Behaving Like They Were Raised In A Zoo

, , , | Related | August 10, 2017

(I recently started a job working the gift shop at one of the top-ranked zoos in the nation. As such, we get a lot of out-of-state visitors in every day. Today one such visitor approaches my counter with her son, who is roughly eight or nine years old, and a stuffed animal she wants to purchase. Since annual members of the zoo receive a 10% discount on all their merchandise purchases, I begin the transaction as I always do.)

Me: “Hi, are you a [City] Zoo member?”

Kid: *in a snotty, better-than-you tone* “We don’t even LIVE here. We’re from New Hampshire.”

(Before I can respond, his mother takes the stuffed animal off the counter and turns to her son.)

Mother: “Do you think he knows that just by looking at you? He doesn’t know what state you’re from; he’s just doing his job. Apologize to him right now or I’m not buying you this.”

(The kid sheepishly looked down to the ground and mumbled an apology, to which I simply smile and said “That’s all right.” I finished the transaction without a hitch, but that one example of parenting gone right made my day. Lady, if you’re reading this, I just want you to know that if it were within my power to do so, I would have given you the 10% discount for that!)

It’s All Just A Game To Them

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I work at a popular electronics retailer. We offer extended warranties that cover manufacturer defects and basic accidents. I am the only cashier on a busy Saturday and there is a constant steady line. An elderly woman comes up with printer ink and her own tablet.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “I am well. I’m paying for this, but I have a question for you.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I try to ring out her item to keep the transaction moving, but she sets it out of my reach.)

Customer: “Okay, so I bought this tablet and I got the warranty, and they told me you guys will help me with any problem under the warranty.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, can you help me with this?”

(She sets the tablet on the counter and a game I don’t recognize is open.)

Customer: “Can you tell me how to get past this level? I asked your tablet people and they were too busy and didn’t know. You guys said you’d help me with ANY problem.”

Getting Stupider By The Generation

, , , , , | Related | August 9, 2017

(I’m pregnant and recently started showing, which has lead to many comments from customers. Also, the pregnancy has lead me to make lots of silly mistakes which I largely blame on pregnancy brain.)

Me: “Sorry about that. My daughter stole my brain cells and she won’t give them back.”

Customer: “I’m sure she’ll give them back eventually. I feel like I’ve just started to get back some brain power from my daughter.”

Me: “Oh? How old is she?”

Customer: “14.”

Me: “…”

If The Shoe Fits…

, , , | Related | August 8, 2017

(My family is made of four women: my mom, older sister, me, and younger sister. As the other three are roughly the same size, they often steal each other’s clothes and shoes. I am ridiculously tiny and therefore never have to worry about my things going missing.)

Mom: “Has anyone’s seen my flip-flops, the black ones?”

Older Sister: “No?” *hides feet behind a jacket as she is currently wearing said flip flops*

Younger Sister: “That’s my jacket!”

Mom: “No, that one is mine! Yours is blue!”

(They continue on bickering for ten minutes before I come downstairs.)

Mom: “Hurry up and get ready. The rest of us are ready to leave!”

Me: *slips on my shoes and jacket that are sitting by the door* “Done.”

Younger Sister: “Why doesn’t she have to keep all her stuff in her room? It’s not fair.”

Me: “My feet are literally half the size of yours. I don’t have to hide them away from the rest of you.”

(I caught my younger sister the next day trying to shove her feet into my shoes.)

Me: “Guess that means I’m Cinderella and you’re the wicked sister.”

Please Tell Me You’re Kitten

, , , , | Related | July 27, 2017

Sister: *is petting the family cat*

Me: “He escaped outside earlier today, you know. I found him while I was mowing the lawn.”

Sister: “Did you get him back in?”

Me & Mom: *stares at Sister*

Mom: “No, [Sister], what you’re petting there is a hallucination.”

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