To Be Fair, That Makes Some People Go “Moo,” Too

, , , , , | | Learning | July 18, 2019

(I am an assistant junior preschool teacher. Our class consists of kids age eighteen months to three years. This happens while reviewing animals with a pair of twins in the class.)

Me: “[Twin Sister], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Sister: “Cow!”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!”

(The lead teacher and I go dead face, wondering where on earth a near two-year-old could hear the word “vodka” and say it with such clarity.)

Me: “Did he just say, ‘vodka’?”

Lead Teacher: “I think so. [Twin Brother], what animal says, ‘moo’?”

Twin Brother: “Vodka!” 

(He is clearly proud of himself because he thinks he said the right word. By the end of the day, my coworker leaves instructing me to tell the twin’s mother what her son said and ask if she knows why.)

Me: “So, [Twin Brother] said something today and we really don’t know where he heard it.”

Twin’s Mother: *shocked* “Oh, really? What was it?”

Me: “Well, we asked what animal says, ‘moo,’ and [Twin Sister] said, ‘cow,’ but [Twin Brother] said, ‘vodka.’”

Twin’s Mother: *sighing with relief* “Oh! He’s saying, ‘vaca.’ It’s Spanish for ‘cow.’ I’ve taught them a couple of words and numbers in Spanish.”

Unfiltered Story #157568

, , | | Unfiltered | July 14, 2019

*I’m a grocery store employee bringing unwanted items back to their shelves.*

Customer: “Hey, did you hear that the Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday?”

Me: (confused) “Ummmm, that’s sad, I guess…”

Customer: “Yeah, he died of a yeast infection”

Me: (Speechless)

Unfiltered Story #157554

, , | | Unfiltered | July 13, 2019

*It’s 8:50 on a Sunday night, and our store closes at 9pm. Me and the cashier are ringing up the last few orders, when a relatively normal man comes through the line and purchases only a small container of gelato. I put it in a plastic bag and give it to him, and out of nowhere he grabs it, and slams it as hard as he can on the register behind him. I chuckled a little bit, #1 because I wasn’t sure if he was joking at that point, and #2, because it was so ridiculous. I quickly realized however, that he wasn’t joking.

Customer(angrily staring right into my face): “You think that’s funny?!?”

Me: “Ummmm…I don’t know..?”

Customer(demeaningly): Well then, you don’t know very much, do yah?

Me(straight faced) “I guess not.”

*He just stood silently pissed off until he got his receipt. Then, as he was walking out, he slammed his receipt as hard as he could into the trash can, which made a huge booming sound throughout the store.*

Manager(walking in): Why did that man just attack that trash can..?

*We laughed about that man until we left like 40 minutes later. Some people are just so weird!*

Unfiltered Story #154757

, , | | Unfiltered | June 15, 2019

(I’m the waitress from this story, ,since the year that story happened (2009), I’ve since gotten married, and had a daughter only 8 months ago. I’m craving a sundae from the take out down the road and have walked down to get it.)
Me: *is waiting behind a young man to order*
Older man: *pulls into the parking lot and gets out, walks right up to the window, cutting everyone in line*
Customer 1: Uh…sir?
Me: Don’t bother…he won’t listen.
Customer 1: *surprised*
Older man: *raps on the window*
Cashier:  *opens the window moments later*
Older man: Oh look, someone is in there!
Customer 2: Hey now!
Me: Ah don’t bother…*knowing where this is going*
Cashier: *looks directly at the older man* I have other orders to take, and may take a bit, you can wait.
(Note that by now 2 more people have joined us)
Older man: *huffs*
Me: Ah take his order. Apparently his time is more valuable than ours.
Customer 1: Not like someone here has a baby to get back to.
Me: *smiles a bit but tries and hides it behind my finger because I know he’s referring to me*
Older man: *huffs and promptly goes back to his car, SLAMS the door and speeds away*
Me: Impatient much?
Customer 2: Hey…how did you know how he was going to act?
Me:…I worked in a restaurant…
(and yes, that sundae was yummy!)

Unfiltered Story #152419

, , | | Unfiltered | May 28, 2019

We’re a very small business in Maine, with one phone number and one fax number. The phone rings with an out-of-state area code, but some of our clients have second homes and condos elsewhere in the country so I don’t think anything of it.)
Me: “Good morning, [Company].”
Caller: “…Excuse me?!”
Me: “Good morning, [Company].”
Caller: *in a sarcastic Southern drawl* “Yeah, uh-huh, sure.”
Me: “Um… How may I help you?”
Caller: “Extension 422921. Now!”
(Now I know it’s a wrong number, because we have 10 employees and no extension with that many digits.)
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have that extension. We–”
Caller: “Of course you do, you stupid b****! Now put me through!”
Me: “Ma’am, we truly don’t have an extension that high.”
Caller: “Well! This is [some 1-800 number] isn’t it?”
Me: “Uh… No. No it’s not.”
Caller: “Then what are you?!”
Me: “A 10-employee firm in central Maine.”
Caller: “…”
Me: “Ma’am?”
Caller: *click*

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