That Joke Was Told Solo

, , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I quit my job to return to school. After several months I decide to swing in and see “the guys.” When I show up, the only person there is a guy that was transferred in from another branch not long after I left. I barely know him but he recognizes me. He proceeds to tell me how my old manager is heading a district upstate, how my old assistant manager is managing his own store a state over, how an old coworker got a corporate gig, and so on. As I listen to how everyone is doing well, I see my nerd moment, I praise myself for being SO CLEVER, and I seize the opportunity for a perfect quote:)

Me: “Man, I’m out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!”

Transfer Employee: *just smiles politely and nods* “Yeah. Crazy, huh?”

(My shoulders slouched, I bid him farewell, and I went away and sulked that it went over his head. Or maybe beneath him. I guess it’s all perspective.)

How Wude!

, , , , , | Friendly | October 12, 2017

(In our neighborhood lives a mockingbird who used to drive me crazy. I can only tolerate him now because he learned a new phrase from some kids playing Star Wars:)

Mockingbird: “Jar Jar BINKS! Jar Jar BINKS! Pew! Pew! Pew!”

(Imagining Jar Jar being shot is satisfying in itself. Add in the amusement factor of a literal birdbrain understanding how very irritating Jar Jar is, and it makes me smile every time.)

Lacking Some Decent Spidey Senses

, , , , , | Learning | October 9, 2017

(The student in the story is not the brightest. We have a prompt to rewrite the ending of a story that we read.)

Teacher: “Your alternate ending has to actually make sense. You couldn’t say that [Character] gets bitten by a radioactive spider, gets powers, and breaks down the wall to escape.”

Student: “How do you come up with this stuff?!”

Darwinism In Effect

, , , , , | Hopeless | October 6, 2017

The museum I love to visit has a huge central hall, with a big staircase at the back that splits to both sides about halfway up. On that landing, there’s a statue of Charles Darwin. Until quite recently, the view of the statue from the front of the hall was obscured by Dippy, a life-sized model of a Diplodocus skeleton, so to first time visitors, the Darwin statue would come as a surprise.

One time when I was visiting the museum, I was standing to the side of the hall near the stairs, not looking at anything in particular, when I saw three teenage girls passing Dippy on the way to the staircase.

As soon as they saw the statue of Darwin, their whole demeanour changed. They started squealing as if they’d just seen a boy band there, and then they raced each other up the stairs and took selfies with Charles Darwin.

Seeing that kind of happy nerdage at a time when mindless entertainment and pseudoscience seem to be on the rise everywhere really gave me hope for the world.

They Remind You Of The Babe

, , , , | Friendly | October 6, 2017

(I’m working with two coworkers who are several years older than I. Both start singing and quoting a movie back and forth.)

Me: “I have absolutely no idea what you two are on about.”

Coworker #1: “You aren’t that young, are you?”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, it’s from Labyrinth.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I watched that years ago. That’s the one where David Bowie is a—”

(All three of us simultaneously:)

Me: “Paedophile.”

Coworker #1: “Hot guy!”

Coworker #2: “Goblin king!”

Me: “Hmmm, guess we all took something different away from that film.”

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