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Thanks, Rafiki!

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 4, 2021

When I was about five years old, my parents took my three siblings and me to the state fair. At some point, I slipped away from the group. My mom noticed almost immediately but couldn’t find me. Cue panicked yelling of my name, and my dad asking a vendor to get security immediately.

Earlier in the day, my mom had bought us Disney pennants with our names on them. A man heard the yelling, looked down, and spotted a hysterically crying child holding a pennant with the name being called.

He crouched down and asked me to lift my flag as high as I could. I did so, and he picked me up and lifted me over the crowd.

Man: “[My Name]’s mom! [My Name]’s dad!”

The crowd cleared the way to my parents, some of them joining the call. My parents spun around and saw me now half-giggling, half-crying, being held like Simba, and ran to me. My parents thanked the man profusely, and those pennants were packed anytime we went to an outdoor event.

Shopping Follows The Circle Of Life

Your Snores Serve To Prove A Point

, , , , , , | Learning | November 15, 2021

I was told the details of this conversation after the fact.

Math Teacher: “I don’t really care how much you pay attention in class so long as you display an understanding of the material on homework and tests. Take [My Name], for example; I don’t think I’ve seen them actually awake in this class, but they’ve got an A. Isn’t that right, [My Name]?”

I snapped out of being half asleep.

Me: “Huh?”

Math Teacher: “Exactly.”

Maybe She Was Just Ribbing You

, , , , | Working | November 7, 2021

Restaurants near my workplace are usually VERY busy during lunch hour, so I decide to drive a little distance and try a new (for me) restaurant. A waitress arrives and gives me a menu.

Me: “I see you have ribs on the menu. What kind of ribs are they?”

Waitress: “They are ribs.”

Me: “Okay, but what kind? Are they beef ribs or pork ribs?”

Waitress: “They are ribs.”

I think they might be boneless, mystery meat “ribs”.

Me: “Do they have bones?”

The waitress stares at me and wiggles her pen over her order pad.

Me: “I’ll have a hamburger.”

Guess what restaurant I did NOT revisit!

You’re Not My Number One Choice

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2021

This takes place after determining we will need to do some more work to troubleshoot what’s going on with the customer’s product.

Me: “And what’s the number to call you back at?”

Caller: “I should be in your system.”

The caller repeats his name.

Me: “Yes, and there are three different numbers listed here. Which one should we call you back at?”

Caller: “I’m. In. The. System!

I sigh internally and look at the first number listed.

Me: “Would that be [number]?”

Caller: “No, that’s my work phone. Call me on my cell for this because I’ll be on the floor.”

He rattles off another number that is not actually listed and then pauses.

Caller: “I guess that’s why you asked.”

I get that it’s annoying to have to repeat simple information all the time, but seriously, call center reps are not mind readers.

An Un-beer-lievable Cop Out

, , , , , , | Learning | October 24, 2021

It’s 2016, and I’m a senior in high school attending a career tech for visual design. The student organization that my program and a few others are involved with has set up an assembly with some police officers about drugs and alcohol.

Most of this year in our program was spent doing major assignments, preparing for competition, or working on our senior projects. This, combined with the fact that I’ve had a few cousins struggle with addiction and have heard stories through my grandma, leaves me less than happy to have my time wasted on something I’ve heard already, rather than working on projects.

I hmm and haw my time through the lecture, scoffing to myself at things I’ve falsely had hammered into my head a thousand times like, “Marijuana is a gateway drug,” and, “There is no such thing as medical marijuana,” and thinking about how a five-minute talk from my grandma could leave a better impression. At one point, I notice that one officer is wearing a [Beer] shirt and mentally laugh at the irony.

At the end of the lecture, the officers ask if there are any questions and another student raises his hand.

Student: “Yeah, I noticed you’re wearing a [Beer] shirt, and honestly, it makes me question what you guys are talking about. I just couldn’t help but notice.”

The officer wearing the shirt proceeded to GO OFF on the kid, going on about how it was “just a shirt” and how he “just picked out a shirt from his closet,” which left the whole room feeling uncomfortable by the end of his rant.

I’m glad I wasn’t the one to point it out!