You’re On Thin Ice With This Customer

, , , , | | Right | August 2, 2019

(I work as a student supervisor at a smoothie place on campus. A woman says this to me one Saturday night.)

Customer: “Is there any way you could make that smoothie less cold?”

Me: *confused* “Um, excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, you see, it’s for the kids, and they cannot handle cold drinks.”

Me: “All right, would you like it made with less ice and more water, then?”

Customer: “No, no, no! That’ll dilute the flavor! I want it less cold!”

(Knowing there is no way to do this, I simply make her a normal kiwi smoothie. She smiles at me and says:)

Customer: “That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

Mango Away!

, , , , | | Right | August 1, 2019

(I work at a smoothie bar. When we prepare fruit, we leave them on the counter before we put on lids for each container. A woman comes up, takes a napkin, takes a whole handful of mangos from off the counter, and starts to walk away.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ma’am! You cannot take those!”

Woman: “I’m sorry, they just looked so delicious!”

Me: *taken aback* “All the same, ma’am, you cannot take those.”

Woman: *completely serious* “It was very rude of you to tempt me by putting these out like this!”

(I look at her, confused.)

Woman: “And very unsanitary, too! Anyone could just come up and take some. If anything, I’m teaching you a lesson.”

(She stormed off after angrily throwing away the mangos.)

Not Such A Pretty Reaction

, , , , , , | Right | May 4, 2019

(I’m a florist working in a flower shop that’s part of a larger grocery store. A customer picks out some flowers and brings them up to the counter to be wrapped. I pull out a sheet of tissue paper. As I’m pulling it out, another one falls onto the floor. I leave it there, planning to pick it up when the customer leaves. But THEN—)

Customer: “Wait a minute! The pretty one fell on the floor! Why can’t I have that one?”

Me: “Oh, sure, here you go.” *picks it up and wraps her flowers with that one, instead* “Sorry, I thought you said you were just taking them right home.”

Customer: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Most people are going to pull them right off as soon as they get in the door, so they don’t care what I wrap them in. But since you want it—“

Customer: “Well, what on earth kind of an idea is that? What are you saving them for?”

Me: “We’re not… saving them. We use them for delivery orders all the time, and since you want this one, you can—“

Customer: “Don’t people who get deliveries take them off, too?”

(Keep in mind that I’m pretty much done wrapping her flowers, in the paper that she asked for, and she’s still arguing with me.)

Me: “Yes, they do, but it’s a matter of presentation.”

Customer: “Oh, presentaaation. What about a customer right here who appreciates nice things?”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, if you want it, you can have it. See? I gave it to you.”

Customer: *checks out my name tag* “Well, [My Name], I just can’t believe this. Delivery customers.”

Me: “You can have the paper, ma’am. It’s not a problem.”

Customer: “Unbelievable. That’s quite a theory you have, [My Name]. A very interesting theory you have. Saving the nice things for deliveries.”

Me: “Ma’am—“

Customer: “What about me? What about your customers? People you see all the time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I didn’t realize it meant that much to you.”

Customer: “Strangers! Sure! Save them for strangers! A very interesting theory, [My Name]. Ugh. Unbelievable.”

Me: “I’m sorry I upset you, ma’am. Do you—“

Customer: *scoffs*

Me: “Do you want to pay here, or through the main register up front?”

Customer: “Up front! The less time I have to deal with you, [My Name], the better!”

Me: “Sounds good, ma’am.”

Customer: “You know, I deal with people like you every day. It’s just unbelievable.”

(And with that, she took her flowers and stormed off in a huff. I have never seen someone get so upset over a piece of tissue paper. I deal with people like her every day, too, and to be honest, I don’t get paid enough for it.)

Latin-And-Out

, , , , , , | Learning | August 25, 2018

My friend taught third-semester Latin at a university, immediately after the department changed the course titles to be slightly more interesting. The third semester became known as “The World of Cicero,” rather than “Intermediate Latin I.”

She had a student come to the first day of class — properly registered for the course — who thought the course would be about Cicero, Illinois, a suburb of Chicago!

Aside from the obvious concerns about the student’s thought process, we did always wonder how her adviser or scheduler allowed her into third-semester foreign language course without the requisite first year.

It’s Not “Looking” Good, Ladies

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(I am a customer in line. Because this is a party town, this particular gas station closes its restrooms at 10 pm to avoid drunk college students messing up the place. There are two 20-something girls talking to the male cashier.)

Girl #1: “Please let us use the restroom. It’ll be quick.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the owner doesn’t want us to make exceptions. There are port-a-potties outside by the parking lot you’re free to use.”

Girl #1: “Come on. Look at me.”

(She starts batting her eyes and pushes out her chest.)

Girl #1: “I bet you don’t meet many girls who pay attention to you. But I’m looking at you.”

Girl #2: “What if I look you in the eyes? Then will you let us use it?”

Cashier: *stares blankly* “…No, I’m sorry but I am not allowed to unlock it.”

Girl #2: “BUT I’M LOOKING AT YOU.”

Cashier: “Okay, but—”

Girl #1: “GOD, WHAT AN A**-HOLE! You’re lucky we even talked to you, and this is how we’re treated!”

(Both girls stormed out, leaving everyone else in the store bewildered.)

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