Not Just Blowing Our Own Horns Here

, , , , , , | Learning | December 31, 2020

I am a music teacher at a high school in the US; specifically, I teach the band. Due to the health crisis, all of my students sit six feet apart and use hand sanitizer at the beginning and end of the period, but apparently, this isn’t enough for some people.

One day, near the beginning of the school year, I have this conversation with the principal.

Principal: “Your students need to wear masks during class.”

I laugh and think he’s joking, because… really?

Principal: “I’m serious. You need to make them keep their masks on. It’s a health hazard.”

Me: “They can’t. It’s band. They cannot play their instruments with masks on.”

Principal: “You aren’t trying hard enough to find a solution. This is important.”

Me: “Look. The orchestra wears masks when they play. You’ve somehow convinced the choir teacher to have students wear masks while they’re singing. But the band cannot play with masks on.”

Principal: “You just need to try harder!”

By now, I’m fed up. I tell him to wait for a minute and I get my flute. I come back and take my mask off for a moment.

Me: “Listen to this.”

I play a long note and then put my mask back on.

Me: “Now listen to this.”

I raise the flute again and blow, but, to the surprise of absolutely no one with two or more brain cells, there is no sound. I see a look of understanding dawn in his eyes.

Principal: “I, uh, see.”

He walked away sheepishly.


This story is part of our Music In Our Schools roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Silly Stories About Singing And Musical Mayhem!

 

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Read the Music In Our Schools roundup!

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Sing For The Joy Of Singing

, , , , | Romantic | December 27, 2020

I love to sing, but from a young age, I’ve been told that I’m not good at it and I shouldn’t sing by multiple people, including my dad and brothers. I do anyway, but not within earshot of anyone.

One night, I am in the living room and my boyfriend is in the kitchen cooking. He is watching videos on his phone, and I have the radio playing. A couple of my favorite songs come on. I start singing softly, stopping after a minute or two, only to start again. This same process repeats over and over, and on the sixth or seventh song, my boyfriend yells from the kitchen:

Boyfriend: “WILL YOU SING ALREADY, GOD D*** IT?!”

Turns out I wasn’t as soft as I thought and he could hear me. He was pausing his video to listen to me sing. I guess it got annoying to hear the thing he was listening to buffer every minute. He asked me on the next song to sing all the way through so he could listen to me. He’s the only one that likes to listen to me sing and says I have a great voice.

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Making A Song And Dance About Your Relationship

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 24, 2020

During the last three months, my husband has spent more time on his computer than usual. He sometimes apologizes, and he says he is too busy with something unspecified. I do not think much about it.

Christmas Eve arrives, which is when the presents are exchanged in our country. We go to the tree, and I find several very nice gifts and an envelope with my name on it. Thinking it is some coupon for a wellness procedure, I open it and find a fancy, beautiful opera ticket! It is supposed to be a “detective opera,” named “CASE OF FALSE CAT or LITTLE WAGER ABOUT BIG LOVE.”

But then I look closely and see that the address of the opera house is… our house.

Me: “Erm… what exactly I am to do with that?”

Husband: “Well… use it!”

Then, he grabs my hand and takes me to our guest bedroom, marked as “Box No. 1,” where I find everything set for a puppet performance for an audience of one.

For the next hour, I am sitting, choking between laughter and tears, while my husband plays karaoke versions of every single one of my favorite operatic or musical songs, singing his own lyrics and sometimes adding “sound effects” by way of drum, triangle, marimbas, and ocarina.

I laugh most when he sings Puccini’s “Nessun dorma” aria, under the title “Don’t be formal,” and I cry most during his version of “Memories.” The opera is indeed a detective story, but mainly it is an ode to cats and cat ladies and how perfect they are. It is clearly about me. When he finishes, I realise this is the greatest Christmas present I have gotten in my whole life.

Me: “How did you get such an idea?”

Husband: “Honey, I wanted you to say, ‘I am a woman worth writing operas for, and I can prove it!’”

I do say that now.


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for December 2020 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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All Together Now, “Nooooooooooo!”

, , , , , , , , , | Working | December 17, 2020

One day in the office my two coworkers:

Me: “We’re going to be alone with no managers today. I have an idea for how to celebrate!”

We would put on an eight-hour loop of the cantina music from Star Wars to see how long it will take for one of us to crack. We pause the music only when one of us has to answer a phone call.

At one point, I receive a phone call. After pausing the music and answering, I realise very quickly that this is a scammer. Usually, I just hang up; however, this time I have a devious thought. I put my phone up to the speakers and blast the cantina music at them. They quickly hang up.

Oh, and we lasted five hours before one of my coworkers cracked and begged for the music to be turned off.

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That Rick-Rolled Right Over Him

, , , , , | Right | November 23, 2020

My coworkers and I are at the front desk. This notoriously difficult guest pops out and starts complaining and yelling about our rules, mainly that he has to give a credit card for payment.

You’d be surprised how many people want their room for free and not want to pay. I get that our prices are high with the taxes and all, but everyone has to pay. After trying to explain the importance of paying his bill over and over, we decide to try another tactic.

Coworker #1: *Singing* “You know the rules, and so do I!”

Guest: “Huh? Rules? What are those?”

Me: “Never gonna let you in, never gonna give you free rooms…”

Coworker #2: “Never gonna overcharge your card… If you wanna cry, then say goodbye!”

Me: “Never gonna tell a lie… and hurt you!”

Guest: *Nonplussed*

We burst into laughter and the guest, still confused, went away. Later, he returned with a card that actually had money. Thank goodness for paying customers!

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