How We Know You Care (Package)

, , , , | Hopeless | December 6, 2017

(One of my best friends has always been very grounded and calm. Outwardly, she’s not really affectionate or sentimental at all, but she’s just the kind of person who prefers actions over words, and is in fact a total den mom.)

Me: “Hey, you remember my coworker I told you about?”

Best Friend: “The one you only mention everyday? The one who must have been your twin in another lifetime? Nope, I’m drawing a blank.”

Me: “I know you guys will love her! Can we set up a movie day? I really want everyone to meet her.”

Best Friend: “I’m surprised we haven’t already.”

(My coworker is glad to hang out with us, but understandably self-conscious about being the new girl in a group who’ve all known each other for years. [Best Friend] is welcoming, but so laid back all the time that our new friend is nervous she might not care much for her, despite my reassurances. Fast forward a few weeks: We’ve all planned to go to the beach together, but we get a text from [New Friend] that morning.)

New Friend: “Hey, can’t come today. My dad had a stroke and died last night.”

(We all start flooding her with texts and calls to make sure she’s okay, but she doesn’t want to talk or see anyone. The only text [Best Friend] sends after a short time is:)

Best Friend: “I’m out, too.”

(It took days for us to find out that a couple hours later, [Best Friend] showed up at her apartment with a huge care package of groceries, tissue boxes, and items for [New Friend’s] puppy. When [New Friend] broke down, she stayed, let [New Friend] cry herself to sleep on her, walked the puppy, and started a big crock pot of stew that would last a few days so [New Friend] wouldn’t have to worry about “trivial and mundane” things (in [Best Friend’s] words) like food while she was mourning. [Best Friend] didn’t think to mention any of this to us until [New Friend] herself brought it up, and it cemented [New Friend’s] place in the group. She never again doubted how much [Best Friend] cared, we’ve all been friends since, and we no longer let [Best Friend] do things like that on her own without letting us pitch in.)

They Act Like They’re Baked

, , , , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(My BFF and I run a small bakery. We are very sarcastic with each other and our employees:)

BFF: *texting* “Not coming in today.”

Me: “Really? You are only four hours late. I didn’t even miss you.”

BFF: “Slow?”

Me: “Turtle, slug, slime creeping; what is slower?”

BFF: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Watching Deadwood, cleaning the office, surfing porn (not really).”

BFF: “Go home. Girls can handle the front.”

Me: “No! Then I would have to watch TMNT, clean the kitchen, and surf Pinterest. Work is way better!”

Doing Away With Niceties

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 24, 2017

(I’m cooking dinner next to my best friend and roommate when she accidentally knocks something over and it falls to the floor.)

Me: “This is why we can’t have nice things, [Friend].”

Friend: “We can’t have nice things because we’re poor, [My Name].”

The Power Of A Name

, , , , , | Hopeless | October 2, 2017

My best friend of 22 years recently got married. We grew up together, and our families were extremely close once. I consider her and her twin sister to be my soul-sisters, and their mother is like an aunt to me. They feel the same, and love my mother and me dearly.

My wonderful mother unfortunately passed away about eight years ago. Between then and now, I have been estranged from my biological family, and my friends’ family and mine also stopped talking completely, except for my best friend and me. I was therefore the only member of my biological family to attend the wedding, and I was a bridesmaid. Obviously, it was very emotional for everyone involved.

Of course, being a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding was a huge honor, and I loved every second, but my best friend had a bit of a surprise for me. She and her husband decided to observe a Jewish tradition in which you call upon the names of deceased relatives to join you in the special occasion.

Amongst the names of their respective deceased relatives, I suddenly heard the rabbi say my mother’s name. I was overwhelmed by the honor they had given my mother, and it stands as the most heart-warming gesture anyone has ever made in her memory.

Later, the bride told me that the rabbi had not wanted to include her name as “she was not related by blood,” but that she insisted on it.

Thank you, Sissa; I love you so much!

Very Blah-sé About Getting A Letter

, , , , | Friendly | June 7, 2017

(My friend and I are in our early 20s at the time this story takes place, and my friend has just gotten her first office job with her own desk. She’s so excited about it that I decide to mail a letter to the office, to be delivered to her at her new desk. However, as a joke, all the letter says is variations of “blah blah, blabby blah blah-blah” and so on for an entire page, and is signed “Love, [My Name]” at the end. The letter arrives.)

Friend: “Oooh, I got mail! Look, it’s from my friend!”

(She opens the letter on her lunch break, reads it, and manages NOT to dissolve into laughter. Instead, she pretends it is very interesting and makes many “Ooh” and “wow!” comments, in full view of the other coworkers who are also on their lunch breaks.)

Coworker: “What’s it say?”

Friend: *handing over the letter* “Here, you can read for yourself! So nice of my friend to send me a letter. She recently moved out of town, you know. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Coworker: “What? All this says is ‘blah’!”

Friend: “No, it doesn’t! Look! It says, ‘Dear [Friend], I miss you. The weather this week is scorchingly hot…’”

(She took the letter back and made up a story on the spot, pretending to read from the sheet full of “blahs” and using details from an earlier phone conversation we’d had. The entire office was baffled. When she called me later to relate the story, we were in tears from laughing so hard!)

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