My guy friendship group has been the same since we were all in high school. As a result, we’re all very comfortable with each other, and our banter with each other can be interpreted as insults by those who don’t know us.

The first guy to have a baby and is joining us at the pub for the first time since becoming a dad. He shows us pictures of the baby, and we all congratulate him. After the fifteenth picture:

Friend #1: “Mate, we know you’re excited, but I can’t see the difference between any of the pictures you just showed us.”

New Dad: “Yeah, I guess I’ve become ‘that dad’.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, just remember that when [Friend #3] shows up. He’s already said on the group chat that if you force him to look at baby pictures, he’s going to be honest.”

New Dad: “I’ll try to remember that.”

[Friend #3] shows up, buys everyone a round, and congratulates the new dad.

New Dad: “Here, look at the pics!”

Friend #3: “It’s okay. I’m sure the wee lad is a cherub, but to me, all babies are ugly.”

New Dad: “No, seriously! Look! Look how cute he is!”

Friend #3: *Looking at the picture* “Jesus Christ! Did they throw away the baby and give you the placenta?!”

The new dad laughed his a**e off, with the rest of us following suit. Later that weekend, [Friend #3] gave the new dad a hundred nappies (diapers) and said, “For the cute little placenta”.

We don’t think the wives’ group would appreciate the “banter” from the blokes.

I’m planning a trip to Iceland in August with a group of friends. We’re using a Google Doc so everyone can see the itinerary and the packing list. Since I’m the only one who has traveled internationally before, and a lot of us have health issues, I think it’s important that my friends know that 9-1-1 is NOT the emergency phone number in Iceland, but 1-1-2 is. (We are all American and used to 9-1-1.)

Although I plan to explain this on our next group call, I still type at the top of the “Good To Know” section: “112 is the Icelandic version of 911.”

My best friend calls me the next day with questions.

Friend: “What happened on January 12th?”

Me: “Uh… nothing that I know of? Why?”

Friend: “You put in the Google Doc that January 12th is Iceland’s 9/11.”

Me: *Laughing* “9-1-1! Not 9/11! 9-1-1!”

Friend: “Oh, okay. What is Iceland’s 9/11, then?”

Me: “I don’t think they have one.”

Friend: “But doesn’t every country have its version of 9/11?”

Me: “Darling. No.”

This was in a recession, right after my best friend at the time and I had finished high school. We were working at the Renaissance Faire. We had sewn period-accurate costumes from scratch, and what we were paid to work there barely covered the cost of materials and transportation. We didn’t have other jobs yet.

Friend: “So, I saw a mug I want to buy.”

Me: “Oh?”

Friend: “You know how the other guys have mugs with them for getting drinks?”

I looked over at someone pouring homemade alcoholic cider into a mug, out of view of visitors.

Me: “But you can’t drink yet, and you already bought a pretty flask for water. I’d love to see it, though; I bet it’s pretty.”

We walked around the fair and looked at various expensive handmade wares, including the carved modern mug. It was $60, and the minimum wage was about $7, so even if we had other jobs, that’d be a lot.

Later, I saw [Friend] with the mug.

Friend: “I had just enough money left to buy it.”

Me: “Do you have your debit card with you? We need to eat and buy gas, and I didn’t bring enough cash for both of us.”

Friend: “Oh, I don’t have other money.”

Me: “Bu… you… what? At all? Even at home or in a bank?”

Friend: “Yeah. I’m sure it’ll work out, though.”

Me: “?!”

I never looked at her the same after that.

It’s the Christmas of 2020, and I’m stuck secluded at home with you-know-what. Everyone in my family lives in another state, so I usually fly out there for Christmas. Not this year. So, there I am, sick and miserable, when I hear the doorbell. Confused and more irritated than I already was, I walk over to the window and open it, planning to tell the person that coming here really isn’t a good idea.

The person in question turns out to be my best friend, who tells me to come to the door and then runs back to a group of some of our other friends. Curious now, I do as I’m told. As soon as I open the door, my friends, who are a safe distance away, start dancing and singing!

Friends: “We wish you a merry Christmas; we wish you a merry Christmas; we wish you a merry Christmas; and a healthy New Year!

“Oh, please stay six feet away; oh, please stay six feet away; oh, please stay six feet away; you’re spreading it through the air!

“We won’t stay if you come outside; we won’t stay if you come outside; we won’t stay if you come outside; so, keep your a** right there!

“We wish you a merry Christmas; we wish you a merry Christmas; we wish you a merry Christmas; and a healthy New Yeeeeeeaaarrr!”

By the end of it, I was alternating between laughing and coughing but felt immensely better emotionally. I also finally spotted the gift boxes at my feet, each of which had a bag of cough drops taped to it. My friends insisted on watching me open my presents right there and requested IOUs for their own gifts.

I have the best friends ever.

When we just started dating, my husband told me how he met his best friend. 

He and his best friend were in the same class, but they were far from friends. Not only that, but [Friend] was the class bully and [Husband] was the meek victim.

[Husband] does not remember everything anymore, but he said that [Friend] was once again annoying him by poking his back. He had done this for months, so something finally snapped in [Husband]. He got up, turned around, grabbed [Friend], and tossed him over two rows of tables. He then jumped after [Friend] and started punching him. According to [Husband], adrenaline and rage combined are one h*** of a drug.

The teachers were aware of the bully situation, but since [Friend] made sure no one was looking, there was no proof of it. So, to the outside, it looked as if [Husband] had gone mad for no reason!

The teacher stormed at the two, pulled them apart, and yelled:

Teacher: “Enough! And now you two are friends!”

[Husband] calmed down and [Friend] nodded. [Friend] never bullied anyone again, and they indeed became friends. [Friend] eventually became my husband’s best man at our wedding. [Friend] told me he needed someone to “punch some sense into him” and was thankful [Husband] was the one to do it.