Kicking Up A Desert Storm

, , , , | | Right | May 22, 2018

(A customer comes in. He is a short, stocky man, and very loud, but for the most part personable… until checkout comes up.)

Customer: “So, do you guys have a military discount?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we do not have one.”

Customer: “Well, there should be one! I fought in Desert Storm. I deserve a discount for this!”

Me: “I really am sorry. The only discount we have is…”

(I explain the terms of our discount. The guy rifles through his wallet, and it turns out he has a discount card for our store.)

Me: “All right, that is 10% off!”

(He pays, complaining the whole time, but after I help him bag up his purchase…)

Customer: “So, if you’re not doing anything after work, I have a party I am going to…”

About To Start A Star Trek War, Part 5

, , , , , , | Working | April 27, 2018

(My husband and one of his coworkers have to go to DC for a special training course. During their downtime, they go to the Smithsonian. As they’re leaving, my husband stops by the gift shop to pick up a souvenir for me. He finds a pizza cutter that looks like the USS Enterprise and decides to buy it.)

Husband: “[Coworker], look!” *holds up pizza cutter* “Isn’t this cool? My wife is going to love this.”

Coworker: *confused* “But I thought you guys liked Star Wars?”

Husband: “Though she prefers Star Trek and I prefer Star Wars, we like both.”

Coworker: *shocked* “That’s heresy! You’re not supposed to like BOTH!”

(He said she persisted with, “You can’t like both! You’re not supposed to like both!” until they got back to the hotel and went to their rooms. When he relayed the story to me, we both had a good laugh about it. I’ll never understand people who don’t believe that you can like both franchises.)

Related:
About To Start A Star Trek War, Part 4
About To Start A Star Trek War, Part 3
About To Start A Star Trek War, Part 2

You Can’t Squeeze Two Years Into One

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2018

(I work in a high-end gift shop near a popular tourist destination. A woman walks up to me holding two calendars and a £20 note.)

Customer: “What kind of discount do I get for buying more than one of something?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any multi-buy discounts.”

Customer: “Hmph. Well, these calendars are £10.99. I have £20.”

(She looks at me expectantly.)

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “How many can I buy?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you’re asking me. You may buy as many calendars as you like. But two calendars would cost £21.98. If you only have £20, you can only buy one calendar.”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: “So, let’s ring that up for you!”

(I lead the customer over to the tills, where she handed me both calendars and the £20 note. She looked quite disgruntled that I placed one calendar behind the counter and scanned the other, but she said nothing. When I handed her change to her, she pulled out a wallet positively stuffed with money. So much for not having the extra £1.98!)

Not Quite The Postcard Perfect Customer

, , , , | Right | January 24, 2018

(I have just commented to my coworker how nice the customers have been today when two very old women approach me.)

Woman #1: *in a very stern voice, as if scolding a child* “You! Why isn’t everything in this store marked with a price? It’s absurd! Am I supposed to ask you what each and every single item costs?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, ma’am. We do try to mark every item. If we can’t attach a sticker or a tag, then we will have a sign. But you can, of course, ask me if you can’t find the price.”

Woman #2: *waves postcard in my face* “How much is this?”

Me: “All postcards are £0.65, unless they are special edition cards, which are more.”

Woman #2: “No! They are not 65 pence! Look at this!” *shoves sign at me that reads “(Special) Postcards: £2.25″*

Me: *screaming internally* “Yes, like I said, special cards cost more, and it is marked on the sign.”

Woman #1: “But the other cards aren’t marked!”

Me: *gesturing* “As you can see, there are six signs, one above each rack, which indicate that all normal postcards are 65 pence. Can I help you with anything else?”

Woman #1: “Yes! These notebooks aren’t marked! Why is nothing marked?!”

Me: “The price tag is on the inside.” *opens notebook and shows her*

Woman #1: “Why would you do that? Now you touched it and made it dirty! The price should be on the outside!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is a leather book. Putting a sticker on the leather could damage it.”

Woman #1: “Humph! Well, the book is too heavy! I don’t want it, anyway!” *storms away*

(Over the next half hour they both keep bringing items up to me, asking the prices, even though they are clearly written on the attached price tags, and then screeching, “But how do you knooow?! Nothing is marked!” Eventually they buy a few postcards, argue with me over paying for gift bags, and finally leave. But 15 minutes later…)

Woman #1: *storms back into shop* “I bought these, and they’ve too heavy!” *slams ten postcards on the counter*

Me: “I’m not sure what you’d like me to do ma’am. I cannot change the weight of the cards. Would you like to return them? I can give you a refund.”

Woman #1: “Yes, you’d better! I have asthma, you know! I can’t carry these! They’re too heavy! But I’m keeping this bag!”

(After she finally leaves.)

Coworker: “So… What were you saying about everyone being nice today?”

Elementally Flawed

, , , | Right | December 27, 2017

Me: *answering a phone call* “Hello, you’ve reached [Gift Shop]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi, do you sell t-shirts?”

Me: “Yes, we do; our t-shirts are $24.99.”

Caller: “Do you have any periodic table t-shirts?”

Me: “No. Unfortunately, we don’t have any periodic table ones.”

(I list our available designs for the caller.)

Caller: “So, do you have any periodic table shirts?”

Me: “No, only the designs I mentioned. Sorry.”

Caller: “And how much are they?”

Me: “$24.99.”

Caller: “And you have a periodic table one?”

Me: “No, we do not, I’m afraid.”

Caller: “Okay, so what sizes do you have?”

Me: “At the moment we have sizes 10, 12, and 14.”

Caller: “Do you have any that would fit me?”

Me: *pause* “No.”

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