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Well, It Was Worth A Shot

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2022

A friend of mine told me this story. It’s about half an hour before a hiring interview, and he’s talking with a coworker about the applicant’s resume. His second most recent listed job is as “Home Guard” for a company they don’t recognize, with a very vague description of what his duties entailed.

Coworker: “Did you say ‘Home Guard’?”

Friend: “What about it?”

Coworker: “I think he might have been unemployed for that period. You’d better question him about it.”

During the interview, my friend does indeed probe about that particular job. His coworker was right on the money; the applicant was, in fact, unemployed. His wife is an independent masseuse, and the “Company” that the candidate has on his resume is just the name she uses for her business. After the interview, my friend talks to his coworker again.

Friend: “You were right; he was unemployed. How did you know?”

Coworker: “‘Guarding my own home’ is a Japanese euphemism for unemployment. It came up in a manga I was reading.”

Who knew being an avid otaku would pay off in business?

Can You Not See Your Future?

, , , | Right | December 30, 2021

I work at an anime store where we sell replica weapons from anime. I had a guy come in on Sunday the week before Halloween.

Customer: “My kid wants to be Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7. I want you to try and find him Sephiroth’s sword from the game. I need it to be exact dimensions, and I want it before Halloween.”

We don’t even do custom orders or look up where people can find other anime replicas; we just sell them.

With Spider-Man, It’s Always Down To The Wire

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2021

I work in a big box store, and we have a manager dressed as Spider-Man walking around the store taking pictures with kids, etc., to raise awareness for our annual charity drive. I go into the back to get some security devices for some items that have been placed on the sales floor without them. I go to where they have been kept, but they aren’t there anymore.

Me: “Where is the spider wire?”

Spider-Man is back there and points to where it is now.

Me: “Thanks, Spider-Man. I knew you’d know where the spider wire is.”

tlhIngan Hol Dajatlh’a’? qamuSHa’!

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | December 29, 2021

I play Dungeons and Dragons with a group of friends. We do it at a specific house because he’s the only homeowner among us right now.

While we were playing one day, a door-to-door marketer came knocking.

My friend speaks Klingon and answered the door in Klingon, his standard way of dealing with solicitors. To our surprise, the salesman answered back in Klingon, as well. My friend wound up buying whatever it was after the salesman was able to do the whole pitch in Klingon.

My friend invited the salesman to join us at DnD next week. He accepted.

Three years later, they’re married. The salesman also isn’t working door-to-door anymore; he now manages social media accounts for a company.

The Adventures Of Superstudent!

, , , , , , | Learning | December 26, 2021

I’m a DC fan and was always confused about the Superfamily. The only difference between Superman and Clark Kent is glasses. But no one knows his identity. I never understood it… until I switched from glasses to contacts. In the first class of the day, I was proven wrong about secret identities.

I walked up to my first-period teacher to ask a question.

Me: “[Teacher]? I have a question.”

Teacher: “Oh? Are you a new student? I wasn’t aware we were getting one.”