My Day’s About To Get Hairy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | December 12, 2011

(I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

Me: “Um, thanks.”

Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

Me: “Yes. I like them.”

Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*

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Team Cougar, Part 2

| Memphis, TN, USA | Right | December 11, 2011

(I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

 

We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

, | Shelton, CT, USA | Right | December 10, 2011

(I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means, ‘I love you.'”

Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

Me: *speechless*

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What Difference Does It Make

| California, USA | Right | November 25, 2011

Customer: “What movies do you NOT have?”

Me: “Sorry, what did you say?”

Customer: “I said, what movies don’t you have?”

Me: “Well we have a sign up that advertises the moves that we DO have. If it isn’t on that sign, then we don’t have the movie.”

Customer: “You really ought to put up a sign that lists the movies that you don’t have.”

Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Orange County, CA, USA | Right | November 11, 2011

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

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