(I am at a theme park, travelling with a group, including a girl with Downs Syndrome and someone in a wheelchair. We decide to take the train up the overwhelmingly steep hill to the gate to leave. We’re waiting, one train arrives and goes, and then another. The queue is slowly going away and the group is becoming restless. Then the third train arrives. Bear in mind that around the train are numerous signs all saying one-way trip. If you catch the train down, you have to get off for other people. Same in the other direction. On the train is a woman and a baby, who doesn’t want to get off. In fact, she openly believes having a baby means she doesn’t need to get off the train and join the queue.)

Woman: *pointing at the sleeping baby* “Well I have a baby!”

(This goes on for a few minutes until someone else in the line shouts out:)

Guest: “And we have disabled children!”

(The train conductor made a half hearted attempt to shush us as I end up yelling to the woman:)

Me: “So, you can’t read if you have a baby then?!”

(Then the whole queue begins yelling, but the woman is still insisting she doesn’t need to move. Then the baby stirred, being awoken by the noise. All of a sudden the woman is happy to get up and walk off, yelling:)

Woman: “F*** you!”

(As she does the walk of shame the crowd cheers loudly, ignoring the attempts at shushing us from the worker. At this she points the middle finger at us.)

(I work at a popular park where they have daily parades, unless it rains.)

Guest: *frantically runs into the store, child dangling under her arm* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Take…?”

(The guest is now placing her child on the ground while trying to open the disposable camera box she is now holding.)

Guest: “Yeah, Barry Bonds is the grand marshall. My husband loves him… Can I just take this?”

Me: “No… ma’am… you have to pay for it. Then you can take it.”

Guest: *looking at me in disbelief* “What?! It’s Barry Bonds; you know, the baseball player?”

Me: “You need to pay for it no matter who the grand marshall is, ma’am. You pay for it and you can take it anywhere.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous!” *she runs out cursing me; the child runs out after her because she had forgotten him*

(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)

Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”

Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”

([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)

Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”

([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)

Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”

Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”

Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”

Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”

Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”

Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”

(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)

(For a school trip the school band and color guard are at Disneyland, I’m with my friend at one of the stores. I’m very fond of the Duffy I bought when I was younger, which is advertised as Mickey Mouse’s teddy bear. The company started advertising a Shelly-May, advertised as Minnie Mouse’s teddy bear. I tell my friend about this and I’m not very happy.)

Me: “They started making a female Duffy! I think it’s just the same but pink and with eyelashes! Why do they need to make a teddy bear all girly for it to be for girls? Ugh.”

(We turn the corner and the new Shelly-May is on display. The teddy bear is very beautiful and adorable, not at all like I had described it. I immediately fall in love with it.)

Me: *picks up bear* “I need to have this.”

Friend: “All that feminism just went down the drain in five seconds.”

I work at the biggest theme park in Canada. I worked at one of the most popular stores in the park and., even though my shift would end at 11:30, would often stay until 12:00-12:30 on most nights.

We are given breaks every 4-5 hours and my last break was 4.5 hours ago, so I am really hungry. As I am being counted out I see a Timbits (aka doughnut holes) box in the trash.

Me: “Ooh, Timbits.” *goes to take it out*

Supervisor: “Ew [My name], it was in the trash.”

Me: “But it’s in a box so it’s okay.”

Supervisor: “Stop while I still have respect for you.”

Needless to say, I didn’t eat the Timbits but my dad did take me to 24 hours Denny’s afterwards for a late dinner.