Planning To Organize

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2018

Customer: “Hello. I’m looking for an organiser for my schedule.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you find what you need. Do you have any specific requirements?”

Customer: “It needs to be able to hang on a wall. There should be a full month of dates on one page, and a picture on the page above it. Each day should have a square large enough for me to write all of my appointments. Oh, and there should be one week per row!”

Me: “All right, ma’am. We have many calendar designs that you can choose from. Right this way—”

Customer: *interrupting* “No, no, no! I don’t want a calendar. Those calendar boxes are just so small. How will I fit all of my appointments on each day? I don’t know why anyone uses those. I need an organiser!”

Me: “We do have some quite large calendars, but if they’re not to your liking and you need more space, we have planners that come in many different sizes and designs.”

Customer: “NO! I do not want a planner! I need an organiser! How is my entire family supposed to see our appointments at the same time from a book?! That’s useless! It must hang on the wall!”

Me: “Okay, let me make sure I’m understanding your needs. You need an ‘organiser’ that shows an entire month per page, has very large spaces for each day, but that also can be hung on a wall.”

(Just then my coworker, who hasn’t heard anything, walks by and decides to help.)

Coworker: “We just got some great new calendars in stock! I can show them to you if you’d—”

Customer: “NO NO NO! I do not want a calendar! I need an organiser! What bloody good is a calendar with those tiny boxes?”

Coworker: *taken aback* “Oh, well, we do have some great planners that have very large spaces—”

Customer: “No! I can’t believe this! I thought of all places, in our capitol city, I would be able to find what I’m looking for! I just need an organiser!”

Me: *seeing this is going nowhere* “I’m sorry ma’am; we only have planners and calendars in various sizes. I’d be more than happy to help you pick one out, but if they’re unsuitable, I’m sorry that we couldn’t be of service.”

Customer: *muttering as she walks away* “Unbelievable! They don’t have any organisers!”

Coworker: *still shocked from the interaction* “What exactly did she want, a bulletin board?!”

Oldest Trick In The Book

, , , , | Hopeless | March 10, 2018

(At my cinema, we have special screenings for seniors on Wednesday mornings. For less than half the price of a normal ticket, they can see a movie that was released earlier in the year, as well as get a cup of tea and a small snack. On this day, I am approached by a man who is well under forty, and his maybe seven-year-old daughter.)

Man: “Two tickets to [Marvel Movie], please! [Daughter] and I missed it when it was out first time, so we were excited to see it on the website.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m really not supposed to give tickets to non-seniors. It’s a special viewing for our older customers.”

Man: *disappointed, but pleasant* “Oh. I should’ve looked. I was just really excited to see it in the cinema. Don’t worry, love; it’s not your fault.”

(I feel bad, because the man is looking crestfallen, and I consider making an exception and arguing with my manager later. Before I can say anything, however, the little girl looks from her dad to me and back again before clearly making a decision.)

Daughter: *clutching her back and doubling over* “Oh! My back!”

Man: “[Daughter]? What’s wrong?”

Daughter: “It’s my back, Daddy! I have a sore back because I’m so old!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Oh, is that right? How old are you?”

Daughter: “I’m at least seventy-seven and I need a ticket for the old people movie! And Daddy needs to come help me to my seat!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly do a ticket for you and your companion if you’re the right age.”

Daughter: “I already told you I’m eighty-seven!”

Man: “You said seventy-seven, [Daughter].”

Daughter: “See? I’m so old I don’t know what age I am!”

(I let them in and replaced the tea with a fruit juice for her. My manager wasn’t thrilled with me when she found out, but the dad was thankful. Besides, that kind of quick thinking must be rewarded!)

Tips You Can Bank On

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I am standing in a queue at a local coffee shop. The customer in front of me orders six or seven different drinks for his group and then moves to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be £24.”

Customer: *pays* “That is such a f****** rip-off!”

Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry about that; our prices are set by the company.”

Customer: *glares, and then spies the tip jar* “I was going to give you this.” *pulls out £10 note* “But you’re so f****** useless!” *rips £10 in half and places it in the tip jar*

(Come on! Who does that? Guess he didn’t know that banks will still accept two halves of a note. Whoops!)

Grains For Brains

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2018

(An older lady comes into my shop, goes straight to a small bag of grains, and buys it. No questions asked, no small-talk made. She does this every week for a few weeks, until…)

Customer: “This wild bird seed is useless! The birds don’t eat it, and now it’s starting to grow in my garden!”

Me: “Sorry, miss, but that isn’t bird seed. That’s actually a bag of mixed grains.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know?”

Me: “It is under that sign that says, ‘Mixed Grains.'”

Customer: “Well, you should have known what I wanted, anyway!”

(At this point, the customer storms out of the shop. I turn to my boss and coworker.)

Me: “Did I just get shouted at for lacking telepathy?”

Coworker: “Yeah, you did. She needs help, doesn’t she?”

Boss: “Don’t mind her. She’s always doing s*** like that.”

(I don’t know how I could be responsible for this, but the customer seemed to think so!)

You Want Time Off, Here’s Plenty

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2018

Worker: “I need a couple of days off. My best friend’s step-cousin’s great aunt died yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you close?”

Worker: “No. I never met her.”

Me: “Why would you need time off, then?”

Worker: “Because I’m really upset.”

Me: “But you never met her.”

Worker: “So? There was a really nice Facebook post about her, and I think I would’ve liked her. I’ve been crying all morning.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t much I can do. Bereavement is for close family only. If you need to take sick leave for mental health issues, that’s fine.”

Worker: “I don’t need sick leave. I need bereavement.”

(She then left work without telling anyone, and missed the rest of that week. She had some new tattoos and piercings when she came back, which was a breach of one of our policies, which states that you have to notify us if you are getting body modifications. It’s a stupid policy, but it is what it is. She was dragged into Human Resources and dismissed before the day was over. She tried to appeal the decision, citing discrimination. It didn’t work.)

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