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The Top Predator Here Is The Grandma With The Wallet

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2023

I work at a gift shop at a museum. A little boy with his grandma is deliberating between a toy lizard and a toy dragon.

Grandma: “Pick which one you want; you can only have one today.”

Boy: “But I want both!”

Grandma: “I know you do, sweetie. We can get another one next time. But just one for today, okay?”

Coworker: “They’re both really cool. But you have to make sure you pick one you really, really love. So, take a look at them and figure out which one you love the most.”

Grandma: “Which one do you love more? I think it might be the dragon.”

Boy: “I think it might be the dragon… and the lizard!”

Grandma: “No, just one.”

Boy: “I WANT TWO TOP PREDATORS!”

In the end, neither the boy nor his grandma would relent, so he ended up with zero top predators.

Making Honey-Suckers Out Of People

, , , , , , | Working | January 20, 2023

My wife and I are visiting a public garden not too far from where we live. My parents are with us. On the day we visit, there’s a family event happening with a range of activities, one of which includes a tea-tasting in the gift shop, which is next to the restaurant.

We head to the restaurant for lunch, and then afterward, my wife and my mum want to have a look around the gift shop, so they walk in while my dad and I loiter at the entrance to wait for them.

The lady running the tea-tasting asks if they want to taste any of her teas, which they don’t, although my wife is interested to know what teas this woman has. She starts showing them to my wife, explaining the ingredients, and so on.

Woman: “This one’s got [ingredients] in it; that’s good if you want to relax. This other one is good for concentration because it has [other ingredient].”

She sees my wife looking at a brightly-coloured tea box.

Woman: “Ah! Now that’s got honeysuckle in it. That wee one will cure cancer.”

She’s about to talk about another tea when my dad speaks up. He’s a retired doctor and rightly gets angry when he hears people giving questionable medical advice. He walks over to the woman’s kiosk.

Dad: “Excuse me? You can’t say that!”

Woman: “Pardon?”

Dad: “You can’t claim that honeysuckle tea cures cancer! I’m a retired doctor and I can tell you that, without evidence from an extensive clinical trial process, it’s illegal to claim that tea will cure cancer!”

Woman: *Blushing* “Oh! Okay. I’ll just put this away, then…”

She grabbed the box of honeysuckle tea and stowed it away in a drawer underneath her kiosk. My wife and mum turned and walked out of the gift shop, and we all headed off for a walk, with my dad telling us about how dangerous it is for people to make statements like that.

I’m not medically trained but I do have to agree with him. I wonder how many other people she’d said this to. She was probably caught off guard to meet someone who actually knew what they were talking about.

The Seasoned Old Newbie

, , , , , | Working | January 4, 2023

In my college years, I worked in a souvenir shop in a large theme park. I had seven seasons under my belt when I took a gap year to live and work in the USA. The summer after, I returned to my old job.

Every new employee got a basic course in hospitality in their first few months, and I had already had mine. To my surprise, I got a call to do my hospitality course. Apparently, my gap year made me a new employee. I considered not going, but it was paid and I had nothing better to do, so I went.

The guy teaching the course made us all briefly introduce ourselves — name, location in the park you worked, and age. Everyone was a newbie. Then, he came to me.

Me: “I am [My Name], I am twenty-four, and this is my eighth season.”

Trainer: “Why are you even here?”

Me: “Don’t know, but yeah.”

The trainer takes a breath and smiles lightly.

Trainer: “Do you mind if I use your experience?”

Me: “Not at all.”

I then spent the next hour or two both playing the employee dealing with Entitled Jerks and playing the worst of Entitled Jerks. I had a blast, and those real newbies got a proper taste of what they could expect.

Customers Can Not Be Remodelled To Read

, , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2023

I work for a newspaper that has a copy center and gift shop attached. We are not yet ready to open the copy shop door, so people usually only use the main one.

The air conditioning recently broke and flooded our floors so, this week, the new floors are being laid, the baseboards are being painted and put in, etc. Naturally, we have a sign up in front of the main door that says, “Use Copy Door To Left,” complete with a bright red arrow.

Reactions to this sign mostly involve people completely ignoring it, but these are the most memorable reactions.

Old Man: “I saw the sign. I just didn’t know what it meant.”

Later, while one of the workers is on a ladder painting door trim, the door swings open and smacks him.

Old Woman: “Why are you in front of the door? It’s a work day!”

Sigh. I’ll be so glad when the remodel is done.

We Really Hoped We Were Past The “Magnets; How Do They Work?” Meme

, , , | Right | December 27, 2022

I work in a gift shop. A woman buys a cute little magnet for forty-nine cents. She leaves and comes back almost immediately.

Customer: “This doesn’t work!”

I stick it to the display tin and it “works” just fine.

Me: “Where did you try to put it?”

Customer: “My dashboard.”

Me: “Your dashboard must not be metal.”

She can’t wrap her head around that possibility.

Customer: “I want a refund! This magnet is clearly defective!”

I processed her refund as I stuck the magnet back to the display.