The Spider-Verse Is Already Big Enough

, , , , , , , | Related | February 13, 2019

(My husband and I have taken our three-year-old son to see “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.” He has been to movies before and is always quiet and completely enthralled by the movie. When Spider-Man first appears, he points to the screen.)

Son: *loudly* “Batman!”

(There’s scattered giggling from adults and older children. I shush him and speak in a whisper.)

Me: “No, not Batman. Remember? Mama told you that we’re seeing Spider-Man.”

Son: *also whispering* “Spi-yer-Man?”

Me: “Yes, Spider-Man. But we have to be quiet.”

Son: *whispers loudly and points again* “Spider-Man!”

(For the rest of the movie, he is silent as he eats his popcorn and sips his drink. But then, Miles Morales shows up in his black and red Spidey suit and:)

Son: *loudly and excitedly as he points* “IT BATMAN!”

(It seemed like the entire theater broke into a giggling fit at my son’s enthusiastic mistake.)

Adopted Inhumanly Fast

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2019

I was working at my volunteer job, socializing cats at the local animal shelter, when I noticed that we had a new kitten in with the name of Phil. A young couple entered and began examining our kittens, when suddenly I heard one of them say, “Phil? His first name is Agent!”

Unsurprisingly, Phil was swiftly adopted.

The Boss Has A Big Kingdom Heart

, , , , , | Working | January 31, 2019

(My boss and my boss’s boss are all awesome. I have been anticipating the release of “Kingdom Hearts 3” and decide I’m going to do something I have never done: take time off specifically to play a video game. I notice the allotted time for the department is negative seven hours one day and negative four hours for the next, but I put in the request, anyway, since there’s always a chance someone will cancel or I can get it approved. I send an email to my boss asking if she can take a look and approve the time off. The next day we’re talking and I bring up the time off request.)

Me: “Oh, by the way, if I can get that time off, awesome. If not, it’s not a problem. I’m literally just going to play a game I’ve been waiting on for years to release.”

Boss: *laughs* “Oh, yeah? What one?”

Me:Kingdom Hearts 3.”

Boss: *silently mouths it and looks like she’s thinking* “Huh… I think I’ve heard of that…” *teases me* “You going to stream it?”

Me: “Actually, yeah!”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll let my kids know to look out for you. But you better keep it family-friendly when you stream!”

Me: “I promise to keep it simple and clean.” *chuckles*

Boss: “Good! Waaaaait… I feel like that’s a reference somehow.”

Me: *laughing* “Yeah, it’s the name of the song from the first game.”

Boss: “I know what game that is now! My kids really like them! Okay, I’ll put in the approval.”

(Ten minutes later, I had approval for the time off! My boss’s boss approved the override with the message, “Have fun with it!” Great bosses are freaking awesome!)

Enough To Make Your Literary Blood Boil

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2019

(I work at a bookstore and a customer comes up to the register with several teen romance vampire books including ‘Twilight.’)

Customer: “I love vampire books! I can’t get enough of them! I’ve basically read them all.”

Me: “Yeah, I like vampire books, too. Especially Anne Rice.”

Customer: “Who?”

Captain Warm-Hearted

, , , , , , | Hopeless | January 23, 2019

It’s my favorite time of year, as I get to meet some of the people who inspired me to take the step to the film-making career I’m working towards.

This year, I was waiting in a long line to get an autograph from one of my favorite actors who was a last-minute addition to the lineup that year, and my dad was waiting just outside the line.

This was the year we both decided to dress up; I went as Captain Cold, and he went as Old Man Logan, for which he made wood claws, learned how to make fake blood, and styled his hair.

I didn’t witness this encounter, as I was so focused on my nerves, but my dad loves to retell it.

While standing there, a young boy who had some sort of mental disability brightened up and made little noises when he saw my dad.

My dad, the closest thing to a real-life hero I have ever known, started talking to the boy. The boy’s caretaker smiled and said that Wolverine was his favorite character.

My dad smiled and said he was his, too. The boy was so excited and smiling, and they got a photo together.

Dad only later commented he should have asked the boy for his autograph.

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