Comic Sans Timing

, , , , , | Learning | November 11, 2019

(I’m in a class about comics. We are currently talking about typography in vintage comics when someone mentions the font Comic Sans. Our professor is a very good-natured guy and responds in a somewhat joking way.)

Professor: “I don’t think Comic Sans existed back then… and it shouldn’t exist now. That and Papyrus should be banned for all time.”

(I and a few other classmates chuckled out loud. I can only assume they were thinking the same thing I was. Sans and Papyrus are characters in a highly popular video game who use those two fonts in their dialogue. Look where those fonts got them!)

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Slithering Into The Wrong House

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 8, 2019

(At a holiday get-together, my family and I are taking a “Harry Potter” house sorting quiz.)

Me: “I got Hufflepuff!”

Niece: “I got Hufflepuff, too!”

Other Family Members: “We’re all Hufflepuffs.”

(Everyone except my mother is a Hufflepuff. My mother gets assigned to Slytherin.) 

Mom: “I need to retake the quiz and change my answers, so I get to be a Hufflepuff.”

Niece: “That’s a Slytherin move right there, Grandma.”

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Pee, You Fools!

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2019

(I am working at a two-story pharmacy in the center of town; I am dreading Halloween. The tradition is that all of the college kids and many of the year-round residents converge on the one-block “downtown” area. Last year, it was approximated that there were 80,000 people crammed into that small strip. The pharmacy I work in has a restroom on the basement floor, which we decide to close off very early since we have hundreds of people coming through just looking to… recycle beer. I am tasked with guarding the stairwell, making sure people don’t go down to trash the restrooms, and I swear, I could make over $1,000 if I took the bribes offered me to let people downstairs. Bribes, offers of being flashed, threats… none of those ever work, and everyone walks away disappointed. There is this one trio, dressed as characters from Lord of the Rings, who offer me $50:)

Me: “Nope, sorry.”

Arwen: “What about $100?”

Me: “Nope.”

Gollum: “C’mon, man. We really gotta pee!”

Me: “Ssssorry, precioussss, we can’t letssss you down!”

Gandalf: “Really, bro, it’ll only be a minute, and then we’ll be gone!”

Me: “Look, man, I’ll only say this once…” *grabbing Gandalf’s staff from him* “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

(They laughed, nodded, shook my hand, and left. I won’t mention the things we found in the restrooms when we finally went down to clean, but I’m glad we only had them open for one hour.)

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A Portal Into Your Humor

, , , , , , | Working | October 31, 2019

A coworker brought a Halloween cake in this year. It had orange frosting and was decorated like a jack-o-lantern with a mouth and eyes. When the cake was almost gone, the only thing left was one of the eyes. Our youngest coworker took the piece around to everyone saying, “The cake is an eye!”

Considering the age of most of our coworkers, I doubt anyone besides me got it.

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Something Has Changed Within Me

, , , , , | Related | October 26, 2019

(I’m very geeky. My mother and I go to a professional production of one of my favorite musicals. I’m so excited that I almost don’t notice when I lean forward in my seat, mouth the lyrics to most of the songs, and am unable to stop smiling. When the lights come on for intermission, I turn to my mother and see her silently laughing.)

Me: “Are you liking it so far?”

Mom: “I don’t know what’s more entertaining, watching the musical or watching you!”

(Apparently, my theater geek side is more obvious than I thought.)

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