(I am a 22-year-old female working in a movie rental shop in 2007. We have a large adult movie section with a separate entrance. The counter has a service bell.)

Service Bell: *ring*

Me: “Hi, what can we do for you today?”

Greasy Old Man #1: “I am looking for porn, with young, submissive women who look as if they are put under pressure to act in the movies.”

Me: “Um…”

Greasy Old Man #1: “What can you recommend?”

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t watched the movies. Go look for yourself.”

Greasy Old Man #1: *wanders off in the section to browse*

(Later, the service bell rings again.)

Me: “Hi, what can we do for you today?”

Greasy Old Man #2: *slightly embarrassed* “Yeah, umm, I am looking for adult movies. Can you show me where they are?”

Me: “Sure thing. Just right around the corner.”

Greasy Old Man #2: “Okay, thanks.”

(The customer comes back after a few minutes and we go through the whole renting process, scanning his card, scanning the movie, etc.)

Greasy Old Man #2: “So, where are your video cabins?”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Greasy Old Man #2: “I want to watch it now. Oh, wait; you are not a porn cinema?”

Me: “No.”

(I gave him directions to a specific area in the city, where he would find everything he wanted.)

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 15
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 14
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 13

(In the heyday of the video rental industry, I work at one of the largest national chains. As a big-time film geek, I can often figure out what title an individual is seeking with only the most basic of information.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a movie, and that guy over there—” *points to coworker* “—says I should talk to you.”

Me: “Okay, maybe I can help. Is it a new release or an older film?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Did it come out recently, say, in the last year or two, or is it older?”

Customer: “Why does that matter?”

Me: “Well, that will give me some insight as to where it is in the store.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know when it came out.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what it’s about?”

Customer: “Not really. It just looked good.”

Me: *trying a different tactic* “Do you know who’s in it?”

Customer: “It’s that girl. The one that’s in all those other movies.”

(I can feel my blood pressure rising.)

Me: “I’m afraid I’ll need a little more information than that. Do you know her name, or what other movies she’s been in?”

Customer: *shakes her head* “No. Your coworker said you could help me.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m trying, but you’re not giving me much to work with. Can you give me some idea as to what the movie is about?”

Customer: *groaning* “It’s about a girl who goes home.”

Me: *just taking a stab* “Is it Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael?”

Customer: *seemingly appalled* “No! I don’t even know what that is! Look. Are you going to help me or not? I’m looking for that movie. It’s about a girl who goes home!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that could be any number of movies on our shelves.”

Customer: *shouting* “No, it couldn’t! It’s about a girl who goes home, and it’s got that girl who’s been in those other movies! You’re no help!”

(And with that, she stormed off.)

(I am scanning in some returned movies when a mom and her young son approach with movies to rent. I pull up her account and notice there are about $7 worth of late fees.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there is a balance on your account. Would you like to take care of all of it today?”

(I think she will, considering she is wearing designer clothes.)

Mother: “What movies were they for?”

(I look them up and tell her that the kids’ movies were all about 13 days late, meaning about $3 for each movie was added as a late fee.)

Mother: “But those were free kids’ movies!”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s free to rent them, but it’s sort of like the library. If they’re late, there’s a charge.”

Mother: *yelling* “NO, THEY WERE FREE. TAKE THAT OFF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They were extremely late, so I cannot take the charges off.”

Mother: “Fine! We’re leaving and never coming back!”

Me: *as she’s leaving* “Okay, bye!”

(It is five or six years after the introduction of Blu-Rays. I get a phone call.)

Caller: “Your DVD doesn’t work!”

Me: *following an instinct, I assume she’s trying to play a Blu-Ray in a DVD player* “Ma’am, does the case of the disc have a Blu-Ray symbol on it?”

Caller: “What is Blu-Ray?”

Me: “Could you tell me if there is a large blue symbol at the very top of the case?”

Caller: “Yes… What’s this got to do with anything?”

Me: “Do you have a Blu-Ray player? Or just an ordinary DVD player?”

Caller: “We have DVD! This isn’t working. Will you replace it?”

(I take a deep breath and try to explain that we don’t do replacements for customer mistakes. Eventually, with a line forming, I tell her if she brings it in today, I’ll do a swap just this once. A few hours later, she comes in.)

Caller: “This one doesn’t work.” *hands me the Blu-Ray* “And we didn’t get a chance to watch this one; we want a replacement.” *hands me a DVD*

(Since I was already bending a rule for her for the Blu-Ray, I was not about to bend another for the DVD. It took me 20 minutes to explain that, too.)

Related:

Talking Until They’re Blu In The Face

(An older customer enters the shop. He’s from somewhere in the Balkans and doesn’t speak German very well. Usually he just walks past our counter to enter the 18+ section, for which we have to ID people. This time, however, he stops in front of the counter and pulls a sheet of paper out of his jacket. It’s a letter from the town council that says he has been approved to employ somebody to help him in his home. He points towards the part where he’s circled the salary.)

Customer: “Look, here.”

Me: *glancing at the letter* “Umm, what about it?” *wondering if he needs something explained*

Customer: *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

Customer: “Would you do that?”

Me: “Are you asking me if I would work for you?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: *taken aback* “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have a full-time job here that I really like, and I’m not looking for anything else. Besides, I’m not even qualified. I think you have to go to the job-center or one of the social services agencies.”

Customer: “But you did… social?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. Ever.”

(I have a former coworker who was in training as a child-care worker, with whom he has probably confused me, but I’m not in the mood to point that out.)

Customer: “But you could still…”

Me: “No. I’m neither qualified nor interested. I can’t help you with that.”

Customer: *looks crestfallen and shuffles towards the 18+ section*

(I don’t know what’s worse: That he just asked a random person without proper qualification to work for him and take care of him, or that he actually expected me to knowingly work for a horny old man who reeks of baby powder and watches porn regularly.)