The Punning Dead

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 16, 2017

(I am chatting with some friends about the TV show “The Walking Dead.”)

Friend: “I gave up watching after season two.”

Me: “Season two was the worst season, but it got so much better after that.”

Friend: “I just got bored; nothing was happening!”

Me: “But it’s so well written, and the characters are really fleshed out.”

Friend: “Until they’re not.”

Me: “Literally.”

When A Ferret Becomes A Weasel

, , , , , , , | Romantic | November 16, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are watching the fourth instalment of the Harry Potter series. It’s my boyfriend’s first time watching it. In this movie, a teacher transforms a student into a ferret, a fun and memorable scene, concluded with another teacher running up and asking, “Is… Is that a student?” A short while later, there’s a scene depicting a big school dance, where the teacher who transformed the student sits in a corner with something on his lap.)

Boyfriend: “Wait. Pause. What’s that in his lap?”

Me: “That’s… Oh, haha, it’s a ferret!”

Boyfriend: “Is… Is that a student?”

Me: *rolling with laughter*

Boyfriend: “…on his groin?!”

It Means Exactly What They Think It Means

, , , , , | Working | November 15, 2017

(I’m really thrilled to be going to the 30th anniversary showing of “Princess Bride” at our local theater. Over half of the large theater is filled with eager customers. Unfortunately, about thirty minutes into the movie the screen goes black. Employees are alerted and after about ten minutes the movie resumes where it left off. However, another sixty minutes into the movie the screen goes black again. Another wait of about fifteen minutes and we are told by management that they cannot fix the projector, but our money will be refunded.)

Woman Near The Front Of The Theater: “Everyone! On three! One… two… three!”

Entire Audience: *shouts* “INCONCEIVABLE!”

Robowolf: Let’s Make It Happen

, , , , | Related | November 13, 2017

(I’m watching a werewolf movie on TV. My father walks in just as the werewolf walks, fully transformed, onto the screen.)

Father: *excitedly* “Hey! It’s RoboCop!”

Me: “Um, isn’t it a bit too furry for that?”

Father: “No one said RoboCop can’t be furry.”

Puns To Make You Go Dementor

, , , , , , , , | Related | October 30, 2017

(I am sitting in the family room with my kids, watching “Inside Out,” when my eight- and nine-year-old sons start talking about the colors of emotions and behaviors, which ends with the following.)

Eight-Year-Old: “Silly must be rainbow.”

Nine-Year-Old: “Yeah. Lonely is white. What color is serious, Mom?”

Me: *amused* “Well, there really is only one color serious could be, isn’t there?”

Eight-Year-Old: *stares down [Nine-Year-Old] as he starts laughing, catching on quickly* “Don’t. Don’t you dare!”

Nine-Year-Old: *ignoring his brother* “Black! Serious is black! Serious Black!”

Eight-Year-Old: *groaning* “I’m going to bed. I’m serious!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I thought your name was [Eight-Year-Old], but it’s nice to meet you, Sirius.”

Eight-Year-Old: “Gah!” *flops over on floor and covers his ears* “Stop with the Potter puns!”

(The nine-year-old pokes his younger brother’s arm and tries to stop laughing long enough to add in one last comment to the conversation, which, while not Potter-related, is still too good for him to pass up.)

Nine-Year-Old: “Hey… Why so serious?”

(I sent them both to get ready for bed once I could stop laughing long enough.)

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