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Two Too Much, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2023

This happened to a coworker and me a few weeks ago at our fast food job. I had finished my shift a while ago and had stayed to eat some food before I headed home. When I was ready to leave, I decided to go to the bathroom first. I got in, and almost immediately, someone else (who I found out later was my coworker) went into the only other stall.

The time between me finishing my food and me finishing up my “big business” was a grand total of three minutes.

Enter the entitled customer. She didn’t wait even a few seconds for a stall to become available. She tried my stall door and then the other when mine didn’t open.

Customer: “Hurry up, girls! Other people have to use the toilet, too!” *Bangs on the doors* “COME ON! HURRY THE F*** UP!”

Me: *Purposefully being loud with the toilet paper dispenser* “Ma’am, I’m almost done! I’ll be out in a minute!”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU GIRLS DOING IN THERE, DRUGS?! PROBABLY F****** SHOOT’N UP WITH NEEDLES, YA F****** DRUGGIES!”

During her tirade, the other stall had become available, and I was exiting mine when I saw she was getting up in [Coworker]’s face. [Coworker] was just trying to wash her hands and get out of there.

Customer: “You girls took way too long!”

Coworker: “Sorry, ma’am. The stall is available now, though, so please stop yelling at us.”

Customer: “THIS IS A PUBLIC BATHROOM! NOT A PLACE FOR DRUGGIES LIKE YOU TWO TO HANG OUT! OTHER PEOPLE HAD TO USE THE TOILET!”

Coworker: “It’s not like this is the only bathroom around…”

Customer: “And where are these other bathrooms? I only see two stalls!”

Coworker: *Calmly* “If you had to go desperately, the men’s room has a stall and toilet, or there’s a public restroom at the gas station right next door.”

Customer: “I am a woman, and I am eating here, so I will use this restroom! You f****** methheads should not have been in there so long while I was waiting!”

Me: “Lady, I had been in there at most two minutes before you came in and she—” *points to my coworker* “—came in after me! If you have to go so bad, why don’t you go use one of the two stalls that are now available instead of wrongfully accusing us of taking drugs?”

My coworker and I leave and I go report what happened to our female manager.

Me: *Voice cracking from anxiety* “I just wanted to let you know, [Coworker] and I were just in the bathroom, and this lady came in, and apparently, we took too long so she accused us of taking drugs. [Coworker] told her where more bathrooms were, and I told her we had gotten in there right before she did, but she didn’t like that, so I think she’s gonna come out yelling.”

Sure enough, the moment I get done saying that, the customer comes out holding up two fingers.

Customer: “SEE?! TWO MINUTES! THAT’S ALL IT F****** TAKES! TWO MINUTES!”

My very petite but feisty manager speaks up.

Manager: “Excuse me?! I didn’t realize there was a specific time limit on how long someone was allowed to be in a public bathroom! You’re being ridiculous!”

Customer: “They were in there for more than the two minutes it should have taken them! They must have been doing drugs and that is unacceptable!”

Manager: “No! What is unacceptable is accusing my employees of taking drugs just because they didn’t conform to your stupid bathroom beliefs! Please leave!”

Customer: “I WANNA SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!”

My manager tugs at her shirt, which is obviously very different than mine.

Manager: “You see this shirt?! I am a manager, and I’ve asked you to leave! Now get out!

Customer: “WELL, YOU’RE FAT AND UGLY!” *Storms out*

I’m really glad that our managers look out for us and have our backs against crazy people like that!

Related:
Two Too Much, Part 2
Two Too Much

Sadly, Doesn’t Work On All Pests

, , , , , , | Right | December 29, 2022

I’m enjoying a lobster dinner with some friends on an outdoor deck at a lobster house. Knowing that it’s outside and it’s York County, Maine, I choose to wear a shirt that has Permethrin treatment. Any mosquito or horsefly that gets close enough has its nervous system scrambled… so I’m comfy and safe.

A woman at the table next to us has been swatting herself like crazy because she’s being eaten alive. She looks over at me and interrupts our conversation.

Woman: “You haven’t had a problem with the bugs since we’ve been here.”

Me: “Nope.”

Woman: “It must be where you’re sitting. If you were a gentleman, you’d give me your bug-free space so I can eat in peace.”

I’m bemused but offer her my chair, which she happily takes. Of course, she is still being swarmed, so I offer her a pocket wipe of mosquito repellent.

Woman: *Making a face* “I don’t believe in pesticide.”

Me: *Politely* “That’s probably why you’re getting bit, and that’s why I wear clothing with Permethrin when I know there are going to be bugs.”

Woman: “You’re an a**hole! You should have told me that you had repellent on!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not proactive for others when they choose to be stupid.”

I then went back to enjoying my lobster. She dragged her husband off in a big huff.

Uncaring Drivers Will Drive You Crazy

, , , , , | Working | November 18, 2022

I live in a trailer park that has a horseshoe-styled driveway. Due to three of us parents having children younger than ten and the fact that the driveway is extremely icy in the winter, the bus comes up the driveway to pick up all the children.

I got to be one of the luckier ones that has an indoor porch, so as a result, last year, my daughter would wait on the porch when it rained or snowed and I’d get wet by waiting for the bus so she wouldn’t. The bus driver last year didn’t mind waiting a minute for her to run down the driveway and onto the bus, as she was usually seen walking toward me. However, this one…

Me: “[Daughter]! The bus is coming!”

Daughter: “Coming, Mama!”

My daughter got as far as the front of the car, clearly seen by the driver… and the driver drove right by us. Shocked, I took her by the hand, and we rushed to the trailer next door where she was able to board the bus.

Daughter: “I was on the porch! You saw me!”

Driver: “You should have been at the end of your driveway. I don’t care if you were by the vehicle. I’m not waiting.”

Me: “Really? She was waiting on the porch so she wouldn’t get cold and wet!”

Driver: “Not my problem.”

Me: “Would you make your children wait in this downpour?”

Driver: *Pauses* “No.”

Me: “Then why the h*** should mine?! She will be waiting under a roof during rain and snow! I will not let her get cold and wet just because you think you’re in a d*** race!”

During this, another parent had rushed her children toward the bus as it had been done to her, as well. Their trailer was off the horseshoe part of the drive and further in the back, and her children were even younger.

Parent: “Man, if you weren’t giving her grief, we would have missed the bus.”

Me: “You can wait two seconds for my child to walk from the porch to the end of the drive. Don’t ignore her again! I will report you!”

She turned away from me angrily as the other two children boarded the bus. When the doors shut, she looked like she was about to take off angrily.

Me: “YOU HIT THAT GAS AND SEND THEM KIDS FLYING, I’LL HAVE YOUR A**!”

She slowly pulled away, clearly angry at being called out. I turned to the other parent, who was laughing.

Parent: “She does it to us, too. She’ll see my youngest running fast as he possibly can and then take off.”

Me: “I get the feeling she’s not gonna last the entire year. I wish the other driver was back.”

I normally don’t confront, but when it comes to my child, apparently, I have a disappearing backbone.

Third Time’s The… Charm?

, , , | Related | November 9, 2022

One thing to know about my dad is that he sneezes at least three times in a row. Now, something to know about me: I have a loud voice that carries rather well and somehow does not match my personality of a quiet bookworm.

I live in one of those everyone-knows-everyone towns, and my dad works in a store that’s smaller than your average US grocery store.

I was at that store one day, and a man nearby started sneezing.

Me: “Oh, bless you.”

Man: *Sneezing again* “Last one, I promise.”

Me: “Bless you again. Please don’t be like my dad. I tell him something else.”

Man: “I gotta hear this; I know your father.”

Me: “Bet you do. Hey, Dad! What do I say when you sneeze three times?!”

The cashier, the man, and I wait for only a beat before we hear:

Dad: “SHE TELLS ME, ‘WELL, D*** YOU, THEN’!”

Me: “And that’s four aisles over. He’s stocking the frozen fried chicken.”

The cashier bent over the belt laughing, and the man looked like he was going to fall to the ground laughing. I just picked up my bags, wished them well, and walked out — but of course, not before hearing one last parting word from my dad’s manager.

Manager: “Can you not distract him from four aisles over? I have to deal with him later.”

Sorry!

We’re Just Mad We Didn’t Think Of This First

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 31, 2022

It’s Halloween, and of course, there are many kids walking around in various costumes, some fairly creative, some store-bought, but this one costume really stands out among the rest to me.

I see a kid, about middle-school age, and her younger sister walking down my driveway toward my house, nothing special. The younger sister is dressed as a princess. How cute!

However, the older sister is dressed up far differently. She is dressed in a full business suit, a tie, slacks, even a big pair of square frame glasses, but two things are off about the costume. The first is the addition of a pair of headphones with a mic on them, which I think nothing of until I see the second unusual part of the costume, which is a sign hung around her neck with something written on it, though I can’t make out what it says at first. 

As the two approach closer, though, I am finally able to see what the sign says, and they come up to me on my patio. The older sister speaks first, saying exactly what is on the sign around her neck.

Older Sister: “Hi. We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”

I burst out laughing, not only because the costume itself was great, but also because I hadn’t received any calls from the extended warranty people for a couple of weeks by this point, so that made this costume even funnier to me. After calming myself down, I expressed my amazement at the costume and then made sure to give the older call center sister and her young princess sister extra candy for making my Halloween.