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“We’re The Piraaates Who Don’t Do Anythiiiing…”

, , , , , , , | Working | May 24, 2022

Back in the early days of office computer networks, I was put in charge of setting up and maintaining the network for the law firm I worked at. The partner attorney who oversaw all this was really something!

First, the firm’s entire reason for upgrading to networked computers was so that the firm would have an inter-office email system. But Mr. Partner decided that it would cost too much to buy thirty-five individual versions of the software and bought only ONE stand-alone version and had me install that one install disk on all thirty-five computers, using the same code every time. Thus, email wasn’t possible because stand-alone software didn’t include it.

After some investigation, I did find a way to do short “instant messages” from one person to another and set up a short macro for everyone to make that easier. Mr. Partner was heard proudly referring to that as “our email system.”

He followed that up by ordering me to call a friend in a nearby firm to ask if we could “borrow” their install disks for a spreadsheet program. Not surprisingly, that request was denied.

Then, he attended a conference at the local Bar Association on the subject of computer piracy and came to me afterward.

Partner: “Have you heard about computer piracy? It’s really terrible!”

Me: “Yes, I have heard of it. We do it all the time. If we did it any more, I’d have to have a patch on my eye and a parrot on my shoulder!”

The following year, they opted to do an actual legit upgrade to have real email and licensed software on each PC, all while Mr. Partner kept shaking his head saying he really didn’t see why we needed to go to that expense!

That’s What Second Chances Are All About

, , , , | Legal | May 21, 2022

One of my childhood friends is now a parole officer. She’s one of the most proactive parole officers I’ve ever seen. She has a web of contacts in charge of hiring at various companies, and she will go out of her way to get the people whom she’s responsible for hired.

She first gets them through some sort of vocational testing to determine what sort of position to recommend them for. She will often give them rides to and from the interview, and she helps them get interview-appropriate clothing from local charities. She really goes above and beyond.

I happen to be in charge of hiring for a local branch of a large retail chain. Of the twelve criminals she’s brought to me over the years, I’ve hired eight of them, and all of those eight were among the best workers I’ve hired. Most of them eventually moved on to better jobs.

But, recently, one of them has been promoted to manage a newly opened branch. He invited my friend the parole officer to his promotion/going away party and thanked her profusely. He gifted her a PS5 that he had set aside to buy for her.

After he left for the new position in Tennessee, she quietly returned the PS5. She’s not into video games. Instead of returning it to stock, I donated it to a children’s charity. I think both of them would have approved.

Good Luck Scaring Someone Who Works Retail

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2022

We have a patient whose employer did not activate his health insurance. The patient is on the phone with his employer and the final resolution was the employer saying that if the insurance coverage did not go through, the employer would reimburse the patient for the full cost of the medication.

For those unaware, the pharmacy has no control over insurance coverage. All we do is send an electronic claim to the insurance, and the insurance either comes back with a copay (aka, what we charge the patient for the medication) or a rejection (patient not covered by [x insurance], medication not covered by insurance, pharmacy not in network, etc.).

The patient informs us he’s paying cash price without his insurance since this insurance isn’t going through. I let him know what the total cost is for all his medications – it’s less than $50, so not even that bad.

Patient: “I’m glad we got that figured out. If I had to come here again, it would be with a gun.”

Me: “…okay, so your total cost is [total]. We’ll ring you up at the register to your left.”

Patient: “Doesn’t that scare you? That I might come back with a gun?”

Honestly, yes, but he’s clearly looking for a reaction.

Me: “Nah. At my last job, patients would bite me on a daily basis.” *Actually true.* “This job is much less scary.”

Patient: “Oh…” *Walks off in disappointment.*

The Shirtless Volunteer

, , , | Working | April 26, 2022

I work at a convenience store. One day, I’m working the register while my coworker is in the restroom. A customer comes in without a shirt on. I think it’s a little weird, but it’s early afternoon in the middle of summer, so I don’t question it, and eventually, he’s out of sight, out of mind. He comes up to the counter a few minutes later.

Customer: “Hey, man, I noticed that the roller grill was empty, so I put a few things on it for you.”

Me: *Stunned* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Yeah, I saw there was nothing on it, so I got in the fridge underneath and put some stuff on. It’s no problem.”

I start internally questioning my pay to deal with this.

Me: “Uh… okay…”

He goes over to the other side of the counter and goes through his pockets while mumbling to himself, and then he leaves. My coworker comes out of the back soon after and I tell her what happened.

Coworker: “That’s a new one. I’m gonna go call [Assistant Manager]. I’d wager that if he didn’t have his shirt on, he probably didn’t put gloves on, so I’m gonna need to throw that stuff out.”

A couple of minutes later, she comes back

Coworker: “She told me to just throw it out and shut it down if I want to, and I will because I’m feeling petty.”

And The Gamer Gets Gamed

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 24, 2022

In 1995, I decided to join the military. The day that this happened was one of the worst days of my year. What should have been an easy couple of hours turned into an all-day event — paperwork was lost, two recruiters were in car accidents on the way to get me, and I didn’t have a lot of money for anything. The one thing that got me through my ordeal was the small arcade they had in the waiting area. I had about $5.00 to spend to keep my mind from going nuts. I have been gaming since I was about three years old when my dad introduced my brother and me to his Atari 2600. I am now forty-four.

The arcade had “Street Fighter,” “Mortal Kombat,” and some other random games. I was in heaven. I put in a quarter and started playing “Street Fighter.” It’s one of the few fighting games I am not the best at but can make my way through.  

After a few games, I heard someone walk in behind me. I kept playing, and a few moments later, I heard, ever so quietly:

Young Guy: “Oh, the girl thinks she can play.” *Chuckles*

I snickered and turned my head to see a tall, young guy standing about six feet from me.  

Me: “Did you say something?”

Young Guy: “Oh, no, just watching you play. Do you know how to play that game? Looks like you are having problems.”

I smiled, hiding the glint in my eye.

Me: “Yeah, this one I’m no good at. It’s just passing the time while I wait.”

He smiled.

Young Guy: “Tell you what. I’ll challenge you to this one.”

He nodded his head toward “Mortal Kombat.”

Young Guy: “Do you think you can handle this one okay?”

Me: *Coolly* “Well, I’m not sure. It looks fun, but I’ve never played it before.”

He pulled out a few quarters and put in one for each of us.

Young Guy: “I’ll teach you. Pick a character.”

I picked Scorpion because, honestly, I knew a few moves, but he was not my favorite. I can button mash with the best of them though. Two rounds later, I played coy and asked for some pointers. After he played it off for a bit, I challenged him to another round, this time with my favorite character: Kitana. First round — flawless victory. The second round was more of a challenge because he got mad, but I still got him. Three dollars in quarters later, he started to cuss me out.

Young Guy: “You’re playing me!”

I smiled ever so sweetly.

Me: “Oh, this little girl is a gamer, and you just got your a** beat.”

He walked away, cursing under his breath.