That’s Totally Riddikulus

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2018

(I work as a lab technician in a factory. I’m one of the few females in a workplace full of males who — sometimes literally — think they know it all. There is one coworker in particular who served a short stint in the Navy years ago and now tries to insert this into conversation wherever he can, in order to talk about his “hard time served in the military.”  This guy served a few months and then was quietly discharged due to some obscure medical condition. The way he talks about it, though, he was on the front lines, digging trenches, giving orders, etc. I’m just going about my job, and it’s common for people to come into the lab for an assortment of different reasons. Also note that I’m wearing a Harry Potter shirt this day with the spell “Expecto Patronum” on the front.)

Coworker: “Hey, turn around. I want to read you shirt… Expecto Patronum… Oh, I know this! It’s Latin for, ‘Expect Greatness.’ I learned it in the Navy!”

Me: *trying not to burst out laughing*

Coworker: *sees me grinning from ear to ear* “Is that it?! I’m right, aren’t I?”

Me: “Uh… Actually, it’s a spell from Harry Potter.”

Coworker: “Oh… Huh. Must have been something similar that I learned in my time, I guess.”

(Sure, dude… Whatever you say. I got a good laugh out of it with my Harry Potter-loving friends and coworkers.)

Latin-And-Out

, , , , , , | Learning | August 25, 2018

My friend taught third-semester Latin at a university, immediately after the department changed the course titles to be slightly more interesting. The third semester became known as “The World of Cicero,” rather than “Intermediate Latin I.”

She had a student come to the first day of class — properly registered for the course — who thought the course would be about Cicero, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago!

Aside from the obvious concerns about the student’s thought process, we did always wonder how her adviser or scheduler allowed her into third-semester foreign language course without the requisite first year.

Unfiltered Story #118246

, , | Unfiltered | August 18, 2018

I was singing the first version of “Burn”, a song from a musical known as “Hamilton”, at work and my coworker tried to sing with me as I was washing dishes.

After I finished the the song and he finishes attempting to sing to it he tells me that he has no idea what I just sang but that was one hell of a breakup song.

Otto Be Punished For That

, , , , , , | Related | August 17, 2018

(My husband and I are at his parents’ place. We all recently received invitations to a gathering of “descendants of Otto von [Mother-In-Law’s maiden name],” and are discussing it.)

Mother-in-Law: “So, all of Otto’s descendants will be there, but his siblings’ families have their own. Apparently, he came to America, established himself, then went back to get one of his brothers, and then another when they had established themselves, until he’d brought his whole family over.”

Father-in-Law: “Sounds like they Otto be grateful to him!”

(He and my husband cracked up; my mother-in-law and I exchanged a look.)

His Sense Of Bewilderment Is Ballooning

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(The place where I work does balloons as well as flowers. A guy comes up to me.)

Customer: “How much are balloons?”

Me: “They’re [price] each.”

Customer: “All right, can I get some of those?”

Me: “Sure! What colors would you like, and how many?”

Customer: “Uh, can I get… uh… red ones and blue ones?”

Me: “How many?”

Customer: “Yeah, red and blue.”

Me: “So… two red and two blue, or…”

Customer: “Yeah, something like that.”

(I inflate four balloons for Mr. Vague.)

Me: “And do you want a balloon weight for those?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m gonna put them on the ground, so they need to be—” *gestures vaguely*

Me: “I can make the strings pretty long. That’s no problem.”

Customer: “Well, I’m getting ’em to mark a sign, see, so I guess I’m going to tie them to the sign or something.”

Me: “Oh, right, sure! So you don’t need a balloon weight, then?”

Customer: “Oh. I guess I don’t.”

Me: “Should I put these in a bag for you?”

Customer: “Um… Maybe.”

(It took a lot of willpower not to bang my head on the counter.)

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