Kindle(ing) For The Fire

, , , , | Related | July 17, 2018

(I’m walking through the living room carrying my Kindle when I slip and fall. My brother is nearby playing a video game.)

Me: “Ow! What the h*** was on the floor?!”

Brother: “You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I just banged my knee… Aw, d*** it, my Kindle’s broken!”

Brother: “Okay, calm down. It’s only $50 to get it fixed. Please don’t flip out.”

(I put my face in my hands and take a few deep breaths, then sit down.)

Brother: “I just want you to be ‘$50 and a hurt knee’ upset, not ‘$300 and a broken leg’ upset. I feel like a lot of the tension around here lately has been because people get mad over every little thing.”

Me: “Yeah, I know.”

(I actually have calmed down — I was only really upset for a minute or two. I start looking online at prices for a new Kindle. Unfortunately, I’m having trouble concentrating, because I’m interrupted by this:)

Brother:G**d*** it! Of course it starts lagging right as someone targets me! I wish this game would just pick a f****** speed! F***!”

(I had no idea “laggy video game” upset was so much worse than “$50 and a hurt knee” upset. I may have to suggest that he stop playing entirely if it’s causing him that much trauma.)

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Screaming Children Have Their Ups And Downs

, , , , | Related | July 16, 2018

(I am with my family at an amusement park, and we are queuing to get on a log flume. There are three to a log, so it’s my younger brother in front, stepmum at the back, and me in the middle. This log flume is three steadily escalating hills. We go up the first hill with no problem… or so I think:)

Younger Brother: *who has learning difficulties* “That was horrible; I’m glad it’s over.”

Me: “Uh… We have two more to go through.”

(We started up the second hill. My brother started yelling that he wanted to get off. Once we went down that hill, he started trying to stand up and get off. My stepmum, behind me, was trying to force him down into his seat. Eventually, we went down the last hill, and the picture after was basically my screaming, crying brother trying to get off, my screaming stepmother trying to force him to sit down, and me in the middle with this, “Oh, for f***’s sake,” look on my face.)

Free-Flow Thievery

, , , , | Related | July 13, 2018

(My older sister often takes my stuff without permission. It drives me crazy. I finally muster the courage to call her out. I catch her eating while watching TV.)

Me: “[Sister], can we talk for a minute?”

Sister: “Can’t it wait until commercial?”

Me: “No! I’m sick of you taking stuff without permission.”

Sister: “Stop being so sensitive. Aren’t siblings supposed to share?”

Me: “It’s hardly sharing when I have no idea when you took something, what you took, and what you used it for.”

Sister: “Seriously, can it wait until the episode is over?”

Me: “No and… what are you eating?”

Sister: “Some ice cream bar I found in the fridge.”

Me: “That is a dog laxative that was supposed to be kept frozen. I know that because Dad asked me to put it there and put a ‘do not eat’ sticker on it.”

(She had a fun weekend. I love Karma.)

They Took It Anime Too Far

, , , , , | Friendly | July 13, 2018

(My friends and I are avid cosplayers and anime fans. I arrive at one of my friend’s houses and find her tearing her bedroom apart. This happens only three months away from a convention.)

Me: “What the h*** happened here?”

Friend: “I can’t find my cosplay costume.”

Me: “That’s weird; you’re not type to misplace things.”

Friend: “This is a disaster.”

Me: “Calm down. There’s still time. I brought ice cream.”

(That usually cheers her up. On the way downstairs, we pass by her sister’s room. We hear moaning.)

Me: “New boyfriend?”

Friend: “Yup. God, why are the walls so thin?”

Guy: *panting* “Please, Mistress [Anime Character]…”

Me: “Did I just hear that right?”

(Turns out, her sister’s new boytoy had a thing for anime cosplay. The sister shamelessly took the costume and used it for bedroom activities. We literally caught them with their pants down. The costume was ripped and stained in several places, and we all had to pitch in to make a new one, this time not from scratch. My friend and her sister no longer live together, and no longer talk as far as I’m aware.)

Dying Of Laughter

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | July 12, 2018

Last December, my great-grandma passed away after a long time in a nursing home in poor health. We knew that she would pass soon, but my family was still obviously very sad. My seven-year-old brother took it pretty hard, so my other two brothers and I tried to comfort him as best we could.

The time came for the funeral, which we had to explain a bit to my brother. It was a Catholic one, so it was held in a church and lasted a couple hours. I helped give the Eucharist, and my brothers and I helped carry the Gifts to the altar, all the while trying to convince my youngest brother that Great-Grandma wasn’t going to come back to life like you do in Minecraft. As you can imagine, we were pretty emotionally spent, and my mother and grandma were crying numerous times.

At the end of the funeral, four of the adult male family members came to help carry the coffin to the hearse. Mom was crying and holding Grandma, my aunt and uncle were holding back tears, and my cousins, siblings, and I watched quietly. Suddenly, my youngest brother walks towards the coffin and “helps” carry the coffin to the hearse, which wasn’t supposed to happen. My mother was shocked, but didn’t stop him in time before they were out the door.

Imagine being there, a ring of family members in solemn silence, suddenly laughing as their loved one is carried away! It was just so comical seeing my brother holding the coffin, right next to his very confused dad and uncle, that we couldn’t help it. That bit of comedy was just what we needed at such a sad moment in our life, and I firmly believe that God urged him to go so our great-grandma could go out with her family smiling for her and her descendants.


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