Artfully Suspended

, , , , , | Learning | June 22, 2018

When I was a senior in high school, the two industrial manufacturing teachers were unexpectedly absent. This was not expected to be a particular problem, as the course work for those classes was constructing a year-long project; the previous three years had been focused on technique and safety, so the primary role of the teachers was consulting on design issues or troubleshooting, which were problems that can wait a day if needed. Nonetheless, district regulations required a teacher to be physically present, so a substitute was brought in. I didn’t even notice this at the start of class, because I went straight to work.

An hour into the three-hour class, I noticed that I didn’t hear anything else going on — no machines running, no conversations, not even any hammering. I found out that the sub had gathered up all the students he saw and had them working on a special project in the CAD room. He was also the owner of a local nightclub, and had them designing art for it using the school facilities.

This turned out to be his very last day as a substitute teacher, for some inexplicable reason.

Haven’t Slept For Nine Lives

, , , , | Friendly | June 20, 2018

(It’s 5:30 am, and I’m just about to leave to go to work after having a rough morning. I’m a nurse with a 12-hour shift to look forward to. As I’m getting my shoes on, my roommate emerges from her room, chipper and perky.)

Roommate: “Good morning, [My Name]!”

Me: *groaning* “Well, it’s morning, at least.”

Roommate: *suddenly angry* “Well, jeez, who peed in your cornflakes this morning? I was trying to be nice!”

Me: “I told you last night that I had to be up at four am this morning, and the friends you invited over made so much noise that it woke me up… and they stayed until 12:30. I took two steps out of my room this morning, and your cat sank her claws into my leg, deep enough to draw blood, and started yowling because she thought I was going to feed her. I finally got to the bathroom and found that your other cat had clawed my brand-new towels down from the rack and taken a dump on them. Now I get to go spend 12 hours wiping the butts of people who either think I’m attacking them, or think I’m their long-dead wife. That’s why it’s ‘morning’ and not ‘good morning.’”

Roommate: “Well, there’s no need to be a b**** about It!”

(I’d been thinking about moving out for a while, but that was the final nail in the coffin. I moved in with my boyfriend just as soon as I could get my stuff packed, and eighteen months later, we still get along just fine. We have a dog; after my roommate’s little monsters, I have no desire at all to get a cat. Last I heard, she still had trouble with them pooping on her bed and linens.)

The Apple Of Discord

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2018

(It is now half an hour after closing, and my last table has finished their meals. While I’d like nothing more than to drop the check and go home, my professional server instincts force me to continue the proper steps of service.)

Me: “Would you like to see our dessert selections this evening?”

Customer: “I would. Do you have carrot cake?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We do not.”

(I whisk away and return with the dessert tray and menus, rattling off the cheesecakes, crème brulee, lava and chocolate cakes, etc., and their descriptions.)

Customer: “Do you have an apple crisp of some sort?”

Me: *having not spoke of anything remotely apple* “No… Just the desserts on the tray.”

Customer: “Okay. Just a crème brulee, then!”

Doing A Disservice To Customer Service

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I work in a store in the lawn and garden department. I’m on commission, so regardless of how people act towards me, I still try and be as nice as I can to complete a sale. Some people think just because they are in the store, they can get what they want.)

Me: “What can I do for you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I am interested in this patio set. What kind of deal can you make me?”

Me: “Well, it is on a lower sale than it normally is, so it’s already a great deal.”

Customer: “I need something better than that; I’m here and ready to buy.”

Me: “I do happen to have an extra 10%-off coupon that I’m technically not supposed to use, but I’ll give it to you.”

(Note that my boss is “working” near me and is following the whole conversation.)

Customer: “I need more than that, man; you can do better than that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s the best I can do, and I’m not even supposed to be giving you that extra coupon.”

Customer: “Where is your manager? I bet he can get us a better deal.”

(My boss steps a few feet over to the customer.)

Boss: “Sir, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’m here and ready to buy. What can you do for me?”

Boss: “[My Name], what did you offer him?”

(I say my offer.)

Boss: “Sounds like that’s my offer, too.”

Customer: “You’re telling me that’s all you’re going to do for me?”

Boss: “Yep.”

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again. You guys don’t know customer service.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll see you next week, sir.”

(He came in next week and bought it for a higher price and no discounts.)

Banana-Drama, Part 8

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2018

(I work at a popular steakhouse. One of our mottos is, “No rules, just right,” meaning we basically can never say no to a customer. We give them whatever they want. As I’m sure is obvious, this causes a lot of problems and doesn’t actually help anyone.)

Customer: “I’d like a side of bananas, please.”

Server: “Let me check that we have bananas.”

(The server is relatively new. We don’t carry bananas at all, as this is a steakhouse, and bananas don’t come in our fruit mix or any drinks. We literally have zero bananas in any store. It’s just not a part of our menu.)

Server: “We don’t have bananas, do we?”

Manager: “No. Why?”

Server: “Table eight wants bananas. I’ll let them know we don’t—”

Manager: “Go to [Grocery Store]. If a customer asks for it, we must have them.”

Server: “I have four other tables; I can’t just leave the store!”

(The server actually has to leave the store and another server takes her tables. Since she is gone for a bit, as the closest grocery store is a few minutes away, the server who closes out her tables gets the tip. The one table who asked for bananas is finishing their meal when she returns. The server chops up the banana and takes it to the woman.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re back! You can take the bananas back; I don’t want them anymore.”

(Surprisingly, we still have the same rule, even though that server lost all her tips and the bananas just rotted in the back. We haven’t had a request off-menu since then, and if we ever do, the servers all have an agreement that we don’t let the manager know. Such a stupid rule. Sorry, customers; you won’t always get what you want!)

Banana-Drama, Part 7
Banana-Drama, Part 6
Banana-Drama, Part 5

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