The Lost Lunch Legacy

Six managers ago, I was assigned to clean the office kitchen. I was given simple rules to follow: 

• I would clean every Friday after 6:00 pm when my work day ended. 
• All overtime for this cleaning was authorized. 
• Any food without a name and date was to be thrown out. 
• Any food WITH a name and a date was to be thrown out if it was longer than two weeks since the date. 
• Any food with a name and a date in the future because someone was being a smart-a** was also to be thrown out.

The years came and went, and the managers also came and went. Eventually, I was the longest-running employee in our section.

And apparently, unbeknownst to me, the rules of the kitchen and my purpose were forgotten. My staying late every Friday was taken as some sort of arcane ritual performed by a long-running employee for unknown reasons… as were many of the tasks I regularly handled.

Frankly, by this point, people mostly left me alone to do my thing and did their things around me. It’s a weird feeling gradually going from being the youngest employee on-site to the oldest.

I started overhearing office gossip and rumors about food theft. I never had any problem with it. The newest manager, a pup in their twenties who used “they/them” pronouns — and I’m not judgmental about that — decided to assign staff to be guards. I volunteered for guard duty for a couple of shifts, even. No thief was found.

In all this time, no one made the connection that the food was all vanishing on Friday night, nor did anyone connect it to my staying late on Friday, nor to the fact that the kitchen was clean every Monday. (I put in a LOT of elbow grease every Friday night to keep that kitchen spotless.)

Next, the manager got their hands on some cameras and installed them. This is when they finally “caught” me and called me into their office, demanding that I explain the food theft.

Me: “What food theft?”

Manager: “We have you on camera!”

They brought up the video. It became increasingly clear, just watching the video, that I was cleaning.

Me: “I was cleaning. It’s my job.”

Manager: “You’re an engineer.”

Me: “Somebody has to clean. It was assigned to me.”

Manager: “Who assigned it to you?”

Me: “[Manager six managers ago].”

Manager: “Who’s that?”

Me: “Before your time.”

Manager: “And… you didn’t think to tell anyone?”

Me: “Now you’re making me sound unreasonable. I honestly thought everyone knew. I’ve only been doing it for more than twenty years.”

Manager: “Clearly, we didn’t. Why are we even paying an engineer of your seniority to clean? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to have a janitor do it?”

Me: “I was asked to do it, so I did it.”

Manager: *Pauses* “Right. I’m going to look into having the janitors do it. It’s not your job anymore. I’m not writing you up for it, but it’s not your job anymore, okay?”

Me: “That’s fine by me.”

True enough, the next week, the janitors cleaned the kitchen. They also took pictures of each food item they threw out and posted it to a new corkboard in the kitchen so that my coworkers could see that the food wasn’t stolen, just tossed.