That Information Was Not Downloaded

, , , | Right | June 27, 2020

I work for a photography company that sells souvenir photos at a small amusement park. We offer a digital download option.

Guest: “I don’t understand this digital download thing I bought yesterday.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. They should have explained it at the time of purchase.”

Guest: “They kept saying I could print as many as I want. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to do that.”

Me: “Well, if you still have your receipt, you’ll find our website and your ID code at the bottom. You just go to the website, type in your code, and download it to your computer from there.”

Guest: “Oh, it’s a download?”

Me: “Yes, sir. The digital download is a download.”

Guest: “Oh, they didn’t tell me.”

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There Are Idiots Wherever You Rome

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2020

I am from England, and a friend and I have travelled to Florida for the first time. We’ve been to several theme parks at this point, I think about five days into our holiday. We are at a theme park with various countries set around a lake.

We’re in the queue to meet one of my all-time favourite characters, this one based in the “Germany” pavilion. We’re talking to pass the time, and naturally, people queuing with us hear our accents.

Lady: “Oh, we love your accent; where are you from?”

Me: “England.”

We start talking about England. I am about to explain that we come from an area about ninety minutes or so from London when I get asked this gem.

Lady: “How far away is Rome?”

I blinked at first, slightly confused, as we’d been talking about England. It turned out this person was serious and assumed Rome was somehow in England, and they were shocked when I said you needed to fly there as it was another country.

I politely told the lady to take the time to look at a map of Europe as a whole. I didn’t have time to show them myself. I’m not sure they ever did. I do often wonder why some people seem so unaware of the world outside the USA; I’ve read stories on here, but I still find it baffling.

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Outlining Her Complaint

, , , , , | Right | June 23, 2020

I work as a caricature artist at a theme park, and though we get the occasional rejection, this one always confuses me. I have just drawn the basic outline of a girl’s face.

Mother: “It doesn’t look like her.”

Me: “I… but… what?”

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Like Mother, Like Son

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 15, 2020

I’m at a large animal-themed amusement park. I’m near a structure of wooden poles and suspended ropes with monkeys living on it when I happen to overhear a small boy talking to his mother, who’s totally absorbed in her phone.

Boy: *Pointing at monkeys* “Mommy, look! N*****s!”

Mom: “Huh? What was that?”

Boy: “N*****s!”

Mom: *Glances up* “Oh. That’s nice, sweetie.” 

She immediately resumed playing on her phone.

I was far too shocked to even speak up.

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Unfiltered Story #195820

, , , | Unfiltered | June 2, 2020

(I am working as a costumed character at a famous theme park when a young woman, probably early twenties, walks up wearing a tank top and short-shorts. I wave hello to her.)

Young Woman: Hey, [name of character]!

(We share a hug. I pat her on the back.)

Young Woman : You look so sexy today, [name]!

(I realize she’s slurring her words slightly, like she’s drunk, but ignore it. I do a “who, me?” gesture, but notice her looking down at my shoes.)

Young Woman: *sounding really aroused* And, OH, MY GOD, your shoes. I just want to lick them all over.

(I start to get really weirded out inside my suit, but still try my best to stay in character.)

Young Woman: *trying to sound seductive but slurring at the same time* Hey, [name]. *giggles* We should f*** right here on the sidewalk. How… how’s that sound?

(I stand there completely frozen for a moment, then rapidly shake my head “no.”)

Young Woman: Aw, come onnnnn. You-y-you can squeeze my t**s while I s-I suck on your bare toes…

(I back away slowly, waving my hands in front of me in panic…)

Young Woman: *continuing* …and we can… can ma-make babies together and it’ll b-it’ll be so fun! *giggles* Please…?!

(I’m just shivering inside the suit at this point. At this point, a crowd is forming.)

Young Woman: *quickly becomes angry when I don’t answer her* Fine. If you… if you don’t want to make babies with me, then you won’t be needing these, then, WILL YOU?

(She suddenly runs up and kicks me right between my legs, hard. I fall onto the ground in extreme pain and curl myself up into a little ball. I put my hands over my eyes to mime crying… which I’m trying not to do in real life. Several people from the crowd run up to see if I’m all right.)

Young Woman: F*** YOU, [name]! I… I HOPE YOU BURN IN H***!

(She kneels down and is winding up to punch me in her drunken rage when I get up and run away as fast as I can. I heard later that she had been dragged away by security guards right after I left, and was thankfully banned from the park.)