Their Brains Were Half-Off

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I decide to close my storefront and concentrate on other things. I put a big sign in the window that reads, “Grand Closing Sale!” Suddenly, I am getting lots of walk-in traffic, 90% idiots.)

Idiot #1: “So, everything’s half off?”

Me: “No, I’ve marked a lot of things down, but I can’t reduce the prices on the original artwork.”

Idiot #1: *pointing at original painting* “So, I can get this for half off?”

Me: “No. That’s not even marked down.”

Idiot #1: “Your sign says everything’s half off.”

Me: “No. It doesn’t.”

Idiot #1: “It does so; I just saw it.”

Me: *patient voice* “Step back out and read it again.”

Idiot #1: *rereads the sign* “Huh. I thought it did. So, how much will you sell me that for?”

Me: “$1,500.”

Idiot #1: “Why is that print so expensive?”

Me: “Because it’s not a print; it’s the original.”

Idiot #1: *tilts head thoughtfully, as though appraising the painting* “So… how much is it without the frame?”

Me: *having expected this* “$1,600. There’s a hundred dollar un-framing fee.”

Idiot #1: “Oh.” *wanders around for a while, then leaves*

(Later:)

Idiot #2: “Fifty percent off everything, eh?”

Me: “No. Just good prices on the prints and gifts.”

Idiot #2: “Not fifty percent off, like your sign says?”

(Later:)

Idiot #3: *looks around for a while and picks out some items* “I just love a half-off sale!”

Me: “Not everything’s half off.”

Idiot #3: “But your sign said…”

(And on, and on… for the entire month I was closing things out.)

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Patience For Park Plushes Pays Off

, , , , , | Related | February 13, 2020

(When my son is eight, our family goes to a certain theme park with a mouse mascot. We have long had the rule that when we’re at amusement parks, one souvenir may be picked and it must wait to be picked up at the end of the day; for this trip, the former is amended to “one souvenir per park segment.” One day, my son picks out a hand-sized plush of a certain alien character and while he’s clearly eager to take it home, he patiently waits while enjoying all the rides and attractions we go on. After picking up his older sister’s souvenir, we head for the exit near the cart where he spots the plush and walks up to the staff member manning it. Unfortunately, it quickly becomes clear that there aren’t any of the small plushes out anymore, but we ask the staff member anyway.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you have any of the small [Character] plushes left?”

Staff Member: “Sorry; they’re all gone.”

(My son looks absolutely heartbroken but doesn’t complain. We start to leave, but then I stop us and turn to my husband.)

Me: “We’re getting him the next size up.”

(We did, indeed, get him the next size up of the plush, and he still has it to this day.)

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These Sales Are Inconceivable!

, , , | Right | February 3, 2020

(Normally in November, the city has a widespread sale day to appreciate the citizens. What most don’t know is that not everyone participates because of a payment fee required to be promoted or part of the program. Regardless of this, our store decides to have a small sale, despite the one we are already going to have later in the month, which unfortunately is happening right after Black Friday. As a result, we have to take extra care in plastering signs all over our windows about all sale items being final, due to the fact the entire store is on sale. Lo and behold, however, that doesn’t stop people from trying to return things. Such is the case with this customer. I am leaving our back room when I notice one of the new staff members having some trouble with a customer. We have seen her shop here many times before so I come over to help her out, wondering what is going on.)

Me: “What’s happening?”

Coworker: “She’s trying to return something, but it was on sale. [Manager] said she could try and exchange it, though.”

Customer: “But you don’t have the size I need. Besides, it wasn’t one of your marked sale items; why can’t I return it?”

(I take a look at the receipt, as we do have a discount for seniors, but this would be the only exception. However, the discount is far larger than what our senior’s discount would be, and checking the date over, it was bought on the city-wide sale day.)

Me: “Well, unfortunately, due to policy, it is a sale item, so you can’t return it. However, you’ve been allowed to exchange it for anything else if you’d like, as said by the person with all the authority here!”

Customer: “It wasn’t a marked sale item, though! No one said anything when I bought it that I couldn’t return it. There wasn’t anything.”

Me: “It says right here on the bottom of the receipt, ‘No returns on sale items.’ Again, though, we’ve been given permission to exchange it!”

(The customer leaves to go find something to exchange with, grumbling. After a few moments, she comes back.)

Customer: “I didn’t find anything and I’m not wasting my time. I don’t agree with this policy; it’s ambiguous. It wasn’t marked as a sale item.”

Me: “A store-wide sale makes all the items on sale.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ambiguous. There wasn’t anything that informed me of that.”

(I know that’s a lie, as all our sale signs say, “All sales final,” and are plastered all over the inside AND outside of the store with the important details during that day. However, I cannot protest as she walks to complain to my manager instead.)

Customer: “Your policy is ambiguous and should be changed. There was nothing that told me about final sales.”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, we had ten signs in the windows, a notice on our sign outside, and a sign right here–” *gestures to the shelf that is literally two inches away from her where we tape notices* “–and it’s on the bottom of the receipt. I’m sorry. I’ve offered you an exchange and store credit, but that is all I can do.”

Customer: “Well… well, it’s still ambiguous.”

(After she left, my coworker had to ask me what “ambiguous” actually meant. After explaining it to her, we didn’t agree with her. We told this story to our sales advertiser when they came by to visit, and they just laughed.)

Ad Rep: “You should have brought out the quote, ‘That word — I do not think it means what you think it means!’”

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She Was Eating A Whole Different Kind Of Lunch  

, , , , , | Working | November 15, 2019

(It’s my very first day working for a small gift shop in my tiny town, and I am manning the register. My store owner, the only other person on shift, lets me know she will be gone for a ten-minute lunch break. She says if I need her, I can call her.)

Me: “Sure, I got this!”

(Ten minutes turns into an hour. Then two. Before I know it, three hours have passed, but I am doing well. I’m not making any mistakes, and I figure she got held up with her kids or something. A customer purchases an item for $10.99 and pays by card. As I tap in the amount onto the machine, I realise in horror that I have just charged this poor woman $109.99 and need to do a refund. I am upset and explain to the customer that I will need to call the store owner to do it, as it is my very first day. She is good-natured and understanding. I call my boss on her mobile. No answer. I call again. No answer. I try yet again. This time she picks up, and she sounds very irritated.)

Store Owner: “What!?”

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name]. I’ve just made a mistake and need to make a refund on a credit card, but I need you to show me how and to approve it.”

Store Owner: “Just get it out of the till. I’ll fix it later.”

Me: “Um, it’s over $100; I don’t have that much in the till.”

Store Owner: “F***, all right. Give me five minutes.”

(My boss hangs up, and I explain to the customer the wait. She is cool, as she understands I have no real power. Cool lady. Fifteen minutes pass, no sign of the boss. I try to call, and her phone is off. I am starting to freak out and cry. The customer is still cool and talks calmly to me. It turns out she knows my mum; this is a small town. She owns the new bakery and has gotten to know everyone. She starts joking around, and I finally begin relaxing with her. Nearly an hour later, my boss rocks up stinking of… intimate times with someone. Even in my innocence, I can see she was a mess. Her shirt’s on backward, makeup smudged, hair mussed. My boss rolls her eyes at the customer.)

Store Owner: “Can’t get good workers these days. Sorry about the idiot.”

(I feel like I’ve been slapped. The customer glares at my stinky boss, and then looks at me.)

Customer: “You can start work in my shop at 9:00 am. Want a ride home?”

(I left with her, and I worked at her shop until I graduated and moved away.)

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Unfiltered Story #167609

, , | Unfiltered | September 21, 2019

Conversations in retail.

Customer: Can you tell me the price of this stuffed penguin?
Me: Oh, the price sticker is just on the tag on the side of him there.
Customer: *stares blankly, remains motionless*
Me: *walk around, look where I told her to look* Thirty dollars.
Customer: Do you have a card for him?
Me: A what?
Customer: A card?
Me: A… what?
Customer: A business card for him?
Me: A business card for the penguin?
Customer: Yes.
Me: … A… a business card. For the penguin. … Like… does the penguin… have a business card?
Customer: …Yes
Me: …
Customer: So I can order him later if I want him?