All Right Lads… I’ve Got An Idea…

, , , , , , | Related | October 20, 2017

(I’m watching the movie “Secondhand Lions” with my brother and sister. The movie gets to a scene where Robert Duvall’s character gets into a fight with some greasers and Michael Caine’s character holds the goons at bay with a shotgun.)

Sister: *starts laughing*

Me: “What’s so funny?”

Sister: “That’s going to be you two when you’re in your seventies.”

Brother & Me: “Please, like we’d ever move to Texas.”

(We look at each other and laugh.)

Sister: “It’s really scary how in-sync you two are.”

Me: “*NSYNC?” *In Obi-wan voice* “There’s a name…”

Brother: *in the same voice* “…I haven’t heard in a long time.”

Sister: “Stop doing that! How did we get from Michael Caine to boybands anyway?”

Brother: “I don’t know, but now I want to see that movie.”

Me: “Michael Caine as the manager of a boy band, or as the lead singer?”

Brother: “Both. Both are good.”

Your Brother Is Not A Mourning Person

, , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’m folding laundry and putting it away quietly while my daughter naps in her crib. I find a shirt that, while clean, still smells like my husband, who passed away two months ago. I had thought that I would never smell him or his work again, as I had washed the last shirt he wore accidentally, so I start crying. While I’m doing so, my brother barges into the room I share with my daughter and sister.)

Brother: *barges in* “I want some of your soda— Why are you crying?”

Me: “Shh! [Daughter] is sleeping! And I’m crying because I found one of [Husband]’s shirts that still smells like him, and no, you can’t have any of my soda!”

Brother: “You’re still crying over him? It’s been two months!

Me: “That doesn’t matter. It hurts like h***, and you know it does! Now leave; she’s sleeping.”

Brother: “Oh, my God. It’s been two months; you should be over it by now!”

Me: “Over it? Seven years together, a marriage, and a child together… and after two months, you think I should be over it?”

Brother: “Uh, yeah.”

(He wouldn’t leave until I started throwing clothing at him while crying, effectively waking my daughter up, who sat on my lap while I cried. I folded the shirt up and put it in with the rest of my husband’s clothing, so that whenever I feel like it, I can take it out and hold it. My brother then tried to get me in trouble, but my parents and uncle took my side. Because of how he reacted to my mourning, I have yet to cry in front of another family member, fearing the same reaction.)

Makes You Blush Purple

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2017

(My girls’ soccer team is having a trip to Munich for some sightseeing and visiting the famous soccer arena located there. Our families are invited to come along, too, and my family goes with us since none of us have ever been to Munich. We are on a tram to our next location, when suddenly my seven-year-old sister exclaims:)

Sister: “Mama! There’s a purple banana; I want one, too!”

(We all turn around to see what she is pointing to, and sure enough, it is billboard of a campaign against AIDS, featuring a bundle of bananas in brightly colored condoms. All of us teenage girls turn beet-red when we realize that the whole car has heard us, but my mom is unfazed.)

Mother: “Sure, sweetie, but it’s not really purple. It’s just protection to make sure the banana doesn’t get sick.”

Sister: “Aw, that’s boring. Then I don’t want one.”

(I’ve considered getting my sister a banana in a purple condom for her 16th birthday, just to remind her of it.)

Comeback To That Comeback

, , , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I don’t catch the first part of this conversation, but the gist of it is: My brother-in-law makes a comment to my niece, she makes a comeback, and is told off for it with this parenting gem.)

Sister: “I don’t care if you’re insulting, just so long as you’re witty! Now, something that might have made a better comeback..” *whispers into [Niece]’s ear*

Niece: “Okay. Daddy, can you say it again?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Niece], I have a bag here; I’d like you to put your attitude into it.”

Niece: “Silly Daddy, my attitude wouldn’t be able to fit.”

Siblings Need To Take Everything In Turns

, , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I have a sister and a brother. They each have one child. This occurs over the phone with my sister, right after my sister-in-law announces that she is pregnant with her second child.)

Sister: “Did you hear that [Sister-In-Law] is pregnant?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s exciting!”

Sister: “I’m a bit annoyed, because I had already said I wanted to have another baby!”

Me: *speechless*

(I don’t think that’s how it works? I’m pretty sure you can’t call dibs on having the next baby. I love my sister very much, but I honestly didn’t know what to say to that!)

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