These Customers Like To Linger(ie)

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I am working the registers at my store and the phone happens to ring when there are no customers waiting to be rung out. It is a male customer on the phone that sounds as though he must be at least thirty.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Lingerie store, Location]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hi, I was wondering what sort of stuff you carry?”

Me: “Well, we carry a range of items from cotton sleepwear, to lingerie, to bras and panties.”

Customer: “Do you carry anything for younger girls?”

Me: “Uh, well our main line is geared towards women in their twenties and older, but we do have the PINK line that some of the younger girls tend to like.”

Customer: “See, I was looking for some lingerie type thing. Could you tell me what you have?”

Me: “Well, sir, unfortunately, I can’t describe all of our options to you over the phone, but you are more than welcome to come in and take a look and one of the associates will be happy to help you.”

Customer: “All right, what’s your name?”

I’m more than a little bit creeped out so I give him a fake name. He decides he wants to come in to look, but he wants my help. When he hangs up, I get on the headset.

Me: “If anyone comes in asking for [Fake Name], they’re looking for me, but please let me know so I can go hide in the back. Thanks!”

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Dirt Made My Lunch

, , , , , | Related | July 27, 2020

My son’s girlfriend, who lives with us, has a bunch of pet hermit crabs who also live with us. She recently bought a new tank for them, but the pet store didn’t have the sterilized dirt and sand she needed for the bottom.

My son does some research and finds that raising the sand/dirt to such-and-such a temperature for some amount of time will kill all the bad microbes. He proceeds to fill two pans — one with dirt and one with sand — and bake them in the oven. The smell that results is… interesting, to say the least.

My husband comes home and enters the kitchen.

Husband: “What’s cooking?” *Opens the oven* “Is that dirt?”

Me: “Yep.”

Husband: “Why are you baking dirt?”

Me: “This is what happens when you ask [Son] to cook dinner.”

I let him give me puzzled looks for a good thirty seconds before I explained.

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“Easy Assembly”… Riiiiight… 

, , , , , | Related | July 12, 2020

After years of offering to upgrade the furniture in my son’s room, he and his girlfriend finally decide to go to a popular Swedish build-your-own furniture store with my blessing to pick out a new piece of furniture to replace the ancient, decaying futon couch that he and his girlfriend sleep on.

This is the first piece of furniture that he has ever picked out completely on his own. I help them clear out the old futon and leave them to put the new one together.

Me: “Do you guys need anything else?”

My son speaks with an abundance of confidence.

Son: “No, we got it. This should go quickly!”

Two hours later, my son sticks his head into my office where I am holding office hours with my engineering design students.

Son: “Can you please ask them to design self-assembling furniture?”

It took them about four hours to put that thing together in a fairly warm room, and in the process, my son developed a new appreciation for all the furniture my husband and I assembled over the years. Pretty sure they slept well that night!

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Unfiltered Story #199873

, , , | Unfiltered | July 3, 2020

I work at an indoor public market, and I’m usually the only one at my stall. Often, I stand out front and smile at passers-by, but this particular day it was near the end of my shift so I was a bit lost in thought when an older man approached me (I’m a woman in my early twenties).
Man: Smile.
Me: …pardon?
Man: You should smile. You look too serious.
Me: I’m just minding my stall, sir.
Man: Yes, but you should smile!
Me: *stunned silence*
Man: Look, I didn’t mean it in a harsh way! I just think you should smile!
Me: Um…excuse me; I have to go check on something.
I ducked into the back and thankfully he hasn’t come back since.

He Tried To Give Her The Moon

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

My husband and I, along with our three-year-old son and baby daughter, have just attended a wake, so we’re quite dressed up. On the way home, we go to a nice restaurant for dinner, and on the way in, we stop to admire the bright full moon.

Waitress: *To my son* “My, don’t you look so handsome tonight!”

Son: “Thank you. Would you like to go outside and look at the moon with me?”

We got SUPERB service that night, and after we paid our check, our waitress did, indeed, go outside to look at the moon with our son.

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