At Least Her Future Is Bright

, , , , , | Learning | May 1, 2021

I work with preschoolers at a daycare. I have a little girl who is incredibly smart but also can have incredibly silly moments. It is the end of daylight saving time, and as such, it gets dark before some of the kids leave. I decide to use this as a teachable moment and talk about the sunset. I turn their attention to the outside and they notice that it’s dark. I ask them why, and they all look at me with blank stares. I explain to them that the sun went down — the sun set.

Girl: *Gasp* “We have to set the sun!”

I was so surprised, I didn’t know how to respond. I think I just said that the sun had already set, so we didn’t have to worry about it. We talked some more about how the earth turns, which is why we have day and night, and how the earth goes around the sun, which is why we have seasons and years. For the next week, some of those kids would come up to me and tell me, “The earth goes around the sun!” which made my teacher heart happy.

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Calling It Quits Might Not Be A Mis-Steak

, , , | Right | April 8, 2021

I begin my six-am shift at a fast food place by a busy interstate.

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer: “A steak bagel. Just the sandwich.”

Me: “Okay! That will be $4.80.”

I cash the customer out and go to the “landing zone” to collect his food. I call out his order because he walked off without his receipt and number.

Me: “Steak egg cheese bagel?”

Customer: “You said steak, egg, and cheese?”

Me: “I did.”


Me: “You didn’t specify that when you ordered it, sir, but I’ll have it remade.”

I have them remake the whole sandwich. I hand him his plain bagel.

Me: “Your plain steak bagel, sir.”

Customer: “Did you put breakfast sauce on it?”

Me: *Pauses* “You didn’t specify, again.”


Our manager comes over to talk to this dude. He tells her he ordered a steak bagel with only sauce. I turn around.

Me: “No, sir, you did not tell me that!”

My manager puts her hand in my face:

Manager: “Shut up, I got it!”

She’s apologizing for my errors, which are none.

Customer: “She must be an idiot or a druggie or both, because she can’t get a real job. I want her name and yours, and how to contact your corporate office.”

She happily obliged. I had had it at that point. I walked over and I told them both to get f***ed — him for being a complete a** for no reason and her for not defending her staff when she always told us she had our back. I grabbed my stuff and left. I will never work fast food ever again.

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Dancing Through Life

, , , , | Working | April 8, 2021

Back in the dark ages before cell phones, I worked in a small retail shop that got 70% of its business by phone order. We still had a retail location fully stocked but only got a handful of people in the store every day.

Then, one week, there were no customers or phone orders. At all. By the third day of this, we had done inventory, dusted everything we could think of, done all the maintenance that was pending, stocked all the new merchandise, called all of our holds to pick up their orders, and had officially run out of things to do. We couldn’t even pretend there was anything productive to do.

We were bored out of our minds, and my manager started dancing around the store. Five minutes later, we had a conga line snaking around the store including both of the managers and all the staff on shift. Then, the bell above the door rang. 

Thankfully, the customer had a sense of humor and joined our conga line! We all had a laugh, but sadly, conga lines were then banned from the store.

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Math Holds No Quarter With Him

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2021

Customer: *Obviously upset* “Your machine ripped me off! I was supposed to get twenty-nine cents and it only gave me twenty-four!”

I look at the four pennies and one quarter in his hand.

Me: “Sir, that is twenty-nine cents.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! Your machine ripped me off!”

Me: “Sir, a quarter is twenty-five cents.”

I can see the realization on his face.

Customer: “Oh, f****** h***!”

Me: “Don’t worry. It’s still early. Try to have a good day.”

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It’s Time For Calvin To Move Out

, , , | Right | March 16, 2021

The wife and I are in the market for our first house. We meet our realtor outside a house he’s about to show us.

Realtor: “The instructions say, ‘Don’t go near stuffed tiger.’”

Wife: “Stuffed tiger?”

Realtor: “Yeah, the notes say the last realtor got hurt. Had to go to the emergency room.”

Me: “Interesting.”

Confident the realty company wouldn’t put us in mortal danger, we go in to find an eight-foot taxidermied Bengal tiger, claws outstretched. The claws are covered in cotton balls.

Realtor: “Ah, now it makes sense. The notes say the last guy almost got his ear ripped off when he accidentally backed into the tiger’s claw.”

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