You’re Also Charged A Lecture On Top Of The Fee

, , , , | Working | January 16, 2020

(This takes place in the mid-2000s. The movie rental place near me does not charge late fees, but keeping the movie for over a month will result in you buying it and having your account billed accordingly. As I’m cleaning out my dorm to move home for the summer, I find a movie from them I forgot to return. It’s a movie I like and it is my fault for forgetting, so I’m fine with being charged the full price, but I still go to the store to settle my account so I don’t have an outstanding balance while I’m gone for the summer.)

Me: “I’m not renting anything today; I just want to pay my account balance off.”

Cashier: “All right. It looks like you kept [Movie] too long and have been charged for buying it.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Cashier: “Our policy clearly states that even though we have no late fees, you’ll be charged the full price of the movie after keeping it for thirty days.”

Me: “I know; I’m here to pay that.”

Cashier: “We also call you when you’re past due to remind you before that happens.”

Me: “Yeah, I got the call and then forgot. I’m fine paying it. I don’t mind.”

Cashier: “There’s a drop-box for after hours. So even if you’re busy with class and work all day you can still drop it off. It only takes a moment, and we’re right by campus.”

Me: “I’m aware. I get that it was my fault, and I’m fine with it and here to pay off the balance.”

Cashier: “Look, I’m just trying to help you. Nobody wants to be charged full price for movies they only wanted to rent.” *finally finishes the transaction and gives me my card back*

Me: “I guess. Thanks.”

(I’m sure she’s used to people arguing with her about late fees, but sometimes people DO actually accept their mistakes gracefully.)

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Family-Friendly Versus Family-Making

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2020

(Way back when they’re still a thing, I work at a video rental store. We don’t have an adult film section at all and we are trained with a scripted response for anyone who asks. One particularly busy night, I am oh, so lucky to be the one to answer the phone and get this gem of an exchange:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

(I can hear several children screaming in the background.)

Caller: “Yeah, what’s your p*rn section like?”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Our…?”

Caller: “Your p*rn section! You know, the little room behind the curtain!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but [Store] is a family establishment and thus we do not have an adult section.”

Caller: *getting suddenly irate* “YEAH? WELL, FAMILIES NEED TO F***, TOO!”

(He hung up on me — more like slammed the phone down — and all I could do for a moment was stare at the handset in confusion before carefully putting it back on the cradle.)

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The Trilogy Was Completed With “Alluring Arms”  

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2019

(I work in a video rental store in 2001. A lady comes to counter with a friend.)

Customer: “Do you have A Beautiful Mind?”

Me: *attempting humour* “Oh, yes. And I have lovely legs, too.”

Customer: “Oh! Have they made a sequel?”

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In A Sliding Doors Universe, Gwyneth Was In “Friends”

, , | Right | December 27, 2019

(It is summer 2002, and I’m working at a video rental store.)

Customer: “Do you have that new movie with the girl from Friends?”

Me: “The girl from Friends? Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out in theatres soon, but we don’t have that on video yet.”

Coworker: “I don’t know that Courtney Cox has been in anything since Scream…”

Customer: “No, the blonde one. Her new movie.”

Me: “Well, she was in that movie with Christina Ricci a while back, but nothing recently.”

(We think for a few minutes; we don’t have Internet to look such things up.)

Me: “Do you mean Shallow Hal? With Gwyneth Paltrow?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! See, the blonde girl from Friends!”

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Turning Into A Horror Film

, , | Right | October 22, 2019

Customer: *recently rented two films* “I want a refund on this DVD.” *holds one up* “It didn’t work!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it appears the wrong disc was put in this box. The other one seems fine, though.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I couldn’t watch the second one because I was trying to get the first one to work!”

Me: “You were trying to get the wrong disc to play the box film?”

Customer:Yes! Now you’ve ruined my party I was holding because I was stuck trying to fix it! You need to pay me £50 in compensation now!”

Me: “Yeah, we won’t be doing that.”

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