Married To Hermione Granger

, , , , | Romantic | July 19, 2018

(My boyfriend is folding laundry.)

Boyfriend: “You know how I know you’re not some kind of mythical creature? You can’t fold a fitted sheet, either.”

Me: “Yes, I can. They taught me in my CNA class.”

Boyfriend: “You’re a witch!”

A Very Taxing Explanation, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(My store is running a sale, and we sent out an ad for it. A faucet that is normally $150.00 is on sale for $75.00. We have sold a ton in the past few days without a problem.)

Customer: “I want two of those sale faucets from the ad!”

Me: “Wonderful, let me run and get those for you, and I’ll be right back!”

(I run and get them from the storage room and return.)

Me: “Great, your total is $160.88 with tax.”

Customer: “No. I’m only paying $150.00 for both. Change your prices so I can swipe my card.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do that. The faucets are $75.00 each, and with tax, that is $160.88.”

Customer: “I already said no! Set the price to the sales price.”

Me: “I rang you up at the sale price, ma’am. The additional charge is just state tax, and I have no control over that.”

Customer: “Stop trying to scam your customers. If you don’t sell them to me at $150.00, I will sue you for false advertising!” *she shows me her phone* “When I put in the prices, it shows as $150.00 on my phone. So, that is what I will pay!”

Me: “That’s because you did not add in tax, ma’am, and our advertisement does mention that tax will apply. It is state tax.”

Customer: “I will sue! Change the price”

Me: “Ma’am, this is state tax. The faucets are already 50% off. There is nothing I can do about the sale price, the state tax, or the final price.”

Customer: “What is the price for just one faucet?”

Me: “With tax, $80.44.”

Customer: *doing the math on her phone* “Liar! Look! My phone says it would be $80.43.”

Me: “The computer automatically rounds up to the nearest cent, ma’am. It would be $88.437.”

Customer: “No, you just want to overcharge me!”

Me: “By tenths of a cent? Do you have a tenth-of-a-cent coin?”

(The customer behind her starts laughing, which makes her angry. She storms out, still threatening to sue.)

Next Customer: “I’ll take those faucets. Feel free to charge me tax.”

Related:
A Very Taxing Explanation

The Gift Of Bringing Mother Along

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2018

(I work as a cashier at a popular hardware store. It can be pretty boring, but I still enjoy it, and I enjoy talking with customers. I have just finished scanning items for a woman who came with her mother and her daughter. She goes through her purse for a way to pay for her purchases.)

Customer: “I think I have a card in here somewhere.”

Customer’s Mom: “What are you looking for?”

Customer: “A gift card. I have a gift card I want to use.”

Customer’s Mom: “Why? Are your other cards maxed out?”

Customer: *her jaw drops* “MOM!”

(She found the gift card, and after using it up, she paid with a credit card that was, fortunately, not maxed out.)

No So Street(sign) Smart

, , , , , , , | Legal | June 28, 2018

(My husband works for a volunteer organization that builds homes for people in need. They have a lot of problems with a neighbor who doesn’t want any of their trucks parked — legally — on the public street in front of his house. Despite the fact that he has a long driveway and a garage, he has somehow found a way to put up “No Parking” signs on his side of the street AND the opposite side of the street.)

Volunteer: “Wow, that was a long walk! I had to park all the way down the block and walk here.”

Husband: “Yeah… The neighbor across the street put up these ‘No Parking’ signs, so we are trying to work around it, even though we have to lug all of this construction equipment down the street.”

Volunteer: “Seriously?” *she inspects a sign, and makes a quick phone call* “These are not regulation signs.”

Husband: “What?”

Volunteer: “I work for the county office. The city has to put those up, and there is no record a ‘No Parking’ sign on this street.”

(She then proceeds to call the non-emergency police phone number, and by lunch an officer comes by to write him a ticket and to take the signs down.)

Neighbor: “I don’t want to look at those f****** trucks all day! You can’t make me take my signs down!”

Officer: “Sir, you can either take the signs down, or I can take them down and take you to the station.”

(Eventually, the neighbor took the signs down, glaring at the volunteers the whole time. I feel sorry for the family that will eventually have to put up with this guy!)

Going To An Adult Store Doesn’t Mean They Behave Like Adults

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(I work in an adult store, and in order to enter, you have to be at least 18 years old. A group of customers have just started walking into the store when I notice one of them has a baby with her.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t bring your baby in here. Anybody that comes in has to be at least 18 years old.”

Customer #1: *with a blank stare* “You have got to be s***ting me!”

(The customers agree that one of the women in the group will buy what she needs, then go outside and watch the baby so the mother can come back in. About ten minutes later, the mother comes back in without her baby. Note, it is ten pm at night and dark out.)

Customer #2: “Where is the baby?”

Customer #1: “Oh, she fell asleep, so I left her in the car.”

Customer #2: “Did you at least lock the doors?”

Customer #1: “Oh, that might be a good idea!” *runs to the door and uses the automatic locks to lock the car*

Me: *stands there with a shocked expression not sure what to do*

(Thankfully, they all did their shopping pretty fast and were out of the store within a few minutes. I still can’t believe that first she tried to bring her kid into an adult store… and then left the baby unattended, at night, in the car!)

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