Seemed Like Destiny Initially

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 20, 2019

(I work in a pretty large chain store. My coworker and I are chatting and the topic of names comes up. She says her parents have the same initials.)

Me: “Their relationship must be fate!”

Coworker: “They’re divorced…”

What About Betty, Bette, Barbara, Bennett, And Bergman?

, , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

(A long-term client has just come in with their new dog. A few months ago they had to euthanize Birdie because of cancer and Bogey was lonely, so they got a new puppy that they haven’t named yet. They ask for ideas. I’m a high school student and both my coworker and the clients are both much older.)

Coworker: “Well, how about calling her Eagle? Keep the golf theme going.”

Client: “No, we want to avoid golf; too many memories of Birdie.”

Coworker: “So, no theme, then…”

Client: “I’d like a theme; I just can’t think of anything that goes with Bogey.”

Me: “Bacall.”

Client: “What?”

Me: “Bogey and Bacall — Humphrey and Lauren. Y’all were actually alive when those movies came out. You’ve seen them, right?”

Client: “I have, but when did you?”

Me: “My dad is a high school teacher, and for as long as I can remember, any time he made a reference in class that a student didn’t get he would come home and make sure I did. I also know who Fred and Ginger are.”

(Lauren — they decided Bacall didn’t fit — and Bogey got along great. And my coworker was happy to find someone to discuss old movies with.)

Initially Incorrect

, , , , , | Legal | April 13, 2019

(I am a “mononym.” That is, I only have one legal name, which I tend to use as a surname.)

Caller: “Please could I have your first name?”

Me: “I don’t have a first name, only a surname: [My Name].”

Caller: *thinks for a second* “What about an initial?”

Me: “An initial? For a first name that I don’t have?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…”

This Is Not The Stroller Of Sam

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2019

(I work at a theme park. We rent out strollers, and we make everyone sign a waiver before renting them out, as they get a deposit back.)

Man: “I’m here to return our stroller.”

Me: “Excellent. What’s the name on the waiver?”

Man: “Sam.”

(I look through the waivers and find his stroller number, but the name on the waiver is Sanmanpreet, not Sam.)

Me: “Is it just Sam?”

Man: “Yes.”

Me: “On the waiver it says a different name.”

Man: “Sanman?”

Me: “Not that, either, sorry.”

Man: “It’s just a d*** name!”

Me: “It’s for security reasons, sir.”

Man: “You know what? Just take the d*** stroller! Forget it!”

(My coworkers and I believe someone else gave him the stroller — which happens: people sell the stroller once they’re done with it and then the person they sold it to will get to use the stroller for the rest of the day — and didn’t think to tell him their full name.)

A Yuneek Name

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(My name is Monika, which is pronounced exactly like Monica. My parents just chose the K because it would make my name unique. We all wear name tags at work so a lot of customers try and use our names.)

Me: “Can I help you guys with anything?”

Customer: “You sure can, Mow-neek-ah.”

Customer’s Wife: “It’s pronounced, ‘Monica,’ dumba**.”

Customer: “Well, it looks Spanish.”

Me: “Actually, it’s the German spelling.”

(I can’t tell you how many people mispronounced my entire name because of one letter which makes the same sound.)

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