Close, But No Cinema

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | December 5, 2010

(I’m working the outside ticket counter and an elderly woman comes up to buy a ticket.)

Customer: “I want a ticket to see [movie].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That movie’s not showing here.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I’d like a ticket, please.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we’re not showing that. Did you see it listed in the paper? Sometimes some of the titles get switched around.”

Customer: “No. I saw the commercial for it and it said it was ‘showing at a theater near you’, and this is the closest theater to my house!”

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H2-Woah

| Sydney, Australia | Right | December 3, 2010

(At the cinema the water is really expensive, the bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know that s*** comes from the sky right?”

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A Customer You Would Prefer To Circumnavigate Around

| Durham, NC, USA | Right | November 30, 2010

(An employee calls me over to deal with someone who is angry that they can’t take their restaurant leftovers into the theater.)

Customer: “Why can’t I bring this in? I’m not going to eat it or anything!”

Me: “I’m sure you wouldn’t, but unfortunately it is a rule here that you can’t bring it in, and I can’t circumvent it.”

Customer: “What the h*** does geometry have to do with my food?!”

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From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | November 27, 2010

(A few of us employees had just made a cup of ‘heart-stopper’, popcorn with way too much butter and salt, between shows. A mother and her son walk up to the counter.)

Son: “What’s that?”

Me: “We call it the heart-stopper.”

Son: “Can I try some?”

Me: “That’s up to your mom.”

(She gives consent and the kid really likes it and starts eating several pieces.)

Me: “Hey, slow down or you’ll wake up fat tomorrow morning!”

Son: “Woah! Is that what happened to you?”

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

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A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

| United Kingdom | Right | November 25, 2010

Customer: “Can I have an adult and two students for [film]?”

(The film is rated ‘15’, and the two children with her look like they might not be old enough.)

Me: “Can I just ask your dates of birth?”

First Child: “September 1995.”

Second child: “Umm…”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you the tickets as your son can’t give me a date of birth to confirm he is 15.”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! He was born in August 1995. They’re my children. I think I know how old they are! Now will you sell us the tickets!”

Me: “Wait, they’re both your children?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes!”

Me: “And they were only born a month apart?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You have to be pregnant for nine months.”

Customer: “Yes! So?”

Customer: *realises*

(The customer swears and walks off.)

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