We Can’t All Be Michael Bublé, Kid

, , , , , , | Related | March 6, 2020

(I’m on a train that will take me to Central London. Close to me, there is a woman with a child, perhaps two or three years old. The kid starts singing.)

Mum: “[Kid], quiet.”

Kid: *keeps singing* “Naa na na, la la la…”

Mum: “[Kid]…”

Kid: *sings louder* “La la laaaa, na na naaaa…”

Mum: “[Kid], are you singing?”

Kid: “Yes, Mommy.”

Mum: *compassionate* “And what did I tell you about your singing?”

Kid: “That it’s s***, Mummy.”

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Wait Until She Discovers The Beatles!

, , | Right | March 1, 2020

The county fair is currently going on, and a band popular in the 60s and 70s is playing tonight. I am delivering medicine to a customer.

Customer:
“Are you going to the fair tonight? I know a lot of people are going tonight. Hey, what are [Band]?

Me:
“They’re a band that was popular in the 70s, I think. Have you ever heard [lists off their most popular songs]?”

Customer:
“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t know it was their song, though. I’m too old to keep up with that stuff!”

I thanked her and left, trying not to laugh at the fact that the band had formed in the early sixties, before my parents were even born, and I knew who they were. She had to have been about in her thirties at the time they were popular. But hey, maybe thirty is the new sixty for her!

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Carefully Orchestrated Musical Mayhem

, , , , , | Learning | February 28, 2020

I am in band in tenth grade and at one of our school concerts, right at the last song of the set, one of the students comes up to the band teacher. She is one of our percussionists, but she broke an arm and can’t play.

Student #1:
“Mrs. [Teacher], there’s a call for you in the office.”

Teacher:
“Why are you telling me this? It can wait.”

Student #1:
“Mr. [Principal] said you couldn’t come to the phone, but they said it’s about your daughter.”

The teacher apologizes profusely to the audience and steps down to go into the school and take the call, which leaves several parents very upset. After about thirty seconds of waiting around and people grumbling angrily, someone speaks up.

Student #2:
“I don’t want to have to be here any longer than I need to! Come on!”

The first student stepped up, picked up the teacher’s baton, and conducted us through the last song of the night. But, instead of sitting around professionally, we were goofing off. If we weren’t playing, we were throwing things at each other, such as paper or erasers we had laying around. I even got into a “sword fight” with the other girl on marimba with our mallets. It generated a lot of laughs from the parents. We got through the song, and the first student set the baton back down and went to sit down about ten seconds before the teacher came back to explain to the audience what had happened.

Everything about it was rehearsed, from the “phone call” to the goofing off.

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He May Have Rhythm But His Grandparents’ Tone Needs Work

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2020

(I work in a music school that, among other things, offers classes for babies and toddlers. I get this phone call today.) 

Customer: “Hi. I had a question about registering my grandson for your baby class. I have a coupon from your ad, but can I use that if I register online?”

Me: “Sure, there will be a part in the online form to put your coupon information from the ad.”

Customer: “Oh, great! I’m so excited to get him started! He’s always wiggling and moving around when he hears music. His mother and I never moved like that. It must be from his father; he’s one-quarter black.”

Me: *speechless*

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A Kornucopia Of Surprises

, , , , , | Related | February 3, 2020

(My sister and I are at a concert for a band named after a grain. We overhear this conversation outside as an old man drops someone, presumably his grandson, off.)

Man: “Oh, this is a concert!”

Concert Goer: “Well, duh! What did you think this was?”

Man: “When you said you needed a ride to see corn, your grandmother and I thought you were going to some weird farmer show or something.”

(I have no idea what they were expecting it to be like, but I’m certainly curious what a four-hour show about corn would have been like.)

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