This Train Will Pull In 28 Days Later

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 15, 2018

(While watching “Train to Busan,” a Korean zombie flick set on the titular train:)

Me: “Apparently, they’re making a Hollywood remake of Train to Busan.”

Husband: “How the h*** are they going to do that? Our public transport here is s***.”

Me: *cracking up*

Husband: “It’d be what? The Long Drive to Busan? Everyone’s just stuck in traffic. For two hours. Including the zombies.”

(Zombies begin falling from broken windows and rapidly swarm towards the survivors in a craze, snarling and spitting. They scramble over barriers and each other, broken limbs jutting out at odd angles, making them resemble a horrifying stampede of twisted, mangled marionettes.)

Husband: “Looks like a typical Black Friday, if you ask me.”

The Merc With The Mouth Versus The Customer With Opinions

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2018

(I work in a movie theater. I’m a manager helping on concessions one morning when a man in his 20s or 30s comes in.)

Customer: “What time is Star Wars playing?”

(I give him the times and he starts to leave, then he suddenly comes back up.)

Customer: “I have one more question.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Why is Deadpool so violent? It’s so violent, too much!”

(I laugh, thinking he is joking. He stares at me, waiting for an answer.)

Me: “Sir, I didn’t make the movie, I have no control over how much violence they put in it.”

Customer: “So, why is it so violent?”

Me: “I didn’t make the movie… Deadpool is a very over-the-top movie. I personally loved it!”

(The customer glared at me and stormed out the door.)

What Happens When You Kill Spider-Man’s Dog

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2018

(I work in a library. A patron approaches the counter with a DVD.)

Patron: “Is this Spider-Man?”

Me: “No, that’s a movie called Spiderwick.”

Patron: “Oh… Well, my son wanted Spider-Man; do you think this will be all right?”

Me: “Well, it’s a completely different movie, so I couldn’t tell.”

Patron: “Yeah, well… it has spiders in it, at the very least. Also, it says I can have the movie for a week, but would it be okay if I return it tomorrow, instead?”

Me: “Well, sure.”

Never Had A Mom Like Me

, , , , , , | Related | June 29, 2018

(This takes place shortly after “Aladdin” is released in theaters. A friend calls and invites me to go and see it with him and his parents. My mom is out of the house, but my stepdad allows me to go. When I get back, Mom is home, and she looks a little upset.)

Mom: “So, you went off to see Aladdin with [Friend]?”

Me: “But I got permission. [Stepdad] said I could go.”

Mom: “That’s not the point. I wanted to go see it!”

Me: *confused* “Wait, what?”

Mom: “Well, I hope you enjoyed the movie, because you will be going back.”

(Sure enough, a few days later, she ended up taking me back to the theater just so she could have an excuse to see the movie herself. I certainly wasn’t complaining about having to see it again, though.)

Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead(pool) Leaving Your Garbage

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2018

(I work at a cinema. For those who haven’t watched it, the Deadpool movie contains an extra at the end of the credits, stating that it is a “d**k move” to leave garbage lying around in the theatre. This occurs after the end of the credits:)

Me: *to people exiting the theatre* “Thank you! Come again!”

Man: *behind most of them* “Deadpool will get them because none of them f****** listened when he told them to not leave their garbage lying around!”

(I have never seen so many people go back into a theatre to pick up their trash off the seat.)

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