(In fifth-grade science class, we’re learning about weather.)
Teacher: “Hurricanes always form over tropical bodies of water. But that doesn’t mean a puddle on a tropical island. Unless, of course, it’s a mini-hurricane, sucking up ants and stuff.”
(I am a teacher’s assistant, helping the parents of new students prepare for their first year in school.)
Parent: “It says here that on a kid’s birthday, you give them a crown and a small present. My kid’s birthday is during the summer, though.”
Me: “Ah, you see here? We have a special celebration at the end of the school year for kids whose birthdays happen while we are on vacation.”
Parent: “So he can’t come in to celebrate on his birthday?”
Me: “No, if the school is closed for vacation, he can’t come in.”
Parent: “But his birthday is in July.”
Me: “Our school is closed in July.”
Parent: “How will he celebrate his birthday then?”
Me: “Well, here it shows, our summer birthday kids have a special celebration in May, while we are open.”
Parent: “But his birthday is in July.”
Me: “Right.”
Parent: “So my son can’t have a crown and a gift because school is closed over his birthday?”
Me: “He gets his crown and gift in May.”
Parent: “But his birthday is in July!”
Me: “Yes, but we celebrate all kids who have summer birthdays at once, while we are in session, in May because we aren’t open during the summer.”
Parent: “His birthday is while you are closed though! This is ridiculous!”
(He stormed off. Later, I heard him having practically the same conversation with our director, who seemed no better than me at explaining things.)
(I am a lifelong educator.)
Coworker: “[My Name], we love having you here. You’re always so bright and cheerful!”
Me: “Thank you, [Coworker]!”
Coworker: “We have a saying now: ‘If [My Name] isn’t happy, we’re all running around trying to figure out who screwed up and how to fix it.’”
(I am the kind of kid who always does a risk assessment before I agree to try anything new. I move house when I am little, and not too long after I start school, I have my first fire drill there. We line up outside on a large tennis court on a tarmac area between the main building, and the newly built science department. The tennis court is open on the side next to the buildings, but because the main road lies beyond the other side, there is a high, metal link fence around three of the four sides.)
Me: “Miss? This is a fire drill, isn’t it?”
Teacher: “Yes, [My Name]. There’s no need to be scared; there’s not really a fire.”
Me: “Oh, I’m not scared about that, Miss. I’m just wondering why we all gather in the most dangerous place if there is a fire?”
Teacher: “There’s no need to worry. This place is safe, I promise.”
Me: “But we’re standing right between the science block, where all the chemicals are, and the food tech room, which is most likely to catch fire. And we’re on the tennis court, so if those two places do catch fire, there’s a really high fence all around us, and only two small gates for the whole school to get out of. We’d be trapped.”
(The teacher pauses, looks around, and frowns.)
Teacher: “I promise, we’re all safe, [My Name]. The drill is almost over, and we’ll all be going inside soon. Go wait in line.”
(I was still concerned, but I did as I was told. The teacher went to talk to the headmaster, who was standing in front of the assembly, and I could see her pointing to the buildings and fence. Next month, we had another fire drill, and this time, we lined up on the other side of school in the small off-shoot car park used for teachers’ cars, which left the main car park free for fire engines and the like. I felt a whole lot safer, but still couldn’t believe it took a seven year old for them to figure out that where they had been gathering might not have been the best place!)
(I have just received a Sonic Screwdriver replica toy in the mail. Being excited, I take it with me when I walk up to the school to pick up my little brother. Instantly, he’s fascinated by it, though has no idea what the show is. Just that it lights up and makes noises.)
Brother: “Can I have that?”
Me: “No, I just got it.”
Brother: “You’re too old to have toys.”
Me: “I’m not giving you it, [Brother].”
Brother: “What can I give you for it?”
Me: “Nothing. It’s mine.”
Brother: “I will sell you my soul for it.”
(Where did that come from?)
