Must Have A Latte On Your Mind

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I’m in high school, working at a small independent cafe down near the lakefront. It’s my first time working in a cafe, but despite a few hiccups, my manager says I’m doing great. Then, this happens.

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, yeah, I want a cafe olè.”

Me: “I’m sorry? A what?”

Customer: “A cafe olè!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what a cafe olè is. Could you describe it?”

Customer: *Loud sigh* “A cafe olè! You know! With milk?!”

Me: “A latte?”

Customer: “NO! IT’S A CAFE OLÈ!”

Finally, my coworker came over, and without saying anything, pushed the appropriate buttons in the till and finished the transaction for me. The customer took his drink from my coworker and left in a huff. I glanced at the merchant copy of the receipt, and it said, “Cafe au Lait,” also known as a Latte! I’m French Canadian, but he was butchering the French language so bad I legitimately thought he was asking for a SPANISH coffee!

The Biggest Emergency Here Is His Ambivalence To It

, , , , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I am a server. A couple comes in. The guy is kind of a jacka**, and the lady is very ditzy and seems very out of it. I’m taking care of some other tables, and all of a sudden, I hear a guy screaming.

Male Customer: “Help! Someone help!”

The hostess and I run over to find the lady sinking down in her seat and she’s shaking. The hostess and I look at each other and then at the couple. Immediately, he tells the hostess to get under the table and help pull her out, because she’s having a seizure. I pull my phone out.

Me: “Sir, I’m going to call 911; she needs more help than we can give her.”

Male Customer: “Don’t you dare call 911! We don’t need them. Now, quit playing on that phone and help me get her on the ground.”

Hostess: “Sir, I’m trying to help you, but she’s stuck and your server can’t help because she’s not able to get past us.”

Me: “Sir, I’d really like to call the emergency line; if you refuse again I’m going to have to grab my manager.”

He scoffs and continues pushing his wife under the table so they can pull her to the ground. I run to the office and grab my manager.

Me: “Hey, we have a customer out there having a seizure and her husband isn’t letting me call 911.”

We both run out.

Manager: “Sir, I’m calling 911. I know you think you can handle this but this is a safety hazard. She’s in the middle of our floor and our dining room is full.”

Male Customer: “FINE!”

An ambulance arrives and they try to calm the seizure. They get her back up on a chair and sitting up. They ask her questions and make sure she’s conscious and whatnot. They finally leave, and the couple gets to-go boxes.

Me: “Here’s your bill, sir, and ma’am, I hope you feel better soon.”

Male Customer: “Whatever.”

Female Customer: *Nods slowly*

I start bussing my other tables and getting checks out to everyone. One of my tables stops me.

Customer: “Is she okay?”

Me: “I think so, ma’am. I’m so sorry for the scare.”

Customer: “I felt bad that I didn’t help her. I’m a nurse, but he didn’t want any help!”

Me: “You’re not obligated to help, especially when you had no clue what was going on. Besides, that man probably would’ve chewed you out, anyway. He was mad that we even called 911. He didn’t want anyone’s help except ours, for some reason.”

Customer: “I wonder, maybe he was hoping she’d get hurt so he could try to sue y’all or something?”

Me: “Who knows.”

I look over at the couple’s table as they are headed up to the register. Well, he is. He left her sitting there struggling to get up from the chair, so I run over and help her stand up. She slowly follows behind him.

I go to clear off the rest of their dishes off of the table to find a PENNY. ONE PENNY. I finish the table up and walk up to the host.

Me: “Did they tip on the card?”

Hostess: “Nope. They paid in cash. They gave me a $100 bill and took the change with them.”

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The Heart Of The Matter Makes No Difference

, , , | Right | January 14, 2021

I have been a teller at my branch for over a year now. One day, an unfamiliar woman comes up to my window. She hands me a check made out to one of our male customers and her ID. His name is signed on the back and matches the signature we have on file for his account. However, his last name is completely different from hers.

Me: “Hi! How can I help you with this today?”

Customer: “I want to cash this check.”

Me: “All right! Let me take a look at it and see what we can do for you!”

Already, this has some red flags. I look up her name in our system. Nothing. She is not a customer with us. I pull up the payee’s accounts, thinking she might be a custodian or his power of attorney, but no legal documents bearing her name are on file with us.

Me: “Ma’am, do you have accounts here with us?”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to cash this for you today because you don’t have any accounts with us. This customer would have to come in and present ID for the check to be cashed.”

Customer: “But it’s his check! He has accounts with you! Why can’t you cash it if he has accounts with you?”

Clearly, she has no idea about the concept of fraud or the absurdity of expecting a bank to cash a check that doesn’t have her name on it simply because the payee has accounts there.

Me: “I can’t cash this for you because you don’t have accounts with us. He needs to come in and cash this himself.”


Me: *Shriveling away inside* “Yes. He needs to be here.”

Customer: “Do you think my bank would cash it for me?!”

Apparently, I am expected to know other banks’ policies. At this point, I’m willing to say anything to get her to leave.

Me: “Sure. They might.”

She took the check and left me in a huff. It took a cup of coffee and a few pieces of chocolate for me to process what had actually just happened.

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That’s Not How It Regularly Works

, , , | Right | January 12, 2021

I work at a sandwich restaurant. We have a regular who comes in every day and is incredibly rude to the staff. This regular also orders a different sandwich every day; one day he wants steak and cheese, the next day deli meat, the day after chicken, then veggie, then chicken WITH deli meat… You get my point. One day, he comes in, and I’m the lucky one on the register to take orders.

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Regular: *Already rude* “I’m in here every day!”

Me: “Yes, I recognize you.”

Regular: “Then why don’t you have my order memorized by now?”

I am in confused silence, as I try to decide if he’s joking or serious.

Regular: “Well?”

Me: “Because you order something different every time.”

Regular: “That’s not an excuse! You see me every day; you should have my order memorized by now!”

Me: “I can’t memorize something that’s always changing.”

He stood there for a moment, scowled, called me incompetent, and then left without ordering anything. I worked there for two more years and never saw him again.

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Barfing At Your Gender Politics

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2021

I work at a clothing company that has several stores around the USA. I’m folding clothes on a display table in the children’s section when I hear a husband and wife talking about a pair of pants they have picked up.

Husband: “Don’t you like these pants?”

Wife: “No, they look like barf. Put them away!”

Husband: “I don’t think they look like barf. They look perfectly fine to me.”

Wife: “I’m not dressing our son in that.”

The husband sees me and holds up the pants.

Husband: “What do you think? Do these pants look like barf?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t think they do. It’s one of our popular colors for boys’ pants, actually.”

Husband: *To his wife* “See! You have to trust her; it’s a professional opinion because she works here.”

The wife turns to me.

Wife: “You said they looked fine? We’re both women!” *Laughs* “We need to stick together!”

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