We’re visiting a theme park that features two new rides, one of which consistently has a queue time of at least three hours all day. Since we’re in Orlando for three weeks, we figure we’ll just try again another day.

Fast forward two weeks and our efforts so far have been in vain. The queue just refuses to ever dip down below the three-hour mark no matter what we do. We’ve pretty much resigned ourselves to either not going on it at all or just sucking it up and losing the three hours.

On our penultimate visit to the park, we are at the complete opposite end of the park when a bout of tremendously heavy rain starts and, not being the sort of people to get upset about being wet, we decide we may as well quick-march over and see if people got rained out of the queue.

Nearing our destination, we see a family of five huddled under a tree frantically extracting ponchos from a backpack. This family looks at the pair of us marching through this downpour like we’ve grown extra heads. We just shrug and say, “British.”

The family laughs and nods in understanding and we carry on our way. We find a forty-minute queue which we happily jump in. We’re completely dried out by the time we’re halfway through it. Success!

My senior class trip is to a well-known amusement park that features a log-flume-style ride. I’m in the line when I overhear a woman in a group ahead of me speaking with a staff member. We’re almost at the front of the line, way too late to be asking these questions.

Woman: “Will we get wet on the ride?”

Staff Member: “Yes, absolutely!”

The woman pauses for a moment, clearly in thought.

Woman: “How wet?”

The staff member obviously has one of those moments where the internal filter fails.

Staff Member: “Have you ever taken a bath?”

I work in an enchanted tiki room at a theme park. This attraction has a waiting area that is rather constricted; the fire marshal has placed a restriction on the area telling us not to admit strollers. The issue is that we have companion restrooms in this waiting area and many families attempt to use them with their strollers. Many are understanding; others are not.

A guest attempts to push her stroller in.

Me: *In my friendliest tone* “Hi there! Strollers will have to be parked outside before coming in, please!”

Guest: “I’m just taking my kid to the restroom.”

Me: “That is fine. We just have a fire marshal regulation for the waiting area that says strollers have to be parked outside.”

Guest: *Now becoming irate* “But I am not going in to see the show. I am just using the restroom.”

Me: “And you are more than welcome to use the restroom. But the stroller needs to be parked outside because of the fire marshal regulation.”

Guest: “I understand what you are saying, but they let me in last time!”

If you understand what I am saying, why are you continuing to argue the point?

Me: “I don’t know what happened last time, but we still have a fire marshal regulation.”

We stare at each other intensely. The guest then smiles wide and replies with the biggest sarcastic tone:

Guest: “Have a happy, magical day, [My Name]!”

She turned and, as she walked away, she lifted her arm up and flipped me off.

I used to work as an operator in a theme park. Each ride had a “you must be this tall to ride” sign at the start of the queue and every operator had another measure near the entrance. Naturally, people ignored it and tried to get their kids on the rides anyway. I always made sure to check all the kids that were close to the height requirements.

One day, I was working with the chair swing roundabout when I saw a family standing in the line. The mother was carrying her son in her arms. The boy was clearly too small, but I still asked her to let him stand so I could check his height. He was at least ten centimeters (almost four inches) too small. I told the boy and his mother that, sadly, he was too small for the ride. The mother protested a bit, but she left with her son without making too much of a fuss, while the rest of the family boarded the ride.

I made my round to check if everybody was secured — everyone was — and started the ride. 

Once the ride was done, I heard crying and I saw the small boy getting lifted out of the ride by his father! Apparently, the mother had handed the boy to the father while my view was blocked during my round.

I was seething, but because it was busy, I sadly never got the chance to chew them out for disregarding almost all safety protocols just so their little boy could not enjoy himself and cry.

I work in a members-only lounge at a popular theme park. We provide an air-conditioned space with charging stations, as well as free soda and coffee machines. There is also a [Coffee Shop] located just across the plaza in the park. This happens on the day [Coffee Shop] releases its Unicorn [Drink].

A customer approaches me at the check-in for the lounge.

Customer: “I’m here for my free Unicorn [Drink].”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I heard you give free Unicorn [Drink]s to members. I want one.”

Me: “Do you mean the new [Coffee Shop] drink?”

Customer: “Yes. Someone in line had a coffee and said that they got it here for free. So I want a Unicorn [Drink].”

I realize what must have happened.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, they must have meant our complimentary coffee. We do have a Keurig machine in the lounge that is for member use, but it’s just decaf or regular. We aren’t affiliated with [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “What do you mean? [Theme Park] owns [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I walked past one right outside!”

Me: “We have a partnership wherein we sell their coffee in their stores on property. But even if we did own them, the Unicorn [Drink] is a seven-dollar specialty drink. There is no way we could afford to give away thousands of those for free every day. You’re welcome to come up for a complimentary coffee, or if you really want the Unicorn [Drink], [Coffee Shop] is—”

The customer turns to go:

Customer: “I know where it is! The guest service here has taken a nosedive! [Founder of Theme Park] is turning over in his grave!”

Me: “Have a magical day!”