah, sounds boring.

Me: “No photography books, then. Do you like scary stories?”

Boy #1: “Yeah, I guess.

The two of them are “Yeah-I-guess” interested in adventure, technology, sci-fi, true crime, cars, animals, foreign countries, history, philosophy, whodunnits, superheroes, Norse mythology, politics, and romance.

Every book I suggest either “Nah-sounds-boring” or “Nah-looks-too-long.” They never take their hands out of their pockets. I wonder if I should send them to the library just to get them off my hands.

While I’m taking the two of them from display to shelf and from shelf to display, showing them everything except the preschool picture books, my coworker is helping other customers. The doorbell chimes and one of our regulars comes in.

Coworker: “Hello, Mrs. [Regular]! Over here.”

He pulls a book from a shelf and holds it out to her. 

Regular: “That’s the one. Thank you!”

She follows my coworker to the till, buys the book, and leaves. My two teenagers have been watching. 

Boy #2: “Why can’t you do what he does?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Boy #2: “He just looked at that lady and knew what book she wanted.”

Boy #1: “Yeah, why can’t you do the same thing for us?”

Boy #2: “Or maybe he should look at us and give us our books.”

I suppress a groan, turn a beginning facepalm into a hair-adjusting gesture, and switch my smile back on.

Me: “My coworker has a special gift. If you’d like, we can go over and ask him to find the books you want.”

I walk them over. My coworker must have heard what we said, because as we are approaching, he squints at [Boy #1], then closes his eyes, murmurs to himself, and says:

Coworker: “Yes, yes, I can see it. You want, you want—” *points in a random direction* “—that one!”

He’s pointing at the technology shelf. [Boy #1] walks over, pulls out a book about the history of cars, and says:

Boy #1: “Yeah, this one looks good.”

My coworker repeats the process with [Boy #2]. Both end up buying books that they didn’t want earlier when I suggested them. After they’re gone, I turn to my coworker.

Me: “Mrs. [Regular] called ahead, didn’t she?”

Coworker: *Grinning* “Yes, she did.”

Me: “Why do you always get the easy ones?”

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