The Picture Of An Impossible Request

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

Customer: *dropping off film* “How long will this take?”

Me: “About an hour.”

Customer: “I’m in a hurry; can you make it 20 minutes?”

Me: “It takes at least 40 minutes to develop and print film, and that’s if I have nothing else going on.”

Customer: “So it can’t be done in 20 minutes?”

Quitters’ Anonymous

, , , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(I work at a trucking company on night shift and I dispatch our drivers, answering phone calls and messages. One night I got a call from the wife of one of our drivers.)

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Woman: “Hi, my husband drives for you and wants to quit and is wondering where to return his truck.”

Me: “Is he under a load right now?”

Woman: “Yes, I think he’s somewhere in Louisiana right now.”

(Wondering why he isn’t calling us, I try to get some information so I can look him up in our system, and also wondering if I’ll need to get someone else to take care of his load if he quits while hauling a loaded trailer.)

Me: “Do you know his driver ID number or truck number?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want you to know that.”

Me: “Can you ask him to call us so we can help him?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Me: “Okay, can I have his name?”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t want you to know who he is.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, without knowing who he is, there’s not much I can do.”

Woman: *seeming to realize that he can’t quit his job anonymously* “I’ll ask him for more information.” *hangs up*

(Later, he did call us and we were able to help him, but how did he expect his wife to quit his job for him without telling us who was quitting?)

Paling At The Diagnosis

, , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(I’d always had these white patches on my body and my mom always thought they were scars because I scar and bruise so easily. However she quickly changes her mind when I point out that I don’t have scars on my neck. So she takes me to a dermatologist and this is what happens. The doctor walks in.)

Doctor: “I have good news and bad news.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I don’t know why he said this. I don’t know if he was trying to put me at ease.)

Doctor: “Bad news is you got vitiligo.”

(Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder where your white blood cells destroy your melanin.)

Doctor: “And the good news is you’re white.”

Nuts About Honesty

, , , , | Related | June 20, 2017

(I hear my sons, three and eight, squabbling a little in their bedroom. Suddenly the eldest yells, and the younger one squeals and bursts into a wail. The younger boy comes running to me and says indignantly:)

Youngest Son: “[Brother] HIT me!”

Me: “What were you doing immediately before he hit you?”

Youngest Son: *with an angelic straightforwardness* “I kicked him in the nuts.”

(I suppressed my laughter and pointed out that that’s what happens when you do that to people. He was not amused.)

Hard To Understand A Soft Problem

, , , | Right | June 19, 2017

(The intersection where our branch is located is under construction. The sidewalks are dug up and there is some utility work going on. We’re a small town branch, and the company headquarters is in another state.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m having trouble with my online banking account.”

Me: “Are you having trouble logging in this morning?”

Customer: “Yes, it says I’m locked out!”

Me: “I see. We’ve just received notice that the system went down this morning. They’re working on it now, but it’s still not operational at the moment.”

Customer: “So it’s not me?”

Me: “No, it appears to be a system-wide problem.”

Customer: *turns and points out the window at the construction* “Do you think it’s because of the construction?”

Me: “No, it’s a software problem.”

Customer: “Are you sure they didn’t cut the lines?”

Me: *sighs*

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