“Use The Force, Harry,” Said Gandalf

, , , , , , | | Related | August 16, 2019

(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)

Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”

Younger Brother: “Which one?”

Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”

Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”

Worse Than A Bad Cop Is Bad Writing

, , , , | | Related | August 9, 2019

(My grandfather is a retired cop. Sometimes I ask him how accurate police in TV shows are. Other times I’ll ask him what he thinks of real court cases. In this instance, I am asking about a show but forgets to specify.)

Me: “So, if two guys were fugitives, but they never switched their car — never even switched their license plates — why couldn’t the cops track them down in an instant? And their faces are everywhere; it’s not like they even grew a beard!”

Grandfather: “Well, you have to cut officers some slack. Many of us are overworked and underpaid, and there are a number of reasons why they wouldn’t be able to find these criminals.”

Me: *interrupting him before he gets too far* “Ah… Um, it was in a show.”

Grandfather: “The writers are idiots! There is no reason for those men to remain at large.”

A Walk Down Memeowy Lane

, , , , , | | Friendly | August 4, 2019

I’m on my bed with my laptop late at night, surfing the web, looking for things to watch to avoid getting ready for bed. I end up taking a trip down Nostalgia Lane watching the original Thundercats.

At one point, I reach for the blanket, which first requires gently moving the cat who has fallen asleep on it. Instead of going back to sleep where I put her, she sits down sphinx-style between my and my laptop, facing the screen, head erect, eyes wide open. She stays there, eyes on the screen the whole time, until I give in to exhaustion and close it up later.

I hope the makers of Thundercats are glad to know their show is apparently a hit with the First Earth cat demographic!

You’ll Find It Next To Gilligan’s Island

, , , , , , | | Right | July 19, 2019

(I work in a visitor center in an area known for its high Gullah population. Gullah people are the descendants of African slaves who developed their own unique culture, language, and religion in the American low-country. For some reason, we get a lot of visitors who think that they live on some kind of reservation like zoo exhibits, and it is surprisingly difficult to convince them that Gullah are regular people who live like everyone else. This call, however, really makes me question my faith in humanity.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I want to go to Gullah Gullah Island.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you say Gullah Gullah Island?”

Caller: “Yes. I heard it was in South Carolina and I want to go there.”

Me: “Sir, as far as I know, that’s just a TV show.”

Caller: “No, I was told it was in South Carolina.”

(While he’s talking, I’m looking it up to see if it is a real place.)

Me: “It looks like the TV show was based on Saint Helena Island, which is a gorgeous island with lots of Gullah history—”

Caller: “No, I want to go to Gullah Gullah Island to see the Gullah people.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what else to tell you. Gullah Gullah Island itself is not a real place. It is based on a real island, which is a lovely place to visit, but it is not called Gullah Gullah Island.”

Caller: “You’re useless. I’m going to talk to someone who actually knows what they’re doing.”

(I hope he enjoys his visit to the non-existent Gullah Gullah Island!)

Getting Twilights In Your Hair

, , , , | | Right | July 13, 2019

(I am a female with very short hair. I get many remarks on it, but this one takes the cake for me. It is around the Twilight movies boom.)

Customer: *placing her items on the counter, glances at my hair and dramatically rolls her eyes at me* “Wow.”

Me: *used to having people tell me short hair on women isn’t flattering, nonetheless smiles* “Is there something wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “Your hair.”

Me: “Yes, it is short, but I like it better this wa—“

Customer: “I’m so d*** sick of all you little teenagers and your d*** Twilight movies! You stupid b****es are all f****** crazy, and it’s all anyone sees on TV; it’s all, ‘Edward this,’ and, ‘Edward that,’ and now you went so far as to take that f****** sparkly vampire’s hairstyle! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Me: *takes a breath before replying* “Ma’am, I am sorry, but I am in my twenties, not a ‘crazy teenage girl,’ and I have no interest in Twilight. I cut my hair to donate it for children with cancer; my fiancé is a cancer survivor, and it’s the least I can do for them. Now, will you be paying with cash or credit today?”

Customer: *mumbles something before handing over her cash, then bolting out the door with her head down*

(I never saw her again.)

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