It’s Best Not To Irritate The Demons

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 11, 2020

I’m a former professional costumer and I still love sewing and building props. My boyfriend and I met at a convention, and as you might imagine, we cosplay together at every opportunity. While I love making costumes, I don’t like wearing anything too complicated or heavy; I prefer lightweight and flattering. My boyfriend, on the other hand, loves elaborate costumes; the bigger and more impressive, the better. This suits us both beautifully; he buys the materials, I make both costumes, he’s my model, and I’m his handler since most of the masks tend to limit visibility.

At a recent convention, he is dressed as a many-eyed demon — a costume I am particularly proud of — and I am in a fairly simple kimono as a character from the same series. We’ve been getting compliments all day. Then, a guy stops us to get a better look.

Guy: “Dude, great costume!”

Boyfriend & Me: “Thanks!”

At this, the guy turns nasty and wheels around to glare at me.

Guy: “I wasn’t talking to you! What, did you thrift that outfit yourself?”

Boyfriend: “Dude… she’s the one who made this.”

Guy: “Big deal. You’re the one wearing it! Chicks are supposed to do s*** for their men, anyway.”

My boyfriend is a fairly big guy to begin with; with the costume’s mask and horns, he comes in at just about nine feet tall, and upon hearing this, he uses that to his advantage and LOOMS.

Boyfriend: “You need to leave, or I just might decide to harvest a few more human parts.”

The guy splutters and stomps off. A nearby demon slayer from a different series, who’s been watching the whole thing, grinned.

Slayer: “You both look great. Usually, I slay monsters, but in this case, I think the demon gets a pass. You want to hunt that guy, I won’t tell.”

Me: “Yep! He’s my favorite demon. He protects me from all the dangerous humans.”

Both of them had a good laugh at that, and when a few other people wandered over, the slayer wound up joining us in an ad hoc photoshoot.

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That Will Certainly Be An Upgrade!

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2020

We just had a “Star Wars” day at our library. I’m checking out a father of two girls and talking to the girl nearest.

Me: “Did you have fun today?”

Little Girl: “Yep!”

Me: “Did you learn how to use the Force?”

Little Girl: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “Are you going to be a Jedi Knight when you grow up?”

Little Girl: “Well… first I’m gonna be a snail, and then I’m gonna be a Jedi Knight!”

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Geekdom Knows No Age Limit

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2020

I’ve worked for my boss for thirteen years, so I’m basically her personal assistant by now. This includes running errands when she can’t, such as buying groceries or refreshments for small parties.

It is one of those parties a few years ago that brings me to one of the local liquor stores. When I get to the checkout counter, I realize that while I have cash in my pocket, I’ve accidentally left my wallet in my car.

Me: “I’m so sorry, I left my license in my car. Is it okay if I leave this stuff here while I go get it?”

The cashier smiles and gestures to my shirt.

Cashier: “It’s cool. If you’re wearing that, I know you’re old enough to buy this.”

The shirt in question was my Mighty Morphin’ Blue Ranger shirt, and I was in my early thirties at the time, so he was right. I paid after confirming he wouldn’t get in trouble for selling me wine and beer without an ID.

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But Can She Do A Superhero Landing?

, , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2020

I am greeting members at a gym. A member walks in wearing a shirt with Deadpool riding a unicorn on it. I am female.

Me: “Hey, I like your shirt!”

The member looks at me, surprised and caught off guard.

Member: “Thanks?”

As he and his friend walk away, he turns to them and says:

Member: “Girls like Deadpool, too?!”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 23

, , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m in a bookstore looking at some fantasy books when I see a woman in her early twenties walk up to a table full of “Harry Potter” books and merchandise. She strikes up a friendly conversation with a little boy around seven to nine years old.

Boy: “But, why’s he so mean?”

Woman: “When his mom got together with his dad and he was conceived, his dad was under the effects of a love potion. Magic made it so he could never actually feel love.”

Boy: “How come that makes him mean?”

Woman: “When people don’t feel love, and people can’t make them feel loved and important, they do all sorts of things to feel like they’re important — even if that means they’re only important because they’re scary.”

The boy nods for a moment in understanding and then voices a new question.

Boy: “What’s ‘conceive’ mean?”

The woman’s eyes grow wide, and for a moment she struggles to figure out the right wording before just giving up.

Woman: “That’s a question more for your mom, kiddo.”

She ran all the way to the escalator!

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 22
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 21
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

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