(I work in a pretty large chain store. My coworker and I are chatting and the topic of names comes up. She says her parents have the same initials.)
Me: “Their relationship must be fate!”
Coworker: “They’re divorced…”
(A long-term client has just come in with their new dog. A few months ago they had to euthanize Birdie because of cancer and Bogey was lonely, so they got a new puppy that they haven’t named yet. They ask for ideas. I’m a high school student and both my coworker and the clients are both much older.)
Coworker: “Well, how about calling her Eagle? Keep the golf theme going.”
Client: “No, we want to avoid golf; too many memories of Birdie.”
Coworker: “So, no theme, then…”
Client: “I’d like a theme; I just can’t think of anything that goes with Bogey.”
Me: “Bacall.”
Client: “What?”
Me: “Bogey and Bacall — Humphrey and Lauren. Y’all were actually alive when those movies came out. You’ve seen them, right?”
Client: “I have, but when did you?”
Me: “My dad is a high school teacher, and for as long as I can remember, any time he made a reference in class that a student didn’t get he would come home and make sure I did. I also know who Fred and Ginger are.”
(Lauren — they decided Bacall didn’t fit — and Bogey got along great. And my coworker was happy to find someone to discuss old movies with.)
(I am a “mononym.” That is, I only have one legal name, which I tend to use as a surname.)
Caller: “Please could I have your first name?”
Me: “I don’t have a first name, only a surname: [My Name].”
Caller: *thinks for a second* “What about an initial?”
Me: “An initial? For a first name that I don’t have?”
Caller: “…”
Me: “…”
(I work at a theme park. We rent out strollers, and we make everyone sign a waiver before renting them out, as they get a deposit back.)
Man: “I’m here to return our stroller.”
Me: “Excellent. What’s the name on the waiver?”
Man: “Sam.”
(I look through the waivers and find his stroller number, but the name on the waiver is Sanmanpreet, not Sam.)
Me: “Is it just Sam?”
Man: “Yes.”
Me: “On the waiver it says a different name.”
Man: “Sanman?”
Me: “Not that, either, sorry.”
Man: “It’s just a d*** name!”
Me: “It’s for security reasons, sir.”
Man: “You know what? Just take the d*** stroller! Forget it!”
(My coworkers and I believe someone else gave him the stroller — which happens: people sell the stroller once they’re done with it and then the person they sold it to will get to use the stroller for the rest of the day — and didn’t think to tell him their full name.)
(My name is Monika, which is pronounced exactly like Monica. My parents just chose the K because it would make my name unique. We all wear name tags at work so a lot of customers try and use our names.)
Me: “Can I help you guys with anything?”
Customer: “You sure can, Mow-neek-ah.”
Customer’s Wife: “It’s pronounced, ‘Monica,’ dumba**.”
Customer: “Well, it looks Spanish.”
Me: “Actually, it’s the German spelling.”
(I can’t tell you how many people mispronounced my entire name because of one letter which makes the same sound.)
