The Cookie Crumbles Exhaustedly

, , , | | Right | May 14, 2019

(I’m the crazy customer in the story. The past few days, I’ve had many midterms and papers due and have not slept much. After my last exam of the week, I stop at a drive-thru to get an ice cream dessert as a reward. For being so late at night, the drive-thru is slow and I am texting my roommate. After I order, before I get to the pay window, she asks me to get her a cookie. The cashier has already rung through my ice cream before I am able to mention the cookie.)

Me: “Excuse me. Is it possible to also add a cookie onto my order?”

Cashier: “Sure, let me go get my manager to add it on for you.”

(He gets his manager, who takes my card from him and tries to put it in the chip reader. It doesn’t work so she tries multiple times. She finally notices I don’t have a chip and swipes it. This process takes about two minutes.)

Manager: “Your total for the cookie is 42 cents. Here’s your card back and your receipt. If you pull up to the next window, you’ll get your ice cream and cookie.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(There is another car still getting his food so I wait another thirty seconds to pull up to the window.)

Server: “Here’s your ice cream!”

Me: “Thanks. Have a good night!” *drives away*

(I didn’t realize until I was pulling into my neighborhood that after all that fuss about the cookie, I left before getting it. Now all I can picture are the employees wondering why I had them add an extra cookie, take three minutes to add it on, and then forget it. When I gave my roommate the receipt, she thought the best part was that I paid 42 cents on my card.)

Unfiltered Story #148204

, , , | Unfiltered | April 30, 2019

(I work at a Kroger gas station that is located in the richest zipcode in Indiana, so some people think they’re better than you sometimes. It was a slow night, so i was sitting towards the back of the kiosk,  and a customer came to the window).
Customer: I need a receipt from pump 8.
(Pump 8 is always getting jammed)
Me: Ok, no problem
Customer: Maybe since you are just sitting there not doing anything, you should go out there and fix it!
Me: (shocked he would say that to me) yea, i’ll take care of that!

Give Them No Quarter

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2019

(I work in a fast food joint in a mall food court. We only have a partial menu due to the fact that the store has limited freezer space. This guy comes up to my register and is staring for a good solid minute before placing his order.)

Customer: “Yeah, I want a quarter-pound burger with cheese meal.” *nodding at the menu as if looking at said meal*

Me: “I apologize, sir, but we do not carry that meal at this location. We have a limited menu, as we do not have the freezer space to carry both the regular-sized patties and the quarter-pound ones.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have the quarter-pound burger meal?”

Me: “No, I am sorry. We do not.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! I will have a double quarter-pound burger meal, then!”

Me: “…”

Best Not To Log-Split Hairs With This Guy

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

Customer: “So, you ain’t got no log splitters?”

Me: “We actually do. We sell 25-ton units and 35-ton units. They’re on display in front of the store.”

Customer: *looking all around, even UP, in an effort to see splitters IN the store* “Where?”

Me: “Sorry about the confusion. They’re outside, in front of the store, lined up on the sidewalk.”

Customer: *still scanning the heavens for, apparently, flying log splitters* “You mean… OUTSIDE?!”

Me: “Yes. Which size were you interested in?”

Customer: “The 20-ton.”

Me: “We actually don’t sell a 20-ton unit, we carry 25s and 35s.”

Customer: “So, it’ll do both?”

Me: “No… they’re two separate units. One does 25 tons and the other does 35 tons.”

Customer: “So, it’ll do 25 tons?”

Me: “They are two separate uni…”

(In my mind I say, “F*** it.”)

Me: “…yes, it’ll do 25 tons.”

Customer: “How much is that one?”

Me: “The 25-ton unit is normally $999, but we have a sale starting this Friday that takes them down to $849, for a savings of $150. However, since you’re here today, I will honor that sale price and let you have it for $849 today, prepped and ready to go.”

Customer: “Well, how much without the prep cost?”

Me: “We actually don’t charge for preparation. We throw that in as a perk to you for buying from us. It’s a value of not having to pay for a bottle of oil or gallons of fuel. When you buy from us, your unit will be ready to leave the store and go straight to the woods to start splitting.”

Customer: “So, how much money does it take off if I don’t have you prep it?”

Me: “Sir, there is no cost for the preparation. We do that for free.”

Customer: “I know; I understand that! But if you don’t do it, how much will I save?”

Me: “You don’t get additional money off if we don’t prep the unit. You would actually be losing value because we are in fact giving you that service for free.”

Customer: “Um… okay.” *still very confused* “So, when does this sale start?”

Me: “The sale doesn’t officially start until Friday, but I will give you the sale price today. It’s a $150 savings.”

Customer: “So, it’s $700?”

Me: “No, it’s $849.”

Customer: “You said it was $150 off!”

Me: “Yes, it’s $150 off the original price, which is $999. $999 minus $150 comes out to the sale price, $849.”

Customer: “Well, when does it go on sale for $700?”

Me: “Sir, it doesn’t go down to $700 ever. Okay, here: the original price of the unit is $999. With me so far?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: “So, the sale price of the unit, which is what I’m offering you today, right now, is $849. That’s a savings of $150.”

Customer: “Okay, so when does the sale start?”

Me: “Friday.”

Customer: “So, I come back on Friday and it’s $849? Will you take any money off if I buy it today?”

Me: *bewildered pause* “If… Yes, sure, I’ll give you a ‘special deal’ of $849 if you buy it right now.”

Customer: “Don’t you have another location in [Town]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Do they carry the same stuff as you guys?”

Me: “Yes, they do; we’re a chain. There might be some variation in inventory, but we carry the same product, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, good. I’m not from around here; I’m just in the area right now. Thanks for all the info; I’ll go up there and pick one up on Friday when the sale starts!”

Me: *face meets palm*

I’ll Call You Daddy For Twenty Bucks

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2019

(I’m driving for Uber, taking a rider to a concert. He’s texting as I drive.)

Customer: “Hey, [My Name], we’re friends now, okay? I’m telling everyone that a friend is giving me a ride.”

Me: *playing along* “Okay, ‘friend,’ can I borrow twenty bucks?”

Customer: “If I give you money, you’re one of my kids.”

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