Time To Call The Actual Police

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2021

I once managed a Blockbuster Video. We had a customer that consistently came in and tried to get the staff to take a temp check. We had signs posted all over the register stating we don’t accept them. Sure enough, this genius tries again. I get called over so that I can explain to him AGAIN that we do not accept temp checks as he is well aware.

After eyeing me for a moment, he says:

Customer: “Maybe this will help.”

He then flashes his police badge.

Me: “Am I under arrest?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then that badge is of no help here.”

He did not get his way.

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Retail: The Final Frontier

, , , , , , , | Working | April 28, 2021

It’s late 2009 and a famous movie rental chain is on its way out, so the local branches are selling off their inventory before they close down for good. I missed seeing the first “Star Trek” reboot movie in theaters, so I decide to see if I can snag a discounted copy of the DVD to watch at home.

For those who don’t follow “Star Trek” closely, the first six movies made in the 1970s to 1990s all had numbers II to VI in their titles, besides the first movie, and they were based on the crew of the original series. The next four movies featured the crew from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and they dropped the movie numbers from the official titles — probably to avoid newer fans of “Star Trek” thinking they needed to watch six older movies to catch up before seeing “Star Trek Generations” in theaters.

Since the first of the reboot movies was just called, “Star Trek,” fans sometimes refer to it as “Star Trek XI” to identify what we are talking about.

The store is pretty cluttered as they have been working to get rid of as much stuff as possible.

Me: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Star Trek XI left?”

Employee #1: *Confused* “There were only six Star Trek movies ever made.”

Me: “No, there’ve been eleven. There’s a mural dedicated to the latest one right behind you!”

The employee slowly turns around to look at the entire wall of the store with the new NCC-1701 painted on it before slowly turning back to stare at me, confused.

Employee #2: “He’s talking about the new one that came out last summer.”

Employee #1: “Oh.”

The first employee went into a closet and retrieved the DVD I requested, which I then purchased.

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Rental Mental

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2021

During college, I work for a once-popular video rental store. There are coupons going around online for a free video rental. Usually, there is no problem with this, but one day, an older couple comes into our store to rent a movie.

Me: “Hello! I see you’ve found a movie. Do you have an account with us?”

Male Customer: “No, we don’t. We have a coupon for a free movie! We want to use it.”

He hands me the printed-out coupon.

Me: “Sure thing! We just need an account so you can rent that—”

Female Customer: “What? We aren’t renting it! We have a coupon for a free movie!

Me: *Confused* “But you are still renting it. You are taking a DVD that belongs to this store home. We need to make you an account if you don’t have one so that I can rent the movie to you.”

Male Customer:No! You don’t understand! We aren’t renting anything! We are taking this movie home, and no! I will not create an account with your stupid store!”

Me: “You have to return it, though. We need your phone number and name so we know who has the DVD.”

Male Customer: *Getting angry*No! This is a free movie coupon. Free! We will take it home and return it if we want to!”

Me: “No. That’s not how this works. You are still renting the DVD. We, the company, own that DVD. You are basically borrowing it for a period of time that the company sets, coupon or no. Now. I would gladly make you an account, but if you don’t want to make one, then I cannot let you take the movie with you. I’m sorry.”

Female Customer: “Well, I never!

They stormed out, giving me the stink eye the entire time.

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No ID, No Idea, Part 41

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

It is 1988. I work part-time in a video rental store. This is before most people own VCRs — Video Cassette Recorders, the prequel to the DVD player — and in addition to renting movies, we also have several VCRs for rent for an extra $3 per night.

We are ALWAYS swamped. There are signs on the outside of the store, on the front doors, on the counter, and a particularly large one hanging directly over the counter where I stand, saying, “Two forms of ID are required in order to rent a VCR.” Usually, a driver’s license and a credit card will do. It makes perfect sense because if we just hand them out without ID, then people could just take them home and never bring them back. I can’t tell you how many times I have this conversation.

Customer: “I need a VCR but I don’t have my ID with me.”

Me: “Well, how far do you live? I can probably hold it for a few minutes if you’d like to run home and get your ID.”

Customer: “Can’t you just let me have it tonight? I promise I’ll bring it right back in the morning.”

I have really gotten fed up with all the stupid questions when one night, a particularly stupid customer just cannot get it through his head that I can’t just “let him” take the VCR without providing any ID. He finally yells at me:

Customer: “Fine! You’ve just lost a customer!”

Me: “You know? I think we can live without your $3 dollars.”

I turned around and rented it to the next person in line, who DID have two forms of ID.

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 40
No ID, No Idea, Part 39
No ID, No Idea, Part 38
No ID, No Idea, Part 37
No ID, No Idea, Part 36

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It’s All Your Fault Their Business Is Six Feet Under

, , , , | Working | December 15, 2020

This story happens when DVD rental stores are still a thing. The store in question is a Mom-and-Pop rival to the big chains. I like it because their owners are nerds, like my husband and me, and they have a lot of TV series available that the chains don’t have.

I borrow part of season two of “Six Feet Under,” and then my problems start. Several weeks later:

Owner: “Hey, just so you know, you haven’t returned that Six Feet Under DVD yet.”

Me: “Really? I could have sworn that I did.”

Owner: “Well, it’s not showing up on the system, and I can’t find it on the shelves, either.”

Me: “Aw, man. I have no idea where it is.”

Owner: “Can you have a good look for it at home?”

Me: “Of course.”

I go home and ransack my house. No luck. The next time I visit the store:

Owner’s Wife: “You still have that Six Feet Under DVD, and it’s now really overdue.”

Me: “I’ve looked everywhere. Are you sure that it’s not on the shelf?”

Owner’s Wife: “I’m sure; I’ve checked a few times.”

Me: “Rats. Can I just pay for a new copy?”

Owner’s Wife: “That’s okay. Just keep looking.”

Time goes by, and we have our carpets replaced throughout the house. This means that we empty out every single room as much as we can, and all of our furniture gets moved around. I am certain that the errant DVD will be found, but nope.

Owner: “Uh, that Six Feet Under DVD…”

Me: “I know! I can’t find it, no matter what. Please, can’t I just pay for a new copy?”

Owner: “See, the thing is, they’re not sold by the DVD; they’re sold by the season. You’d have to buy the entire season, and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Me: “I really don’t mind.”

Owner: “Nah, it’s cool. Just keep looking.”

Months went by and then years. The owner and his wife would periodically remind me about the missing DVD, I’d offer to pay for an entire season, they’d kindly turn me down, and then the cycle would repeat the next time I visited their store. Sadly, they eventually went out of business. That DVD never showed up. I’m guessing it’s in the Bermuda Triangle.

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