, , , , | Related | September 17, 2017

(I am sitting on the couch watching TV, cuddled up in a blanket. I mention to my twelve-year-old son:)

Me: “I’m feeling cold.”

Son: “Mom, are you cold because you’re bleeding internally?”

Me: “We’re watching way too much CSI, aren’t we?”

The Monster Calls Every Day Of The Week

, , , | Working | September 17, 2017

(I’m 24 and I’ve liked The Beatles since I was 16. A new documentary about them has been released to the theatres, so I decide to check it out. Most of the conversation happens in Finnish, but the documentary was released under its English name “Eight Days a Week.”)

Me: “Hi! I’d like these.” *points to the soda bottle and the chocolate bar that I set on the counter* “And a student ticket to Eight Days a Week.”

Employee: “What?” *says something incoherent*

Me: *assuming I said the middle part too quickly* “A student ticket?”

Employee: “But which movie?”

Me:Eight Days a Week.” *short silence* “The Beatles film…”

Employee:A Monster Calls?” *this film also goes by its English name in Finland*

Me: “No, Eight Days a Week. Beatles.”

Employee:A Monster Calls, at what time?”

Me: “No. Eight Days a Week, The Beatles, at [time].”

Employee: *brings up the seating chart for A Monster Calls* “This one?”

Me: “No.”

Employee: *finally brings up the seating chart for Eight Days a Week* “This one?”

Me: “Yes…”

(I wonder how horribly I mangled English to make “Eight Days a Week” sound like “A Monster Calls.” Or maybe I was just too young to be buying tickets to the Beatles documentary.)

Won’t “Let It Go” To Delivery

, , | Right | September 14, 2017

(I work as a pharmacy technician and, as part of verifying a patient’s identity, I ask them to verify the address we have on file. A man with three rows of skulls tattooed on his forearm is picking up for someone else.)

Me: “Can you verify the address?”

Customer: “[Street number], uh, gosh, it’s the snowman from that Frozen movie!”

(The street was Olaf. I laughed and sold him the prescription.)

Harry Potter And The Inevitable Asylum

, , , , | Related | September 4, 2017

(I’m visiting my parents, and watching Harry Potter movies all weekend on the TV. My parents have never seen them, and my dad asks me what they’re about.)

Me: “Harry Potter is an orphan boy who lives with his aunt and uncle, who make him live in a cupboard under the stairs. He finds out that he’s a wizard and that his parents were murdered by an evil wizard named Voldemort. He goes to a school called Hogwarts where he learns magic and makes friends.”

Dad: “Oh, I thought it was about an abused kid who made up all these adventures in his head to keep himself entertained.”

Me: “…that would have been a much different story, yes. Still interesting, though!”

Maybe The Book Was ‘Cloud Atlas’

, , , | Learning | August 26, 2017

(I am in eighth grade, and we are required to give monthly book reports to our English class. For this month’s project, we are told to make a movie poster and assign real-life actors and actresses to play the characters in our book. A classmate is giving his report on a book I happened to have read a few months prior. He’s explained the plot fairly accurately when this happens.)

Classmate: “And here we have [Character] as played by [Pretty, Blonde Actress].”

(I was too shy to call him out on it, but the character he was referring to was not only not blonde, but a man! I’m not sure how he read the book well enough to explain the plot, but not remember if a character was a man or a woman.)

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