Shut Up And Dance With Me

, , , , | Friendly | November 9, 2020

One of my older cousins gets married when I’m about eleven years old. At the reception, I want to go on the dance floor but need a partner for the song that’s playing, so I seek out a boy who looks my age, even though I’ve never met him before.

Me: “Hey, do you wanna dance?”

Boy: “No.”

While I’m initially disappointed, one of the men on the groom’s side of the family saw the rejection and offers to dance with me, instead.

I get tired a few dances later and come off the dance floor. The boy comes up to me again.

Boy: “Hey, uh, do you have a crush on me?”

Me: “No. I just wanted to dance.”

Boy: “Oh.”

Take note: if someone asks you to dance, maybe they just want to dance!


This story is part of our Dancing roundup!

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Jump Back!

, , , , , | Friendly | November 9, 2020

I’m not sharing this to make fun of any teenagers; I’m sharing it to comment on how old I felt when this happened.

I volunteer as a Sunday School teacher, and one day, I am chatting with some of the teenage helpers. We are discussing music.

Teen: “I love that song, ‘Footloose.’”

Me: “Me, too. It’s one of my favourite movies. Although, I haven’t seen the remake, and I don’t plan to.”

Teen: “It’s from a movie?!”

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You Are Band From Coming Back

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: NJdeathproof | November 1, 2020

‘Rock Band 3’ for X-Box 360 has only been out for a year or so. As the owner of a computer store, I’m pretty friendly with many other business owners in town. One owns a favorite restaurant of mine a block away. They have a large room for parties/spillover when busy/etc. We came up with the idea of doing a “Rock Band” night. I have the Xbox and she offered to get the game and full musical instrument set as she could give it to her son after we used it. I also offered to host, as I had played it before.

We get set up and everything is going great. Some people sing or play instruments, they submit songs and actually wait turns to make sure everyone gets a go. Some folks just sit and watch, enjoying drinks and food.

Then a mom shows up with her kid, who looks to be about twelve or thirteen years old. Both are carrying acoustic guitars.

I greet them and point out the waiting list for RB3 songs and encourage them to grab something to eat or drink while they waited their turn. She immediately gets snarky with me.

Mother: “Well we need to know when we can play.”

Me: “The list is right there. Just choose what song you want to play and which instruments you want to use.”

Mother: “Well we brought our own! We don’t need to use those electric instruments!”

Me: “Oh, I don’t think you understand. We’re playing Rock Band 3. On an Xbox. Those aren’t real instruments.”

I’ve had people ask about that before, when I was playing the guitar at my shop; they didn’t seem to realize it was a game controller.

Mother: “No! I got the email saying we could play!”

Me: “Right… you can play on the Xbox. We’re not doing anything with real instruments. But the owner is right there; maybe you can suggest an open mic night?”

Mother: “NO! THE EMAIL SAID WE CAN PLAY OUR INSTRUMENTS!”

The whole time her kid looks mortified, but never says a word. Finally, the owner notices this woman arguing with me and comes over. She’s a great lady but tolerates absolutely no bull-s***.

Owner: “What’s up?”

Mother: “The email you sent said we can play our own instruments!”

Owner: “No, it didn’t. I sent that email out myself. It clearly says it’s Rock Band for the Xbox. You’re welcome to stay and join in the fun.”

The owner turns to the kid.

Owner: “Would you like to try playing a song?”

The kid’s face lights up, but you can guess what happens next.

Mother: “We’re leaving!”

She escorts the kid out the door.

Me: “You ever see her before?”

Owner: “I don’t think so but she must have eaten here at some point since she’s on our email list.”

I later checked the email from the restaurant and yeah: clear as day it said we’d be playing ‘Rock Band 3’ on the Xbox 360. There was no indication it was open mic night or that people should bring their own instruments. The mother just didn’t want to admit she was wrong. Just felt bad for the kid because he definitely looked like he wanted to join in the fun.

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Velcome To My Store

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2020

I’m minding the store on a weekend when a couple walks in.

The guy remarks that it’s fairly quiet in the store, and his girlfriend pipes up, “Yeah. Eerie, even.” 

At this moment, the store’s music player starts in with Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, that great organ piece you hear in every “haunted house.”

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I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out There!

, , , , , , | Related | October 21, 2020

I wrote this story about my father-in-law’s cousin who is a B-list actor.

Things get MUCH weirder during the global outbreak. My mother-in-law decides to write a bunch of bathroom songs for people to sing while they are washing their hands and she wants my father-in-law’s cousin to promote those songs.

My mother-in-law has always written songs and sung them badly. She is a self-taught musician who has absolutely ZERO understanding of proper music composition. She taught herself how to play the piano and she sounds so bad that a cat walking across piano keys would sound much better.

She decided to release a CD of her bathroom songs. This means that she hooked up a computer microphone to her piano and sang her songs into recording software on her five-year-old desktop computer. Unfortunately, she, my father-in-law, AND my husband are oblivious to the fact that she is a horrible musician.

Mother-In-Law: “I just sent a CD of my music to [Actor]’s mother. She is going to give it to [Actor] and he is going to get me on Oprah!”

Me: “You do know that the Oprah show ended a bunch of years ago, right? I also don’t think that Oprah is going to be interested in a preschool administrator’s CD of bathroom songs.”

Mother-In-Law: “I know that Oprah hasn’t been on TV in years, but [Actor] will make her start her show again so I can go on it to promote my music!”

Me: “Are you delusional? There is no way that Oprah is going to restart her show just because a B-list movie actor tells her to promote his cousin-in-law’s CD of bathroom songs!”

Mother-In-Law: “But I know that [Actor] is going to get me my big break in the music business! I am a fantastic musician and I have just had some bad breaks while trying to get my music published.”

Me: “You wrote songs for adults to sing in the bathroom while they are washing their hands. No sane adult is going to buy a CD of that!”

Mother-In-Law: “It is a new concept and people aren’t familiar with it, but they will understand it after I go on Oprah and show the world how much they need bathroom songs!”

Me: “Why are you even bothering [Actor]’s ninety-five-year-old mother with your bathroom songs, anyway? She is old; please don’t bother her.”

Mother-In-Law: “[Actor] is going to love my bathroom songs! I need him to get my break in the music business!”

I dropped it after that, but my in-laws STILL don’t see how horrible a musician my mother-in-law is and that no sane person is going to give her a break in the music business.

Related:
I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!

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