Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41

, , , , , | Related | December 15, 2017

(I’m suddenly woken early in the morning by a series of texts from my sister.)

Text #1: “Hey! Guess what? Someone just wonder traded me a Furfrou named Dazzle!”

(I realize with horror that she’s seriously playing Pokémon at four in the morning.)

Text #2: “I’m going to put it in my party with my Slowbro, Zazzle, and together they can be ‘Dazzle and Zazzle!’”

Text #3: “And then I’ll put them next to Lilith, so they can be Dazzle, Zazzle, and a Salazzle!”

Text #4: “And then they’re going to start a comedy troupe together and I’ll be rich!”

Me: *banging on the wall to her room* “Oh, my God! Go to bed!”

(I later found out she named her Wailord after me because I yelled at her for waking me.)



Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 39

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 38

Will Give You A Good Whiterun For Your Money

, , , , , | Related | December 14, 2017

(My brother is playing “Skyrim” and I’m looking at my phone. Note that I wear glasses and he doesn’t.)

Brother: “I have too much stuff!”

Me: “Sell some, then.”

Brother: “No, I need it all! I bought a house to store it, but I can’t find where it is! The guy said it has a saddle on it.”

Me: “What? A saddle? Are you sure?”

(We look and look, but it turns out that he has bought a horse! I laugh and laugh for ages.)

Me: “And you’re always saying that I have bad eyesight! Time for you to go to the doctor. Blind as a bat!”

Brother: “Shut up.”

Politely Depressing

, , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(Our parents are out at the theatre, so my brothers and I are left at home. Some time after they leave, my younger brother asks to speak to me upstairs in our room, looking sad. I go up and he starts crying, stressed and sad because of a combination of puberty hormones and tonsillitis. His nose starts bleeding, which is common for him, and I usher him into the bathroom, trying to calm him down. Our older brother storms up the stairs. It should be noted that he has a habit of not noticing his tone, so we often have to ask him to be more polite.)

Older Brother: *angrily* “Can you please stop crying? It’s really depressing!”


(My brother makes an indignant face and storms off downstairs. He turns back to fling this at me.)

Brother: “I asked POLITELY!”

She Is Of Your Blood

, , | Related | December 5, 2017

(I am about ten years old. My family is attending my youngest cousin’s baptism. While waiting for everything to start, my 13-year-old sister and I wander around a bit, looking for something interesting to do. We notice that there are small, oddly-shaped bowls hanging from a low wall around the outside of the pews, so we decide to investigate.)

Me: “What do you think these are? They look like ashtrays.”

Sister: “Yeah, but in a church? You can’t smoke in a church.”

Me: “Oh, wait a sec, there’s water in them! I guess they’re little things of holy water.”

Sister: “Oh, cool.” *goes to touch the water*

Me: “NO, DON’T!”

Sister: “Why not?”

Me: “It’ll turn into blood!”

Sister: *now angry* “MOM!”

Mom: *clearly trying not to laugh, but smiling* “Well, honey… she’s got a point.”

(Dad burst out laughing and [Sister] stomped away. I still tease her about it 18 years later!)

It’s PS2 Too Much

, , , , , | Related | December 4, 2017

I have an old box TV in my room that is as heavy as it is cumbersome. Additionally, it’s wedged high up on a tall dresser into a corner that requires me to stand on top of a desk to move it or reach the hook-ups in the back, so once I’ve hooked something to it, like a DVD player or game console, it’ll stay there for months until I feel like moving it again. At one point I brought the family [Console #1] up to my room and hooked it up to the TV, thinking it wouldn’t be a problem since the console was ancient and I’m the only person who still played its games anymore anyway. Unfortunately, despite having long since forgotten about its existence in the household for months, the second my younger, 15-year-old sister realized that she no longer had free access to it, she decided that she wanted it.

So, she harassed me. And harassed me. And no matter how many times I told her to go play the [Consoles #2 or #3] instead, she just had to have that console, because the only game she wanted to play right just then was on [Console #1]. So, after months and months of her harassment and my refusal to let her play games in my room (she always eats in my bed and spills drinks, despite me telling her she’s not allowed to bring them into my room), I finally gave in and went to unhook it.

First, I almost fell off my desk, because the cat jumped up at that moment and scared the crap out of me. Then, while moving the TV, I accidentally dropped the corner on my hand and painfully crushed some of my fingers. Then, I nearly fell off the desk again, when I panicked and quickly stopped the [Console #1] from falling off the dresser when the cords caught on something and pulled as I moved the TV. Finally, I got the [Console #1] unhooked, moved the TV back into place, and brought it downstairs, where I had to climb in back of the living room TV to unhook the [Console #4] so I had a place to plug in the [Console #1] and get it set up for her.

My sister played a game for all of five minutes, and then decided she was bored of it already. She switched to the [Console #3] and never played the [Console #1] again. I could have killed her.

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