Your Brother Is Not A Mourning Person

, , , , | Related | October 19, 2017

(I’m folding laundry and putting it away quietly while my daughter naps in her crib. I find a shirt that, while clean, still smells like my husband, who passed away two months ago. I had thought that I would never smell him or his work again, as I had washed the last shirt he wore accidentally, so I start crying. While I’m doing so, my brother barges into the room I share with my daughter and sister.)

Brother: *barges in* “I want some of your soda— Why are you crying?”

Me: “Shh! [Daughter] is sleeping! And I’m crying because I found one of [Husband]’s shirts that still smells like him, and no, you can’t have any of my soda!”

Brother: “You’re still crying over him? It’s been two months!

Me: “That doesn’t matter. It hurts like h***, and you know it does! Now leave; she’s sleeping.”

Brother: “Oh, my God. It’s been two months; you should be over it by now!”

Me: “Over it? Seven years together, a marriage, and a child together… and after two months, you think I should be over it?”

Brother: “Uh, yeah.”

(He wouldn’t leave until I started throwing clothing at him while crying, effectively waking my daughter up, who sat on my lap while I cried. I folded the shirt up and put it in with the rest of my husband’s clothing, so that whenever I feel like it, I can take it out and hold it. My brother then tried to get me in trouble, but my parents and uncle took my side. Because of how he reacted to my mourning, I have yet to cry in front of another family member, fearing the same reaction.)

Dummy Knobs For Dummies

, , , , , | Working | September 24, 2017

(I’m purchasing hardware for our new front door.)

Me: *to guy working in the hardware department* “Excuse me, can you answer a probably-obvious question about doorknobs?”

Hardware Guy: “Sure.”

Me: “We’re installing a new door. I’ve got this keypad-operated deadbolt so that we don’t have to worry about locking ourselves out anymore. Since the deadbolt has a keypad and an actual key, I don’t think we need a locking door-knob, as well, right? So… here’s just a plain doorknob with no lock on it. It’s labelled ‘hall/closet,’ but can you think of any reason why I can’t use it on an exterior door?”

Hardware Guy: “Well, it’s for interior doors because it doesn’t have a lock on it.”

Me: “Yeah, I get that. But I don’t need it to have a lock on it, because I’m buying a separate keypad deadbolt. What I’m asking is if, like, the metal is for some reason not designed for exterior elements. See, this one looks exactly like the doorknobs with keys that are labeled as ‘entry’ doorknobs, same metal and everything, so I’d think they’d handle the weather just as well, yeah?”

Hardware Guy: “Those are entry doorknobs because they have a lock and key. This one doesn’t have a lock, so it’s for interior doors.”

Me: “…yes, I can read the labels. Let me start over. I need a knob for my front door, but I don’t need it to have a lock. So, I’m asking if I can just use this ‘hall/closet’ one. Can you think of any reason it won’t hold up to exterior conditions or whatever?”

Hardware Guy: “If you don’t need it to lock, why don’t you just use a dummy knob, then?”

Me: “Hm… maybe. Wait, what do you mean by a dummy knob?”

Hardware Guy: “Just a knob bolted to the door. It doesn’t turn, since it’s just there as a handle.”

Me: “Uhhh… no… the door still needs a doorknob to latch the door. We’re not just going to keep the deadbolt locked anytime the door is shut.”

Hardware Guy: *clearly tired of me* “Well, why don’t you just buy the entry knob with a lock then?”

Me: *sighing* “Well, I’d rather not since it’s just one more key to keep track of, and we might accidentally lock the doorknob from the inside and then lock ourselves out of the house. Hence, the deadbolt with a keypad; it locks when we need it to lock, but we can’t lock ourselves out.”

Hardware Guy: “I still think that what you’re looking for is a dummy knob.”

Me: *muttering* “You’re a dummy knob…”

(I wander off and find an older no-nonsense-looking woman working in the next aisle over. I ask her the same question; does she know if there is any reason why this key-less interior doorknob wouldn’t work on our exterior door?)

Hardware Lady: “If you want to re-tool the lock, you’ll have to go see [Other Employee] in the door department.”

Me: “What? No, I don’t need to re-tool anything. I’m just trying to make sure that this doorknob will be okay on an entry door.”

Hardware Lady: “Oh, we sell entry doorknobs with their own keys. Did you look in the door hardware section?”

Me: “…yes. I just said I don’t need an entry doorknob with a lock, since I’m buying this keypad deadbolt. It opens with a code, or with its own key, so the doorknob itself doesn’t need to have a lock on it.”

Hardware Lady: “Well, don’t you want the key to be the same for your other door?”

Me: “…what other door?”

Hardware Lady: “Your back door. Don’t you want the keys to be the same?”

Me: “Our back door just locks from the inside… wait, never mind. This isn’t about my back door.”

Hardware Lady: “I guess I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s obvious.”

(I bought the doorknob.)

This Could Become A Powder Keg

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2017

(I am in the store to return a bicycle, and there is a woman in front of me. There is quite a line, so I decide to strike up a conversation. She’s holding a half-empty box of white powdered donuts.)

Lady: “I’m returning these donuts.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? What’s wrong with them?”

Lady: “There wasn’t enough powder on the rest of them.”

Me: “…”

We’re Not Toying With You Anymore

, , , , , | Romantic | September 22, 2017

(My boyfriend is the bad customer in this story. We’re picking up a few things for our dog at a pet store when he comes across an aisle of squeaky dog toys and gleefully begins “testing” each one, squeezing it once or twice before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “Do you have any idea how annoying you’re being?”

Boyfriend: “Hey, I just want to know what they all sound like so we can pick out the best one.” *continues squeezing the toys*

Me: “She doesn’t need any new toys, and anyway, they all sound the same. Don’t be rude to the people who work here.”

Boyfriend: “Whatever, they can probably just tune it out. They won’t mind.”

(I’m about to say something else, when an employee approaches with a forced-looking smile. Having worked retail myself, I know a “customer service” smile when I see one.)

Employee: “Do you guys need help finding anything?”

Me: “No, thanks; we’re just about done. Is he driving you all crazy?”

Employee: *still smiling* “I really can’t answer that honestly.”

(I turned back to my boyfriend with a smirk. He blushed, immediately let go of the toy he had been squeaking, and walked quickly towards the registers.)

Social Notworking

, , , , , | Working | September 12, 2017

(One of my coworkers was recently let go for defamatory public statements she made about our company on her very public social media account. We have a social media policy in which we agree not to discuss our workplace or coworkers in a negative way via social media. To take this further, after my coworker is fired, our supervisors come around and require us to add them on social media, so they can “monitor” for breaches of policy. I am uncomfortable with this, as I am a VERY private person and only have a social media account in order for out-of-state relatives to be able to keep up with my kids, as both of my parents and all my siblings live in different states.)

Boss: “I need you to review the social media policy again, and re-sign that you agree to the terms. You will also need to add me on [Popular Social Media Site].”

Me: “I completely agree with the social media policy, and I never discuss my work or my coworkers on social media. However, I am not comfortable with adding you to my social media. It has photos and posts about my children, and I have not worked here or known you long enough to give you access to my private life.”

Boss: “If you don’t add me, then we will consider it an act of insubordination, and you will be subject to further action, up to and including termination.”

Me: “You are free to do whatever you feel is necessary; however, I would like to point out that should you terminate my employment you would be opening [Company] up to a lawsuit.”

Boss: “It is perfectly legal for us to monitor our employees’ social media accounts and take action based on posts that may negatively affect our business!”

Me: “It is legal for you to monitor your employees’ public social media posts. It’s even legal to monitor our company computers and read messages and posts that may have been made from them, as that’s considered company property, and we have no reasonable expectation of privacy. However, it is not legal in this state to force your employees to give up their own right to privacy as a condition of employment. Given that we have two lawyers on staff, I’m very surprised that this was considered a legal and ethical idea. I’m not adding you to [Social Media].”

Boss: *goes white* “…you know, [My Name], I believe that you aren’t posting anything bad about [Company]. I think signing this is enough. You don’t have to add me.”

(It turns out, it was my supervisors idea and it was never vetted by the legal team! As soon as they heard about it, he was written up, and no one had to add their respective bosses!)

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