Call Of Grandma: Outdated Warfare

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2018

(My fiancé works in a customer service call center for a large cable, Internet, and phone company. He takes mostly calls related to cable, or payment questions and issues. This occurs one night close to the end of his shift.)

Fiancé: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Fiancé]. If I could just start off with your name and account number, I’d be happy to assist you.”

(The caller, an elderly woman, gives her information.)

Fiancé: “All right, Ms. [Caller]. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “I’m trying to buy a game for my grandson, but I’m not entirely sure how to do it.”

Fiancé: “All right, ma’am. I’m sure I can help with you that. Were you talking about [Special Product]?”

(This is a product sold by the cable company, allowing access to several PC games provided by the company, with an addition to the customer’s bill.)

Caller: “No, no. It was some kind of war game… Modern Duty, Calling Something… I’m not entirely sure.”

Fiancé: “Okay, well, I’m not seeing anything in my system matching that description. Is there any other information you could give me?”

Caller: *yells to grandson in background* “[Grandson]? What was the name of that game you wanted?”

Grandson: “‘Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.’”

Fiancé: *overhearing the grandson and containing his laughter the best he can* “Ma’am, we are an Internet, cable, and phone provider. The only video game service we offer is [Special Product]. What you are asking for is a disc game, designed to be played on a gaming console. Now, it’s a decently dated game, so your best options for finding it would probably be Amazon or eBay.”

Caller: “What’s Amazon?”

Fiancé: *facepalm*

No ID-ea Who You Are

, , , | Right | June 29, 2018

(I work at a store where the policy is to ID everyone regardless of if they look old enough or not. I especially adhere to this policy if I don’t recognize the customer. A lady I don’t know enters the store and, without a word, goes to the pull-tab lottery machine and starts putting in money.)

Me: *approaching with a smile* “Excuse me, ma’am. Could I see your ID, please?”

Lady: *rudely* “I’m 51 years old.”

Me: “I understand that. Store policy is that I need to see ID.”

Lady: “It’s out in the car.”

Me: “Okay, well, can you get it for me, please?”

Lady: *suddenly rude and annoyed* “Seriously? That’s r*****ed.” *goes out to get ID from car*

Coworker: *who is not on duty, and is annoyed* “She’s just doing her job!”

Me: *to coworker* “I don’t know her; do you?”

Coworker: “No, I don’t.”

(The lady comes back in and shoves her ID in my face, barely letting me see that she is, indeed, 51 years old.)

Lady: *rudely* “That is a stupid policy! In [Town we’re in], everyone knows everyone!”

Coworker: “To be honest, I don’t recognize you, either.”

Coworker’s Dad: “I also don’t know you, and I’ve lived here a long time.”

Lady: *grabs her pull-tabs* “Well, you’ve just lost a customer today!”

Coworker: *under her breath* “Good riddance.”


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You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine

, , , , , | Healthy | June 4, 2018

(I’m a CNA at a local nursing home. I take care of one elderly gentleman in particular that I’ve developed a very good relationship with. He calls me “Sunshine” because of my sunny demeanor, very blonde hair, and love for yellow scrubs. I am chatting with him one evening when this exchange happens:)

Me: *telling a story* “And my friend said, [My Name], what did you do now?”

Resident: *looks confused* “Sunshine, who is [My Name]?”

Me: *laughing* “[Resident], I’m [My Name].”

Resident: *pondering this for a moment…* “No, you’re not. You’re Sunshine! End of story!”

(It made my day!)

This Story Is Full Of Holes

, , , , , | Working | May 30, 2018

Coworker #1: “Do you still have the single-hole puncher? The handheld one?”

Me: “No, sorry. It was defective, remember? Why?”

Coworker #1: *holds up her plastic badge sleeve and a miniature quilted wallet* “Well, see, I want to put a hole through this—” *the plastic sleeve* “—and this—” *the cloth wallet* “—so I can have them together on my lanyard. Wouldn’t that be so convenient?”

Coworker #2: “We already tried it with the three-hole puncher.”

Me: *dumbfounded but trying to be polite* “I don’t think you can put a hole in the cloth with a paper hole puncher.”

Coworker #1: *disappointed* “Oh…”

Coworker #2: *seeing my big three-hole puncher* “Oh, here’s a strong one, over here!”

Me: “I don’t think it will work. The hole puncher isn’t sharp. It just pounds out holes in paper.”

(They went away, but I can’t help but wonder how much of their work day they had already put into trying to use hole punchers on a thick cloth wallet.)

A Beautiful Siren Song

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(Our auto insurance call center shuts down at 10:00 pm everyday. It is 9:55 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t care who you are. I hope this is being recorded. I have called in multiple times and no one has helped me yet!”

Me: “I apologize for your experience, sir. If you want, I can get my manager on the phone to help you out.”

Customer: “No, you will do my claim and no one else.”

Me: “All righty then, sir. Let’s get started.”

(I continue to take his information to finish his claim. We are one step from being completed with his claim when I hear the customer cursing someone else out on the other side of the line and then a loud bang.)

Me: “Sir, is everything, okay?”

Customer: “Why are you worried about what’s going on over here? Aren’t you supposed to be taking my information for the claim?”

Me: “Sir, I heard a loud bang and was just wanting to make sure everything or everyone was all right.”

Customer: “Mind your own d*** business, you piece of s***!”

(Little do I know that my manager is shadowing my call and has already called the police to trace the number.)

Manager: *pulls one earphone off my head and mutes my call* “Keep him on the phone for a few more minutes.”

Customer: “Excuse me, are you even listening? I thought it was your job to take my call,and listen to what I say, and take my information.”

Me: “I have been listening, sir, and we have one more step to do. Here are the dates that are available to get your vehicle in the shop.” *tells customer the dates* “Which would work best for you?”

Customer: “Let’s go with [date].” *sirens in the background*

Me: “Thank you, sir. Would you like this information to be sent to you via email or via text?”

Customer: “Here’s my phone number for the text. I have to go now; I’m in trouble.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. Again my name is [My Name], and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, sir.”

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