Mind-Bottling, Isn’t It?

, , , , , | Romantic | March 17, 2020

(My husband and I are scrolling Netflix trying to find a movie to watch. He finally finds what he’s looking for. I like thrillers and hate most adult comedies. I’m thinking, “‘Blade Runner’? Um, weird, it feels familiar… but negatively…”)

Me: “Well, I have some vague associations with this movie… Are there robots?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Me: “Is it silly?”

Husband: “No.”

Me: *makes a face*

Husband: “What?”

Me: “I just feel weird about the movie, like the words mean something to me but I don’t know what.”

Husband: “Look, the title Blade Runner has nothing to do with what actually happens in the movie.”

Me: *still hesitant, makes faces* “I’ll watch it. I just have an odd feeling that I don’t like it, but I don’t remember Harrison Ford at all.”


Me: “Is it stupid?”

Husband: “It’s silly.”

Me: “Is there… ice skating?”

Husband: “In Blades of Glory, yes.”

Me: “I guess that’s what I was thinking of. Thanks to your logical brain, making sense of my cognitive dissonances.”

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We Sing In A Shadow

, , , , , | Related | March 6, 2020

(I am about to take my first trip to Thailand to visit some friends who live there. Mom comes up to me one evening.)

Mom: “You know what you should do before you leave?”

Me: “What?”

(I’m thinking she’s going to get me to try yet another Thai dish because I’ve been less than enthusiastic about what I’ve tried so far in preparation for this trip.)

Mom: “You should watch The King and I.”

Me: “Uh, you do know that movie is banned in Thailand, right?”

Mom: “It is?”

Me: “Yep. Thai people love that king, and Rodgers and Hammerstein made him look like an idiot.”

Mom: “But it’s a classic love story.”

Me: “It’s still insulting. They love their king over there. They have shrines to him all over the place from what I can tell.”

Mom: “But why ban it? It’s not a documentary.”

(I quickly pull up Google on my phone.)

Me: “Yeah, it looks like all but one version is banned in Thailand. Complaints include Jodie Foster being more prominent on the poster, uh… the king is basically a cowboy on an elephant… Oh, in one version, it says they showed the king using common chopsticks when he should’ve been using a spoon.”

Mom: “That’s it?”

Me: “It’s a crime to insult the king. ‘Violators of the law face a seven-year prison sentence.’”

Mom: “So, I guess you can’t go around singing ‘Getting to Know You.’”

Me: “No.”

Mom: “Well, don’t insult the king while you’re there.”

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Adam Sandler: Uncut (Gems)

, , , , , | Working | February 21, 2020

(At our local arthouse theater, the manager gives a little spiel before the film starts.)

Manager: “And on our other screen, we’re showing [Film], a rare drama starring Adam Sandler. Sandler says if this film isn’t nominated for best picture, he’s going to go out and produce the worst film he can possibly make.”


Manager: “Of course, he’ll probably do that no matter what’s nominated.”

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A Long Time Ago, In A Final Frontier Far Far Away…

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2020

(I work at a single-screen independent theatre. One day right after Christmas, the phone rings:)

Customer: “I see you’re playing [Critical Favourite Film without a lot of popular interest]. Do you have it on for long?”

Me: “We’re just screening it this week, on [dates].”

Customer: “It’s one of the best films of the year; why aren’t you playing it more?”

Me: “There are many fantastic films and sometimes we have to make tough choices.”

Customer: “Well, is anyone else playing it?”

Me: “I’m not sure if anyone else will be playing it.”

Customer: “I’m out of town this week and no one is playing this movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re away, but we are playing [Film].”

Customer: “You just play Star Trek!”

Me: “We’re not playing Star Trek.”

Customer: “Everyone is playing Star Trek for a month straight!”

Me: “Yes, the big theatres are playing Star Wars, but not us.”

(Sorry we didn’t check your schedule before we booked that movie?)

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The Film With No Name

, , , | Working | January 29, 2020

(I am deployed as a worker with a disaster response non-government organization to the site of a recent hurricane. Two of my fellow volunteers have stopped unloading trucks long enough to get some bottled water and sit down for a few minutes. Mind you, it’s day four of the emergency and everyone is exhausted from the extreme heat, humidity, and 14-hour workdays.)

Volunteer #1: *out of the blue* “Did you ever see that Clint Eastwood movie?”

Volunteer #2: “Which one?”

Volunteer #1: “That one where he was in the war.”

Volunteer #2: *after a pause* “I think you need to lie down for a bit.”

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