No Such Thing As A Free Movie

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(I am scanning in some returned movies when a mom and her young son approach with movies to rent. I pull up her account and notice there are about $7 worth of late fees.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there is a balance on your account. Would you like to take care of all of it today?”

(I think she will, considering she is wearing designer clothes.)

Mother: “What movies were they for?”

(I look them up and tell her that the kids’ movies were all about 13 days late, meaning about $3 for each movie was added as a late fee.)

Mother: “But those were free kids’ movies!”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s free to rent them, but it’s sort of like the library. If they’re late, there’s a charge.”

Mother: *yelling* “NO, THEY WERE FREE. TAKE THAT OFF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They were extremely late, so I cannot take the charges off.”

Mother: “Fine! We’re leaving and never coming back!”

Me: *as she’s leaving* “Okay, bye!”

Talking Until They’re Blu In The Face, Part 2

, , , | Right | January 22, 2018

(It is five or six years after the introduction of Blu-Rays. I get a phone call.)

Caller: “Your DVD doesn’t work!”

Me: *following an instinct, I assume she’s trying to play a Blu-Ray in a DVD player* “Ma’am, does the case of the disc have a Blu-Ray symbol on it?”

Caller: “What is Blu-Ray?”

Me: “Could you tell me if there is a large blue symbol at the very top of the case?”

Caller: “Yes… What’s this got to do with anything?”

Me: “Do you have a Blu-Ray player? Or just an ordinary DVD player?”

Caller: “We have DVD! This isn’t working. Will you replace it?”

(I take a deep breath and try to explain that we don’t do replacements for customer mistakes. Eventually, with a line forming, I tell her if she brings it in today, I’ll do a swap just this once. A few hours later, she comes in.)

Caller: “This one doesn’t work.” *hands me the Blu-Ray* “And we didn’t get a chance to watch this one; we want a replacement.” *hands me a DVD*

(Since I was already bending a rule for her for the Blu-Ray, I was not about to bend another for the DVD. It took me 20 minutes to explain that, too.)


Talking Until They’re Blu In The Face

Looking For Someone To Help, 18+

, , , , | Right | November 27, 2017

(An older customer enters the shop. He’s from somewhere in the Balkans and doesn’t speak German very well. Usually he just walks past our counter to enter the 18+ section, for which we have to ID people. This time, however, he stops in front of the counter and pulls a sheet of paper out of his jacket. It’s a letter from the town council that says he has been approved to employ somebody to help him in his home. He points towards the part where he’s circled the salary.)

Customer: “Look, here.”

Me: *glancing at the letter* “Umm, what about it?” *wondering if he needs something explained*

Customer: *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

Customer: “Would you do that?”

Me: “Are you asking me if I would work for you?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: *taken aback* “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have a full-time job here that I really like, and I’m not looking for anything else. Besides, I’m not even qualified. I think you have to go to the job-center or one of the social services agencies.”

Customer: “But you did… social?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. Ever.”

(I have a former coworker who was in training as a child-care worker, with whom he has probably confused me, but I’m not in the mood to point that out.)

Customer: “But you could still…”

Me: “No. I’m neither qualified nor interested. I can’t help you with that.”

Customer: *looks crestfallen and shuffles towards the 18+ section*

(I don’t know what’s worse: That he just asked a random person without proper qualification to work for him and take care of him, or that he actually expected me to knowingly work for a horny old man who reeks of baby powder and watches porn regularly.)

No Wonder The Video Rental Business Is Dying

, , , , , | Working | September 28, 2017

(I get a job in a video store. It is run by a married couple. The husband seems okay, but is very much dominated by his wife, who has a very bullying way about her. Fortunately I work an evening shift, so she isn’t often around. One by one, my coworkers resign abruptly, to be replaced by new people; the turnover is staggering. I run into one such coworker in a cafe shortly after she quits.)

Me: “I was sorry to hear you’d quit; what happened?”

Ex-Coworker: “[Boss], she’s such a horrible b****! She told me to wash all the shelves, so I did, then she made me do them again, then a third time, even though they were spotless. She wouldn’t let me sit down at all, even when there were no customers. She dragged me out of the break room when I’d only had three minutes; the kettle hadn’t even boiled! And she’s so aggressive; always right up in my face, and yelling. I kept thinking she was going to hit me!”

Me: “That’s terrible! She shouldn’t be allowed to get away with treating people like that!”

Ex-Coworker: “Especially after the court case!”

Me: “What court case?”

Ex-Coworker: “One of the other guys told me that she was once taken to court because she assaulted an employee. Actually punched the employee in the face!”

(Obviously, I’m shocked, and glad to be working a shift that she rarely attends. However, a couple of nights later my luck runs out; there she is.)

Boss: “There you are! I don’t pay you good f****** money to just stroll in here whenever you feel like it! Get to work!”

Me: “My shift starts at 6:00 pm. It’s 5:45. I’m early.”

Boss: “Smart little b****, aren’t you? Don’t you f****** talk back to me. Go and clean the shelves!”

(I head to the back room to collect a bucket, cleaning soap, and sponge.)

Boss: “Where the f*** do you think you’re going? I told you to clean the shelves! Don’t ignore me when I tell you what to do!”

(I’m vividly recalling my ex-colleague’s tale of woe. I’m determined not to let her bully me.)

Me: “I’m going to get some cleaning stuff! What do you want me to do, lick the shelves clean?”

(Then, [Boss] gets right up in my face, but I don’t back down. I’ve decided at this point that this job’s not worth it.)

Boss: “How dare you speak to me like that, you f****** b****? Who do you think you are, trying to give me trouble, when I’ve given you a job? You ungrateful little cow! In 12 years of running this store, I have NEVER had a problem with any of my employees!”

(This is too much. I burst into laughter.)

Me: “Seriously? You don’t think punching an employee in the face, then being arrested and taken to court is a problem? Yeah, that’s right; I heard all about it. I can also tell you’re about two seconds away from punching me in the face or firing me, so I’ll save you the trouble: I quit!”

(I storm away from her and grab my bag. She’s puce with rage, her fists are snapping open and closed, and all the veins in her neck are standing out, but I’m now out of reach.)

Boss: “You have to give notice! You have to give written notice! You can’t just walk out!”

Me: “Gladly!”

(I write “F**K OFF” on a Post-it, stick it to the computer monitor, and flounce past her. As I do, I notice a customer standing off to the side; in all the drama, I hadn’t spotted her before.)

Customer: “Good on you, lass! I heard how she was picking on you, and I’ve seen her bully her other staff like that as well. Well, madam, I’m here to return this video, and I’ll be renting from another store in the future!”

Genres Are For Weaklings

, , | | Right | June 15, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! Have you ever met anyone that got their movies crossed up? Let us know in the comments!


Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”

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