Makes You Wonder If You Even Know Your Cousin At All

, , , , , | Friendly | December 16, 2018

(My cousin who’s working in China calls me.)

Cousin: “Hey, cuz, my debit card doesn’t work in China. Could you please buy me a ticket to fly back from Hong Kong to Singapore and I’ll pay you back later?”

Me: “Sure, just give me your passport number.”

(Since everybody calls him by his English name, I buy a ticket for Jon [Surname] without thinking about it. On the day of his flight, I get a frantic call from the Hong Kong airport.)

Cousin: “I’m having a problem checking in. My ticket says Jon [Surname].”

Me: “So?”

Cousin: “My passport says [Surname] [Chinese name].”

Me: “Dude, how was I supposed to know Jon isn’t your legal name? I didn’t even know your Chinese name!”

(Fortunately, he managed to convince the airline staff that he was the same person, and at least the passport number matched.)

Wait Until He Sees A Chromebook

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I walk in the doors to clock in for my shift.)

Coworker: “So glad you’re here now. A customer asked me a question about a computer that I couldn’t answer, and I told him you’d be in shortly.”

(I clock in and find the customer, a middle-aged male.)

Me: “Hi there. I was told you had a question.”

Customer: “Yeah, this [Brand] Satellite laptop — does this mean it can connect with the satellite for Internet access?”

Me: “At this price—” *something like $299* “—definitely not. Just the hardware it would need to do that would make the laptop much more than that price.”

Customer: “Then why would it have ‘Satellite’ on it?”

Me: “It’s just a brand model name; I couldn’t tell you why [Brand] decided on that model name, just like I couldn’t tell you how Chevy, Ford, and Toyota come up with the model names for their vehicles.”

(The customer gives me a deer-in-headlights look, then thanks me and walks away.)

Me: *to coworker* “You seriously needed me to answer that question?”

Laura: The Last Airbender

, , , , , | Working | December 6, 2018

(I’ve just ordered a coffee and have been asked to provide my name for to be called out.)

Me: “Laura.”

Cashier: “How is that spelled?”

Me: “L.”

Cashier: “K.”

Me: “No, L as in ‘Lima.’”

Cashier: “That doesn’t start with a K.”

Me: “I know. It starts with an L.”

(She shrugged and wrote something down on the cup. Several minutes went by and everyone’s name except my own was called, until there were no customers waiting. I asked about my order and the same cashier presented my cup. When I looked on the cup, my name was spelled “Korra.” I can’t remember if I heard it being called, but it sounded familiar enough that I Googled it. It’s from an “Avatar: The Last Airbender” spinoff. I guess the cashier was a fan.)

He’s Ray Off Course

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I work in a bookstore.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any books by Ray Bradbury?”

Me: “Yes, I know we’ve got—”

Customer: “Wait, not Bradbury. Brown.”

Me: “Ray Brown? I’ll have to check.”

Customer: “Okay. And his name’s not Ray…”

You Shall Not Boarding Pass!

, , , , , , | Working | December 5, 2018

(My husband, daughters, and I are preparing to leave for our first trip to Disney World, so we’re all very excited. I have a somewhat unusual name. For clarity’s sake, let’s say that my full legal name is “Penelope Piggott-Montmorency,” but I always go by “Penny.” We’re Canadian, so we need passports to fly.)

Employee: *checking my boarding pass and passport* “Did you know that your boarding pass says, ‘Penny,’ but your passport says, ‘Penelope’?”

Me: “Oh, I always go by ‘Penny,’ so that’s what I put when I was booking our flights. Is that a problem?”

Employee: “Um, yes. Don’t you remember the airline website telling you that you have to use the same name as the one on your passport?”

Me: “Oh, boy, you’re right. I totally forgot.”

Employee: *continues to hang on to my documents* “I’m thinking seriously about not letting you get on the plane.”

Me: “What?!” *my kids start to cry* “But we’re going to Disney World! Is there anything I can do? I didn’t mean to use the wrong name! And you can see that the photo in the passport is definitely me.”

Employee: *smirks* “Rules are there for a reason, ma’am.”

(Just then, another airport employee joins us.)

Employee #2: “What’s the problem here?”

Employee: “She’s trying to board with a boarding pass that has a different name from her passport.”

Employee #2: *glances at documents* “You must be kidding. How many ‘Penny/Penelope Piggott-Montmorencys’ do you think the world has? Especially ones whose pictures match the woman standing in front of you? Let her and her family on the d*** plane.” *to me* “Enjoy your trip, ma’am. But next time, make sure you book your flight with the name ‘Penelope,’ just to avoid this kind of hassle again.” *glares at colleague*

(Ever since then, I’ve used my full legal name every time I fly, even when it’s domestic.)

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