A Portal To An Odd Sense Of Humor

, , , , , | Working | October 4, 2018

(I am at a theme park attempting to get on a Disk’O ride. The ride restraints on this ride are automatic and come up from the bottom of the seat at the back and rest on the riders’ backs to fasten them into the motorcycle position. We are called off the ride after the restraints are pulled up and released, and I have the following conversation with a staff member:)

Me: “This is what happens when you have GLaDOS in control of the restraints.”

Worker: “GLaDOS? We’re not Aperture Science; our funding methods are much more dubious!”

Jedi: Samurai Of The Galaxy

, , , , , | Friendly | September 27, 2018

(Overheard at a playground…)

Mother: “Are your children wearing traditional Japanese kimonos?”

Japanese Mother: “No, they’re Star Wars costumes.”

Red Vs Blue Calling You

, , , , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(I am the customer in this story. I have recently rescued a kitten, named Caboose after a much-loved character in a web series I am obsessed with. The character is known for accidentally causing catastrophes and blaming another character. I am playing with Caboose in my lap next to my phone when I realize that he has been playing with the screen and has called my phone’s support line.)

Support: “Hello, [Company] Support. My name is [Support]; how can I help you today?”

Me: “Uh… hi. Sorry, but my kitten appears to have paw-dialed you guys.”

Support: “That’s okay! Is there anything you needed to ask, anyway, while we’re on?”

Me: “Mm, nope! Caboose just enjoys eating my phone case. Thanks, though!”

Support: *still cheerful* “It’s not his fault. Tucker did it.”

Me: “I love your company now.”

Ranting Is Coming

, , , , , | Related | September 10, 2018

(I am a huge “Game of Thrones” geek, and have just finished a ramble about how it’s likely that Daenerys will die during the War for the Dawn and Jon Snow will take the Iron Throne.)

Mom: “For the sake of peace in this house, I hope Jon does end up on the Iron Throne. Otherwise, you will be angry and ranting about it for months.”

(I stare at her for a good ten seconds.)

Me: “I really want to be offended by that… but I can’t; you’re absolutely right.”

Doesn’t Have To Be A Judgemental Universe

, , , , , | Right | August 23, 2018

(A customer comes up to the counter. He’s a man in his twenties, kind of rugged-looking, and is wearing a t-shirt with a popular sports logo on it. He puts a pink shirt, a star-shaped stencil, a can of yellow fabric spray paint, and a huge pink plastic gem on the counter. Being a massive fan of the cartoon “Steven Universe,” I immediately recognize these items as key components for making a cosplay of the main character. Since it’s rare to find fellow Steven Universe fans in my age group, especially fellow guys, I decide to strike up a conversation regarding the show.)

Me: “So, are you excited for the new Steven Universe episode tonight?”

Customer: *looks startled and a bit embarrassed* “Wh-what? No, no way, man. That show’s for kids. This is for, uh, my little sister.”

(Note that the shirt is an adult large. I don’t want to embarrass the guy, so I go along with it.)

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(As I finish ringing him up, his cell phone goes off… and his ringtone is the “Steven Universe” theme song. The guy’s face goes scarlet, and he scrambles to power his phone off.)

Me: *smiles in what I hope is a reassuring way* “No judgement, dude. I’m as big a fan as your ‘sister.’ Enjoy!”

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