The Jokes About Being Salty Write Themselves

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2021

I’m in high school and I work in the health foods department of a grocery store, which, in addition to your usual gluten-free, organic, and other health food products, houses vitamins and supplements. The grocery store also has an in-store pharmacy. It is around 9:00 pm on a Friday night and I receive a call for our department.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] in the health foods department. How can I help you?”

The caller is frustrated, angry, and yelling from the start.

Caller: “Cut the pleasantries. I am looking for a salt supplement for someone with a condition.”

I’m not sure I heard her correctly.

Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

Caller: “Ugh. A SALT SUPPLEMENT FOR SOMEONE WITH A CONDITION. It is very important that you have this.”

We get a lot of odd requests in the health foods department, especially for trendy, health fad products, but as a high schooler working evenings doing mostly restocking, I do not know every supplement we have on hand — there are over 100 types — and what each is used for. I am not allowed to offer medical advice, which I am not sure I could do anyway with such a vague description.

Me: “We carry Epsom salts in two different sizes, if that is what you’re after. I am not sure if we carry any salt supplements, but perhaps I could ask the pharmacist who is just closing up.”

Caller: “I’M NOT LOOKING FOR EPSOM SALTS. I NEED A SALT SUPPLEMENT FOR SOMEONE WITH A CONDITION! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! WE NEED THE SALT SUPPLEMENT!”

Me: “Our pharmacy is just closing up, but the pharmacist is still here. Would you be willing to hold so I can go catch her before she leaves? Perhaps she will be able to help you find what you need.”

Caller: “NO, I WILL NOT HOLD!”

Me: “I could transfer your call to the pharmacy or leave your name and number for the dietician to call you tomorrow morn—”

Caller: “DO NOT TRANSFER ME. YOU NEED TO ANSWER MY QUESTION NOW. WHY DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I NEED A SALT SUPPLEMENT FOR SOMEONE WITH A CONDITION!”

Me: “Ma’am, if it is a medical emergency, I recommend calling 911 or taking this person to the hospi—”

Caller: “YOU F****** B****! HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT?! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I NEED A SALT SUPPLEMENT FOR SOMEONE WITH A CONDITION!” 

The customer continued cursing and ranting for about twenty more seconds and then she hung up.

I’d like to help you, lady, and I tried to connect you to the people with proper training. The high school student working at the grocery store at 9:00 pm on a Friday night is not the person from whom to get your emergency medical advice. I never did figure out what she needed, nor did I hear anything from my manager about an irate customer coming in to ask about a salt supplement. It’s been years, but my family will still occasionally start phone calls with, “I NEED A SALT SUPPLEMENT FOR SOMEONE WITH A CONDITION!”

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Keep The Change And Be The Change

, , , , , , | Right | February 10, 2021

I am working a closing shift, the first I’ve worked on my own since being promoted to the management team. Just after I send my last insider home, leaving only me and one delivery driver, we get slammed back to back with orders out of nowhere. I’m trying to keep my cool, but apparently, my stress is showing through my customer service mask more than I’d like it to when I open our pickup window to help a customer. After I give her the total:

Customer: “Hun, are you okay?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m fine. Just a little frazzled, I suppose.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You seem upset.”

Me: “I really am fine. It’s just my first night closing the store on my own and we got hit with orders at an unexpected time is all.”

The customer nods and counts out the money for her total. Then, she hesitates, adds a couple more dollars, and hands me the money.

Customer: “Here, hun, keep the change. I hope your night gets better.”

Me: “Really? Thank you so much! I really do appreciate it.”

Customer: “No problem. Take a deep breath, smoke a bowl of green, and you’ll be fine!”

I laughed my a** off as she pulled away. That one customer made my night so much better, and not even because of the $2 tip. I wish some of my other customers would understand how far a little kindness and a sense of humor go!


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for February 2021!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for February 2021 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for February 2021!

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Time To Throw In The Towel

, , , , | Working | February 3, 2021

I work overnights at a hotel. I mostly do desk auditor duties, but we’ve lost our laundry attendant and a few housekeepers. Our higher-ups told my managers to not hire a new laundry attendant, so I’ve been doing laundry at night.

I start work at 11:00 pm. On this particular night, there is so much laundry to be done and I feel slightly overwhelmed at the sight. I get started, but every five minutes, there’s a ring from our desk bell or a phone call from a guest upstairs. After an hour, I finally give up on trying to do laundry since there’s so much activity at the front desk. 

Then, I get a guest who rings our bell insistently until I arrive. Their key isn’t working, so I recode it and give it to them.

Guest: “I think it’s so rude it took you so long to get here.”

I smile feebly.

Me: “I’m really sorry about that; I was in the back trying to get some laundry folded—” 

Guest: “Seriously, don’t they pay other people to do that?”

Me: “We used to have a laundry attendant, but we don’t right now, so my coworkers and I all do our part to help.”

Guest: “That’s just ridiculous. You’re a desk person so you should only be doing desk duties.”

Me: “Again, I’m really sorry about the wait. I hope the rest of your night goes well.”

The guest took my hint and left in a huff. A couple of days later, a review came in saying that the hotel needed to hire a laundry attendant since it’s unfair for paying guests to “wait so long for the desk person to return.” 

The higher-ups still won’t let us hire a laundry attendant.

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Wears His Heart On His Long Sleeve

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2021

I work for a company known for flannel and outerwear, and it’s been cold and snowy for two weeks already this year.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store] at [Mall]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have any fall shirts in store? Like long-sleeve shirts?”

Me: “At the moment we have long-sleeve plain T-shirts and some long-sleeve button-ups, but we’re primarily winter items right now, mainly fleece and flannel.”

Caller: “Do you have any polos in store?”

Me: “No, polos are a summer item for our store.”

Caller: “Even long-sleeve ones? That’s ridiculous! How come you never have any products for the current season in-store! Would they be at the outlet? I bought one in your store years ago!”

Me: “We carry different products than the outlet, sir, so you’d have to call them to ask. You might also be able to find them on our website, or it’s possible that they’ve been phased out.”

Caller: “So you’re telling me they don’t sell well enough in stores to be sold there? That’s ridiculous! I’ve been shopping at [Store] since I was a child and I’m fifty years old now! I’m as middle-class as they come!” *Hangs up*

Me: “What the eff?”

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When Their Brain Has An Ignition Failure

, , , | Right | January 31, 2021

The store where I work cuts keys for our customers. An older man walks in with a car key.

Customer: “I need a copy of this.”

Me: “All right, what kind of car is it?”

Customer: “2012 [Make].”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, most newer cars need a chip in the key in order to start the ignition. I can make you one that will unlock the door, but it won’t start the car.”

Customer: “Well, just make me one and I’ll bring it out and try starting my car. If it doesn’t work, I won’t buy it.”

Me: “Sir, I promise you that our keys won’t start your car. I can’t cut you one if you are just going to return it. It will be a waste of a key.”

The man insists that his key won’t need a chip, so I pull out the key manual. I find his exact vehicle and show him that the key requires a programmed chip. He still refuses to listen.

Customer: “Well, my car has a remote, so it doesn’t need no chip. Just cut me one; it’ll work.”

Me: “I can give you the address of a place that does these keys, or you can go to a dealer. But I can’t cut you a key. I’m sorry.”

The man finally stormed out, not even wanting to know about the places where he could get his key copied. Some people just can’t be helped.

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